Night Train (5 Stars)

This is my Christmas tradition. Other people like to watch "Die Hard" every year for Christmas. I watch "Night Train". It would have been best to start watching it later in the evening. The film starts some time in the evening on December 24th and ends early on Christmas Day. I was impatient and had to start earlier.

The conductor starts his work on the train surrounded by gaudy Christmas lights. He ends it dying in the snow.

It's 2:12 am. First he checks the time, then he spends his last seconds looking at his wife.

It's a wonderful film, despite a few clumsy editing errors in a couple of scenes. I ignore them as best I can.

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Night Train (5 Stars)

Is my memory deteriorating as I get older? I told my son that we need to watch "Night Train", because I watch it at Christmas every year. It's a perfect film for Christmas, because it starts on 24th December and ends shortly after midnight. Then I checked my blog, and I saw that although I've watched it nine times, I've only watched it at Christmas once, in 2021. Never mind, it's a film in my top 100 films list, currently in 39th place. I say "currently", because my list isn't fixed. I keep changing my mind and making adjustments, mostly at the bottom of the list. The last time I changed my top 10 was a few years ago, but anything is possible. I actually have a top 200 list on my computer, but the places 101 to 200 aren't ordered. They're just 100 films that I think ought to be in my top 100, but they don't fit.

An unnamed passenger brings a present that will change everyone's lives. If you can call it a present. The other passengers rip it from his hands when he dies. They all want it, and they're willing to kill to get it.

The film is tarnished by some blunders. which become more apparent every time I watch it. The two Japanese businessmen are playing Go, and when the camera changes angles the pieces are arranged differently. A woman is shot in the head, and a few seconds later the wound is missing. I don't know how the director could possibly have missed things like that. He must have noticed it when he watched the completed film in post production.

Nevertheless, it's still a brilliant film. It deserves its place in my top 100.

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Deep Impact (4 Stars)

I was feeling lazy this evening. I still am. I watched "Deep Impact" late in the evening, and since I'd written a good review when I watched it in 2016 I thought I wouldn't write anything tonight. I decided to generate a review with ChatGPT. The ChatGPT reviews are samey, as I realised when I generated a dozen reviews a few months ago, but if I only use it to create occasional reviews nobody will notice. So I made two attempts:

"Write a detailed review of Deep Impact".

"Write a detailed plot description of Deep Impact".

I was horrified. Both reviews, especially the second, contained factual errors. For instance, ChatGPT says that the reporter Jenny Lerner gave up her place in the underground shelter to remain with her lover. Bong! No, she doesn't have a lover in the film. It's also claimed that Jenny's parents had arranged for her place in the shelter. No, it was the other way round. Jenny was selected by the government, and she attempted to get a place for her parents as well.

So please, dear readers, don't expect artificial intelligence to take away your jobs. Based on the poor results I saw today, it'll be years until it gets that far. If you use artificial intelligence to assist you in your work, you need to check everything it's written.

So I'll have to write the review myself, but I'll keep it brief. As I said, I'm feeling lazy tonight.

A teenage astronomer called Leo Biederman, played by Elijah Wood, discovers a comet in the night sky. He passes on the information to Dr. Marcus Wolf, who realises that it's on a collision course with the Earth. It's about seven miles long, so the impact will be great enough to destroy all life on Earth. The scientists call it an Extinction Level Event (ELE).

Two steps are taken to prepare for the impact. First, a spaceship called the Messiah is sent to intercept the comet and use nuclear weapons to destroy it, Secondly, in case the Messiah fails, an underground shelter has been built in Missouri to hold one million people for at least two years.

The film doesn't properly start until after the first half hour. The film begins with little stories that are irrelevant to the story itself. Dr. Wolf dies in a car crash when he's on his way to report his findings. My condolences, but it's not relevant. After receiving faulty inside information, Jenny Lerner misunderstands ELE and thinks the president has a mistress called Ellie. Amusing, but also irrelevant. The first half hour could have been trimmed to five minutes.

"Deep Impact" and "Armageddon" were both released in 1998, only two months apart. They were both successful. Would they have earned more money if they hadn't been competing against one another? Or did the success of "Deep Impact" (May 1998) encourage more people to go to see "Armageddon" (July 1998)?

By the way... wouldn't you like to have Morgan Freeman as president?

Success Rate:  + 2.4

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Never Been Kissed (4 Stars)

This is the third film in my high school movie marathon. It's also one of the films that features a high school prom. Josie Geller, who's never been kissed, is the prom queen dancing with the prom king, Guy Perkins. Their lips are close, so can we expect a kiss? Not this time. She's 25, but he's only 17. That wouldn't be a problem in England, Germany or anywhere in the world apart from America. In America 17 is considered underage, which is so strange in my eyes. You can see that they both want to kiss as their bodies sway in time with the music. To be precise, they're swaying to "Erase/Rewind" by the Cardigans.

So what's a 25-year-old woman doing at a high school prom? Josie works for the Chicago Sun-Times as a copy editor. I've watched the film a few times, but today is the first time I've looked up what a copy editor is. According to Wikipedia, "Copy editing is the process of revising written material to improve readability and fitness, as well as ensuring that a text is free of grammatical and factual errors". To me that sounds like proofreading, but there's a subtle difference which was important in the pre-digital age of newspapers. Copy editing corrects what a person has written. Proof reading looks for errors after the text has been typeset. To explain it more clearly, a copy editor would correct spelling mistakes, whereas a proof-reader would notice mistyped words.

Josie is the perfect person for the job. She's precise and pedantic. When talking to her colleagues she corrects what they say. She can't turn herself off. It goes further than just words. She has to keep adjusting the sign on her door when it's not perfectly straight.

But Josie has never been kissed. It's understandable with her attitude. Kisses are wet and messy. She's waiting for the perfect moment with the perfect man. I hate to break the news to her, but there's no such thing as a perfect man.

Despite having the perfect job for her personality, Josie wants to climb up the corporate ladder by becoming a journalist. She's finally given an assignment. Her boss wants an investigative report on high schools, so Josie has to pretend she's 17 and enrol at South Glen South High School. That's a mouthful. It's a fictional school, so they could have come up with something snappier.

The investigation is about school in general, but it's only a few weeks before the prom, so that's what all the kids are talking about. Just one question though: do they really rate proms? Out of the 20,000 high schools in America, how does anyone know which has the best prom? Photos? Videos?

The year is 1999, so the prom's theme is the Millennium. Surprise, surprise, another local high school has already picked the theme, so they change it to "Famous couples through history".

Josie can get away with being a high school kid. She looks young. I could have got away with it as well. On my 23rd birthday I was waiting at Stuttgart train station for a friend. I got into a conversation with some men at a kiosk, and I told them it was my birthday. They didn't believe I was 23. They said I looked like I was 16. But that was a long time ago. Nobody thinks I'm 16 any more.

But what's Josie doing? In her real high school years she was an outsider, and she wants to fit in this time. But how can she fit in wearing clothes like that? She looks like a throwback to the 1950's.

This is more typical high school fashion. Jessica Alba looks disgusted. In England it wouldn't have been a problem. Everyone wears the same uniform. It's better that way. School shouldn't be used for a fashion show.

This is a slight improvement. Now she looks like a 1960's housewife.

But the teacher notices her. It's not just about Josie's looks. He's impressed by her knowledge of Shakespeare. The class is studying "As You Like It", a play that I've never read. I have the complete works of Shakespeare on my Kindle, so I have no excuse. Sam Coulson, the English teacher, is genuinely attracted to Josie, but she's off-limits because she's only 17.

Josie would take issue with the last paragraph. I learnt in school that no sentence should begin with the word "But". I agree, and when I right serious documents I keep to the rule, but not in my blog. I try to keep a colloquial style, and it's common to begin sentences with "But" when we talk. But Josie would criticise that as well. Oops, I did it again!

They meet by accident at a fairground, and they ride the Ferris Wheel together. Now she's finally clothed more naturally.

There's only one way Josie can become popular in school. Her older brother Rob also pretends to be 17 and enrols in her school. He's naturally popular, and by talking positively about Josie he swings the others in her favour. But does he look 17? Not really. I don't know how old Rob was supposed to be, but David Arquette was 28 when he appeared in the film, and he looks nothing like a teenager.

Riding the wave of popularity, she's invited to the prom by Guy Perkins, the boy that all the girls want. They're dressed as Orlando and Rosalind from "As You Like It".

Not everyone takes the prom theme so seriously. The school's Mean Girls look like Three Shades of Barbie. Where's Ken when you need him?

Fast forward to the spoilers. Josie's article is a success, and she finally gets kissed by Sam Coulson. That's not much of a spoiler, is it? Everyone knew they would get together in the end.

This was the first film made by James Franco. He only appears briefly, speaking a few lines, so it's easy to miss him. He isn't named in the film, but the credits list him as Jason. He's an actor I like a lot. His breakthrough was as Harry Osborn in "Spider-Man", three years later, but in my eyes he'll always be a B-Movie actor. That's what he does, and he's good at it.

Would I have kissed Josie? In school or at work? She's pretty, but she's not the first girl who would have attracted my attention.

Octavia Spencer is more my type. She was 29 when she made "Never Been Kissed", and she looks even more beautiful now. She's beautiful and she's talented. She's been nominated for three Academy Awards, of which she won one.

I've read that "Never Been Kissed" is considered a cult film. I'm in urgent need of finding the definition of cult film.

Success Rate:  + 1.4

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Night Train (5 Stars)

I spent this evening with a small group of film fans in Korntal. Once a month one of us presents two films to the others. Today it was my turn, so we watched two films starring my favourite (ex-)actress, Leelee Sobieski. The first film was "My First Mister". The second was "Night Train", one of my favourite films. When I say "one of my favourite films", I mean that it's in my top 100 films list. Last year I did a countdown of my top 100 films and published a list, but it's impossible for me to have a rigidly fixed list. I now update my list monthly, based on my whims. "Night Train" was in 49th place in my original list, but it's moved up a few places since then.

The response from my friends was the opposite of what I expected. I thought they would find "My First Mister" lightweight and Lifetime-ish, but they liked it, despite some criticism of the last half hour. Everyone I know who's seen "Night Train" likes it, but today I stood alone in praising it. I could tell by the reactions of the man next to me that he wasn't enjoying the film, so I was keen to hear his opinion afterwards. Mostly he criticised the poor special effects in the murder scenes, something I've always accepted as part and parcel of a low budget film. In the following discussion Leelee Sobieski's lack of emotions, compared to the first film, was criticised. I agree that she shows less emotion. It's a different role, and she played it the way it was meant to be played. In "Night Train" she's an ice cold killer.

I did my best to defend the film, but I was standing alone, and I didn't manage to persuade anyone to change his mind. I was accused of only liking the film because it features my favourite actress. That would be sad if it were true. My regular readers know that I didn't hesitate to call the film "Lying" awful, despite Leelee's participation in the film. 

Curiously, my review of "Lying" is one of the most read posts on my blog, even though neither the film nor the quality of my review are outstanding. I don't understand that. I often don't understand my readers. Posts which I personally consider well written are ignored, while posts that I consider below par have thousands of hits. Sometimes the summary of Google's search terms gives me clues, but not always.

Out of curiosity, I checked online reviews of "Night Train", both by film critics and normal film fans. The critics have mixed opinions, as evidenced by the 60% score on Rotten Tomatoes. They praise the similarity with Alfred Hitchcock's films while criticising the predictability. The fan reviews are mostly positive. Opinions vary. It just seems like I was alone with my opinion tonight.

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My First Mister (5 Stars)

Watching films that star Leelee Sobieski is always a bittersweet experience for me. I consider her to be the best actress alive today, but I should really call her the best ex-actress. She abandoned her career when she was 26, claiming that it's because 90% of films contain sexual stuff. That's such a ridiculous statement that I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Of the 31 films that she made in her career, only two contain sexual stuff, which is 6%. In a more recent interview she said that she didn't like kissing men in films. If she counted kisses as sexual stuff, which would be very prude, it would only bring the percentage up to 26% (eight films), still far below the 90% that she claims. Even if the 90% were true, she could still choose roles in the other 10%, which is more than 50 films a year in America alone.

What's even worse is that Leelee said in the same recent interview that she doesn't think that children should be allowed to appear in films. In the same breath she mentioned the #MeToo movement, as if children are being sexually abused by appearing in films. I really wish that I could talk to her personally about her views. When she makes statements like these she's rejecting her whole career, which started when she was 11. "A Horse For Danny", her first leading role, was a wonderful children's film without the least hint of sexuality. Is that the sort of film that she wishes she'd never made?

"My First Mister" is a love story, but considering the subject matter it's remarkably unsexual. Jennifer, a 17-year-old goth girl, falls in love with a 49-year-old man. She makes repeated advances, but he always does the right thing by turning her down. On the one hand it's because he's much older than her. On the other hand it's because he has leukemia. He feels affection for Jennifer, but it's precisely this affection that makes him stay away from a romantic relationship.

Randall keeps his illness secret. He doesn't want sympathy. It's a shock to Jennifer to see Randall collapse when he's jogging. It's also a shock to the viewer. For the first hour the film is a slow-moving romance, and then we see him lying unconscious in the street. It changes the film's direction. Jennifer goes on a mission to put Randall in touch with his son who he's never met. She can't save his life, but she can give him a few weeks of happiness before his death.

As in (almost) all of her films, Leelee Sobieski shows a full range of emotions. Slight changes in her facial expression from one second to another say more than long speeches. No other actress has ever given some emotional performances. She needs to get back in front of a camera. She should return from retirement.

Success Rate:  - 8.5

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Glass House (4 Stars)

I'm happy to say that this film has been released on Blu-ray in Germany, even if it's only available on DVD in England and America. I have the impression that Germany takes films more seriously than other countries. American films released in Germany always have the original English dialogue in addition to the dubbed German version. You can choose between dubbing and subtitles. Don't knock the dubbing. Even though I prefer subtitles, Germans dubbing is very good.

The film is a psychological thriller. Two young children, Ruby (16) and Rhett (11) are orphaned when their parents die in a car accident. The children are adopted by their godparents. At first it all seems too good to be true. Terry and Erin Glass live in a luxurious house overlooking the sea in Malibu. Slowly Ruby realises that it isn't all as ideal as it seems. Terry is deeply in debt to mobsters, and Erin is a drug addict. Ruby persuades Rhett that they need to run away, but what can children do?

17-year-old Leelee Sobieski is excellent in the role of Ruby Baker. She was my favourite actress for years. She retired from acting at the age of 29, giving as an excuse that 90% of film roles require sexual stuff. She's deluding herself. Of the 31 films that she made in her career, only two contained sexual stuff, and even that was tame. That's 6%. It's sad that such a wonderful actress as her should give up her career for a nonsensical reason. She could have continued acting for another 50 years without filming any more sexual stuff.

Success Rate:  - 1.3

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Night Train (5 Stars)

This is my second Christmas film today. I planned it well in advance. It's a film I should watch at Christmas every year. "Rare Exports", which I watched earlier today, was a random choice, but the two films fit together very well. Both films begin on Christmas Eve and finish on Christmas Day. Actually, "Rare Exports" has a prologue three weeks earlier and an epilogue a year later, but the main action takes place on 24th and 25th December.

Leelee Sobieski shows off her skill at chopping a body into small pieces. Don't worry, he was already dead.

It's a messy job. At least she wears spectacles.

I've watched the film a lot, but today I noticed an error in the film for the first time when Steve Zahn speaks to the two Japanese businessmen playing Go.

This is what the board looks like when Steve first approaches the businessmen. He tries to give them advice, even though he has no idea how to play the game.

Then there's a close up of a businessman making a move. Most of the pieces have disappeared from the board.

Then the camera pans out, and the pieces are back again. Oops. This is what happens when a scene isn't filmed in chronological order.

That's only a minor fault. "Night Train" still deserves its place in my top 100 films. I just checked the list. It's in 49th place.

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88 Minutes (5 Stars)

My memory is weird. Sometimes I can clearly remember a film that I only watched once 30 years ago. Then there's "88 Minutes", which I've watched at least three times, but when I sat down to watch it today I could hardly remember it. It was like watching a completely new film.

Al Pacino was nominated for a Golden Raspberry award as Worst Actor for this film. That's unfair. There's nothing at all wrong with his performance. Leelee Sobieski was also nominated as the Worst Supporting Actress. That's terrible. Sometimes the critics have no taste at all.

Click here to read my last review.

Success Rate:  - 0.9

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Joy Ride (5 Stars)

Today is the fourth time I've watched this film since I started my blog, but it's the first time I've given it a five star rating. I wanted to give it four and a half stars, as I did in the past, but then I asked myself what's wrong with it that justifies deducting half a star. The answer is nothing.

This film, directed by J. J. Abrams, is a story of road rage, driven to the extreme. The brothers Lewis and Fuller Thomas play a trick on a trucker with their CB Radio. Lewis pretends to be a woman and flirts with the anonymous trucker. The problem is that the anonymity only goes one way. They don't know who he is, but he knows who they are. He's observing their car on the road.

Paul Walker made this film in 2001, the same year as "Fast & Furious", but he looks much younger. It's all a question of the make up. He was 27 when he made the film, but he was supposed to be a college student, so a few years were shaved off his appearance.

Leelee Sobieski is beautiful, isn't she? Her age goes in the opposite direction. She was only 17 when she made the film, but she's also a college student, the same age as Lewis, so they're probably both supposed to be about 20.

As a horror film with elements of a road movie, this film is brilliant. It's truly terrifying. At the halfway mark it seems like the story is over, but the suspense quickly builds up again. The anonymous trucker tells them (via CB radio) that he's had his fun and he'll leave them alone. Maybe he really meant it. Maybe he just wanted to lull the Thomas brothers into a sense of false security. Whichever was the case, the worst was still yet to come.

I ought to listen to J. J. Abrams' commentary track. He obviously wasn't sure where he wanted to go with the film. There are three alternate endings on the disc, and one of them is 29 minutes long. They're all worth watching, but I think that the ending that he finally chose is the best one.

The film is now out of print on DVD and Blu-ray. That's tragic. It's worth looking for a copy on Ebay.

Success Rate:  - 0.4

Night Train (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #49

A tale of love and obsession and death.

Maybe this isn't my favourite film, but it's one of the films I've watched more often than any other in the last 10 years (since I started my blog). Something about it draws me in, so that I have to keep returning to it. It's a film that very few people know. It's a Canadian film, and as I've often said, Canadian films aren't taken seriously. But more than that, the genre isn't obvious. Is it a horror film? Not quite. Is it a supernatural film? Almost. Is it a tale of morality? That's getting closer. Everyone is prepared to kill to get what he most desires, whether it's a salesman, an ageing train conductor or a young medical student.

The film was released direct-to-video in 2009. As far as I know, it was never shown on television. It's a film that deserves to be a cult film, but it still hasn't been discovered by film geeks. If you're someone who takes films seriously, please watch it, then tell all your friends about it.

The film is available on Blu-ray in Germany, but it's only available on DVD in America. I hope that it won't go out of print and simply disappear before it's even been discovered.

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The Last Film Festival (3½ Stars)

I love films about films. Don't you?

The director Nick Twain (played by Dennis Hopper in his final role) has made a sci-fi film called "Barium Enigma". It's been rejected by every film festival in the world, except for one: the new O'Hi International Film festival in O'Hi, Ohio, the sheep shearing capital of the world. Nick is certain that his film will scoop all the awards, because he's generously bribed the judges. The trouble is that the festival is hit by food poisoning, and the judges are taken sick. It's too late (and too expensive) to bribe the new judges.

The film is plagued with problems. The film's lead actor, Zachary Reed, is arrested for attempting to solicit an undercover policeman. The film's two lead actresses, one of whom is Nick's ex-wife, hate one another and get into fights. Nick meets a young woman, Desiree, who claims to be his daughter. But the biggest problem comes when the film is screened. The projectionist has also been taken sick with food poisoning, and his replacement is an amateur who plays the film reels in the wrong order.

Sadly, this was also Leelee Sobieski's last film. She quit films because she was somehow of the impression that 90% of films involve sex. If she'd looked back at her own career, she would have seen that the figure is only 6%. I suspect that this was just an excuse, and the problems lay elsewhere.

Lying (1 Star)

This is a new record for me. It's the first time I've ever watched a film that I absolutely hate three times. The first time was in September 2010, just before I started writing my blog. I know that because Amazon records when I ordered items. I hated it immediately. I watched it again in October 2016 as part of my Leelee Sobieski marathon. I still hated it. Today I picked it up again, because I was certain the film must have some redeeming qualities. It doesn't.

A woman called Megan meets three other young women at a yoga class. She invites them to stay a few days at her country house. Megan's brother Henry turns up on the first evening, but she insists that he leaves. Girls only.

For the next three days the girls eat, sleep, chat and drink wine. They engage in meaningless conversation. The highlight of the stay is when they pretend to be feeding plastic dolls on the lawn; pink food parcels for the girls and blue food parcels for the boys. The three guests leave when they find out that Megan is lying about her age and her finances.

Jena Malone looks bored, but not as bored as I was watching the film. My only interest today was laughing at the stupid dialogue. For instance, here's a scene with Megan and her brother:

Megan: "What did you say?"

Henry: "Nothing".

Megan: "Yes you did. You just said something".

Henry: "I didn't say anything".

Megan: "You said something about pizza".

Henry: "No I didn't".

Megan: "You said like really quick, like is there pizza or I want pizza".

Henry: "No I didn't, I was just sitting here".

Megan: "Dude, you said that, I swear".

Long pause. Henry has a puzzled look on his face.

Henry: "I don't think I said anything".

Megan: "Yes you did".

Henry: "Really?"

Megan nods seven times.

Henry: "I don't know".

Megan: "I just thought it sounded funny".

Henry: "Did I?"

Megan nods.

Henry: "Hmm".

Another long pause.

Henry: "Well do you?"

Megan: "What?"

Henry: "Pizza".

Megan: "No, Henry". 

This is just one example of many insipidly meaningless conversations.

Here's a challenge. If anyone who knows this film can name one good reason why it deserved to be made, I'll buy you a drink. Otherwise I'll continue my life in the knowledge that this is one of the worst films ever made, a painful waste of the time and efforts of the film's highly talented actresses.