Machete Kills (4½ Stars)

Today I did something I've never done before. I treated myself to a double bill in the cinema. After watching "The Dark Knight Rises" I didn't have anything else to do, so I stayed to watch "Machete Kills". The Cineworld Unlimited cards are worth the money.

The ex-Federale Machete Cortez is hired by the American president to prevent a Mexican bandit from firing a missile at Washington D.C. Machete easily captures the bandit, but a trigger device has been wired to him that will fire the missile if his heart stops beating. Most of the film is a chase through Mexico, as Machete attempts to safely escort the bandit from southern Mexico into the USA to have the trigger device deactivated. A bounty of $20 million has been placed on Machete's head, so he is under attack wherever he goes.

I expected the film to live up to the original film, but I was disappointed. The problem for me was the chase scene. Too many different characters appeared to challenge Machete. They were interesting characters, so interesting that I wanted to see more of them, but they were killed too quickly. For me the film didn't really settle down until Machete crossed the border into America and only had one set of enemies to contend with.

I would only have given the film 4 stars, but I had to add an extra half star because Sofia Vergara looked so delicious with a whip. Every lash of her whip made me squirm in my seat.

Did I ever mention that I like girls with whips?

The film ends with Machete heading into space to face his deadliest enemy in the next film, "Machete Kills Again in Space". Will Machete be able to survive a fight to the death against Justin Bieber? The world waits with baited breath.

P.S. Was it intended to be an insider joke that Lady Gaga played a man?

P.P.S. The film contains an after-credits sequence.

P.P.P.S. The after-credits sequence isn't worth waiting for.