Never Been Kissed (4 Stars)

This is the third film in my high school movie marathon. It's also one of the films that features a high school prom. Josie Geller, who's never been kissed, is the prom queen dancing with the prom king, Guy Perkins. Their lips are close, so can we expect a kiss? Not this time. She's 25, but he's only 17. That wouldn't be a problem in England, Germany or anywhere in the world apart from America. In America 17 is considered underage, which is so strange in my eyes. You can see that they both want to kiss as their bodies sway in time with the music. To be precise, they're swaying to "Erase/Rewind" by the Cardigans.

So what's a 25-year-old woman doing at a high school prom? Josie works for the Chicago Sun-Times as a copy editor. I've watched the film a few times, but today is the first time I've looked up what a copy editor is. According to Wikipedia, "Copy editing is the process of revising written material to improve readability and fitness, as well as ensuring that a text is free of grammatical and factual errors". To me that sounds like proofreading, but there's a subtle difference which was important in the pre-digital age of newspapers. Copy editing corrects what a person has written. Proof reading looks for errors after the text has been typeset. To explain it more clearly, a copy editor would correct spelling mistakes, whereas a proof-reader would notice mistyped words.

Josie is the perfect person for the job. She's precise and pedantic. When talking to her colleagues she corrects what they say. She can't turn herself off. It goes further than just words. She has to keep adjusting the sign on her door when it's not perfectly straight.

But Josie has never been kissed. It's understandable with her attitude. Kisses are wet and messy. She's waiting for the perfect moment with the perfect man. I hate to break the news to her, but there's no such thing as a perfect man.

Despite having the perfect job for her personality, Josie wants to climb up the corporate ladder by becoming a journalist. She's finally given an assignment. Her boss wants an investigative report on high schools, so Josie has to pretend she's 17 and enrol at South Glen South High School. That's a mouthful. It's a fictional school, so they could have come up with something snappier.

The investigation is about school in general, but it's only a few weeks before the prom, so that's what all the kids are talking about. Just one question though: do they really rate proms? Out of the 20,000 high schools in America, how does anyone know which has the best prom? Photos? Videos?

The year is 1999, so the prom's theme is the Millennium. Surprise, surprise, another local high school has already picked the theme, so they change it to "Famous couples through history".

Josie can get away with being a high school kid. She looks young. I could have got away with it as well. On my 23rd birthday I was waiting at Stuttgart train station for a friend. I got into a conversation with some men at a kiosk, and I told them it was my birthday. They didn't believe I was 23. They said I looked like I was 16. But that was a long time ago. Nobody thinks I'm 16 any more.

But what's Josie doing? In her real high school years she was an outsider, and she wants to fit in this time. But how can she fit in wearing clothes like that? She looks like a throwback to the 1950's.

This is more typical high school fashion. Jessica Alba looks disgusted. In England it wouldn't have been a problem. Everyone wears the same uniform. It's better that way. School shouldn't be used for a fashion show.

This is a slight improvement. Now she looks like a 1960's housewife.

But the teacher notices her. It's not just about Josie's looks. He's impressed by her knowledge of Shakespeare. The class is studying "As You Like It", a play that I've never read. I have the complete works of Shakespeare on my Kindle, so I have no excuse. Sam Coulson, the English teacher, is genuinely attracted to Josie, but she's off-limits because she's only 17.

Josie would take issue with the last paragraph. I learnt in school that no sentence should begin with the word "But". I agree, and when I right serious documents I keep to the rule, but not in my blog. I try to keep a colloquial style, and it's common to begin sentences with "But" when we talk. But Josie would criticise that as well. Oops, I did it again!

They meet by accident at a fairground, and they ride the Ferris Wheel together. Now she's finally clothed more naturally.

There's only one way Josie can become popular in school. Her older brother Rob also pretends to be 17 and enrols in her school. He's naturally popular, and by talking positively about Josie he swings the others in her favour. But does he look 17? Not really. I don't know how old Rob was supposed to be, but David Arquette was 28 when he appeared in the film, and he looks nothing like a teenager.

Riding the wave of popularity, she's invited to the prom by Guy Perkins, the boy that all the girls want. They're dressed as Orlando and Rosalind from "As You Like It".

Not everyone takes the prom theme so seriously. The school's Mean Girls look like Three Shades of Barbie. Where's Ken when you need him?

Fast forward to the spoilers. Josie's article is a success, and she finally gets kissed by Sam Coulson. That's not much of a spoiler, is it? Everyone knew they would get together in the end.

This was the first film made by James Franco. He only appears briefly, speaking a few lines, so it's easy to miss him. He isn't named in the film, but the credits list him as Jason. He's an actor I like a lot. His breakthrough was as Harry Osborn in "Spider-Man", three years later, but in my eyes he'll always be a B-Movie actor. That's what he does, and he's good at it.

Would I have kissed Josie? In school or at work? She's pretty, but she's not the first girl who would have attracted my attention.

Octavia Spencer is more my type. She was 29 when she made "Never Been Kissed", and she looks even more beautiful now. She's beautiful and she's talented. She's been nominated for three Academy Awards, of which she won one.

I've read that "Never Been Kissed" is considered a cult film. I'm in urgent need of finding the definition of cult film.

Success Rate:  + 1.4

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