Saturday 15 June 2019

All Babe Network (4 Stars)


"Boobies! I see boobies!"

That's probably one of the best lines of dialogue ever spoken in a film. It's all the more profound when you consider that it's spoken by Mary Carey, and she's not talking about herself. Throughout the film she's pushing her breasts into men's faces, so that's all they can see. Except for Tony Marino. When she pushes her breasts in his direction he closes his eyes. I guess some men don't want to see boobies.


This is the fourth film directed by Dean McKendrick, made in 2013. All of his early films are comedies, and this is one of his most amusing films. It also has more in common with the "bikini films" of the 1990's than most of his other films.

Mary Carey is the head of a struggling cable network station. None of her shows are doing well, but the worst of the worst is "Hoax Hunter", a late night show about the investigation of supernatural occurrences. Judging by what we see, the show presents its own hoaxes, because they're easier to solve than other people's hoaxes. In other words, it's not just a show about hoaxes, the show itself is a hoax. But whatever it's supposed to be, the ratings are so low that it's an embarrassment to the station. Mary would fire the show's host, but he's the nephew of the network boss. The only way she can see to get rid of him is to sabotage the show herself and make the ratings so low that his uncle will take him off the show.


This is where we get the boobies. The host, Alexandre Boisvert, invites his girlfriend to take part in the show in a sexy costume. Jazy Berlin's breasts aren't as big as Mary Carey's, but a push-up bra can work wonders. And Alexandre really ought to do something about his hair!


That's not all. Jazy shows what she has to offer on a live broadcast. Alexandre misses it because he's busy looking for ghosts, goblins and leprechauns, but Beverly Lynne looks on admiringly.

Mary is so angry about the display of boobies that she wants to fire Alexandre, but his uncle is overjoyed. The show has got the highest ratings ever. Alexandre replaces Mary as the head of the station and is allowed to change the programmes in order to raise the ratings.


There's a cookery programme with naked boobies...


... and an exercise programme with naked boobies...


... and even the newsreader has naked boobies. This is a channel that I'd watch 24 hours a day.


I felt sorry for Mary when she lost her job, but don't worry, there's a happy ending. Alexandre is so successful that he's promoted to a national network station, so Mary gets her job back. I just hope that she'll learn her lesson and broadcast more boobies in future.

And maybe Alexandre will be able to afford better hair gel.

This is an amusing little film. It's out of print now, unfortunately, but if you can find a second hand copy it's worth buying.

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