Sexy Warriors (4 Stars)

This is the ninth film directed by Dean McKendrick, made in 2013. Yes, that means that he's made nine films in one year. They were made for television, and the dates of their first broadcast were spaced out: four films in 2013, five films in 2014.

"Lolita From Interstellar Space", which I reviewed yesterday, was a science fiction story. Now Dean McKendrick turns to the swords and sorcery genre.

The story begins 5000 years ago on the Isle of Lesbos. Two warriors are fighting to take possession of the Orb of Athos. Athena is Queen of the Mountain People, and Diana is a member of the River Tribe. Neither of them seems to know what the Orb is capable of, except that it can grant wishes.

Athena is played by Erika Jordan...

... and Diana is played by Jazy Berlin, so the film's title is justified. They're both sexy warriors.

Diana knocks Athena unconscious in battle, then turns to face the Orb. She asks it to help her, and she's thrown 5000 years into the future, into Gail's Gym in Los Angeles.

This is Gail. Do you recognise her? It's the stunningly beautiful Christine Nguyen. I want to join her gym and lift a few weights.

Everything has been determined by fate and the power of the Orb. Diana arrives in the gym just after closing time, while Gail is reading a fantasy novel about the Amazons. Gail welcomes Diana by having sex with her, but first she utters the most beautiful words ever spoken in a film:

"Be gentle with me, you're my first Amazon".

Gail takes Diana back to her humble home. Wow! This place is beautiful. She must earn a lot of money from her gym.

In the meantime, Athena wakes up and asks the Orb to send her to Diana. Zzzap! She arrives in the gym.

Gail is taking a day off, but lovely Rita is there to welcome Athena in sexual fashion. It seems like Los Angeles gyms are the best places for lesbian Amazon warriors to visit.

I wonder who this girl is. I've seen her as a non-speaking extra in a few of Dean McKendrick's films. My guess is that she's one of the crew members. That's a good way to save money. Why pay an extra actor to come onto the set?

Here she is again, having a drink in a bar with the other extras. Well, the four on the right are unnamed extras; sitting on the left is Alec Knight. But what are they all staring at?

Gail and Diana have just walked in. I'd be staring as well. Diana arrived from the past dressed as a warrior, so Gail has bought her a 21st Century dress to help her fit in. She's certainly getting a lot of attention. On Lesbos there were no men, so Gail wants to help Diana pick up a man. So how did the women on Lesbos procreate? Diana says that men aren't necessary for procreation, but she doesn't say how they do it. It's left open as a mystery. She still wants to test drive a man though.

Alec can't stop staring. It's understandable.

The talk show host Morty, played by Ted Newsom, presents Athena on television and appeals for help finding Diana. Various other things happen, but I shan't give away the whole story, just in case you manage to see the film yourself. The DVD is out of print, like most of Dean McKendrick's films. Today, at the time of writing, it isn't even available for online streaming. If you're lucky, you might be able to find a used copy on Ebay.

I can't make my mind up about Alexandre Boisvert, who appears as the gym patron Mark. Sometimes I think he's a great comedian, but in this film he just annoys me. Nevertheless, for me, as a Christine Nguyen fan, the film is a real gem. She takes part in three of the six sex scenes, more than in any other film I've seen with her. There's a girl-boy scene, a girl-girl scene and a girl-girl-boy scene. Something for every taste, but always Christine.