Intergalactic Swingers (3 Stars)

"It's the end of the world? Drinks are on the house!"

I know everyone loves drinks on the house, but if my favourite bar were too stingy to offer free drinks, I wouldn't care. If I knew the world were about to end I'd max out my credit cards.

This is the third film directed by Dean McKendrick, made in 2013. I feel like I'm suffering from déjà vu. This film features the same cast as Dean's first film, "Strippers From Another World". Of the nine actors in the first film, only Ted Newsom is missing. Even Tasha Reign is back. In the first film she had a non-speaking role, as a stripper dancing to the songs of America's top grunge band, the Erotics. This time she's a waitress in a remote bar, and if anything she talks too much. She's the weakest actress in the film, and the only thing in her favour is that she can act better than Josh Rivers, who plays her boss Rick. The scenes they perform together are embarrassing. I have the impression that Josh isn't even trying, he doesn't take the film seriously.

So who are the Intergalactic Swingers? That's Alana and Dara, pictured above. They come from a dying planet that orbits Alpha Centauri, and they've been sent to find a new planet suitable for colonisation. They put on their short skirts and their high heels and fly across the galaxy. Alana only volunteered for the mission because she doesn't want to marry her planet's leader. She prefers women, and so does her fellow astronaut Dara. Star Trek was never this hot.

Back on Earth, the astronauts Steve and Rachel are gazing into space, although it might not seem like it from this picture. The atmosphere must get tense when a man and a woman sit alone in an observatory in the mountains every day. Who can blame them for taking a few minutes off work for sex every now and then? It's healthier than smoking.

What Steve doesn't know is that Rachel is a foreign spy who's been planted in the observatory to steal the plans of the Goldberg Plasma Cannon, the mightiest weapon on Earth. Steve invented it, when he wasn't too busy opening buttons. He hasn't yet activated it, because he fears it's too dangerous to fall into the wrong hands.

The alien colonisers beam down to Earth. They find the planet very primitive, but they're impressed by the beauty of Earth women. I can't help wondering if lesbians are suited as colonisers. Shouldn't they be trying to increase the population? Alana and Dara are way too selfish to be successful in their mission.

There are other problems. A large asteroid is on collision course with the Earth, and it threatens to destroy all life on the planet. There are only six hours left. So what do we do? Some men enjoy free drinks in the bar. Other men rush to chat up girls and have sex one last time. The alien visitors are anxious to get on with their lesbian sex. Aren't there any heroes who will try to rescue the Earth? Where's Bruce Willis when we need him?

Oh come on, Rachel! The world's about to end, and you start shooting? I thought only men were that bad!

Dara has a cute little gun. I can't help thinking it looks like a water pistol.

This is a fun film, but it's let down by poor acting. Most of the actors are competent, especially Ryan Driller, but it's the bad actors who make the biggest impression. Maybe this is a consequence of the rushed filming. If more time had been taken, the performances could have been polished.