As you can see if you compare this post with my last two reviews of "Hansel
and Gretel Witch Hunters", my ratings aren't always consistent. I change my
mind. It often depends on my mood when I watch a film. If I think a film is
absolutely brilliant the first time I see it, it will always get a five star
rating, however many times I watch it. On the other hand, if a film is merely
good to average, my rating can oscillate between three and four stars. Three
stars is the lowest rating I've given to the film so far.
I'll always remember this film as the beginning of a new period in my life. It
was the first film that I went to see with the Birmingham Film Group on 27th
February 2013. Until then I'd watched films almost exclusively at home. My
daughter Fiona, who still lived with me at the time, suggested that I look
online for a film group in Birmingham. She was worried that I was becoming a
hermit. It was one of the best suggestions that she ever made to me. I finally
developed a social life.
At the film group I met Mike McAuley, the group's leader. Over the next months
we became close friends. I'd go as far as to say he was one of my best
friends. A year later I became a co-host in the film group. We made it a
routine that I hosted one film a week (usually on Wednesday) and Mike hosted
one film a week (usually on Sunday). In addition, he frequently hosted social
meetings on Saturdays, which I always attended. It was usual for Mike and I to
be the last ones to leave.
Mike was disappointed when I said I was moving to Germany in 2016. He tried to
talk me out of it, for several reasons. Firstly, he thought that the film
group would suffer without my help. Secondly, he would miss me as a friend. I
wasn't his best friend, but those that he considered his best friends all
lived in different parts of the country. A possible third reason, which he
didn't state directly, was that he felt that I was betraying my country by
leaving. Maybe I'm wrong about this, because I'm basing this opinion on
remarks he made while he was drunk.
Time went by. Four years. I stayed in touch with Mike, speaking with him
regularly on Facebook, and I visited him whenever I was in England. In Germany
I formed a new film group in Stuttgart. Then the Coronavirus lockdowns
started. Mike organised online meetups for social purposes or to watch films,
so I was an active participant in his group once more. Then something strange
happened. Mike started to send me rude messages on Facebook, usually late at
night. I shrugged them off, because I assumed he'd been drinking. Then the
following conversation took place on my timeline:
As you can see, I was being polite and understanding with him, but he was
totally crazy. In the following conversation my friends jumped to my defence.
They confirmed that I'd never said I wanted Boris Johnson to die. My friends
all know that I'm a strong supporter of Boris Johnson. I consider him to be
the best prime minister the UK has had in the last 30 years.
At first I thought Mike McAuley had made a mistake. However, the matter
escalated further. He began to spread lies about me on his Facebook timeline.
He unfriended me to stop me reading what he was writing, but my friends sent
me screenshots of the conversations. For instance:
Secondly, who is Phil Murtagh? I don't know him, and he's certainly never been
on my Facebook friends list. How can someone who doesn't know me call me
racist or bigoted? It's possible he's confused me with another Mike.
Thirdly, Andy Pettitt (who is Mike's best friend) says I've been warned
repeatedly. What's he talking about? When was I ever warned about wanting Boris
Johnson or any other politician to die? Andy
was one of my Facebook friends, so I sent him a message asking him about it.
Instead of replying, he unfriended me immediately. I can understand him taking
Mike's side as his best friend, but I'm disappointed that he didn't have the
moral integrity to look into the matter and find out what Mike was talking
about.
So what's it all about? It's not about Boris Johnson or racism. The problem
must lie elsewhere. I think it had to do with my recent appearances in the
online meetups. I talked with the people, mostly new members who hadn't been
in the group in 2016, and they liked me. This bothered Mike. To explain this I
need to go back to 2013.
On one of our first meetings Mike McAuley boasted to me that he'd had sex with
300 women. I was impressed, but when he left the room one of the other group
members said,
"It's not true. That's what he tells everyone to make himself sound
special". In the following years I realised it was something he often repeated, so I
just smiled and nodded, winking at anyone else who was listening.
When I became a co-host of the film group, many people who only visited during
the week met me first and considered me the group's leader. Eventually they
met Mike, and I told them he was Big Mike, I was only Little Mike. But they
still confided in me. One of the members, Elisha, complained to me that Mike
had been sexually harassing her by text. I told her that he often
misbehaves when he's drunk, but she wasn't happy with my excuse
and left the group. A few months later it happened again. Emma, a very good
friend of mine, complained that Mike had been sexually harassing her. Once
more I told her that he was drunk, but she said that the text messages came
early in the day, so he couldn't have been drunk. Emma broke off her
friendship with me because I was defending Mike. After I left England in 2016
my daughter Fiona joined the group, and the same happened with her. Mike was
sending her sexual messages less than a week before his wedding. This time I
spoke to Mike, and he denied it. Fiona sent me screenshots to prove it was
true. She also left the film group.
Mike knew by now that women were telling me about him. He'd wanted me to
remain in England for the sake of his group, but now that I was gone he wanted me to stay away. I
wouldn't have made a connection, but after the initial arguments with Mike in
Facebook another two women came forward and told me Mike had sexually harassed
them. One of them, Anne, had left the group immediately. The other has
remained in the group, and she's asked me not to name her. Anne thinks that
Mike only harasses women to make up for his inadequacy at hardly ever having
had sex.
I think it's sad that things have turned out like this. For seven years Mike
McAuley was one of my best friends. Now he's decided to spread lies about me.
This post tells the truth, for anyone who's willing to listen. Despite
everything, I don't bear a grudge. If Mike apologises to me in public,
everything will be forgiven.
Success Rate: + 2.5
|
Order from Amazon.com |
| Order from Amazon.co.uk | |
| Order from Amazon.de |
I want to comment anonymously. I hope that's alright. I'm friends with you and Mike both so I don't want to take sides.
ReplyDeleteI don't think Mike is as bad as you say. He has a problem with alcohol and sometimes he starts shouting at people but when he's sober he's okay. He needs help getting his drink under control. I think he was only angry with you because he was drunk.
Everyone knows that you never said you wanted Boris to die. I read all your Facebook posts. I know you like him. I don't. I talked to Mike about you a few days after the argument. He told me that you've been posting bad things on Facebook for years but saying you want Boris to die of Coronavirus was the last straw. I asked what the bad things were and he couldn't say anything. He told me to read for myself. I haven't seen him often since then because of the Covid pandemic. I talked with some other people in the group. The old members who know you all say you're a good man. The new members don't know what to think because we say the opposite to Mike.
You were a good host. I went to a lot of your Wednesday film meetups. You were always friendly to everyone especially the newbies. Mike was different. He was loud and inappropriate in the pub after the Sunday meetups. He got worse after Becca left him. She probably couldn't put up with his drinking.
I remember that you and Mike were good friends. You hugged each other a lot and you walked with him to the bus when he was drunk. I think you should forgive him. It's all a big misunderstanding. Go visit him next time you're in Brum.
Anonymous comments are fine with me, but I admit that I'm curious who you are. You can send me a private message on Facebook to tell me who you are. I won't name you if you don't want to be named.
DeleteThanks for sticking up for me. I disagree that the argument started because of alcohol. When he first started I thought it was a mistake, but when it continued it was obvious that it was pure malice. He wanted to turn people against me, so he invented the first lie that came into his head. It was a bad lie, as far as credibility goes, because everyone knows I support Boris Johnson. He should have said that I wanted Jeremy Corbyn to die, because people might have believed it. (Don't quote me wrong, I've never said that I want Jeremy Corbyn to die, I'm just saying that it would be a more credible lie because everyone knows I don't like Jeremy Corbyn).
After he made the claims about me I scrolled back a few months in my timeline to see if there were anything that could possibly be misconstrued the way he said. Nothing came close. I found the post in which I reported Thomas Kuzilla had died, but that was before Boris Johnson caught Coronavirus, and I didn't post anything about Boris on the same day. He also claimed that both posts were in colour to gain attention. The post about Thomas wasn't in colour. Facebook only allows short texts to be in colour, and that text was too long. A purple background for texts is the default for posts made from my mobile phone, but if the text is too long it flips back to a plain background. Mike is lying, plain and simple.
Not all of the old group members think Mike is lying. Mike's two best friends, Andy Pettitt and Matthew Khong, unfriended me shortly after the argument. That's understandable. They're his friends, and they were too lazy to scroll back and check my posts, so they believed him.
I don't remember Mike shouting when he was drunk. He just rolled around and sometimes fell asleep in pubs. One time Rose wrote "Property of Rose" on his forehead while he was asleep on a bench. But as for the shouting, maybe he really did get worse after Becca left him. I was already in Germany when that happened.
Incidentally, we had another argument about Facebook posts two years ago. He claimed I'd made bad remarks about rape survivors. Once more, he couldn't provide proof, but he told me what he thought I'd said. It confused me, because the statements were the opposite of my beliefs on the subject. Then I found a conversation I'd had with Cath West on the subject. I assume you know her. Mike had got it mixed up. It was actually Cath who'd said the things he accused me of, and I contradicted her. I sent him a link to Cath's post, and he didn't mention it again. He didn't apologise either, he just dropped the subject.
I can't forgive Mike unconditionally. If it had been a private conversation I could forgive him, but he lied about me in public. First he did this on my timeline, as quoted above. Then he continued the lies on his own timeline. Some of my friends in the film group sent me messages telling me he was continuing to slander me in meetups. First Mike needs to admit to everyone that he was telling lies about me. After that I can forgive him, and we can be friends again.
I only just saw your reply. I don't want to say who I am. You know me. We've been at dozens of meetups together.
DeleteI don't know Cath West. I know you would never say anything bad about women being raped. Mike must be stupid to think that. What did Cath say?
Everyone who knows you thinks you're a good man. You have a lot of friends in Birmingham. If you come back you can call a meeting and everyone will support you.
I hope everything is going well for you in Germany.
There's a box that says "Notify me" below the comments. If you tick that, you'll get an email whenever anyone replies to your comments.
DeleteThere was a news report, I forget which website, about young women being raped after going out at night. The accompanying picture showed women in short skirts. Cath said that it's their own fault they're raped if they dress so provocatively. I contradicted her. I said that rapists are insecure, so they're more likely to rape women who look insecure and dress modestly. Something like that.
Germany's fine, apart from the vaccine shortage. I can't guarantee that I'll be vaccinated this year.
Mike accused me of saying that women deserve to be raped if they dress sexily. That's the exact opposite of what I said. I sent him a screenshot of the conversation, and he never mentioned it again.
DeleteMike Macauley is a pig! You should be ashamed of yourself for sticking up for him! He should be struck off Meetup for the way he sexually harrassed me!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. In retrospect I realise that I was wrong to protect him. He was my friend, so I wanted to help him. Please forgive me. I know now that I made a mistake.
DeleteDefending a sexual predator makes you just as bad as he is. You disgust me!
DeleteWho are you?
DeleteYou know exactly who I am!
DeleteActually, no, I don't. Please tell me. There were four girls who complained to be about being harassed. Which one are you? I want to talk to you so that we can be friends again.
DeleteI deleted your reply because I don't want bad language to be used on my blog. I want to talk to you, but we won't get anywhere if you just insult me. I know I did wrong. I deeply regret it. Just tell me who you are, and we can patch things up like sensible adults.
DeleteAlthough I don't know these situations in detail, I know that All bigger social groups run the risk of misinformation, cancel culture, confusing mental health crises, lies and vindication. It's extremely frustrating and happened to me on several occasions too (with some groups but not others). I got scammed, blamed, robbed, talked about falsely behind my back, and much more. Different versions of the truth, some of them exaggerated and false can suddenly inflate. We can't hope to change the ways other people act. Luckily there are always new opportunities and new/existing friends who do not buy into the defamations and shrill false accusations. It hurts and stings to be targeted, but such childish people do not deserve your time and consideration anymore, regardless of how close they used to be to you. Even the closest friendships can have a natural expiry date in our lifeline. It's the universe telling us that we are eventually better off without. Fighting the flow of the current causes us to drown. If people want to believe lies, best to let them (although defending yourself is perfectly justified). People anonymously calling you a pig and disgusting just for not being even more harsh towards someone else is absolutely ludicrous, although deep emotional turmoil and victimhood can do that. People feel that the world only exists inside their own minds and others should act accordingly (and to mind-read them even when they don't bother sharing their names). It shows the absolute worst sides of anonymity. It's like a black comedy. Could make a good Alice Lowe film.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the thoughts, Nick. Inside of me I know that I should just stand above the matter. I should say that I'm better than Mike McAuley and shrug off his insults. The trouble is my pride. I often say of myself, "My biggest virtue is my honesty, and my biggest fault is that I'm proud of my honesty". What I mean is, it's not enough for me to be honest, I need people to know I'm honest.
DeleteIn the case of Mike McAuley's lies, the feedback I received from my friends was that everyone believed me, with the exception of Andy Pettitt. He was a good friend that I often talked to on Facebook, so I don't understand him taking Mike's side. Andy probably read all my posts, so he knows that I never said I wanted Boris to die of Coronavirus.
Incidentally, I no longer support Boris. In 2020 I stood behind him, but I changed my mind after it became clear he's a liar. Partygate and all that.
One thing that stops me moving on is that Mike McAuley and I still have mutual friends. To name just one, Rose Wright is his friend. These mutual friends make Facebook posts saying "I was at a meetup with Mike McAuley", etc. I can't forget him.
I have two friends in the Birmingham film meetup who've promised to keep me informed if Mike says anything about me. The last time was in January 2022. There was a meetup in Solihull. Mike was talking to a newbie, telling him he's a good host who looks after the group members. Then he added that there used to be a host who made racist remarks at the meetups and made people feel uncomfortable, so he kicked him out of the group. My friend asked if he meant me, and Mike said Yes. This is interesting. It means that Mike is making up new lies about me as time goes by.
Hi mike. We met recently including you meeting my partner for the first time. Hope you enjoyed english coffee while you had the chance.Ive just read most of this long review in the dead of night but i do like the nighttime.
ReplyDeleteI can only comment on one of the named parties ..probably my last meeting with her..and how she did play down the harrasment. She almost made it out he was not interesting her by complaining about his then partner. But i had no clue of the full details and wasnt that bothered about showing any opinion. The girl in question was someone who was well educated and i can say i missed her attending but her own sense of being safe and comfortable was totally her perogative as well.
Someone anonymous and..ahem..acquainted with MM.. has posted and we can assume that woman is genuine ..that is very telling. A shame they want to equate you to that level though. I could elaborate more but i when you have a whole number of sensitive issues, which you have already covered so measuredly in person with me.. i would rather just keep those thoughts in my stack of cards. Regardless you have always been the wise owl of meetup based on all the meetings i have had over the years, and guilt by association is not rational or fair generally speaking.
*
For what its worth i never rated boris as a politician but he is a 'compelling' public figure. Maybe ok as mayor but thats it. He is due to be on a secondary tv channel for news and current affairs. Lucky us.
Thank you for your comment. I know who you are, but I shan't name you if you prefer to remain anonymous.
DeleteI'm almost certain I know who the anonymous woman was, by a process of elimination. Of the women who Michael McAuley harassed, there's only one with whom I no longer have any contact. It has to be her.
The four woman I named in my post (plus one who's asked not no be named) are just the tip of the iceberg. Over the years Michael must have sexually harassed many other women that I don't know about. One of the other anonymous commenters suggested that Becca left him because of his drinking. I doubt it. It's more likely she left him because she knew he was constantly chasing other women.
Hi again. Well your reply does open up even more things to mull over. But i havent been doing birmingham meetups for over 6 years. I tried closer to home more recently and found just how bad lies can bite someone in the backside
DeleteSo i have been in your shoes to a degree.
Regardless, I saw many great films in your group and met many fun people. Conversation was often easier thanks to a mutual love of film.
I will add that you may yourself recall i didn't date anyone from meetup... however it isnt quite that simple, and amusingly one example of flirting with getting to know someone better was straight after i had a clash where michael didnt like my smart alec attitude. He looked that close to showing his kung fu fighting skills, and i remember asian food that same day. But instead he stormed off. Most remaining members just shrugged. I was a little embarassed deep down. But then it was my birthday that same weekend.
Interestingly the next time i met with MM was when we did a mini pub crawl. I never drank the most but definitely was not teetotal. One other member could flirt for england and was always a hit with the men in the group. But deep down i suspect she just felt a little underappreciated by her boyfriend. After she left, MM seemed to be chiding me for not going for it.. and i presume he meant the attractive girl who had been gripping my hands on a slightly unkempt/soaked pub table moments earlier. But then i often was friendly with girls at meetup. So i dont know what exactly he meant, and even whether he had heard any feedback from others,or just felt like getting me to be less platonic.
He was very morose, in that same chat with our drinks to hand, about how sex was a law of diminishing returns but still essential to people's lives. I had read one of his books which may or may not have been about his own personal life. It seemed a little pessimistic in its own right.
I was left quite confused by the night's events. But at least i knew i enjoyed Game of Thrones like the aforementioned woman who would bring up her boyfriend every other sentence. Hopefully she didnt mind the shaky end seasons.
He's a pig, honestly. Can't believe I tolerated him for so long, though I think I did it because I thought I'd be lonely without the meet up group. Because there were some really good people in that group.
ReplyDeleteWish I'd have left after you moved to Germany honestly. Would have made life easier.
You probably don't have a clue who I am and honestly that's fine.
Just, if any women still in the group see this, don't spend time alone with him, especially if he's been drinking. Won't end well.
Thanks for leaving your comment. It makes me glad that I took the trouble to make this post in the first place. It shows you that you're not alone. I only know the names of five women that he's sexually harassed, but there must be many more who have never spoken to anyone about it.
DeleteThe guy has narcissitic personality disorder. He is a predator who forces his unwanted advances on women, even when they have rejected him. He was messaging other women inappropriately when he was married so his wife must have realised and ended the marriage. He blames his issues on everyone else when he causes those issues. His friends always stand by him even though he has wronged others - they are either afraid of him or lack the intelligence to work out he has a personality disorder.
ReplyDeleteI never really thought of him as narcissistic, but you're probably right. He's always telling meetup visitors, especially newbies, what a good host he is. I confess that I fell under his spell as well. I knew he was sexually harassing women, but I ignored it and made excuses for him. I regret it now. When he first started telling lies about me three years ago, my biggest wish was that he would apologise and we could get back together. Now I've seen the light, and I'm glad that I'm free of his influence.
Delete