Halloween Ends (4 Stars)

I watched "Halloween Kills" just over a month ago. I expected to watch the third film in the final Halloween trilogy sooner, but I was delayed by my holiday and my new computer. Now I'm getting back to normal. Almost.

I didn't know what to make of "Halloween Ends". Despite being frequently mentioned, Michael Myers doesn't appear for more than 30 minutes. It made me feel like the franchise had already ended and I was watching the epilogue.

The last two films took place in 2018. "Halloween Ends" begins in 2019. Michael Myers has disappeared without a trace. A boy called Corey Cunningham is babysitting for the son of a wealthy couple in Haddonfield. The boy plays a prank on Corey, locking him in the attic. He breaks out and accidentally pushes the boy over the railing to his death. Corey is found innocent, but the parents and many people in the town believe he's guilty.

Three years, shortly before Halloween 2022, Corey is captured by Michael Myers, who's been hiding in the sewers beneath Haddonfield all this time. When Michael looks into Corey's eyes he sees him as a fellow killer and releases him. This inspires Corey to carry out deliberate murders on people who have wronged him. He begins a relationship with Allyson Nelson, Laurie Strode's granddaughter. It's a twisted relationship. She's attracted to him because she can see Michael Myers in his eyes. Corey offers to take revenge on those who've harmed Allyson, without explicitly saying it will involve murder, and she accepts his offer.

Michael acts as Corey's mentor, accompanying him on his killing spree, until Corey turns against him and steals his mask.

This is a strange way to end the Halloween trilogy. The film has a different feeling to the previous films. It isn't until the last 15 minutes that it feels like a Halloween film. Excuse the spoiler: Michael Myers is killed in a way that leaves no doubt about his death, so it's the end of the franchise. Or is it? The films have been retconned so often that it will be no surprise to see Michael Myers again. It's the same as James Bond dying in "No Time To Die". He'll be back. We all know he'll be back. And didn't John Wick die in "John Wick 4"? The sequel is already being filmed. It's getting as bad as Marvel comics. They used to say that in Marvel nobody stays dead except for Uncle Ben and Bucky Barnes. Now Bucky is back, and we can't guarantee Uncle Ben will stay dead forever.

Success Rate:  + 1.2

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Masha and the Bear 2.2.1 - La Dolce Vita

This episode was first broadcast on 22nd June 2013. As is often the case, it mixes different themes in a six-minute video.

It's a sunny day in beautiful Russia. Bear is woken up by his alarm clock.

It's a fishing clock that maps out his day.

Bear is about to leave when Masha arrives. She wants him to make her breakfast. Can't she make her own breakfast?

Cornflakes are perfect for a little Russian girl. Yummy!

But she pushes them away.

How about fried egg? 

No. What's wrong with her?

She even refuses a delicious baguette.

It's already getting late, so Bear can't waste any more time.

He grabs the unwanted baguette and runs to the river as fast as he can.

Bear's nemesis, the Black Bear, is just leaving after a successful day of fishing.

According to the clock, which he's keeping strapped to his wrist, fishing is over. But it's still worth a try.

No. It's too late.

At least he can eat the delicious baguette while he's sitting alone,

Eventually he trudges home with his empty bucket. Have you ever seen such a miserable bear?

But what's Masha been doing in Bear's house? She's still hungry, so she goes out into the garden. She picks strawberries, raspberries and apples.

There's sugar in the cupboard, on a high shelf out of her reach. Or so Bear thinks. Masha knows how to use a ladder.

She's an expert cook. Look at the lollipop.

Soon she has dozens, which she quickly eats.

Bear comes home and tells her to clean her teeth.

But there's still one left.

Evidently nobody ever told Masha how to eat lollipops. You shouldn't bite them, you should lick them slowly. Masha bites hard, and her tooth breaks.

Bear suggests pulling it out with his fishing rod.

Masha is scared, but she lets him do it.

No, it doesn't work.

How about attaching the line to his bike?

Round and round his house he rides. Bear is just a blur. But where's Masha?

She's sitting on his bike. All that effort for nothing!

There's only one thing left. Bear carries her, kicking and screaming, to the wolves.

They put her in a dental chair. I'd be scared of those dentists as well.

No anaesthetic.

But it goes surprisingly well. The wolves give her back to Bear, and he's happy with the result. I hope it was one of her milk teeth.

That's a beautiful tooth for the Tooth Fairy. When Masha gets her rouble in the morning she should sell it fast. Vladimir Putin's war against Ukraine has made the rouble's value collapse, and it'll get even worse if Russia doesn't surrender soon.

The next morning Masha finds a few lollipops that Bear hid from her. Has she learnt her lesson?

Not quite. She still bites her lollipops, but she cleans her teeth after every bite. Girls will be girls.

The End.

---

Sweet Tooth's Song

If all day long I sat and munched on candy

Life would be improved by as much as can be,

It'd be easy as a piece of cake.

Every time I see a truck selling ice-cream

I run up to it very fast, and I scream,

"Give me a zillion billion, give or take!"

They say that soon all my teeth are gonna break

And that I will have a terrible toothache.

No, that's a mistake,

My teeth will not break!

I eat a bunch of lollipops and sucker,

Something in my mouth crumbles down like crackers,

I'm so terrified I cannot cry.

I cracked my tooth and now I need the dentist.

Please, doctor, tell me how big the dent is.

Will I ever smile? What if I try?

Am I to kiss all my greatest hopes goodbye,

That one day I'll eat the biggest apple pie?

Life will pass me by.

Someone, tell me why!

Children, now you know the hard truth,

Here's the whitest pearl of wisdom,

If you wanna keep your sweet tooth,

Get your brushes, clean it with them!

Children, now you know the hard truth,

Here's the whitest pearl of wisdom,

If you wanna keep your sweet tooth,

Get your brushes, clean it with them!

Lonely Glory (1 Star)

This is the second film I've watched in the 2023 Japanese Film Festival. It may be the last.

If you've been reading my blog for a while you'll know that I rarely give a one star rating. In my description at the top right I say that two stars means "Poor, not worth watching", whereas one star means "Awful, avoid at all costs". That brief description doesn't say it all. The real difference is that a two star film is a film that I don't like, whereas a one star film is a film that's so bad that I can't imagine anyone liking it. That applies to "Lonely Glory".

Haruka is a young woman who's the co-owner of a company that makes a counselling app. After being accused of bullying an employee she resigns rather than apologise. She goes back home to her family, just in time for the funeral of her mother. Her father died a few years ago, so there are just four children left, two boys and two girls. Haruka's elder brother and sister run the family's noodle restaurant. Haruka's brother sits around all day doing nothing. Haruka suggests the restaurant (also the family house) should be sold because it's unprofitable. In actual fact she wants the money from the sale as the start capital for her new company.

The older brother is in love with a young farmer's daughter. The older sister is divorced and unable to move on. Haruka encourages her younger brother to work, so he buys defective items (such as television remote controls) and repairs them to sell them on Ebay, but he hardly makes any money.

Does that sound like an interesting film? It's even worse than my description makes it sound. It's a painfully dull family drama. None of the main characters have any charisma. I had difficulty watching it to the end.

I intended to watch all 12 of the festival films. Now I'm not so sure. I think it's more important that I catch up with my backlog of Smallville episodes.

Life is too short for bad films.

The Techno Brothers (3 Stars)

Every year there's an online Japanese film festival. Click here for information. It's not available to watch everywhere. For instance, it's available in Germany but not in England. The selection of countries seems to be random, but that's what VPNs are for. I've watched the festival in the past, but usually only a few films, because I didn't have enough time. A few years ago the festival only ran for four weeks. Now it lasts three months, from 1st August to 31st October. During this time I can watch any of the twelve films online. I'm starting a month late, but you know my excuses already... holiday and new computer.

The first film I picked was "The Techno Brothers". It's the title that attracted me.

What did I just watch? It's a road movie that contains so many musical numbers that it can rightly be called a musical. The Techno Brothers are three brothers who play music that's a clone of early 80's Kraftwerk. Their music is good, but as persons they're a strange group. They never speak once in the film, they just follow their manager Himuro in silence. They're unable to find success in their hometown of Otawara, so they set out on a journey to Tokyo, playing concerts on the way.

This is where it gets weird. I assumed Otawara would be in the far south of Japan, but it's actually only a hundred miles away. According to Google Maps it's a two hour journey by car. So why do they need more than a week? They could have travelled to Tokyo and back in a day.

Their manager Himuro is beautiful but cold-hearted. She blames the group for their lack of success. Whenever they go to a restaurant she eats a large meal, but the group members are only allowed a glass of tap water. Half way towards Tokyo one of the group dies of starvation, but she remains unmoved. She doesn't have enough money for the funeral, so she burns his body on a tip and continues the jorney.

What's the film about? Is it a criticism of the music industry? I'd call it a comedy, except it isn't funny. I've checked other reviews, and it seems that everyone apart from me likes it, but even the other reviewers don't seem to know what it's about.

It's a poor start to the festival. If I'm disappointed with the next film, I might not make it through all twelve.

Blue Beetle (3½ Stars)

I had no idea what this film was about when I first saw it advertised. Then I read that Blue Beetle is a DC super-hero. Curioser and curioser. I'd never heard of him. So I searched online and found that he was created by Steve Ditko in 1939. So how come I'd never heard of him? Finally it became clear. Blue Beetle's adventures were published in Charlton Comics, a company whose comics I never read. Charlton was bought by DC in the 1980's, and Blue Beetle first appeared in DC comics in 1986. By that time I'd long given up reading DC, so there was no way for me to know him.

I was surprised to find that the cinema was almost sold out. There were only two seats left in the front row. None of the recent DC films have been so popular, not even "The Flash" or "The Batman". I asked a friend who works at the cinema, and he told me that "Barbie" and "Oppenheimer" (collectively called "Barbenheimer") have given cinemas a kickstart. Cinema attendance slumped as a result of the Corona pandemic, and apart from occasional blockbusters the audiences stayed at home. Ever since the Barbenheimer phenomenon things have gone back to normal.

It was an interesting audience, almost entirely youngsters, from 15 to 25. It was a rowdy audience. There was a lot of noise while the trailers were being shown, and some were still talking when the film started. I turned round and glared critically a few times.

The film is about Jaime Reyes, a 22-year-old Mexican boy who's possessed by a blue scarab, an alien artefact that builds a symbiotic relationship with him. If the Blue Beetle weren't such an old character, I'd say he's a Venom rip off. The alien is called Khaji-Da and talks in Jaime's head, sometimes giving him advice, sometimes taking complete control of his body.

A lot of the film is slap-stick. It's too much comedy for my taste. It's noticeable the film has no famous actors, with the exception of Susan Sarandon, and I wouldn't include her because her career has withered away in the last 20 years. Obviously DC didn't want to invest too much. I've read that "Blue Beetle" was originally intended to be released straight-to-streaming, but it was decided to give it a theatrical release at short notice. Based on the full cinema, it was the right choice. I wasn't overly impressed, but at least it's better than "The Flash".

The Secret Life of Pets (3 Stars)

Netflix Thursday #33

Pets need attention, especially dogs. They're sad when their owners go out to work all day. They whine unhappily when the owner leaves, and they're overjoyed when he returns. My parents always owned dogs, and they had a strategy to keep them happy. They always owned two dogs at a time to keep one another company during the day.

Max is a Jack Russell who lives in a New York City apartment with Katie. She disappears for hours every day, as most people do. We aren't told what her job is. It isn't relevant. What we see is that Max is unhappy when he's left alone.

He soon makes friends with other pets in the house. They run up and down the fire escapes, in and out of windows, and they happily play with one another. Neither Katie nor any of the other owners know what's going on, because Max and his friends are all sitting and waiting at the door when their owners return home from work.

Katie thinks the same way as my parents. She buys a large mongrel called Duke to keep Max company. It doesn't work. They don't get on with one another. One day Duke drags Max into the alley, trying to make him get lost, but they both lose their collars in a fight with a gang of stray animals who hate humans. In a series of events they're captured by dog catchers, then freed by the stray animals, then captured again. Max is lost and has to find his way back through the city.

But he finds his way back, and when Katie comes come he's sitting at the door as if nothing had happened. This is the life that pets keep secret.

It's a cute but infeasible story. It'll make pet owners want to close their windows before they go to work.

Success Rate:  + 9.8

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Paw Patrol: The Movie (3½ Stars)

Netflix Thursday #32

I'm aware of Paw Patrol. My grandson Oliver watches their adventures on YouTube, and I sometimes look over his shoulder, but I've never paid much attention to them. The concept of dogs driving around in cars solving crime has never appealed to me.

This means that the movie was the first time I heeded them. My primary criticism is that the film makes no concessions for new viewers like me. It isn't an origin story. The dogs are already active as super-heroes. I tried in vain to figure out the names of the dogs. As I sit writing this review, the only one I can name is Chase, the puppy who drives a police car.

An evil man called Humdinger has become the mayor of Adventure City. It was an easy feat, because there were no opposing candidates. Now he wants to make the city more pleasant by removing all dogs from the city. Supposedly, dog catchers are only supposed to capture stray dogs, but they're ordered to catch all of them by any means possible.

Mayor Humdinger also wants to become popular by making every day in the city sunny. A scientist has invented a device that sucks up the clouds. The machine has its limits, so the scientist wants to shut it off, but Humdinger insists on continuing. Eventually the machine explodes and the clouds are all released at once. There's a life-threatening storm in the city, which means Paw Patrol has to rush into action.

There's a lot of action and fun in the film. In its favour, Oliver was sitting on the edge of his seat. It didn't really appeal to me. When watching children's films I try to put myself in the mindset of a child, but the slapstick action was too random for me. And I'd still like to know the names of the dogs. I've seen trailers for a new Paw Patrol film which seems to be an origin story. It will probably be a better film.

Success Rate:  + 3.6

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (4 Stars)

It's good to be back. I don't think I've ever been away from blogging for three weeks, not once since I began my blog in 2010. I didn't even give up blogging when I was in hospital last year, although I admit that my blog posts were about my illness, not films. So what's my excuse for this uncharacteristic lapse? In my last post I mentioned that I would be on holiday for two weeks. So what's the third week about? Laziness? The very opposite! I bought a new computer, which was delivered while I was away. I needed days to set it up when I got home. I don't just mean the operating system, I mean the software I'm accustomed to. I'm almost finished. Almost. For reasons unclear to me my printer (an HP Laserjet) doesn't work with my computer. After hours of fiddling around I've given up. I can still print from my laptop. I have some ideas what I can still try, but I'm exhausted and will leave it till next week.

I'm really proud of the computer. It's the best computer I've ever had. I bought it from Alternate, a company that specialises in gaming computers. I'm not a gamer, but I trust Alternate for quality, so they were the first company I considered. After making my initial decisions on the configuration I had a long conversation with a technical support man who gave me a few tips on improving my choices. In the end I decided on a 16 core Intel i7 processor, with 64 GB memory and 3 TB of disk space. The graphics card is only a GTX 1650. As I said, I'm not a gamer, so the graphics card is an area where I was able to save money. The GTX 1650 is the ideal card for watching 4K movies and doing simple video editing.

The processor is possibly overkill, but on occasion I do chess analysis, so it's good to have the power in reserve. Intel is necessary, because AMD processors have weaker numeric processors and tend to overheat when doing chess analysis. For reasons that I've never understood, AMD has cut corners with integer arithmetic, which is essential for chess programs.

I hesitated a long time with the disk space. I knew I wanted a 1 TB SSD as my first disk drive, but should the second drive be 2 TB or 4 TB? In the end I decided on a 2 TB drive to discipline myself. I already have four external drives, but if I have too much internal disc space I might get lazy and not back up my data often enough. Most of my data consists of material that I've downloaded from the Web, but I also have original creations that I can't afford to lose.

I might have been able to set up my computer faster, but there were distractions. It's the school holidays, so I had to spend time with my grandchildren. I didn't want to, but my family has grown used to me being the full time babysitter, so I couldn't just lock myself away with my computer.

Let's get to the film, before you think I've forgotten about it. I was impressed by the film's atmosphere from the beginning. It seems very dark, surprisingly dark for a film aimed at children aged 6 and upwards. This is in the style of the original comic books. When they were first published in 1984 I ignored them, thinking they were silly comics for children. A few years later I read a few copies, and I was surprised at how adult they were. They were invented by Kevin Eastman, best known as the husband of the actress Julie Strain. He even appeared in a few films with her, such as "Return to Savage Beach".

The film's graphics are amazing. At times it looks like they're painted with oil colours, especially in the night scenes. It looks much better than the messy graphics in the animated Spider-Verse films.

What I don't like is the way the characters of the individual turtles aren't properly developed. They can only be told apart by their different coloured masks and their different weapons. Even the weapons aren't a help, because in the fight scenes everything's a blur and we can't see what weapons are being used. Are the turtles ever introduced by name? I don't think so, but their names are used as the film develops.

Maybe the story is too complicated. The turtles are hunting for a villain called Superfly, but at the same time they're being hunted by scientists who want to steal their powers by milking them. The film jumps from one plot to the other. This type of story works well in comics, but is it suitable for films? I'm not sure. My grandson Oliver didn't seem to have any problems following the film.

I need to watch the film again at least once to get a good impression. I'll write more about it next time, and I'll write less about my computer. It feels good to write my first post with my new computer. Okay, I'm still using the same keyboard, so it isn't a completely different experience. It just gives me a warm feeling in my stomach.

Perfume (5 Stars)

This is the latest film in the Best Of Cinema series. It's unique among the 24 films already shown or announced so far, as the only film that's less than 20 years old. Is that a mistake? Maybe it is, but it's a welcome mistake. It's a brilliant film, and it's already included in my top 100 film list. It's in 94th place at the moment, but I think it should be higher. I'll think it over next time I review my list.

Tonight I spoke with a few people in the cinema, and they'd all seen the film before. I've watched it four times since I started my blog, probably twice before. I wish I'd started my blog in 2003 when I first became a serious film fan. This is the first time I've seen it on the big screen.

One thing I didn't mention in my previous reviews is my shock at French executions in the 18th Century. Most countries used to hang criminals, and I thought that France used the guillotine, but not in this film. Is it historically accurate? The person is bound to a pillar and the executioner hits him with a hammer in eight places on his arms and legs, breaking his bones, after which he's left to die. Is it really necessary that the person should die in such pain, whatever he's done?

I expect to be writing less, if at all, for the next two weeks, because I'm going on holiday: one week in Borkum and one week in Karlsbad, on the northern tip of the Black Forest. I'll be looking after my grandchildren, so I doubt I'll have much time to write.

Success Rate:  + 0.3

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