X-Men: The Last Stand (4½ Stars)

"X-Men: The Last Stand" is the third film in the original X-Men trilogy. It's a very good film, but it suffers from what I call "telescoping". Comic book stories develop over years, while films have to squeeze the important events into a couple of hours. As a result, things that happened years apart in the comics can take place within days on screen.

That's particularly damaging here because the film combines two of the X-Men's most important stories, the Phoenix Saga and the Dark Phoenix Saga. In the comics Jean Grey returned from apparent death as Phoenix, but it wasn't until years later that Mastermind manipulated her and unleashed Dark Phoenix. In the film Jean returns and almost immediately becomes a destructive force. Phoenix is also presented as a power that has always existed within Jean, rather than a cosmic force. It's an effective story in its own right, but it loses much of the tragedy and gradual development that made the Dark Phoenix Saga so memorable.

At the same time, a second story concerns a "cure" for mutation, created from the powers of a young mutant who can temporarily suppress the abilities of other mutants. Magneto sees the cure as an attack on mutantkind and gathers an army to destroy it. It's a strong plot, but putting it alongside Dark Phoenix means that neither storyline gets as much room as it deserves.

The film also takes the surprising step of killing three of its central characters. Scott Summers dies early in the film, Jean Grey dies at the end and Professor Xavier is apparently killed by Jean. Xavier gets a reprieve after the credits. Earlier in the film he discusses the possibility of transferring the mind of a dying person into the body of someone with no higher brain functions. The final scene reveals that he has done exactly that, transferring his consciousness into another body.

So I have the same basic problem with "X-Men: The Last Stand" that I had when I last watched it. As an adaptation of the Dark Phoenix Saga it's disappointing. As a film, however, it's very good. Maybe the biggest mistake wasn't the way the story was told, but trying to tell so much of it at once.

Stan Lee makes one of his usual cameos at the beginning of the film. He appears as one of Jean Grey's neighbours, watering his garden as the water rises into the air.

There's a second cameo by Chris Claremont, playing another neighbour whose lawnmower starts floating. Lee co-created the X-Men with Jack Kirby, while Claremont wrote the original Dark Phoenix Saga. If anyone had earned the right to look puzzled by what the film was doing with Jean Grey, it was Chris Claremont.

Success Rate:  + 0.2

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X-Men 2 (4½ Stars)

"X-Men 2", commonly called "X2", is often regarded as one of the finest superhero films of the early 2000's, and it's easy to see why. Bryan Singer expands the scale of the original film with more action, stronger character development and a compelling story involving Colonel William Stryker's plan to wipe out the world's mutants. The action scenes are exciting, the special effects still hold up well and Hugh Jackman once again steals the show as Wolverine.

My biggest criticism of the X-Men films is one that applies to the entire series rather than this film alone. Instead of adapting the comics as they developed over the decades, the filmmakers created a pick-and-mix version of the team. Heroes from the 1960's, 1970's and 1980's are thrown together because they happened to be popular when the films were made. The original X-Men line-up of Cyclops, Marvel Girl, Beast, Iceman and Angel, created by Stan Lee, was discarded in favour of a roster that never existed in the comics. As someone who loves the classic stories, I find the disrespect for the source material disappointing.

Fortunately, "X-Men 2" succeeds on its own merits. The relationships between the characters are convincing, the pacing is excellent and the film balances spectacle with quieter moments surprisingly well. It may not be the X-Men story I wanted as a long-time comic reader, but taken as a superhero film it's an entertaining and well-crafted sequel.

Success Rate:  + 1.7

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The Faculty (4 Stars)

This is a film I haven't watched for a long time. I remember renting it from Lovefilm when I lived in Mansel Road, so it must have been 2008 or earlier. Lovefilm was a company which allowed DVDs to be rented by mail. There was no rental period, I could keep a DVD as long as I wanted, but I was only allowed to have three DVDs at a time, so it was in my own interest to watch and return as quickly as possible to get the next film. As it was, I used to make a copy of any films I liked. I made a copy of "The Faculty", which I still have today, but I never watched the copy. Silly me. Lovefilm was bought by Amazon in 2008 and continued its rental business for a few years.

My memories of the film were vague before finally watching it again today. I remembered that it was written by Kevin Williamson, but I'd forgotten that it was directed by Robert Rodriguez.

The film takes place in a small town in Ohio, mostly in Herrington High School. A small creature is found which on the sports field that the Biology teacher can't identify. At first he thinks it's dead, but when he drops it into an aquarium it revives and starts to swim. It even duplicates itself.

That's just the start. The creature is a symbiotic parasite. It enters the body of its victims and takes control. It's not just a random occurrence. The creatures want to take over the whole world, starting with the teachers, then the students, then the rest of the town. It's never explained where the parasites come from. Only six students resist the invasion. They have a secret weapon. The high school student Zeke is a drug dealer, selling powder that he makes in his home laboratory. This powder kills the parasites. So the main hero is a drug dealer?

My close friends already know my taste in girls. If I were in school, would I have dated the beautiful cheerleader played by Jordana Brewster?

No way! I would have preferred Stokeley, the goth girl played by Clea DuVall. She's an outsider. Everyone assumes she's a lesbian, but I wouldn't have been put off by the rumours. I would have tried my hardest to date her. I've always had a weakness for goth girls, even though there's nothing goth about me. It's the black clothing and the moody looks that attract me. The only thing I don't like about goth girls is their piercings, but Stokeley was metal free. As girls should be. One of my slogans is "A girl should never have metal in any place that I want to kiss, lick or suck".

The film isn't perfect. I never thought I'd say this, but it could have been improved by adding jump scares. Also, the effect the parasites have on their victims is inconsistent. Some people become rigid and have a weird stare, whereas others act normally and blend in with their friends.

I wish film makers would pay attention to details. Look at the front page of the school newspaper, the Hornet Weekly. You can click the picture to enlarge it. The first paragraph is a summary of the characters, a reasonable article apart from misspelling "whose". But then the text is repeated in the second paragraph. That's sloppy.

Success Rate:  + 2.2

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Boy Kills World (unrated)

This is the tenth film in the Stuttgart Nights Festival.

It's not often that I decide not to rate a film. There's a lot in "Boy Kills World" that annoys me, but there's also a lot that I like. If I'd just averaged the film out with a three star rating, it wouldn't have accurately expressed my feelings.

The whole film has a post-apocalyptic feeling to it. It takes place in an American city that's controlled by Hilda Vanderkloy. Once a year she holds a ceremony called the Culling, in which she publicly executes anyone who opposes her rule. Bill Skarsgard plays an unnamed young man whose family was killed in a culling ceremony. He's been training all his life so that he can kill Hilda.

What I like about the film is the incredible fight scenes. They're a joy to behold. What I don't like is the film's post-apocalyptic premise and the stupid look on Bill's face. It's annoying. There are other things that annoy me which I can't reveal without giving away spoilers. Nevertheless, I'll watch the film again when I get the chance. Maybe I'll rate it next time.

X-Men (4½ Stars)

After Stan Lee's death I rewatched all of the Marvel films in which he appears, from "Spider-Man" to "Captain Marvel". For reasons unknown to me I omitted the X-Men films. I'll make up for it now.

Chronologically, "X-Men" was his first cameo. It was also his most subtle cameo. He appears without speaking for about ten seconds as a hot dog vendor on the beach. Of all his cameos, this is the easiest to miss. As the films progressed, his cameo roles became bigger and more prominent.

One criticism I have is that the film seems to have been made for comic book fans. What I mean is, many characters are barely introduced. I have a question to my readers. Are you someone who had never read the X-Men comics? If so, did you understand the film?

Success Rate:  + 2.0

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Wolverine (4½ Stars)

Disney Wednesday #16

The official name of this film is "The Wolverine", but most fans call it "Wolverine 2", without an article. I call it "Wolverine" as a compromise. It's  the second Wolverine film, following "X-Men Origins: Wolverine", but whether or not it's a sequel is a matter of debate.

My last review, six years ago, was very short because I was suffering from writer's block. This review is also short, but for a different reason: I'm short of time while I'm on holiday. That's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it!

Success Rate:  + 4.1

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Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters (3 Stars)

As you can see if you compare this post with my last two reviews of "Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters", my ratings aren't always consistent. I change my mind. It often depends on my mood when I watch a film. If I think a film is absolutely brilliant the first time I see it, it will always get a five star rating, however many times I watch it. On the other hand, if a film is merely good to average, my rating can oscillate between three and four stars. Three stars is the lowest rating I've given to the film so far.

I'll always remember this film as the beginning of a new period in my life. It was the first film that I went to see with the Birmingham Film Group on 27th February 2013. Until then I'd watched films almost exclusively at home. My daughter Fiona, who still lived with me at the time, suggested that I look online for a film group in Birmingham. She was worried that I was becoming a hermit. It was one of the best suggestions that she ever made to me. I finally developed a social life.

At the film group I met Mike McAuley, the group's leader. Over the next months we became close friends. I'd go as far as to say he was one of my best friends. A year later I became a co-host in the film group. We made it a routine that I hosted one film a week (usually on Wednesday) and Mike hosted one film a week (usually on Sunday). In addition, he frequently hosted social meetings on Saturdays, which I always attended. It was usual for Mike and I to be the last ones to leave.

Mike was disappointed when I said I was moving to Germany in 2016. He tried to talk me out of it, for several reasons. Firstly, he thought that the film group would suffer without my help. Secondly, he would miss me as a friend. I wasn't his best friend, but those that he considered his best friends all lived in different parts of the country. A possible third reason, which he didn't state directly, was that he felt that I was betraying my country by leaving. Maybe I'm wrong about this, because I'm basing this opinion on remarks he made while he was drunk.

Time went by. Four years. I stayed in touch with Mike, speaking with him regularly on Facebook, and I visited him whenever I was in England. In Germany I formed a new film group in Stuttgart. Then the Coronavirus lockdowns started. Mike organised online meetups for social purposes or to watch films, so I was an active participant in his group once more. Then something strange happened. Mike started to send me rude messages on Facebook, usually late at night. I shrugged them off, because I assumed he'd been drinking. Then the following conversation took place on my timeline:

As you can see, I was being polite and understanding with him, but he was totally crazy. In the following conversation my friends jumped to my defence. They confirmed that I'd never said I wanted Boris Johnson to die. My friends all know that I'm a strong supporter of Boris Johnson. I consider him to be the best prime minister the UK has had in the last 30 years.

At first I thought Mike McAuley had made a mistake. However, the matter escalated further. He began to spread lies about me on his Facebook timeline. He unfriended me to stop me reading what he was writing, but my friends sent me screenshots of the conversations. For instance:

This is interesting for a few reasons. First, he's backed away from saying that I wanted Boris Johnson to die. This is probably because too many people told him it wasn't true. He's gone on to accuse me of hate speech in general. My friends know that I never indulge in hate speech of any form, but anyone who doesn't know me might believe him.

Secondly, who is Phil Murtagh? I don't know him, and he's certainly never been on my Facebook friends list. How can someone who doesn't know me call me racist or bigoted? It's possible he's confused me with another Mike.

Thirdly, Andy Pettitt (who is Mike's best friend) says I've been warned repeatedly. What's he talking about? When was I ever warned about wanting Boris Johnson or any other politician to die? Andy was one of my Facebook friends, so I sent him a message asking him about it. Instead of replying, he unfriended me immediately. I can understand him taking Mike's side as his best friend, but I'm disappointed that he didn't have the moral integrity to look into the matter and find out what Mike was talking about.

So what's it all about? It's not about Boris Johnson or racism. The problem must lie elsewhere. I think it had to do with my recent appearances in the online meetups. I talked with the people, mostly new members who hadn't been in the group in 2016, and they liked me. This bothered Mike. To explain this I need to go back to 2013. 

On one of our first meetings Mike McAuley boasted to me that he'd had sex with 300 women. I was impressed, but when he left the room one of the other group members said, "It's not true. That's what he tells everyone to make himself sound special". In the following years I realised it was something he often repeated, so I just smiled and nodded, winking at anyone else who was listening.

When I became a co-host of the film group, many people who only visited during the week met me first and considered me the group's leader. Eventually they met Mike, and I told them he was Big Mike, I was only Little Mike. But they still confided in me. One of the members, Elisha, complained to me that Mike had been sexually harassing her by text. I told her that he often misbehaves when he's drunk, but she wasn't happy with my excuse and left the group. A few months later it happened again. Emma, a very good friend of mine, complained that Mike had been sexually harassing her. Once more I told her that he was drunk, but she said that the text messages came early in the day, so he couldn't have been drunk. Emma broke off her friendship with me because I was defending Mike. After I left England in 2016 my daughter Fiona joined the group, and the same happened with her. Mike was sending her sexual messages less than a week before his wedding. This time I spoke to Mike, and he denied it. Fiona sent me screenshots to prove it was true. She also left the film group.

Mike knew by now that women were telling me about him. He'd wanted me to remain in England for the sake of his group, but now that I was gone he wanted me to stay away. I wouldn't have made a connection, but after the initial arguments with Mike in Facebook another two women came forward and told me Mike had sexually harassed them. One of them, Anne, had left the group immediately. The other has remained in the group, and she's asked me not to name her. Anne thinks that Mike only harasses women to make up for his inadequacy at hardly ever having had sex.

I think it's sad that things have turned out like this. For seven years Mike McAuley was one of my best friends. Now he's decided to spread lies about me. This post tells the truth, for anyone who's willing to listen. Despite everything, I don't bear a grudge. If Mike apologises to me in public, everything will be forgiven.

Success Rate:  + 2.5

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X-Men: Days of Future Past (5 Stars)

This is the fourth time I've watched this film, and my rating has been bobbing up and down like a yo-yo. Evidently I don't know what to make of it. Who knows what I'll rate it next time! Today the story gripped me like it hasn't in the past. Maybe I was just in the right mood for the film. That's why I could never be a professional film critic. I'm much too erratic.

Hank McCoy is apparently a Star Trek fan. He has one eye on Bolivar Trask, the other on Star Trek reruns. By a strange coincidence the episode being shown is "City on the Edge of Forever", in which the Enterprise and its crew has to travel into the past to change the present.

Jennifer Lawrence appears as Mystique and shows that blue is beautiful.

Or do you prefer her with a normal pink skin? It's hard to choose.

There's a newspaper shown in the film. Wolverine is checking it out, holding it in place with his unenhanced bone claws. But take a closer look at it. The first two columns are about the peace treaty between America and Vietnam, but in the third column everything breaks down. The text is about the murder of Isidore Fink, the owner of a small laundry at 4 East 132nd Street. It's strange that this report is in a 1973 newspaper, because the murder took place on 9th March 1929. As if this weren't bad enough, the same text is repeated in the fourth column. That's all very sloppy.

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Wolverine (4½ Stars)

I've been hit by a fatal case of writer's block. As much as I enjoy "Wolverine" (which I probably should call "The Wolverine") I don't feel like I have anything to say about it today. It's an improvement over the first Wolverine solo film, but not up to the level of "Logan".

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X-Men: Days of Future Past (4½ Stars)

Empire Magazine is well known for publishing its monthly magazines with alternative covers to tempt collectors to buy multiple copies. In January 2014 they outdid themselves. 25 different covers were printed to advertise "X-Men: Days of Future Past". Moreover, the covers could be arranged side by side to make one large picture. I doubt many people have invested in all 25 copies, so here are the 25 covers. You can click on any image to reveal its context between the two images left and right.

1. Sentinel - Moderately powerful mutant-hunting robot.

2. Havok - Absorbs cosmic energy and releases it in plasma blasts.

3. Toad - Super-strong legs, prehensile tongue, gross paralysing mucus.

4. William Stryker - Mutant-hater, military man, nutjob.

5. Bolivar Trask - Robotics genius, mutant-hater, smooth political operator.

6. Mystique - Shapeshifter.

7. Beast - Superhuman strength, agility, speed and furriness.

8. Quicksilver - Runs at supersonic speeds.

9. Magneto - The master of magnetism.

10. Professor X - The world’s most powerful telepath.

11. Wolverine - Accelerated healing, enhanced senses, retractable bone claws.

12. Bryan Singer - Puppet master, franchise creator, director.

13. Wolverine - Accelerated healing, enhanced senses, adamantium-laced skeleton, retractable adamantium claws.

14. Professor X - The world’s most powerful telepath.

15. Magneto - The master of magnetism.

16. Storm - Mastery over the elements.

17. Rogue - Absorbs the mutant abilities of anyone she touches.

18. Warpath - Super-strong, near-invulnerable, and he can fly.

19. Kitty Pryde - Phases through solid objects.

20. Sunspot - Solar-powered super-strength and near invulnerability.

21. Blink - Teleporter.

22. Iceman - Creates and manipulates ice.

23. Bishop - Absorbs energy to redirect it in kinetic blasts.

24. Colossus - Transforms his skin into organic steel.

25. Future Sentinel - Super-powerful mutant-hunting robot.

Click here to see the covers combined as a complete picture. Most web browsers will allow you to scroll left and right. Unfortunately the image has been compressed to 60% of its original size due to limitations of Google's blogger software.