Emmanuelle in Space: A Lesson in Love (3 Stars)

Don't be fooled by the picture. I haven't been watching "Baywatch". I wanted to post a photo of the actress Krista Allen, and it's very difficult to find high quality photos of her with clothes on, so I had to pick this Baywatch photo. She played Jenna Avid, a regular character in "Baywatch", from 2000 to 2001. She's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. I wish I could post better screenshots from the films I'm currently reviewing, but they're only available on DVD.

"A Lesson in Love" is the third film in the "Emmanuelle in Space" series. I'm a bit confused. At the end of the second film Captain Haffron told Emmanuelle that his mission on Earth was completed, so they'd have to go separate ways. This film is written by a new writer. Maybe he didn't know what had gone before. Maybe he did know, but he was too lazy to write an explanation. "It's only an erotic film, so nobody cares if the story's inconsistent".

In my last review I promised to publish a close up of a transmitter. This is the best I can do so far. Why do all small alien devices look like television remote controls. Is that what film makers in 1994 thought the future would look like?

Emmanuelle is told that she has to pick one of the crew members for intense lessons in sexuality on Earth. She picks Tasha, a character that we only saw briefly in the first film. In the second film Emmanuelle travelled the world with Haffron, but he's only a minor character in this film.

The first trip is to Las Vegas. The hotel isn't named, but it's obviously the Excalibur. When they go to the desk the receptionist tells them that all the rooms are booked. The hotel manager comes out and says, "Emmanuelle, it's wonderful to see you again. We always have a room for you". She has contacts everywhere. I wonder who she was before she became a sexual ambassador for the human race.

First Emmanuelle teaches Tasha the art of girl-girl love. Usually I call it lesbian love, but that's not correct. A lesbian is a woman who only wants sex with other women. In the girl-girl scenes in erotic films the women are rarely, if ever, lesbians. They only have sex with other women when they're waiting for their boyfriend to arrive.

But whatever it's called, Tasha enjoys it. There's nobody like Emmanuelle where she comes from.

After this, Emmanuelle tells Tasha she needs experience with men. She invites the hotel receptionist, Eric, to their room. Emmanuelle instructs Tasha what to do with him, but Eric is also inexperienced, so she has to give both of them instructions. He must be a Mormon. In a way, this scene is comical. While they're lying on the bed Emmanuelle is standing over them saying, "Do this. Do that. Touch her here", etc. I wish I'd had Emmanuelle with me for my first time. I was probably awful.

At the same time, the other aliens are sitting in their spaceship watching everything that happens. It's more than watching. Those strange headsets allow the aliens to become part of the action and feel what's happening. I wish I had one of those. It's a totally immersive virtual reality.

Some of the aliens are aroused by what they see and feel. Some are left cold. Theo just looks odd. Luckily he doesn't have a cup of Coca-Cola in his hand. He's the most interesting character in the Emmanuelle films. We need to see more of him. He says he's a fan of "Star Trek", the original series. The television signals must have been strong to reach far distant planets. Raymond says he prefers "The Next Generation". I like both of them. "The Next Generation" is closer to how a real spaceship would operate, but the original series has a naive charm.

After this, Emmanuelle takes Tasha to Venice to meet an old friend of hers, Leonardo Antonelli. The Antonelli family has held a Valentine's Day party on their boat for more than 200 years. It's a tradition that's been passed from father to son. It's a mask ball. The men are given masks, and the women are given masks, all at random. Each person has to find the person with the matching mask. When they've found each other, they're sexual partners for the evening. Tasha has great fun with her random partner. Emmanuelle cheats. She knows which man she wants, so she swaps masks with another woman.

After these two (or three) lessons, Emmanuelle tells Tasha that she's ready to meet men by herself. First, she goes to Greece and seduces a yacht owner. She returns to the spaceship and tells Emmanuelle that she enjoyed the sex, but something is missing. Emmanuelle explains that sex isn't just something automatic, there has to be a chemistry between the man and the woman.

Second, Tasha visits Spain. She approaches a big, muscular bullfighter in the dressing room after his match. He rejects her. He has no time for women. Not even a woman as beautiful as Tasha? She has to find out what he likes. She takes his red cape and tells him that he's her bull. He keeps running at her, and she skilfully sidesteps. Then she throws him on the floor and rides him. A man might look strong, but inwardly he's submissive and wants a woman to conquer him.

Third, Tasha visits Paris, the city of love. She sees a man painting a landscape by the Seine. She admires his picture, but she admires the man even more. He only paints as a hobby, he works as an English teacher. She says she's tired, so he says she can rest in his hotel room. (Is he only visiting Paris?) It's a ruse, of course. She seduces the man before he can let go of his paintbrushes.

Fourth, she visits Hollywood. She meets a director who makes romantic films. She expects him to know a lot about love, but he's disillusioned. He's been divorced twice, and now he's given up on love. Nevertheless, he's willing to have sex with her in his small caravan. Afterwards he pleads with her to remain, but Tasha says she has to leave. He must want her to be his number three. Tasha transmits herself back to the ship in front of his eyes, making him wonder if it was all a dream. It'll make a good story for his next film. Back in the ship, she tells Emmanuelle that she was sad to leave. She felt that the director was the man with whom she had the best chemistry.

"I hope those lessons will help you when you return to your planet".

And the spaceship continues on its orbit around the Earth. What lessons will Emmanuelle teach the aliens next? Sex is complicated by itself, but when love is involved much more teaching is necessary.