Thursday, 17 December 2015

Tarzeena (4 Stars)

This is the 17th film in the Medina Collection, made in 2007. When it was first shown on television it was called "Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle". That's a silly name for the film, though somewhat amusing. When it was released on DVD a year later it was renamed "Tarzeena: Queen of Kong Island". That's a much more dignified title, considering the queen is the majestic Christine Nguyen. Even the monkey treats her with respect. However, I prefer to call the film "Tarzeena", because that's less of a mouthful.

As is to be expected, the film features the actors that we already know from the previous films in the series. Are you keeping count? So far Alexandre Boisvert and Nicole Sheridan have been in 12 films each, while Evan Stone has appeared in 13 films. When I get to the end of the Medina Collection I'll make a summary of the appearances of the most frequent actors.

Nicole Sheridan has just returned home from the funeral of her Uncle Milton. She hates funerals, because everyone stands around crying, even those who never cared about the dead person. She's glad to get home where she can be honest about how glad she is that Milton is dead. As the closest living relative she's going to inherit his millions.

The family lawyer informs her that there's one condition. Milton's son and granddaughter were lost on an expedition to a remote island, Kong Island. Nicole will only inherit Milton's fortune if she travels to the island to see if they have survived.

Nicole travels to the island, accompanied by her boyfriend, Alexandre Boisvert. I have to congratulate him. He managed to smarten himself up for the funeral. He dyed his hair black for the occasion, and he even succeeded in making it look tidy. It's amazing what a comb and a bottle of hair gel can do.

Unfortunately, it doesn't last. Even before he gets to the island his hair is sticking up like a porcupine's spikes. At least he tried.

Nicole and Alexandre don't have to go to the island alone. They're accompanied and protected by Evan Stone as a tour guide. He looks like the sort of man I'd want at my side when I'm in a savage land. He looks like a wild man himself, but at least he knows how to keep his hair tidy.

Evan has some good advice for Alexandre. If he has problems keeping his hair tidy he should wear a hat. That wouldn't stop his hair sticking up, but at least the hat would hide his hair from view.

It looks like Nicole loves Alexandre whatever his hair looks like. He must have his redeeming features.

But I seem to be forgetting that the film isn't about Alexandre Boisvert's hair. Let's get back to what happens on the island. I shan't mention Alexandre's hair again.

While searching for Milton's missing family a monkey attacks the expedition and carries Nicole away. He certainly has good taste. The monkey wouldn't have kidnapped Alexandre because he didn't like his hair. Oh wait! I promised not to mention the hair any more.

Nicole is rescued by a mysterious woman who emerges from the jungle. Her name is Tarzeena, and we find out that she's Milton's granddaughter. Her father died in a plane crash when she was a child, and she was brought up by apes. Now the monkeys and all the other wild animals obey her.

I'm no monkey, but I would certainly obey any jungle queen who looks as attractive as Christine Nguyen. I'd even stop talking about Alexandre Boisvert's hair if she told me to.

I could get used to living in the jungle.

The actor who plays the monkey isn't listed in the film credits or on IMDB, but the film's Wikipedia page claims that the man in the monkey suit is Don McLeod, who played monkeys repeatedly in television series and films from 1980 to 2000. That's a remarkable case of typecasting.

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