Thursday, 28 June 2018

The Dallas Connection (4½ Stars)

This is the tenth film in the Andy Sidaris collection, made in 1994. After "Enemy Gold", which was made in 1993, it's the second of only two films which were directed not by Andy himself but by his son Drew Sidaris. It could be asked whether these two films are really part of the Andy Sidaris collection, since his only credited role for the two films is as executive producer, a title usually reserved for someone who sits in the background and does nothing. I say that they are part of his collection for the simple reason that he says they are. Besides that, anyone who knows Andy's style will immediately recognise these two films as his. Andy was considering retiring from making films and he wanted his son to take over, but evidently Drew didn't have what it took and Andy had to do everything for him.

A few years ago I was in contact with Julie K. Smith on Facebook. I asked her about Drew, what he's doing now he's no longer a film director, to which she answered that he's living a life of leisure. I interpret that as meaning he's living off his father's inheritance. That's not something I would want to do if I'd had a rich father, but why not? Money is made to be spent, not to be built higher and higher in an ever more unstable mountain.

Julie Kristen Smith was Penthouse Pet of the Month in 1993. She's an actress who's made 40 films since 1987. She appeared in a few films with Julie Strain leading them to be referred to as the Two Julies. Sometimes they were called Big Julie and Little Julie, referring to their respective heights. Julie Smith is 5'6", whereas Julie Strain is 6'1½". I prefer to call them Good Julie and Bad Julie, and I mean it as a compliment to both of them. Julie Smith has an air of innocence about her, even when she's scantily clothed, whereas Julie Strain always looks wicked. This is backed up by interviews they've given. In erotic films there are often simulated sex scenes, without penetration, relying on the camera angle and the motions to make it look like the real thing. A common question asked in the Femme Fatales (sic) magazine was what does a female actress do if she notices that her male partner is getting too excited. Julie Smith's answer was that she stops and calls the makeup girl over, asking to be made to look better, to give the man a dampener and help him to cool down. Julie Strain answered that she expects a man to be excited when he's performing a naked scene with her, so she grinds her hips against his crotch to work him into a frenzy. Is there a better way to highlight the difference between the two Julies?

"The Dallas Connection" reunites the agents Chris Cannon and Mark Austin from "Enemy Gold". They have to solve a mystery. A new space rocket has an advanced spy system that can detect weapons buried below the Earth. The program will be installed in a rocket soon to be launched from Dallas, but to keep it secret it's been divided into four parts that have been encoded on four microchips, carried by four scientists. Three of the scientists are murdered by sexy women in Paris, South Africa and Hong Kong. The murders are too late, because they've already delivered their chips to the Agency in Dallas. The fourth scientist arrives from Argentina, still in possession of his chip. Who is killing the scientists?

The fourth scientist, Dr. Antonio Morales, is played by Rodrigo Obregon. Isn't he usually the bad guy? Yes, and this film is no exception. He wants all four microchips for himself, so he's hired a team of female assassins to kill everyone who gets in his way. The team is made up of Black Widow (Julie Strain), Cobra (Julie Smith) and Scorpion (Wendy Hamilton).

The girls work undercover as strippers in the Cowboys club in Dallas. No one would suspect that these three harmless looking girls are deadly killers. At least, nobody would suspect Cobra and Scorpion. One look at Black Widow is enough to tell you she's evil to the core.

It's obvious, isn't it? But that doesn't mean she's any less dangerous as an assassin. Some men are drawn to deadly women like moths to a flame.

In the film's introduction Andy Sidaris and Julie Strain are joined by Julie's little sister Lizzy. Little is relative. What on Earth did their parents feed them?

Lizzy is visiting Andy to be auditioned for his new film, "Battle Zone Hawaii", along with Nicki Fritz and Victoria Zdrok. The film introductions were made in 2000 or 2001, after Andy had made all 12 of his films. The 13th film was never made. I don't know why. Maybe Andy was in poor health. He passed away in 2007.

The film ends with the usual bottle of champagne shared by the Agency operatives. What better way to celebrate a good job well done! Once more they've killed Rodrigo Obregon and Julie Strain. When will they be back again?

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