Sunday, 1 January 2017

Off-Topic: Mariah Carey, Failure of the Year

Last night Mariah Carey was invited to sing a few songs at the New Year's celebrations in Times Square, New York. The problems began from the start. When she wanted to perform her first song the wrong lip-sync track was played. She tried to cover up the mistake by saying that the monitors weren't turned on. After less than two minutes she said "It just don't get any better" and stormed off stage. I disagree. It did get better. Walking off stage and sparing the audience her theatrics was the best thing she did all evening, and everyone was happier without her.

A few hours later Mariah Carey posted a message to Twitter:

"Shit happens. Have a happy and healthy new year everybody! Here's to making more headlines in 2017".

It's true. Shit does happen. Nobody knows who first used the phrase, but whoever it was is a philosopher up there with the greats like Jean-Paul Sartre and Friedrich Nietzsche. "Shit happens" expresses the randomness and the absurdity of life that frequently results in bad coming from good. However, Mariah Carey misquoted the phrase. She used it to deny responsibility for what had happened. To paraphrase what she really meant, "My performance was shit, but don't blame me".

The biggest shit that happened last night was inviting Mariah Carey to perform. Anyone who's unable to sing and needs a lip-sync track doesn't deserve to go on stage. For years she's made successful songs and albums, and people have marvelled at her voice. But is it her voice at all? How do we know that she didn't just warble into the microphone and let the studios use computers to make her voice sound good? It's possible that she could sing well when she was younger, but now she's a washed-out has been, as proved by her performance last night. Mariah Carey left the stage in a temper tantrum. She wasn't angry because she performed badly; she already knew she was a fake. She was angry because everyone found out.

Some singers, including Madonna and Beyoncé, have defended the fact that they lip-sync on stage. They say that the performance has to be perfect, so they can't risk anything going wrong when they're dancing and singing at the same time. That's the lamest possible excuse ever. Anyone who utters words like that while keeping a straight face doesn't deserve to perform live ever again. What about all the big musicals? When I watched "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" there was lots of energetic dancing, but not a single lip-syncer on stage. If Madonna can no longer sing and dance at the same time it's time for her to retire. Or maybe she should have a comfortable rocking chair on stage so that she can sing without exerting herself.

Let's not have a catastrophe like this happen next New Year's Eve. I know dozens of rock groups in Birmingham. None of them use lip syncing. Not one. Let's hire one of them to perform for the New York crowds. I'm sure Noise Revolt or Colorado Lounge would give them a show to remember.

Noise Revolt. True professionals. Unlike Mariah Carey.

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