Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Teenage Cavegirl (4 Stars)

This is the seventh film in the Medina Collection, made in 2004. As I'm sure you've noticed by now, I intend to watch all 32 films in the Medina Collection. Ideally I would get through them in one month, but allowing for interruptions (and other films I want to watch) I'll probably be occupied with them until the middle of January. So please, readers, if I don't watch any of the Medina films for a few days don't send me comments complaining. I shan't forget them, I promise.

The film begins one million years ago, and Fred Olen Ray teaches us important lessons about anthropology.

  • Humans and dinosaurs lived at the same time.
  • Cavewomen had tattoos.
  • Cavewomen wore bikinis.
  • Cavewomen used to hunt while the lazy cavemen slept.
  • Cavewomen were more intelligent than modern women.

Tara (who doesn't look like a teenager to me) goes out hunting for dinosaur meat while her lover Tiko is asleep in the cave, worn out by a sex session. While she's fleeing from a T Rex she finds a portal by the side of the mountain. She jumps through it and lands in modern day California. By a lucky coincidence she meets Richard and Sharon, archaeologists searching for evidence of prehistoric life. They take her back to their house, where she learns to speak English after half an hour of watching television.

This is the house where Richard and Sharon live. Archaeology must pay well in America!

Richard calls the college professor, Dr. Matthews (played by Jay Richardson), to examine Tara and see if she's a genuine prehistoric woman. Unknown to him, Dr. Matthews is an evil man who wants only to become rich from the discovery.

This would have been the end of Tara, if not for Tiko. When he finally wakes up he looks for Tara and finds the portal. He jumps into the present day and follows the tyre tracks back to Richard's mansion.

The caveman Tiko is played by Evan Stone, the most prolific actor of the 21st Century. He's appeared in more than 1200 films since 1999. He was absolutely perfect for the role. His long blond hair and muscular physique make him look more caveman than caveman. After this he returned to star in at least a dozen more films made by Fred Olen Ray. He has perfect comic timing. When he first discovers a car he puts his head through the window and gets tangled up in the seatbelt. If he'd lived in the days of silent movies he would have given Buster Keaton a run for his money.

This film marks the first appearance of several actors who would become regulars in Fred Olen Ray's films. Apart from Evan Stone, Alexandre Boisvert appears as Richard, and Nicole Sheridan appears as Professor Matthews' assistant Cynthia. In addition, this is the first film edited by Dean McKendrick. After working as film editor for 24 of the Medina films he took over as the director of erotic films for Fred Olen Ray's company, Retromedia.

Most of the Medina films are out of print and only available at expensive collector prices. The title photo of my reviews links to the Amazon page, even if the DVD is no longer available. I'm hoping my reviews will spur interest in the films and lead to future re-releases.

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