Decapitarium (2 Stars)

Amazon Friday #1

This is a new regular feature that I'm starting today. My aim is to repeat this feature most, though not necessarily all Fridays. We'll see just how regular it is after the first few months. Let me tell you how it came about:

I'm not a big friend of streaming services, as I've stated many times in the past. It's not that I'm against streaming in principle; what I don't like is that the selection available is so bad. It's been estimated that only 5% of the films made in the last 100 years are available on streaming services. What makes it worse is that there are new streaming services appearing regularly. They each have different films available, so it's necessary to subscribe to them all if you want a better choice of films. For most viewers, the advantage of the streaming services is that they also include complete television series. I admit that it's convenient to be able to watch long television series online, such as "Supernatural" with 320 episodes, but I'm only concerned with films.

The big three streaming services, as far as the number of subscribers are concerned, are Netflix, Amazon Prime and Disney Plus. Amazon Prime has approximately 12,000 films, Netflix has about 4,000 films, and Disney Plus has about 500 films. I've subscribed to Amazon Prime for many years, I forget how many, because I wanted to take advantage of other offers like streaming music and free delivery. I signed up to Netflix about five years ago for the sake of my family; I share the account with my children, and they use it at lot more than me. My son Benjamin signed up to Disney Plus as soon as it became available in Germany, and he shares his account with me. That means I have access to all of the big three streaming sites, although I hardly use them.

There's one thing that distinguishes Amazon Prime from Netflix. On Netflix, films usually remain available for a few years. If Netflix adds a film to its catalogue tomorrow, I can wait to watch it until 2022 or 2023. On Amazon Prime, it's common for films to rotate quickly. New films are often only available for three months. If I want to watch something, I should watch it while it's new.

Yesterday I checked my Amazon watch list. I was devastated. Of the 17 films I'd added to my list, five were no longer available. What's the point of having a watch list if I forget about the list until the films on the list are no longer watchable? So I made a resolution. From now on I'll watch one of the films on my Amazon watch list every week. Friday's as good a day as any. Maybe I'll add a Netflix Monday or a Disney Tuesday at some time in the future, but not yet. Amazon is my biggest priority.

The science fiction film "Decapitarium" is the first film I've picked for my Amazon Friday. I added it to my watch list because it stars Christine Nguyen. That's a good enough reason, isn't it? Her delicate beauty overpowers me every time I look at her. The film also features Sam Jones of Flash Gordon fame. Unfortunately, they're the only two things in the film's favour. Most of the actors are untalented beyond imagination, the plot is ridiculous, and the CGI effects are embarrassingly bad.

The film begins with a scientist, Dr. Wilkinson, carrying out an experiment on his wife to increase her intelligence. Her brain is overloaded, and her head breaks off her body. He salvages her head and keeps it alive on a stick.

For reasons that are never made apparent, Dr. Wilkinson continues with his experiments. He captures two girls and cuts off their heads. Their brains are cut out of their skulls, then inserted in a metal cone which is put back on their bodies. Their right hand is replaced with a chainsaw. They're under the psychic control of Mrs. Wilkinson. She sends them out to decapitate other victims, who are also processed in the same way. The number of metal-headed chainsaw decapitators increases exponentially.

I can see a similarity with the Cybermen in the Doctor Who TV series. The difference is that I can watch the Cybermen without laughing.

What was Christine Nguyen thinking of when she accepted this role? Maybe she didn't know it would turn out so bad. She should discreetly omit it from her CV. Please understand me; I appreciate films that are "so bad they're good". If you look through my blog you'll find a lot of cheesy low budget films that I've given high ratings. This isn't one of them. It's not so bad that it's good, it's just bad.