Zombie Strippers (3 Stars)

This is my Halloween Challenge film #28. It's a curious film. It's a comedy that attempts to present zombies as sexy. That's such a ridiculous premise to me that I can't even laugh at it. Vampires are sexy. There's no doubt about it. But zombies?

The film begins with a scenario destined to make it sound dated within a few years of being made. It's all about George Bush facing a shortage of soldiers in his fourth term as president. In order to continue with dozens of simultaneous wars he's sponsored the development of a serum to make soldiers able to continue fighting after they're killed. One of the soldiers involved with the project escapes and runs into a strip club. He bites a stripper and she turns into a zombie.

This zombie continues her job as a stripper and becomes an instant hit with the all-male audience. Evidently the men are turned on by her dripping blood and gaping wounds. As I said, it's too ridiculous to be funny. The other strippers are jealous of the zombie's success, so they demand to become zombies as well. What??? One of the disadvantages of having zombies as strippers is that they kill men when they give them lapdances. But that doesn't matter. For every man who's killed another five walk in the door to see the hottest show in town.

This isn't a sexy film. It's not even scary, it's just disgusting. Not even Robert Englund's appearance as the strip club's owner can save the film from turning into a disaster.

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Strippers vs Werewolves (3 Stars)

This is my Halloween Challenge film #7. Despite giving it a lukewarm rating last time I watched it I thought I would watch it again, and this month's 31 film horror challenge is a good excuse. I haven't revised my judgement after the second viewing. On paper it looks like a good film. It features top British actors with a guest appearance by the wonderful Robert Englund, it has pretty girls, and it has werewolves. But something intangible is missing, and I can't say what it is.

Needless to say, the plot is cheesy and comical, but that's not the problem. That's what you would expect from a film like this. It's about gangland wars in the East End of London, and one gang just happens to be made up of werewolves. The film starts in Basildon in 1984. A popular strip club called Silva Dollaz is regularly visited by werewolves looking for a good time. The owner Jeanette (Sarah Douglas) doesn't like the way the patrons harass her girls, but she can't do anything to stop them coming, so she burns down her own club while the alpha wolf, Tapper (Robert Englund), is present. He somehow survives, but he's captured and put behind bars for life. A new werewolf called Jack (Billy Murray) steps up to take over the pack, but Tapper still gives advice from behind bars.

In 2011 Jeanette has a new strip club called Vixens. Tapper thinks Jeanette is dead, and Jack doesn't contradict him because he's secretly thankful to Jeanette for helping him become the new alpha. Jack can't keep the secret any longer when a young werewolf is accidentally killed while having a lap dance in Vixens.

Billy Murray probably isn't well known outside of England, because he plays mostly television roles. Despite being a werewolf in this film it's a typical role for him. He's always involved in the London crime scene, either as a police detective or as a gangster.

Sarah Douglas is one of those wonderful actresses who appears in many films but is never remembered because only her character stands out. When I name her roles people reply, "Oh, that was her as well?" That's one of the highest praises I can give an actor. Actors aren't supposed to promote themselves in films, they're supposed to give their characters life and credibility.

There's something about Robert Englund that sends a shiver down my spine every time I see him on screen. He has an imposing presence that comes from his training as a stage actor.

One problem with the film is that it promises something it doesn't deliver. The word "strippers" in the title suggests gratuitous nudity, but there's very little of it. In the first 15 minutes we see glimpses of naked breasts, but after that there's no nudity at all. That's not what we expect in a strip club.

There are vampires as well. They're the sexiest girls in the film. but unfortunately we only see them for a few minutes. That's a shame. If it had been a whole film with these two girls I would have given it five stars.

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Strippers vs Werewolves (3 Stars)

Scott and Lucy are a young couple who are keeping secrets from one another. Lucy hasn't told her boyfriend she's a stripper. Scott hasn't told his girlfriend he's a werewolf.

One day Lucy is dressed up as a sexy schoolgirl giving a private dance when the customer turns into a werewolf. Lucy does what comes naturally: she pokes her school pen into his eye with enough force to pierce his brain. Since it's made of silver it kills him. The local werewolf gang decides she has to die, which puts Scott in a difficult position. Eventually a full scale battle breaks out when the werewolves attack the strip club.

This British film has a lot of promise. It features outstanding actors like Billy Murray, Martin Kemp, Sarah Douglas and Robert Englund. I find it's spoilt by the chaotic film editing, especially in the first half of the film. We keep jumping from one scene to another and back for no apparent reason. Despite being set in a strip club there is only very occasional nudity. It could have been better.

Click here to view the trailer.