The Spy who loved me (4½ Stars)

Ever since the 1970's, especially since the 1980's, there have been heated discussions about who's the best and the worst James Bond. It's not just about who's the best actor, because everyone who's portrayed James Bond on screen is a competent actor. The discussions are about which actor best fits the role. If it means anything, Roger Moore is the only actor who claimed of himself that he was the worst James Bond actor. He said that when he died the inscription on his gravestone would be "A loving husband and father and the worst James Bond". I sincerely hope his family treated this as a joke and didn't follow this wish.

I try to stay out of the arguments. I listen to what others have to say, and I might sometimes express an opinion, but I don't insist that I'm right. I prefer to judge the individual films, and even then I can't be sure I'm right. My opinions on the James Bond films change every time I watch them. I'm set in my opinion that "Live and let die" is the weakest film, but I can't say for certain which one is best. If you ask me now I'll probably give a different answer to what I said last year.

This is the tenth James Bond film, made in 1979, three years after "The man with the golden gun". It has the biggest budget of the films so far, which is obvious when you see the abundance of explosions in the final twenty minutes. It's one of the standard features of the James Bond films that they end with an explosion, but there have never been as many explosions as in "The Spy who loved me".

The film's villain is Karl Stromberg, played by the German actor Curt Jurgens. (His name was actually Curd Jürgens, but it was spelt differently for English language films). He steals two nuclear submarines, one British and one Russian. His intention is to fire nuclear missiles at New York and Moscow to start a third world war. He wants the majority of the human race to be wiped out, so that he can found a new perfect civilisation beneath the sea. All the Bond villains are insane, but I have to say that Stromberg is the maddest of them all. He thinks of himself as an ecologist. He wants nuclear destruction to make the surface of the world beautiful again.

The Good Bond Girl is Anya Amasova, played by Barbara Bach. That's to say, she's almost good. She's a Russian agent, a Communist counterpart to Bond, but the KGB and MI6 are working together to find the missing submarines. James Bond is 007, and Anya's code name is XXX. There must be a joke in there somewhere. Bond is responsible for killing Anya's lover, so she says she'll shoot him as soon as their mission is over. Will she kill Bond or fall for his charms? I think you can guess the answer.

The Bad Bond Girl is Naomi, played by Caroline Munro. What a body! She's much more beautiful than the anorexic Bond Girls in the last two films. Naomi is Stromberg's personal assistant. When they meet her, Bond and Anya are pretending to be husband and wife. That doesn't stop Naomi flirting with Bond, and he flirts back.

Anya doesn't need to say a word in this scene. Her thoughts are obvious. "Stop making eyes at my husband, even though he's not really my husband!"

But in my opinion, the film's most beautiful woman isn't either of the Bond Girls, it's an unnamed hotel receptionist played by Valerie Leon. It's frustrating that we see so little of her.

Everyone has different opinions as to who's the most beautiful. This woman is the closest the film gets to an objectively beautiful woman. She's Eva Rueber-Staier, who won the Miss World title in 1969. Yes, she's gorgeous, and it's a shame she only gets 20 seconds of screen time as the personal secretary of the head of the KGB. The film makers must have realised their mistake, because they brought her back in two of the subsequent films. She isn't named in "The spy who loved me", but in the other two films she's called Rublevitch. 

Always in the background is Lois Maxwell as Miss Moneypenny. Her heart beats faster every time James enters the room. She longs for the day when James will sweep her off her feet, or at least take her out for a meal.

I like this film a lot, but it's not quite perfect. The musical score is cheesy, intended to amuse the audience rather than make the film more dramatic. The theme from "Lawrence of Arabia" is even played when we see Bond in the desert. That's overdoing it.

Success Rate:  + 11.7

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Ambulance (4 Stars)

Michael Bay isn't a popular director. He's a director that "serious" film fans love to hate. When I try to talk about him with my friends there's an awkward silence. There are many arguments against his films, and the main one is his preference of action and spectacle over story and characters. That would normally be enough to turn me off, but I say that it's all about what a director intends to do and whether he succeeds with his intentions. I connect Michael Bay's name with car chases and explosions.

That's what I went to the cinema to see today: car chases and explosions. It was a poor attendance. EM 1 in Stuttgart is a medium sized cinema, with 220 seats, but there were only three people in the room. I spoke to one of the others before he sat down, and he was apologetic, as if ashamed to be there: "I don't normally like Michael Bay, but there are no other films I want to see today". I didn't get a chance to speak to him afterwards, so I'm curious whether the film won him over.

The film's background is that a notorious armed robber in Los Angeles has two sons, Danny and Will. Danny is his own son, Will is adopted. Together they embark on a life of crime. Then Will has regrets. He joins the army and fights in Afghanistan. When he comes home he has trouble finding a job. His wife needs an operation that will cost her $230,000. His father is dead, so he goes to his brother to ask for a loan. Danny is rich, having inherited his father's business, but he says he doesn't have the cash readily available. He offers Will something better. Danny is planning a bank robbery and expecting to get $32 million. He promises Will half the money.

Danny didn't expect trouble, but the police had been given a tip off. There's a big shoot out. Will and Danny hijack an ambulance in which a paramedic wants to take an injured policeman to hospital. The police pursue and try to stop the ambulance, but they won't shoot at it because they don't want their colleague in the ambulance to die.

There's an exciting 65-minute car chase, with the ambulance being pursued by police cars and helicopters. That's something you only get in a Michael Bay film. It can be seen from two sides. On the outside, it's a typical high speed car chase, but inside the ambulance there's tense, claustrophobic drama. Danny and Will have to deal with the young paramedic, Cam, whose biggest priority is saving the policeman's life.

I went to the cinema today to see action, and that's what I got. The character development wasn't as bad as I expected. It was done on the go, not at the beginning. When the film began the characters were strangers, but after the first hour I felt I knew them. The film was satisfying to me, and I think the people in the 217 empty seats missed out.

The Man with the Golden Gun (4½ Stars)

This is the ninth James Bond film, made in 1974, only a year after "Live and let die". It's the second film starring Roger Moore as James Bond, and it's much better than his first film. It's partly because it's a better written film, but Roger Moore also plays the character differently. He's not quite as whimsical as in his first film. He's adapting to the role as he goes along.

The film's big villain is Francisco Scaramanga, an assassin who charges one million dollars per kill. His speciality is that his bullets are made out of gold, and so is his gun. His gun only holds a single bullet, because he never misses.

It's not just about making money. Scaramanga needs to know he's the best, so he hires assassins to kill him. He knows they're coming, so it's a duel to the death. The greatest killer he knows is James Bond, so he wants to have a duel with him. He could easily eliminate Bond any time as an anonymous sniper hiding in the shadows, but he respects Bond too much to kill him without giving him a fighting chance.

There's an element of double cross in the film. A businessman called Hai Fat pays Scaramanga to kill a scientist who's invented a revolutionary solar energy device which has 90% efficiency. I assume that it means it transfers 90% of the sun's heat which is shone into it, which would mean immense heat. After killing the scientist, Scaramanga hands over the device to Hai Fat, but he realises how valuable it is and shoots Hai Fat to take the device for himself. Scaramanga inherits a huge laboratory, but he doesn't seem to know what to do with it. That's the weakest part of the plot, and the reason for deducting half a star from an otherwise perfect film. A man with Scaramanga's obvious intelligence would have hired a dozen or more scientists and technicians to operate Hai Fat's machines.

The Good Bond Girl is Mary Goodnight, played by Britt Ekland. She's supposedly a junior agent in MI6, but she's so air-headed that it's difficult to take her seriously. Her only interest is in getting into bed with James Bond, but she has to wait until the end of the film before he pays attention to her. I've been told that she appeared in several of the James Bond novels. I'm glad that she only made it into one film. Beauty isn't enough. I like a woman who's intelligent.

The Bad Bond Girl is Andrea Anders, played by Maud Adams. She's a more competent woman. Her only weakness is that she can't resist James Bond's charms. Scaramanga shoots her when she betrays him.

James Bond meets the two nieces of a police lieutenant. They aren't named in the film. They act like giggling schoolgirls, but they sure know how to fight.

Bond doesn't even take part in this fight. He stands back and watches the girls in action.

As always, Bond flirts with Miss Moneypenny, raising her hopes of a romantic encounter, but she never has a chance.

Beauty is only skin deep. If Bond had been less shallow he could have grown to like her. The Bond Girls came and went, but Moneypenny was always in the office waiting for him. She appeared in the first 14 Jams Bond films, from 1962 to 1985. 23 years is a long time to wait for a man who's only interested in other women.

Success Rate:  + 11.9

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Live and let die (3 Stars)

This is the eighth James Bond film, made in 1973, two years after "Diamonds are forever". It's the first film to star Roger Moore as the main character. Unlike George Lazenby, who did his best to imitate Sean Connery, Roger Moore gives the Bond character his own style. He plays the role with a light, seemingly careless air.

The film's big villain is Yaphet Kotto as President Kananga, the ruler of a small Caribbean island. He's the smallest of the big villains so far. Rather than wanting to rule the world or get rich fast, he has long term business plans. He's producing heroin in large quantities on his island. He wants to give away two tons of heroin free of charge in America. This will put all other drug dealers out of business, but it will also double the number of addicts. After this he'll sell heroin for a high price in America, unopposed because he'll have a monopoly. Would that work? It's difficult to believe that the other drug dealers would disappear so easily. After the free gift has been exhausted, they'd have supplies ready to be sold. Or does heroin have an expiration date?

The film's Good Bond Girl is Gloria Hendry as the rookie CIA agent Rosie Carver. Or is she really good? It's hinted that she's a double agent working for Kanaga, but this isn't followed up.

She doesn't have much meat on her bones, but James seems to like her.

When James Bond turns on the charm, she collapses into his arms. As you can see, the big afro in the previous pictures was just a wig that she takes off in intimate settings. She wanted to look more like a Blaxploitation star.

The Bad Bond Girl is Solitaire, played by Jane Seymour. She's inherited psychic powers from her mother and her mother before her. Kanaga uses her powers to warn him of any danger. There's only one problem. The powers only remain as long as she's a virgin.

How long can she remain a virgin when James Bond has his eye on her? That depends on how fast she can take her clothes off. Like most of the Bad Bond Girls, after one sexual encounter with him she changes sides and works against her former boss.

Madeline Smith also appears in the opening scenes. She doesn't have enough screen time to be classed as a Bond Girl. It depends on your definition. She plays an Italian secret agent called Miss Caruso, but in the credits she's listed as "Beautiful Girl". That's appropriate. She was one of the most beautiful actresses of the 1970's.

There were several publicity photos for the film with Madeline Smith, but her fans must have been disappointed when they at in the cinema and realised that she was only in the film for a few minutes. She deserved a bigger role.

Roger Moore asked for Madeline to have a part in the film after working with her on a television programme. She must have left a lasting impression on him.

So James Bond slept with three women in the film. The only woman he didn't drag into bed was Miss Moneypenny. Come on, James, give her a chance!

Despite the assortment of pretty women, I consider this to be the weakest James Bond film. I mentioned Blaxploitation above. The film features black communities in New Orleans, Harlem and the Caribbean. What I don't like about the film is that almost every black person in the film is evil. This gives the film a racist flavour that I find unpleasant.

On the positive side, the film features spectacular chases scenes. The over-the-top car chases are what characterised the Roger Moore Bond films. In one scene he's chased while driving a bus, in another he's chased in a motor boat that sometimes jumps out of water and skids across the ground. It's ridiculous and infeasible, but highly enjoyable.

Success Rate:  + 21.1

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Diamonds are forever (4½ Stars)

This is the seventh James Bond film, made in 1971, two years after "On Her Majesty's Secret Service". Ideally the series would have continued with George Lazenby, but since he refused to play Bond again the studio persuaded Sean Connery to return. Persuaded means bribed. He was paid $1.25 million to appear in the film, the highest ever payment for an actor until then. Even with this high price, it was only enough to tempt Sean back for a single film. He was determined to move on.

There's yet another actor playing Blofeld. This time it's Charles Grey. The explanation for the different appearance is that he was given plastic surgery to escape detection. 

Don't worry, his cat still recognises him.

But Blofeld's new disguise goes even deeper. In Las Vegas there's a millionaire casino owner, Willard Whyte, who lives as a recluse in the top floor of a hotel. Nobody has seen him for three years. Blofeld has kidnapped him and taken his place, effectively becoming Willard Whyte. Hidden away, Blofeld has devised a scheme to become the richest man on Earth. He's equipped a satellite with thousands of diamonds, making it a powerful laser beam. To demonstrate its power, he destroys nuclear missiles in America, Russia and China. Now he wants to auction his services to the world leaders. He will work with one country, making it the sole nuclear power on Earth by destroying the nuclear weapons of everyone else.

This film's Bond Girl is Jill St. John as Tiffany Case. She doesn't need plastic surgery to change her appearance. She changes her wig several times in the film.

Do you prefer her as a brunette or a redhead? It's a tough choice. She's also a blonde the first time Bond meets her. Is she a Good Bond Girl or a Bad Bond Girl? It's not clear until the end of the film. She seems to be playing both sides.

Willard Whyte is being held captive by Bambi and Thumper. The scene where James Bond has to battle them to free Willard only lasts three minutes, but I've watched it over and over again on repeat. It's so thrilling. The girls laugh while they're beating him up. It's all a game to them.

This is Bambi, played by Lola Larson.

This is Thumper, played by Trina Parks.

James looks happy when Thumper embraces him. Silly man! He should know better than to trust a girl with a name like Thumper. A few seconds later her knee hits him in a delicate place.

Bambi has strong thighs.

He doesn't stand a chance.

They push him into the swimming pool to finish him off.

To be honest, I don't know how he survived this attack. James Bond has a navy background, so maybe he's an expert in underwater combat. I don't know. When the CIA agent Felix Leiter arrives to save Bond, Bond has already overpowered the girls.

There's a very good car chase that takes place in the narrow streets of Downtown Las Vegas. It must have been difficult to get a permit to film the chase.

The critics don't like this film as much as "On Her Majesty's Secret Service". I find it almost as good. They're both excellent films.

Success Rate:  + 14.1

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On Her Majesty's Secret Service (5 Stars)

James Bond is back! The poster means that there's a new James Bond film after a two year gap. He was hardly missed. But he's also back in my blog. This is the sixth James Bond film, made in 1969. I reviewed the first film, "Dr. No", in 2017, and the following four films in 2020. It's time for me to continue watching the Classic James Bond films, where Classic has a capital C. The first 20 films are what I call the Classic James Bond films. "Casino Royale" (2006) was a reboot of the James Bond franchise, retelling the original stories. I shan't get into arguments about which films are better, the Classic films or the reboots. There are so many different factors to consider.

This is the first film made without Sean Connery. He said that "You only live twice" would be his last film. He didn't want to be typecast by playing Bond for the rest of his life. The Australian actor George Lazenby was picked, even though he'd previously only acted in commercials. He was offered a contract for seven films, but he turned it down for several reasons. He said that he thought the days of spy films were over. He's still alive today, so he must be kicking himself for making such a foolish statement. Apart from that, his fellow actors said that he had an arrogant attitude. He complained that the director told him what to do and how to do it. That's why they call it directing! He was in an envious position, being picked as the main actor for a top film in his first role. If he'd listened to advice and had done what he was told for the next seven Bond films, he'd be one of the world's top actors today. As it turned out, his following film roles became smaller and smaller. If it weren't for playing James Bond he'd be totally forgotten today.

After saying that, I have to admit that he's very good in the role. He's a remarkably good imitation of Sean Connery, even though he's slightly less rugged. He has the same suave, sophisticated charm when he sits in a casino. He delivers the infamous James Bond one-liners with the same casual look on his face as Sean Connery.

There's a hilarious moment in the scene before the opening credits, in which he makes an out-of-character statement. Bond rescues a women from drowning, and then she steals his car and drives away. He says that "This never happened to the other fellow", referring to Sean Connery. No girl ever resisted his charms, and he never suffered the shame of having his car stolen, even though he got it back a few minutes later.

Bond's main opponent, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, returns after being seen in the last film. In "You only live twice" he was played by Donald Pleasance, now he's played by Telly Savalas. This change of actors doesn't work well, in my opinion. They have a similar physical appearance, but their facial expressions and their mannerisms are totally different. Donald Pleasance's Blofeld had a manic, almost comical quality. Telly Savalas is deadly serious.

I don't mean this as a slight on the acting abilities of Telly Savalas. I'm sure he could have acted more like Donald Pleasance if he'd wanted to. It was a new director for this film, and he probably wanted to make Blofeld more sinister.

Most James Bond films have at least two Bond girls, the Good Bond Girl and the Bad Bond Girl. This film only has one. Diana Rigg plays the Countess Teresa de Vincenzo, who prefers to call herself Tracy. There's no Bad Bond Girl in the film, unless you include Ilse Steppat as Blofeld's assistant, Irma Bunt.

This should have been a recurring role, but she died of a heart attack shortly after making the film.

What a ferocious looking woman! She deserves to be called a Bond Girl, even if she doesn't succumb to Bond's charms.

And while we're talking about Bond's charms, Miss Moneypenny still can't resist him. Bond is bad to her. He flirts furiously with her, but he always breaks his promise of going on a date with her. She's not pretty enough for him.

This is a very sexist (mis)representation of women. Miss Moneypenny is the ugly woman in the office who's fallen for an attractive man who's out of her league. Bond has no hesitation sleeping with one woman after another, but he won't even take Miss Moneypenny out for dinner.

So that's his excuse? I feel like slapping him.

And yet sexism is an important feature of the James Bond films. There are calls for the films to be brought up to date, but if James Bond were no longer sexist he wouldn't be James Bond any more. We smile forgivingly when he uses women for his own pleasure. It's only fiction, isn't it? Bond is a perfect gentleman, outwardly, but it's all a ploy to get women into his bed. 

I have more respect for Blofeld. He's also attracted to Tracy, understandably, but instead of trying to seduce her he makes a serious offer of marriage.

As always, the film includes a spectacular car chase. It also has two chases on skis and one chase in bobsleighs. It's been more than 12 years since I last watched this film. I shouldn't wait so long before watching it again. But first let me work my way through the Classic James Bond films.

Success Rate:  + 9.7

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