Tuesday, 3 May 2016

The Virgin Psychics (5 Stars)


Yoshiro Kamagawa's story began before he was born. His mother was sitting in an antenatal clinic with another woman when they were both six months pregnant. The women didn't know one another, but the babies knew they were soulmates and spoke to one another by telepathy. They promised to find one another after they were born. The mothers never saw one another again. Yoshiro was born, and he remembered the conversation he'd had in his mother's womb, but he didn't know where to look for his soulmate. He knew she would be roughly the same age as him, but he had no idea where she lived or what her name was.

Yoshiro is now 16 years old and lives in the seaside town of Toyohashi. Like every night, he's lying in bed masturbating. That's where I did it at that age. Don't teenage boys know that their mother will see the stains on the sheets? I didn't know. Anyway, Toyohashi is hit by a cosmic event. A bright light shines down from space, blanketing the whole town. Every virgin who has an orgasm while the light is shining is given supernatural powers. Yoshiro is able to read minds. His schoolmate Yosuke can teleport short distances, although he always leaves his clothes behind and arrives naked. Terumitsu has telekinetic powers, which he uses to lift girls' skirts. An expert in psychic abilities, Professor Asami (no, not Professor X), comes to the town and persuades the young people to join together to fight evil, calling themselves the ESP Force. His assistant, Miss Akiyama, also has psychic powers. She can see the future of anyone who looks at her breasts.

It isn't long before the ESP Force has to face a deadly threat. The teenage lesbian Akiko Kamiya was also masturbating at the time the cosmic ray struck, and she's decided to use her power for evil. Any girl that Akiko touches is rendered unconscious, and then Akiko can create an infinite number of identical clones of the unconscious girl as her sex slaves. She creates an army of scantily clad teenage girls to conquer first Toyohashi, then Japan, then the whole world. In an ironic way, her intentions are noble. "Make love, not war". She sends her sex slaves into the town to excite men, so that nobody can do anything because they only want sex. The sex slaves don't actually have sex with the men in the town. They just keep them in a state of constant arousal.



At this point the film has turned into a typical super-hero epic. The Fantastic Four have their Doctor Doom, and the ESP Force have their Akiko. What they don't suspect is that an even deadlier enemy is in the town, waiting patiently for the right moment to reveal herself.

When the other team members are ready to give in, it's Yoshiro who encourages them to hold fast to their mission to fight evil. This changes when he finally meets his soulmate. He realises that he has a choice: he can either be with his soulmate or save the world. He can't do both.


The film is notable for starring Ai Shinozaki, who I consider to be the world's most beautiful actress. She appears as Keiko, the owner of a small bookshop. This isn't a very big role in the film, but I have to show a few photos of her. She's worth it.




This is another brilliant film directed by Sion Sono, in which he parodies the whole super-hero genre. Nobody else can make films like he does. Nobody.

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