The Stranglers - 3.12 - Enough time

This is the 12th track of the album "Black and white", which was released in 1978.

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Enough time

What's gonna happen when the sky goes black?

What will you do when the sea comes back?

What if there's no way of moving back?

What when your face falls apart?

Have you got enough time?

Have you got enough time?

Have you got enough time?

You're drifting out like a child who's lost,

Who's looking for a better way.

You're moving like a coin in the air,

What when your face falls apart?

Have you got enough time?

Have you got enough time?

Have you got enough time?

You're maybe looking for a sign of life,

You hope it's gonna save your life.

What will you do to restore your sight?

What when your face falls apart?

Have you got enough time?

Have you got enough time?

Have you got enough time?

Have you got enough time?

Have you got enough time?

The Stranglers - 3.11 - In the shadows

This is the eleventh track of the album "Black and white", which was released in 1978.

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In the shadows

When you're walking on the streets at night

You turn around and die of fright.

What's that in the shadows?

What's that in the shadows?

Walking down the streets at night

Turn around and you can die of fright,

Walking on the streets at night,

Turn around and die of fright.

What's that in the shadows?

What's that in the shadows?

Is it a dog?

Is it a cat?

Is it a dog?

What do you think of that?

When you're walking on the streets at night

Turn around and die of fright.

What's that in the shadows?

What's that in the shadows?

Is it a dog?

Is it a cat?

Is it a dog?

What do you think of that?

When you're walking on the streets at night,

Moving, shiny, bright,

Walking on the night,

When you're walking on the streets at night,

Look around you,

Look around you.

When you're walking on the streets at night,

When you turn around and die of fright,

Who's there in the shadows?

What's that in the shadows?

What's that in the shadows?

Look around you.

Dario Argento's Dracula (4 Stars)

Last week it was Black Friday again. I wonder sometimes how many people in Europe understand the significance of Black Friday. In America it's the day after Thanksgiving, but there's no Thanksgiving holiday in Europe, for obvious reasons. I doubt many Europeans could tell me what Thanksgiving  is about or when it takes place. I'll have to test my friends some time. If they're smart they might tell me that it's the day before Black Friday.

I wait for Black Friday every year. If there's something expensive I want to buy from Amazon, I wait for the Black Friday sales to start. Some years I buy a lot. This year I didn't. I already have a large television set, a Kindle and an Amazon Echo. There are no television box sets that I want. Only one item stood out: "Dario Argento's Dracula". I didn't even know the film existed before I saw it in the list of lightning deals. Reduced from 15.99 Euros to 4.95 Euros. I couldn't click the Purchase buttonfast enough.

I'm well acquainted with Dario Argento's horror films from the 1970's and 1980's. It was fascinating to see a recent film from him; he directed it in 2012. He made the film in English, even though none of the actors are native English speakers. Count Dracula is played by Thomas Kretschmann (German), Abraham Van Helsing is played by Rutger Hauer (Dutch), Jonathan Harker is played by Unax Ugalde (Spanish), and all the other roles are played by Italians.

The film is based on Bram Stoker's novel, though it has various changes. Jonathan Harker visits the Count to catalogue his books. Dracula has a large library with shelves of old books. Harker asks Dracula how many books he has, to which Dracula replies, "That's what I want you to tell me". It would be a wonderful job, if Harker's boss weren't a vampire.

How many adaptations of Bram Stoker's "Dracula" are there? (Not including films that only include Dracula as a character). Empire Magazine once published an article listing 50 film adaptations. I don't remember the exact date of the article, but I cancelled my subscription to Empire in 2008, so it was at least 13 years ago. There are many more films that have been made since then, including Dario Argento's film that I watched today. I believe I have seven adaptations in my film collection. It would be interesting to watch them back-to-back in a single week. Maybe I'll do it early next year.

Dario Argento's adaptation isn't the best ever made, but it's a respectable attempt, despite being rated badly by most critics. Thomas Kretschmann plays the title role admirably. Instead of trying to compete with the great actors of the past, Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee, he portrays Dracula as a cultivated gentleman who does his best not to frighten people. Yes, he's a monster, but he tries not to show it.

As the poster above shows, this is a 3D film. Ugh! Luckily, the Blu-ray disc includes a 2D version.

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The Stranglers - 3.10 - Death and night and blood

This is the tenth track of the album "Black and white", which was released in 1978.

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Death and night and blood

Death and night and blood,

Death and night and blood,

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

When I saw that sparta in his eyes,

Young death is good.

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

And we decided that to die there was no greater love,

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

Hey little baby, don't you lean down low,

Your brain's exposed and it's starting to show

Your rotten thoughts, yuck!

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

I was attracted to a night torchlight parade,

And there I came.

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

Home is a black leather jacket fitting sweetly to my brain.

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

Hey little baby, don't you lean down low,

Your brain's exposed and it's starting to show

Your rotten thoughts, yuck!

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

I will force my body to be my weapon and my statement, so.

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

Hey little baby, don't you lean down low,

Your brain's exposed and it's starting to show

Your rotten thoughts, yuck!

(Death and night and blood)

(Death and night and blood)

The Stranglers - 3.09 - Do you wanna?

This is the ninth track of the album "Black and white", which was released in 1978. It's combined with the tenth track, "Death and night and blood". The final chords of the track are overlayed with the first chords of the next track. Unfortunately, Amazon has corrupted the track in its Prime Music service. The track is faded out. I've already complained to Amazon about it, and they've said they'll look into it.

---

Do you wanna?

Do you wanna marry a lumberjack?

Do you wanna freeze to death?

Do you wanna be a beauty queen

And rule the kingdom?

Let out all the prisoners,

Cos that's a jubilee

Do you wanna marry a company director?

Do you wanna go to work?

Do you wanna be a beauty queen

And rule the kingdom?

Let out all the prisoners,

Cos that's a jubilee

Do you wanna marry money?

Do you wanna use your body?

Do you wanna stay at home

On the range?

Do you wanna blow your mind?

Do you wanna blow your hymen?

Do you wanna blow exams?

Do you wanna fix my muffler?

It's got a hole in it.

Amazing Spider-Man 2 (3 Stars)

This is a film that should never have been made. The same is true of the previous film, "Amazing Spider-Man", but at least that was a better film. "Amazing Spider-Man 2" is just a mess. Sam Raimi's Spider-Man trilogy was brilliant. He should have been allowed to make a fourth film with Tobey Maguire. I've been told that Raimi was fired because he refused to make "Spider-Man 4" in 3D. What??? Is that the only reason? I admit that I'm biased. I don't like watching any films in 3D. It's not that I'm against 3D in principle. My complaint is that the current 3D technology is just pseudo-3D. Once you get used to it, it looks artificial.

And so, without Sam Raimi, the Spider-Man franchise was rebooted. Uncle Ben died again. There was a new Peter Parker who looked nothing like the comic book character. Supposedly Andrew Garfield is a Spider-Man fan and he was excited about being picked for the role. He gets the Spider-Man banter right when he puts on his costume, but without his costume he fails miserably. Walking around with a skateboard? Please! Peter Parker was never that cool. If you want to know what Peter Parker was like, watch Sam Raimi's "Spider-Man". That's a film that got everything right. The rebooted Amazing Spider-Man films get almost everything wrong.

And what's with all the rubbish about Richard Parker bio-engineering the spider that would one day bite his son? That's just too silly for words.

The Amazing Spider-Man films should have been a trilogy. It was cancelled after this film, leaving loose ends dangling. The studios knew it was too bad to continue. I'd be happy to forget the Amazing Spider-Man films ever existed, but Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man is being revived in the next MCU Spider-Man film. That's embarrassing. Let's hope it isn't too bad.

Success Rate:  + 0.4

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The Stranglers - 3.08 - Threatened

This is the eighth track of the album "Black and white", which was released in 1978.

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Threatened

I don't think things can be (Malfunction malfunctioning)

Pretty or ugly, (Malfunction malfunctioning)

All that you can say (Malfunction malfunctioning)

Is if your existence is not threatened in any way. (Malfunction malfunctioning)

You are quite safe with me, (Malfunction malfunctioning)

I've got my very own philosophy, (Malfunction malfunctioning)

All that you can say (Malfunction malfunctioning)

Is if your existence is not threatened in any way,

Threatened in any way,

Threatened in any way,

Threatened in any way,

Threatened in any way.

Man killed by industry,

Man killed by luxury,

Man killed by falling tree,

Man killed by sanity.

Bring me a piece of my Mommy,

She was quite close to me.

The Stranglers - 3.07 - Curfew

This is the seventh track of the album "Black and white", which was released in 1978. It was commonly claimed that punk bands were musically incompetent and that punk guitarists could only play three chords. The Stranglers proved their competence by writing this song in a 7/4 time signature.

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Curfew

The enemy has cut down all the power.

London south of the Thames is invaded,

Westminster is raised down to the ground,

The government Has fled,

The government Has fled,

The government Has fled for Scotland today.

It becomes black and white,

Is it true what they say?

They turn the day into night,

Black and white becomes.....

The government has fled into thin air,

What's left of our troops has joined the Scots

To form in defence across the North.

Stay in your homes,

Stay in your homes,

Be off the streets by nightfall.

It becomes black and white,

Is it true what they say?

They turn the day into night,

Black and white becomes.....

Germany failed to protect all borders,

Had grown soft with the American Dream.

The men from The Steppes delivered their vacuum,

A new kind of freedom,

Freedom's a chain.

Maybe I'll find love when there's nothing to do.

It becomes black and white,

Is it true what they say?

They turn the day into night,

Black and white becomes.....

The Stranglers - 3.06 - Toiler on the sea

This is the sixth track of the album "Black and white", which was released in 1978.

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Toiler on the sea

I had a woman ship,

I took her overseas,

She left her hold unlocked,

I had to find a dock.

I was a toiler on the sea,

I was a toiler on the sea,

I was a toiler on the sea,

I was a toiler on the sea.

We didn't use cruel words

To navigate cruel seas,

The wind was biting hard,

At times I had to scream.

I was a toiler on the sea,

I was a toiler on the sea,

I was a toiler on the sea,

I was a toiler on the sea.

And when we reached the land

We went aground on the rocks,

Became a wreck in the sand,

Became a home for a flock.

We ventured overland,

Fought with the aliens,

The young ones used their hands,

Pointed the way to a flock,

A flock of seagulls!

A flock of seagulls!

Then we retraced our steps,

Rebuilt the woman ship.

I took her back up north,

I lost her in the fog.

I was a toiler on the sea,

I was a toiler on the sea,

I was a toiler on the sea,

I was a toiler on the sea,

I was a toiler,

I was a toiler,

I was a toiler on the sea,

On the sea,

I was a toiler,

I was a toiler on the sea

I was a toiler,

A toiler,

A toiler.

The Stranglers - 3.05 - Hey! (Rise of the Robots)

This is the fifth track of the album "Black and white", which was released in 1978.

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Hey! (Rise of the Robots)

Hey! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

Get out of their way! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

Hey! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

Of get way their out! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

They're gonna want a union soon,

Oil break that's dead on noon.

Hey! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

Their way out of get! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

You won't have to grease their palms,

Shorter hours longer arms.

Rise, just watch them rise,

The rise of the robots,

Versatran Series F!

Hey! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

Get out of their way (hey, hey, what do you say?)

Hey! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

Way their of out get! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

Metal fashioned into man,

No ticker, I could drop a tear.

Hey! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

Out their way of get! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

They're good workers, they don't get bored,

Don't get mad at bosses yet,

Rise, just watch them rise,

The rise of the robots,

Versatran Series F!

Hey!

Get out of their way! (hey, hey, what do you say?)

Hey!

Get out of their way!

Just watch them rise,

The rise of the robots,

Versatran Series F!

The Stranglers - 3.04 - Sweden

This is the fourth track of the album "Black and white", which was released in 1978.

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Sweden

Let me tell you about Sweden,

Only country where the clouds are interesting,

Big brother says it's the place to go.

Too much time to think, too little to do,

Too much time to think, too little to do,

Too much time, too little to do,

Cos it's all quiet on the Eastern front.

Fluctuations at a minimum,

Hypochondriac tombstone,

Sense of humour's gone astray somewhere.

Too much time to think, too little to do,

Too much time to think, too little to do,

Too much time, too little to do,

Cos it's all quiet on the Eastern front.

Cumulus nimbus floats by.

Fluctuations at a minimum,

Hypochondriac tombstone,

Big brother says it's the place to go.

It's all quiet on the Eastern front,

(All quiet on the Eastern front),

It's all quiet on the Eastern front

(All quiet on the Eastern front),

It's all quiet on the Eastern front,

It's all quiet.

Delirium (3 Stars)

This is an Italian slasher film made in 1987. The director Lamberto Bava is best known for his monster films with zombies and cannibals. "Delirium" is almost a normal film. Almost.

Gloria, pictured above, is played by the famous Italian actress Serena Grandi. Gloria used to be a nude model. Then she married Carlo Manzi, the owner of the Pussycat magazine, so she gave up modelling. After the death of her husband she inherited the magazine, but she's struggling with the business side of publishing, so her brother Tony does most of the work, while she concentrates on finding the most beautiful models.

There are a series of murders. Someone is killing her models, then taking photos of the dead bodies in front of a huge poster of Gloria from her modelling days. This boosts the sales of Pussycat, because the models are already dead by the time they appear on the front cover.

Here's an example of the photos. Kim is dead after being stabbed with a pitchfork. Her body is dumped on a bench in front of a photo from Gloria's modelling days.

The only witness of Kim's murder is Gloria's next door neighbour Mark. He's a cripple and is unable to leave his wheelchair. He's obsessed with Gloria, so he sits at the window all day watching her house with a telescope. Creepy!

The singer Sabrina Salerno plays herself in the film. She's the second model to be killed.

I had a crush on Sabrina in the 1980's. She had a beautiful face and a perfect body. I bought any music magazine which had an interview with her.

"Delirium" shows more of Sabrina's body than I ever saw in the music magazines. If you don't believe me, click on the picture above.

I said that "Delirium" is almost a normal film. Lamberto Bava can't get away from his monsters, however much he tries. In Sabrina's photoshoot for Pussycat she's being attacked by mummies.

If Sabrina had been the film's main star I would have given the film five stars. Unfortunately, she appears for less than 10 minutes before she's killed. Considering that it's a slasher film, "Delirium" has very little suspense. There are no jump scares. It's not exciting enough to deserve a better rating.

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The Stranglers - 3.03 - Outside Tokyo

This is the third track of the album "Black and white", which was released in 1978.

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Outside Tokyo

Somewhere outside Tokyo invented time,

Someone in a factory invented time,

If people wanted proof to

Carry on they'd like to buy one.

50 million watches with a strap to sell,

50 million watches with a strap to sell,

If people wanted proof to

Carry on they'd like to buy one.

If they should ever sell out,

That would be the end of time,

Be the end of time,

Be the end of time.

London has Fallen (5 Stars)

Take a look at the film poster above. Can you see something wrong with it? It might not be obvious at first, so look for a while.

It's one of my pet hates with film posters. It's a mistake made so often that everyone has got used to it. Everyone except me. Most film posters put the faces of the film's biggest stars next to one another. That's good marketing. A lot of people go to see films based on the actors, not the director. They also print the names of the actors on the poster. And that's where the errors creep in. The names don't match the actors. Look at the poster again. Do you see what I mean? "It doesn't matter", you might say. "We know who they are anyway". If it's that trivial, think how easy it would be to put it right. The faces could be rearranged, or the text could be rearranged.

This is a sequel to "Olympus has fallen", which I watched yesterday. It's unclear how much time has passed between the films. The sequel was released three years later, but evidently more time has passed in world. In the first film the president's son Connor was 10 years old. In this film we don't see him, but we're told that he's about to go on his first date. Maybe, just maybe, he's a young starter and is going on a date at 13, but I doubt it.

The film starts with news reports of a major terrorist attack in the Philippines, with hundreds dead and wounded. The mastermind behind the attack is the Pakistani arms dealer Aamir Barkawi. America retaliates with a rocket attack on his private residence. His daughter is getting married, so there are many people present. Aamir survives, but his daughter is killed, as well as many of the guests. He swears revenge.

Seriously, what does Aamir expect? "He who lives by the sword will die by the sword" (Matthew 26:52). This very wise Bible verse is just a different way of describing the law of Karma, which is found in many religions. If Aamir kills innocent civilians, he shouldn't be surprised if the ones he loves also die as collateral damage.

Aamir's revenge is spectacular. Two years later the British prime minister dies. World leaders gather in London for his funeral. Aamir's son leads a paramilitary force that attacks the politicians, killing many of them. However, his main target is the American president. He wants to capture him alive, so that he can execute him in a live broadcast.

Many innocent people are killed in the attack on London, but this film is less explicit than "Olympus has fallen". In the first film we see civilians being gunned down in the street, but in this film we just see the police and the terrorists shooting one another.

Once more, the president's personal bodyguard, Mike Banning, saves him. This time it's slightly more realistic. Instead of acting alone, he's backed up by an SAS squadron, in the last half hour at least.

"London has fallen" is another excellent film. It has the feeling of a disaster film, even though the destruction is man made. We never get to know the bad guys. We don't need to. They're like a force of nature. We're not intended to sympathise with them, we're intended to hate them and cheer when they get killed.

Success Rate:  + 1.4

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The Stranglers - 3.02 - Nice and Sleazy

This is the second track of the album "Black and white", which was released in 1978. The Stranglers seem to be projecting an image of themselves as dirty old men.

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Nice and Sleazy

We came across the west sea,

We didn't have much idea

Of the kind of climate waiting.

We used our hands for guidance

Like the children of a preacher,

Like a dry tree seeking water,

Or a daughter,

Nice 'n' sleazy,

Nice 'n' sleazy does it.

Nice 'n' sleazy, nice 'n' sleazy

Does it, does it, does it every time.

Nice 'n' sleazy, nice 'n' sleazy

Does it, does it, does it every time.

Nice 'n' sleazy does it.

Nice 'n' sleazy, nice 'n' sleazy

Does it, does it, does it every time.

Nice 'n' sleazy, nice 'n' sleazy

Does it, does it, does it every time.

Nice 'n' sleazy does it.

An angel came from outside,

Had no halo, had no father,

With a coat of many colours.

He spoke of brothers many,

Wine and women, song a plenty,

He began to write a chapter

In history,

Nice 'n' sleazy,

Nice 'n' sleazy does it,

Nice 'n' sleazy does it,

Nice 'n' sleazy does it,

Does it every time.

Olympus has Fallen (5 Stars)

The word Olympus in the film's title refers to the White House. Supposedly it's the American secret service's codename for the White House. I wasn't aware of it before seeing this film.

The film is shockingly realistic in the way it shows how terrorists storm the White House and capture the president. The attack is expertly planned by a paramilitary force. They begin by attacking random civilians as a distraction. That's the way terrorists work. Innocent people are killed. Then the White House itself is attacked.

What's less realistic is that one man, the secret service agent Mike Banning, is able to single-handedly overpower the terrorist group. That's the main criticism of the film by the serious film critics. It's not a problem for me. Every film needs a hero. We cheer for the underdog.

Could something like this really happen? It's possible. The 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center proved that America is vulnerable. It was the element of surprise. A future attack that involves crashing passenger aircraft wouldn't work again. There are now procedures in place to stop it happening. But attacks of a different type are still possible.

America is a controversial country. Some people think of it as the land of liberty, others think of it as an evil country. It depends where you're coming from. Most people are biased in their judgement of America, one way or the other. People who are opposed to democracy hate America. I should say, people whose leaders are opposed to democracy hate America. I've discovered that friends of mine from Middle Eastern countries have twisted views of America, because they believe what their leaders tell them. Today everyone has access to the Internet, so they should be able to tell right from wrong, but the standard line is that the western media outlets publish fake news; i.e. "Our news is correct, everything from the West is false". Let's not be too harsh on them for being so easily brainwashed. If I lived in a country like that, would I think any differently? Probably not.

As for the people who live in America, their patriotism blinds them to the faults of their country. I'm generalising, of course, but generalisations are generally true, which is why they're called generalisations. There's nothing wrong with being patriotic. Everyone can love his country. It's one of the most natural things in the world. I love England. I say England deliberately, because I consider myself English first and British second. However, I wouldn't say that England is better than every other country. I've lived abroad for so many years that I can appreciate the advantages of other countries. Germany definitely has a better political system than Britain. (Britain has a united government, so it wouldn't be correct to say England in this case). Germany has better health care than Britain overall, although Britain has better dental care. And Germany has better wine.

When I lived in America I worked for a German company, Siemens. Only about 200 of the 600 employees were American citizens; the rest were Germans and French. I was the only Englishman. I noticed something about my American colleagues. When the Americans sat together they moaned about their president. (It was Bill Clinton at the time). But as soon as the foreigners joined in the conversation they went on the defensive. They said that foreigners have no right to criticise the American president. They're wrong. A foreigner in America is more capable of seeing things neutrally.

Nevertheless, I try to avoid discussing politics with Americans. Sometimes I'm drawn into it, but I try not to go too far. Recently I met an American in Stuttgart, a member of my film group. He started a discussion about politics, and I let him know that I disagreed. That was a mistake. He wouldn't drop the subject, and he kept going on about it, making everyone around us feel uncomfortable. Next time I'll bite my tongue.

There's one thing I love about America. It's the country where my favourite films are made. In my list of my top 100 films, 58 of them are American. That's something which will always make America special in my heart.

Success Rate:  + 0.4

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The Stranglers - 3.01 - Tank

The Stranglers released their third album, "Black and white", in May 1978, eight months after "No more heroes". Most of the tracks have a doomsday feeling about them, prophesying war or other catastrophes. It divided the critics. Some called it weak, while others considered it to be as good as or even better than their previous albums.

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Tank

I can sign for one, two, three or four,

Get three weeks off in a year or more,

Save up and get my very own SLR,

Cos I can drive (drive) my very own tank,

Yes, I can drive (drive) my very own tank,

Yes, I can drive (drive) my very own tank,

Yes, I can drive (drive) my very own tank.

Can you see the bullet's high velocity?

It can blow a man's arm off at the count of three.

If I get my hands on one of those

I'm something to watch out for,

I can drive (drive) my very own tank,

Yes I can,

Yes I can.

I don't care where they send me now,

Send picture postcards to my old Mother And Father,

So when I come home they'll Have someone to be proud Of,

I can drive (drive) my very own tank,

Yes, I can drive (drive) my very own tank,

Yes, I can drive (drive) my very own tank,

Yes, I can drive (drive) my very own tank.

Cable Guy (4 Stars)

I haven't watched "Cable Guy" for about 20 years. I have no idea why not. I could still remember most of the details about it. That's the mark of a good film.

Steven Kovacs has recently split up with his girlfriend and has moved into his own apartment. A man comes to install his cable television. He introduces himself as Chip Douglas, but he changes his name several times in the film, so I'll just call him the Cable Guy. The Cable Guy offers Steven friendship, which Steven needs at this time. They meet a few times in the next few days, but Steven finds the Cable Guy too clingy. When Steven tries to break off the friendship, the Cable Guy turns against him and gets him thrown into jail. Don't mess with the Cable Guy!

The film has comical moments, mostly because of Jim Carrey's madcap humour, but it's difficult to laugh. The Cable Guy is very sinister. The comical way he acts in the film is due to his insecurity. In turn, his insecurity has turned him into a stalker.

The film has a message, but it's just added in between the cracks. People watch too much television. There are other things to do, like reading books or talking to your family. I don't watch television as such, but I watch a lot of films. Do I watch too many films? Probably. None of my friends watch as many films as me, although a few of my friends come close. I do read books, but it's a lesser activity. Maybe one book in two weeks, depending on its length. In the same time I watch 15 to 20 films. I talk to family members, but that's not something I can quantify. Some days it's a little, some days it's a lot. What other hobbies do I have? I listen to music. Lately I've been listening to the Stranglers a lot, as my regular readers must have noticed. I also listen to Klaus Schulze and Black Sabbath. I like listening to whole albums, not random tracks. That's the way music ought to be enjoyed.

But, getting back to "Cable Guy", it's a good film. It has an uneasy feeling to it, but that's deliberate. I've read that it's considered a cult film. I've never understood what makes a film qualify as a cult film. I just know that it's one of Jim Carrey's early films that a lot of people have forgotten. I haven't.

Charles Napier has a small role as a policeman. I always sigh when I see him in a film. I consider him to be the most underrated actor of the last 50 years. He should have been a big Hollywood star, but he was stuck in small roles up until his death in 2011. That's tragic. What a waste of such great talent!

Success Rate:  + 0.2

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Willy's Wonderland (2 Stars)

I rarely make spontaneous purchases when browsing films in a store, unless they're in the bargain bin. However, I saw this film with Nicolas Cage in a shop opposite my cinema, and I couldn't resist it. The price was 7.50 Euros, not quite a bargain bin price, but low enough to tempt me.

In the town of Hayesville there was a family entertainment centre called Willy's Wonderland. Its owner was a serial killer called Jerry Willis, and he hired cannibals as his assistants. After a number of deaths the police wanted to arrest Jerry and his assistants, but they committed suicide in a satanic ritual that transferred their consciousness into the centre's robots. They began to kill people in the town. The town's elders made a deal with the robots. They would bring people as sacrifices into the centre at regular intervals, as long as the robots promised to kill nobody in the town.

Then Nicolas Cage arrives. His character in the film isn't named, and he doesn't speak. Is he mute or just anti-social? It's left open to interpretation. His car tyres are punctured, a deliberate trap, although he doesn't realise it. He doesn't have cash to pay for repair, but he's told that if he cleans Willy's Wonderland overnight his car will be repaired for free. So he has to spend a night with the killer robots.

Does the story sound silly to you so far? Yes, it is. Nicolas Cage puts on a brilliantly intense performance, but not even that is enough to rescue the poor story. His battle against the robots is surreal. Every time he kills a robot he goes back to cleaning the centre, as if nothing has happened. It's just ridiculous. I should stop buying films spontaneously.

Success Rate:  - 11.2

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The Stranglers - 2.b3 - Rock it to the Moon

This is a song that was originally released on a flexi-disc given away free with a music magazine. When "No more heroes" was released on CD it was added to the album as a bonus track.

---

Rock it to the Moon

I'm looking forward to the year of 88,

We'll be eating each other, I fear, before that date,

No more heroes, no more T-bone steaks,

There won't be bread, and the king will have no cake.

I want to rock it to the Moon,

I want to rock it to the Moon,

I want to rock it to the Moon,

I want to rock it to the Moon.

I'm gonna watch it all though my binoculars,

Pressurized compartments with six inch glass,

A telescopic sight to watch the cast,

You'll all be famous acting out your parts.

I want to rock it to the Moon,

I want to rock it to the Moon,

I want to rock it to the Moon,

I want to rock it to the Moon.

I'll see you up there if you get the inclination,

You might find that it cures your aggravations,

Play creator face new situations,

Watch the human create new frustrations.

I want to rock it to the Moon,

I want to rock it to the Moon,

I want to rock it to the Moon,

I want to rock it to the Moon.

The Stranglers - 2.b2 - Five Minutes

This track was originally released as the Stranglers' fourth single. When "No more heroes" was released on CD it was added to the album as a bonus track.

---

Five Minutes

I need a dream where I can live what I said,

I need a place where I can make my bed,

I need a hole where I'll find darkness now,

And if you hassle me, Mister, I might just lose my head.

Five minutes and you're almost there,

Five minutes and you're almost dead,

Five minutes and you're almost there,

Five minutes and you're almost dead.

They came home on Saturday night,

They killed a cat and they raped his wife,

And in their eyes there was fear and hate,

And when they spoke, they spoke with knives.

Five minutes and you're almost there,

Five minutes and you're almost dead,

Five minutes and you're almost there,

Five minutes and you're almost dead.

Some say that I should hate them all,

But I say that wouldn't help at all,

I just wanna find those guys, that's all,

I just wanna find those guys, that's all, that's all, that's all!

Five minutes and you're almost there,

Five minutes and you're almost dead,

Five minutes and you're almost there,

Five minutes and you're almost dead.

The night time comes, and the streets they ring

With the fears of a thousand things,

But if you worry about your ports of call

You'll never get nothing done at all

Five minutes and you're almost there,

Five minutes and you're almost dead,

Five minutes and you're almost there,

Five minutes and you're almost dead.

Some say that I should hate them all,

But I say that wouldn't help at all,

I just wanna find those guys that's all,

I just wanna find those guys that's all,

I just wanna find those guys that's all, that's all!

Despicable Me 3 (3½ Stars)

Amazon Friday #24

Two Grus are better than one? In the third film Gru finds out that he has a twin brother called Dru. Funny though. "Grus" looks wrong. I have the feeling that I should write the plural of proper names with an apostrophe, i.e. two Gru's, but I searched online and found out that an apostrophe would be false. I'll have to remember that. I love the English language and try to uphold it, but this is a rare example where my feeling leans in the direction of something that's wrong.

The two brothers look identical apart from Dru having a full head of hair. He also has blond eyebrows. They don't look very similar in the picture above. Maybe this one is better:

Or maybe not. Their radically different clothing hides their similarity.

The biggest difference between the two is attitude. Gru has now fully reformed and has given up his life of crime. Dru has never been a criminal, but he wants to be a criminal, so he's always pestering Gru for advice. It's advice that Gru refuses to give. He's now a married man with three adopted daughters, so he's settled down. He can't afford to be sent to prison for 50 years.

In my review of "Despicable Me 2" I included pictures of all three of Gru's daughters. This time I'll only show a screenshot of Edith, because she's the cutest. Just look at that face! Doesn't she melt your heart? Wouldn't she make you want to reform from a life of crime as well?. Her age isn't stated in the film, but her older sister is 12 and her younger sister is six, so she's somewhere in the middle. I have difficulties estimating the age of real children, so with cartoon children it's impossible. I just know Edith is cute.

The film begins with Gru as a permanent member of the Anti Villain League (AVL). In the previous film he was just assisting the AVL. His membership doesn't last long. He's fired because he fails to catch the new master villain, Balthazar Bratt, who's stolen the world's largest diamond. Gru wants to redeem himself by retrieving the diamond, so he enlists the help of his brother. Dru wants to become a criminal, so Gru deceives him. He just says he wants to steal a diamond from someone, without telling him that he's stealing the diamond from a thief to give it back.

The film has all the slapstick and wild humour of the previous films, but something indefinable is missing. I can't say what it is. Maybe the problem is that we don't see as much of the Minions as we did in the previous films. That's just a Maybe. Early in the film they desert Gru because he refuses to return to a life of crime after being fired from the AVL. Only his two most loyal Minions, Dave and Jerry, remain with him. But evidently I'm in the minority with my opinion. "Despicable Me 3" is the most successful film in the franchise so far, and it's the fourth most successful animated film ever made.

"Lucy, please tell me what's wrong with this film".

Success Rate:  + 10.9

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The Stranglers - 2.b1 - Straighten Out

This track was originally released as the B-Side of the single "Something better change". When "No more heroes" was released on CD it was added to the album as a bonus track.

---

Straighten Out

The break of day has come, I see the cracks have just begun

To line the walls, line the walls.

I want to see the little girls and boys destroy their toys

And line the walls, line the walls.

What a fate for little girls,

British boys minds in a whirl,

Tell you things that'll make your curls

Straighten out, straighten out,

Straighten out, straighten out.

I'm twenty years or more, just tell me what we're living for,

So tell me now, tell me now.

Frustrated intellect, the government capitulation

Follows now, follows now.

What a fate for little girls,

British boys minds in a whirl,

Tell you things that'll make your curls

Straighten out, straighten out,

Straighten out, straighten out.

The break of day has come, I see the cracks have just begun

To line the walls, line the walls.

I want to see the little girls and boys destroy their toys

And line the walls, line the walls.

What a fate for little girls,

British boys minds in a whirl,

Tell you things that'll make your curls

Straighten out, straighten out,

Straighten out, straighten out.

Straighten out, straighten out,

Straighten out, straighten out.

Zoe (3 Stars)

Netflix Thursday #4

This film was strongly recommended to me by one of my friends. I read a brief synopsis, and it sounded thrilling. It was a last minute choice for my Thursday viewing.

The film takes place in the near future, when human-like robots have become commonplace. Maybe the word "robot" is incorrect. They're not made out of metal. They have soft skin which looks and feels human. They're called Synthetics, and they're programmed with skills such as gardening, housekeeping or dog walking. They can even carry out difficult tasks like driving buses.

Cole (Ewan McGregor) and Zoe (Léa Seydoux) work for a company called Relationists. They've perfected an algorithm for matching compatibility in romantic relationships. Their method can be used to assist dating apps, but it's more commonly used by couples who are already together to find out if their relationship will last. If the compatibility value is above 75% they should remain together for the rest of their life.

Cole and Zoe work in a department in Relationists that takes their technology to the next level. After analysing a person they program a Synthetic to have a compatibility value of close to 100%. The perfect partner. It's not just a sex toy. The Synthetic is a romantic counterpart, so realistic that a man can take her home to meet his parents without them suspecting anything.

Assisting in the laboratory is a Synthetic called Ash. He says he's in love with Zoe, but she turns him down because he's only a Synthetic. She has feelings for Cole, who turns her down because he's only recently broken up with his wife.

Then the shock comes. Cole tells Zoe that she's a Synthetic as well. Cole created her as perfectly compatible with himself. She's on the same technological level as Ash, but Cole experimented by not telling Zoe that she isn't human.

So the film is a love story. Zoe is programmed that she finds Cole irresistible, and she's also the perfect partner for him. If the story had been left at that, it would be a good film. The trouble is that other things are thrown in that make the film too complicated. They disrupt the main plot.

Another department in Relationists has developed a drug called Benysol. It releases the hormones that inspire the feelings of true love. Some people use it to intensify the excitement of a one-night stand, while elderly married couples use it to re-experience the feelings they had when they first met. What does that have to do with Cole and Zoe's love story? Nothing. It's linked in to their story, but it's just an annoyance.

There's also a sub-plot about Zoe meeting a Synthetic prostitute who's about to be destroyed because she's an older model whose skin is now decaying. Zoe wants to save her. Again, that's all irrelevant to the main story. It would have improved the film to leave it out.

Other things could have been added. Ash's jealousy of Cole is underplayed. Ash politely accepts that Zoe doesn't love him in return. Intensifying the love triangle would have made the film more interesting.

At present "Zoe" has only been released on disc in Germany. It's available on Amazon Prime in America and Netflix in Germany.

The Stranglers - 2.11 - School Mam

This is the eleventh track of the album "No more heroes", which was released in 1977.

---

School Mam

A fine day for the classroom and the pupils are here,

Timmy's got a headache, but the others don't care,

Sarah's got to stay behind and help with the drill,

Teacher's got his eye on her, moves in for the kill,

Nobody can see or hear the things that they do.

All the books are closed, there must be something they do,

Only teacher knows about the subjects they span span,

Education's secondary, being a school mam.

Oooey... teacher's doing fine as far as I can see.

Being a school mam,

Long holidays in the summer.

Being a school mam,

Free milk in your coffee breaks.

Being a school mam,

Government paid monthly salary cheques.

Being a school mam.

Noise is heard, the principal investigates,

She turns on all the cameras and it's too late,

Catches both their pants down in a passion warm,

Hasn't seen it happen since the day she was born,

Reaches down for glasses that just can't be found.

By the time she finds them, why, they're down on the ground,

Tossing and a turning, they've got feverish hands,

Life can be so fluid when you're being a school mam.

Oooey... teacher's doing fine as far as I can see.

Being a school mam,

Controlling promiscuity after hours.

Being a school mam,

Giving out detentions by the dozen.

Being a school mam,

Give her fifty lines of speed.

Being a school mam.

Sucking on her fingernails, can't believe what she's seen,

She seems so engrossed at what appears on the screen,

Locks her door with trembling hands,

Her heart's beating fast, she pretends she's down there

On the floor in the class,

Gives herself to teacher, although he doesn't know,

Works herself into a frenzied state and it shows.

Sarah's almost at the top, but try as she can

She can't reach her helter skelter down with the school mam,

Just watch her go and help her try if you can.

Use your twentieth century imagination if you've got any.

Oooey... now she's at the top and teacher sets her free.

Being a school mam,

Disgusting behaviour.

Being a school mam,

All over the parquet flooring.

Being a school mam,

Let the flood gates open wide.

Being a school mam.

Now the principal collapses dead on the floor

With contentment on her wrinkled old face ever more,

She went out the very best way that an old woman can,

She was where the action was, down there with the school mam.

Oooey... teacher never will discover who could see.

Being a school mam,

One and one make two if you are very lucky.

Being a school mam,

Two twos make four if I remember correctly.

Being a school mam,

Four fours make sixteen, and sixteen's over age.

Sixteen and sixteen make thirty-two, that's approaching middle age.

Thirty-two and thirty-two make sixty-four, that's OAP land.

Sixty-four and sixty-four make one-hundred-and-twenty-eight.

One-hundred-and-twenty-eight divided by three...

Let me pause for reflection for a second.

But teacher,

Three does not go into one-hundred-and-twenty-eight exactly,

But it goes forty-two and a bit.

43,

44,

45,

46,

47,

48,

49,

49.1,

49.2,

49.3,

49.4,

49.5,

49.6,

49.7

49.8,

49.9,

49.9,

49.9,

49.9,

49.9,

49.9,

49.9,

49.9,

49.9, 

Fifty!

The Stranglers - 2.10 - English Towns

This is the tenth track of the album "No more heroes", which was released in 1977.

---

English Towns

There is no love inside of me,

I gave it to a thousand girls.

We build towers of saddened ivory

In our English towns,

In our English towns.

The dogs, they try to possess us,

I can hear their anguished cries.

They build towers of saddened ivory

In our English towns,

In our English towns.

I can see their astonished eyes,

Look the same in any size,

And their secrets are all the same,

Seeking pleasure seeking fame.

No love in a thousand girls,

No love in a thousand girls.

No love in a thousand girls,

No love in a thousand girls,

No love in a thousand girls.

Code Name Nagasaki (4 Stars)

This is a documentary filmed on the fly by the Norwegian director Fredrik S. Hana. His friend Marius expressed the wish to find his mother, so they decided to make a film about his search for her.

Marius' father went to work in Japan in 1980. He married a Japanese woman. He returned to Norway with her, where they had a son: Marius. A few years later his mother left the family and returned to Japan. Now 27 years have passed, and Marius wants to see her again. He knows nothing about her except for her name. He doesn't have any memories of her, because he was too young. The film documents his efforts, using a private detective to find her address, then spending six months taking an intensive course in Japanese before travelling to Japan.

The film is intense and emotional. At the beginning he doesn't even know if he'll be successful. His mother might be dead, or she might refuse to see him. Is there a happy ending? You'll have to watch the film to find out.

There are faults in the film. The main problem is that there's hardly any mention of Marius' father. Is he dead? That's my assumption. Didn't he ever make an attempt to find his wife? There are so many unanswered questions surrounding the father that could have been cleared up with 60 seconds of questioning inserted into the opening scenes.

It also bothers me that the photos of his mother are censored. Maybe this was required for the sake of discretion, but it spoils the enjoyment of the film. We don't want to see a woman with a blank face. Besides, the photos are 30 years old, so what harm would it do to see what she looked like?

The Stranglers - 2.09 - Burning up time

This is the ninth track of the album "No more heroes", which was released in 1977.

---

Burning up time

The Brighton train, it goes real soon,

My Brighton Belle is in her room,

It's burning up time,

Burning up time.

I wanna burn up while I'm having good times,

Don't wanna burn up with other people's bad times,

Like a meteor,

Like to meet yer.

The weekend's here, the Finchley Boys

Are gonna make a lot of noise,

It's burning up time.

You either love or you despise,

There's just no time for compromise,

The days have gotta move real fast,

We know that nothing's gonna last.

The Stranglers - 2.08 - Peasant in the Big Shitty

This is the eighth track of the album "No more heroes", which was released in 1977.

Caution! This song contains offensive lyrics!

---

Peasant in the Big Shitty

The day is sticky yellow,

The night was so untight,

The cows go moo moo moo,

Is everything alright?

Baby digit at my face,

Who the man with the smile, Mum?

Do you like it like that?

I'm just a peasant in the Big Shitty.

I'm going real slow,

But if the light ain't real

Then there can't be a hole,

Not even some red.

Do you like it like that?

Do you like it like that?

You're not real. Oh no, you're not.

You're not real. Oh no, you're not.

You're not real. Oh no, you're not.

You're not real. Oh no, you're not.

There be a strange garlic here,

The room is full of fear,

With empty wavelength touch,

It's coming in a rush,

It's coming in a rush,

It's coming in a rush,

It's coming in a rush.

Do you like it like that?

Do you like it like that?

Do you like it like that?

Do you like it like that?

I'm just a peasant in the Big Shitty.