Wednesday, 16 December 2015
Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes (4 Stars)
This is the 13th film in the Medina Collection, made in 2006. It was made a year earlier than "Super Ninja Doll", according to the copyright date, but it was released after it, so please don't accuse me of getting the order mixed up again. The plot borrows heavily from "The Kid with the X-Ray Eyes", which Fred Olen Ray made in 1999.
Nicole Sheridan makes a living dancing at bachelor parties. On the way to a job she bumps into the FBI agent Brad Bartram. They both drop everything, and they accidentally swap suitcases when they pick up their things. It was quite a coincidence that Nicole's bikini and a top secret invention were being carried in identical suitcases. What do they call coincidences like that? It's not Murphy's Law. There's no time travel involved, so I can't call it a Bootstrap Paradox. I'll call it a Medina Complex. I invented that myself, and it sounds cool. Let me define it.
A Medina Complex is a highly improbable coincidence involving a beautiful woman.
By this time next year you'll find references to Medina Complexes in all the online dictionaries.
When Nicole gets home she shows the contents of the suitcase to her boyfriend, Alexandre Boisvert. It's special goggles that allow them to see through objects. Alexandre has gone blond again for this film. His hair looks worse than ever. Does he dare walk down the street like that?
Alexandre isn't as stupid as he looks. He takes Nicole to Las Vegas to play Blackjack. The glasses allow him to see the other side of the cards, so they win thousands. The dealer at the Blackjack table is none other than Christine Nguyen. She only plays a small part in the film, so you might wonder why I used her photo as the main picture for this post. She's beautiful, that's why! This is my blog, and I can do with it what I want. If I review "Star Wars" I can use a photo of Christine with my review and there's nothing you can do about it. If you don't like it, write your own blog!
Unfortunately, the theft of the x-ray glasses doesn't go unnoticed. The plot develops parallel to "The Kid with the X-Ray Eyes". The evil mastermind Shannon Kelly comes to take the glasses back, along with her henchman Evan Stone.
No, those aren't x-ray glasses that Evan is wearing. They're just a fashion statement. He's wearing goggles to make himself look scarier. At least, I think that's what he's trying to do. Maybe the glasses are supposed to make him look stupid, so that his enemies will underestimate him.
There's one person who doesn't let himself be intimidated by anyone. It's the fearless FBI agent Brad Bartram. He's not even scared of Alexandre Boisvert's hair. He rushes into action against overwhelming odds. Why was he never asked to play James Bond?