Liebesmarkt (4 Stars)

This is a German erotic comedy that was made in 1973. It was directed by Hubert Frank, but the credits list Alois Brummer for the "Gesamtleitung", engl. "Overall management". Knowing Alois Brummer as I do, this title means more than just "Executive Producer", which is how IMDB has translated it. It probably means that he was breathing down the neck of everyone involved and telling Hubert Frank what he had to do.

The German title means "Love Market", but it was released in England as "Emanuelle Meets the Wife Swappers" and America as "Swap Meet at the Love Shack". Weird titles, although I admit that the original German title doesn't give any clues what the film is about.

The film takes place in Munich. Iris is doing a PhD in Sociology, and her thesis is about contact advertisements. My younger readers won't know what they are. They were common in the late 20th Century, but they disappeared in the Internet era. Magazines and newspapers had pages with small ads of people wanting to meet other people. Some were innocent, such as "Lonely widower, 72, wants to meet a woman over 65 for Sunday afternoon meals". Others were overtly sexual, such as "Dominant married couple, 45/43, wants to meet a 20-year-old boy for BDSM games". It's accurate to say that every daily newspaper had ads like this, but the more serious newspapers didn't accept sexually explicit ads.

Iris and her boyfriend Bernd live in a commune with six other students. She asks them to help her in her research, either by answering contact ads or by publishing their own ads. This leads to a series of unrelated adventures. The first six adventures are in the form of vignettes, much like the 1970's report films. The last three are overlapping stories, with the scenes jumping from one story to another.

1. One of the girls publishes an advertisement asking to meet a government official. The only person who replies is a chimney sweep called Matthe, played by Josef Moosholzer. She's disappointed, but she still goes to bed with him.

2. Iris and Bernd answer an ad from a rich couple looking for a couple to go riding. The couple are nudists, and as Iris and Bernd soon discover, the riding doesn't involve horses.

3. Helmut answers an ad from a woman looking for a nude model. Wow, it's Ingrid Steeger! He thinks it's just an excuse for sex, but it really is about art. Ingrid's cousin Wolf wants to paint a picture of them side by side in an erotic pose.

4. Inge answers an ad from a man who wants sex in a car. He should have warned her that it was a tiny Volkswagen Beetle with hardly any room to move. He kicks the handbrake loose with his foot, and they barely manage to jump out before the Volkswagen rolls off a cliff and explodes. This leaves them completely naked, but they find clothes abandoned in nearby bushes. These are clothes discarded by two bank robbers, so they have to flee from the police.

5. The commune members decide to play a trick on Iris. They publish a contact ad claiming to be a Satanic cult looking for a sex slave. Iris can't answer fast enough! They order her to strip naked and blindfold herself when she arrives, so that she won't recognise them. They tie her to a stake to have sex with her, lighting a small fire to scare her. The wind blows stronger, and the flames rise. Bernd arrives just in time to rescue her.

6. One of the other commune members, Gaby Degerloch – nice name! – also publishes an ad asking to meet a government official. Matthe answers again, this time dressed as a postman. This time it's technically correct, because in Germany postmen are employed by the government. I don't know what Joesef Moosholzer has that I don't, but the girls all go crazy over him.

7. There's a contact ad from two women who want to meet two sailors with a minimum length of 22 cm (8.6 inches). Two girls from the commune dress up as men and answer the ad. They're not very convincing, are they? The women make them strip naked to prove they're men, and they fail the test. They say they're lesbians and they want to prove that women are better than men. They convince one of the women, but the other still wants an eight and a half-incher.

8. Horst answers an ad looking for a lingerie salesman. What does that have to do with contact ads? Not much. He's told he has to sell at least 10 bras in one day. It's a hard job. Every woman he visits wants sex with him. After four women, he collapses exhausted on the roof. His fifth potential customer chases him, and she won't take No for an answer. What a way to die!

9. Inge reads a contact ad from a man called Walter who describes himself as a helpless romantic. He says he's shy and likes to listen to Beethoven. She meets him at the train station, and guess what? It's Matthe again! This time he's dressed in a fine suit. He says that Walter is his brother, but he was too shy to come, so he took his place. Inge believes him, but I don't. The film ends with them running happily into the woods to live happily ever after.

No, this isn't a good film. The premise is ridiculous, and even the short stories have plots that are difficult to follow. I've given it a high rating because it's highly arousing, and the comedy scenes are very funny. I was lucky enough to buy a copy of the film while it was still available. You'll have to hunt for it on Ebay now.