Smallville 2.02 - Heat

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This is the second episode of the second season of "Smallville", based on when it was filmed and broadcast, but effectively it's the first episode, based on the content. It's the first day of the new school year, and it takes place three months after the previous episode. Do American schools really have a three month summer break? In England it's usually eight weeks, and in Germany it's six weeks.

I've never been able to understand the American school system, but Smallville fan sites claimed that Clark and his classmates were 14 to 15 years old when the series started, so they must be 15 to 16 now. That must put Clark's class on a level with England's Year 10. That's the official name of the year, but when I was at school it was called the fifth form, because it was the fifth year of senior school. Some grammar schools still retain the old numbering, but most call it Year 10.

Chloe Sullivan has returned to Smallville after a three-month internship at the Daily Planet in Metropolis. Clark welcomes her back, struggling to maintain eye contact. He'd forgotten about her all summer, probably because he was spending every night watching Lana through his telescope.

Chloe and Lana are both beautiful girls. Either of them would have distracted me from my lessons in school, especially when I was 15 and my hormones were in overdrive. I can't give an honest opinion on which one I prefer. Clark is fixated on Lana and has been watching her for years, but he also feels attracted to Chloe. It's a hard life for a teenage boy, with or without superpowers. Adding to the confusion, there's a heatwave in Smallville. Everyone is hot and sweaty.

As Michael Rosenbaum and Tom Welling are fast to point out, it wasn't really so hot when they were filming. The actors were sprayed with water bottles before the cameras rolled.

As if it couldn't get any hotter, there's a new teacher called Desiree Atkins. When she walks into the room in an almost see-through dress, the boys go crazy.

She's presenting a film on sex education to the class. When she bends over to pull down the screen the boys get such a good view that they almost fall from their seats.

Look at Pete Ross and Clark Kent. They can't stop staring. Is Clark losing his balance? Or is he shifting to make his head lower so that he can see more? Pete's head is at a better level to see what Desiree has to offer.

There are many sexual fantasies in the world today. Some people freely admit them, while others are ashamed and deny them. Schoolroom fantasies are among the most common, because everyone has been to school. The fantasies either revolve around sexy schoolgirls tempting the teachers or sexy teachers exciting the schoolboys. Both types of fantasy are considered wrong, because playing them out to their logical conclusion would be illegal. It's the guilt connected to these fantasies that makes them so exciting.

I only had one female teacher in my school, and she was nowhere near as sexually provocative as Desiree Atkins, played by Krista Allen. It's not just her clothing and provocative poses. Her full lips are also alluring.

Desiree stands at the back of the class while the children have to sit watching lions and other wild animals copulating on the screen. It's all very nice, but Clark keeps turning round to look at the teacher. Only Clark? I'm surprised every boy in the class wasn't looking back at her.

Desiree looks back at Clark sternly and gestures for him to look back at the screen, but it's obvious that she's enjoying his attention. When a woman dresses so skimpily, she wants to be looked at.

Then something unexpected happens. Clark feels dizzy, and invisible heat beams shoot from his eyes. Luckily he was facing forwards when it happened. The heat beams hit the screen in several places and set it on fire. The class runs out of the room in panic, except for Clark, who remains to put out the fire.

The sexual innuendo is laid on heavy in this scene, as Michael Rosenbaum points out in the podcast. Screenshots alone can't do it justice. The heat beams fire in bursts, and the melting screen looks like it's covered with sticky globs. It's a surprisingly provocative scene for a respectable television series in the early 2000's. Maybe the director James Marshall could have denied it, saying "It's all in your mind".

Shock follows shock. When Clark leaves the school building to let the fire brigade take over, Lex Luthor arrives and rushes to Desiree to check she hasn't been harmed. He tells Clark that she's his new fiancée. It was a whirlwind romance. He met her on two-week business trip, and he's planning to marry her in two days time. Lex asks Clark to be his best man.

Back at the Luthor Mansion, Lex is about to sign a prenuptial agreement written by his father. Desiree kisses him, and we see a purple mist passing between their lips. He tears up the contract.

Yes, this means that Desiree is the freak-of-the-week. Her back story unfolds slowly in the episode, but I'll reveal it all here. She was in the back of a truck in Smallville on the day of the meteor shower, making out with her boyfriend. The meteor rocks gave her the power to generate large amounts of pheromones, making any man fall under her control in a combination of love and lust. Cynics claim they're both the same. Maybe for some men it is. It's a maturity thing. I can say from my own experience that when I was 16, whenever a girl excited me I thought I was in love.

It's a fairy tale wedding. There's so much happening in this episode that there's no time to show Clark's speech. That would have interested me.

After the wedding reception, Clark visits Lana in the Talon to film a video message for Whitney. He's having a tough time after his basic training and being shipped out. While talking to Lana, Clark feels dizzy and his heat rays fire again, destroying the espresso machine.

Clark tells his parents about his problems setting things on fire. His father quickly recognises that it's connected with his sexual development. It's time for one of those awkward conversations that parents have with their teenage children about the birds and the bees. "When a man and a woman love each other, the man gets excited and fires heat beams that set everything on fire". Jonathan Kent takes Clark into the field and tells him to practise firing his heat beams at will. The logic is that if he can fire the beams whenever he wants to, he'll be able to stop himself firing the beams when he doesn't want to. Smart thinking. In Marvel comics, the Human Torch says "Flame On!" whenever he wants to turn into flame. When Clark fires his heat rays he says "Lana!"

In the evening Clark sets up candles in the barn and practises setting them on fire. That's a lot of Lana's that he has to say. Desiree arrives in a sexy red dress. She confesses to him that she likes younger men. What! She only married Lex Luthor yesterday. Maybe she wore him out on the wedding night, so she needs to find action elsewhere.

Desiree pushes Clark back onto a chair and places her hands on his legs, dangerously close to his crotch.

She's moving her hands closer. Clark is terrified. Will he start shooting heat rays again.

And closer still. How did Tom Welling handle her touch? Maybe he was no longer a teenager in real life, but it must have driven him out of his mind. Desiree doesn't need pheromone powers, she can take control of any man by touching him in the right places.

But somehow Clark resists. Even a pheromone-laden kiss doesn't bring him to his knees. He pushes her away.

No woman likes to be turned down. Desiree leaves the barn, but she plots a three-fold revenge. First, she tells Lex that Clark was trying to seduce her. How does she explain why she was in Clark's barn? She doesn't. Lex is totally in her power, so he believes everything she says.

Second, she persuades Lex to stop running the Talon with Lana. She knows that Lana is Clark's friend and this will hurt him.

Third, she sets her car on fire and tells the police that she saw Clark do it. After the two recent incidents where he was present, the police are fast to believe her. Clark is arrested.

Clark escapes by starting a fire at the police station. The sheriff lets him out of the cell for his own safety. As soon as he turns his back, Clark super speeds away.

Meanwhile, Jonathan Kent visits Luthor Mansion to tell Desiree he knows she's lying about Clark. He finds her swimming topless in the pool. He tells her to cover herself up while he's talking to her. Strangely, she agrees. This is totally out of character for her.

She wraps a towel around herself, but she still has power over Jonathan. She kisses him, filling him with her pheromones, and he promises to do whatever she asks.

A short time later, Desiree is at Luthor Mansion. Lex has just written a Will leaving everything to Desiree in the event of his death. So much for the prenuptial agreement.

There's a knock at the door. In walks Jonathan Kent with a rifle. He wants to shoot Lex Luthor. He doesn't have a reason, except that it's what Desiree wants. Clark arrives at the Mansion just in time. Jonathan fires the rifle, and Clark burns it in mid flight with his heat ray. Jonathan wants to shoot again, so Clark has to knock him over. Desiree sets Lex's shirt on fire, so Clark smothers him with a curtain to put the fire out. A quick call to the police and Desiree is arrested.

The End?

Almost.

Clark visits the Talon to speak to Lana. After he leaves, she records a video message to Whitney, in which she breaks up with him. Okay, I know she's only 15 and doesn't know better, but this is very cruel. He's written to her telling her he's having a bad time, so her response is to dump him. That would make any man cry, whether he's a teenager or older. She's broken up with him at the worst possible time.

Now to the podcast itself. I was surprised to hear that Michael Rosenbaum doesn't like the episode. Based on his rose'n'bomb rating, he thinks it's the worst episode so far. I'm not just surprised, I'm shocked. I find it an excellent episode that fits into Clark's development. It showcases a new superpower, and it also shows that despite his alien background Clark is a teenager with the typical problems of developing sexuality. I can fully relate to the way I felt when I was 15. That's what made "Smallville" so popular. It's about Clark Kent, but we don't see him as Superman, we don't even see him as Superboy, we just see him as a boy.

Maybe there are a few minor faults. For instance, at the end of the episode Desiree is arrested, but this can't possibly be the end. Someone with her powers could escape as soon as a policeman or prison guard comes anywhere near her. It can't be the end of her story.

I know Michael doesn't like me saying it, but he's shitting on the show again. In contrast, Tom Welling gives the episode an above average rating, which is fair.

Michael complained that he filmed a sex scene for the episode which was deleted. One of the callers told him that this scene is available as an extra on the Blu-ray. This shocked Michael. He thought the scene had been lost on the cutting floor. He said that he doesn't want to watch the scene, and he hopes nobody will post it online.

I shan't post the scene, but here's a screenshot. Lex and Desiree are lying on the floor. He runs an ice cube over her body. then lets it drip into her mouth as it melts, before he starts to kiss her. I'm sure every podcast viewer who owns the Blu-ray has already checked it out. I watch all the deleted scenes before I listen to the podcast anyway, so this was no exception. Michael ought to watch it. It might make him rethink his rating.

Michael spontaneously phoned Krista Allen. He called her at the beginning of the podcast, and she didn't answer. Then he tried again near the end, and she replied. She said it was the first time he'd called her for years, and after two attempts she thought he was ringing her to tell her someone had died. The things people think.

Krista has no trouble remembering the episode, unlike Tom and Michael, who only have vague memories of most episodes (so far). Maybe it's because they made more than 200 episodes, so over time the memories have blurred. This was Krista's only "Smallville" episode, so it stands out.

The spontaneous phone call led to a lively seven-minute conversation. Amusingly, Michael asked how his kisses compared with George Clooney's kisses. Krista Allen dated George Clooney from 2002 to 2004. Krista replied that Lex's kisses were much better. Michael thought she was only trying to flatter him, but I think I can understand it. Just because you're a big star, it doesn't mean you know how to kiss. I consider myself an expert at kissing, and I'm more than willing to prove it to any girl who's reading this blog. I always judge the girls that I kiss, although I've never been rude enough to tell any of them to their face. The main mistakes that girls make are either to kiss too briefly or too aggressively. By aggressively, I mean immediately shoving their tongue into my mouth. A good kiss takes time. It begins slowly, gently, the tongues not meeting at first, and then playing with one another. The most important thing to remember is that kissing isn't just a matter of the lips and tongue. A good kiss is accompanied by caressing and stroking. A good kiss uses my whole body. I've had good lovers who were bad kissers. I've had bad lovers who were good kissers.

Thank you once more to Michael, Tom and Ryan for a great podcast, even if Michael's low rating annoyed me.

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