Spring Breakers (1½ Stars)

"Spring Breakers" was shown in my local cinema as part of the monthly Cinema Futuro series, which highlights films that the organisers consider to be the future of cinema. When it began three years ago the emphasis was on films directed by women, but this is no longer the case. When the film was announced the posters called it a cult film, which surprised me, because I had bad memories of the film. I wanted to be in the cinema today, but I was unable to go due to family issues, so I watched it at home instead.

Today I made an effort to enjoy the film, I really did, but within the first half hour I felt like turning it off. It's such a superficial film, about four girls who go on spring break – that's an American thing – after robbing a diner to get the money. It's the best time of their lives, they repeatedly claim in voiceover, until they're arrested at a party with excessive drug use. They're bailed out by a local drug dealer who gives them guns and uses them to get revenge on his rival.

Anyone who knows anything about me and my tastes will immediately know why I don't like things like this. In my youth I avoided drug use, with the exception of a few weeks experimenting with LSD when I was 20. The women in the film are objectified as weak eye candy, with the exception of a sudden, unexpected transition in the final scene. There's no character arc, unless you can call the sudden jump from one extreme to the other an arc.

I've read article after article praising the film. I seem to be in the minority. The only reason I have for granting it half a star above my rock bottom rating is the eye candy. I like beautiful girls. The film has nothing else in its favour. It's trash, and I don't say that in a good way. Today's the second time I've watched it, and there will never be a third time.

Success Rate:  + 4.4

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Spider-Man 3 (5 Stars)

Something funny happened today. I sat down to watch "Spider-Man 3". The film began. And then, in the first few seconds, while the Columbia logo was being displayed, a spider lowered itself between me and the television. It was hanging on its web from the ceiling. I was so fascinated that I paused the film to watch it. It hung in front of me for no more than 60 seconds. Then it pulled itself back up to the ceiling, and I haven't seen it since.

A lot of people say that they don't like "Spider-Man 3". I agree that it's not up to the quality of the first two films, but it's still very good. Look at my rating! But too much is happening. Why have Sandman and Venom in the same film? Sandman could have filled the whole film. And the telescoping of the black suit stories removes a lot. In the comics Peter Parker wore the black costume for four years, before it was passed on to Eddie Brock. This story could have been divided into two films. Or three. It looks like Sam Raimi was in a hurry to get the trilogy finished.

Look at the way Sandman lumbers around like a monster from Hammer Horror. And look at the screenshot of Venom in the title picture. This is what Venom should look like, not the comical sock puppet in the Tom Hardy films.

Sam Raimi was planning to use the Vulture as the villain in "Spider-Man 4" and Mysterio in "Spider-Man 5". He was even considering casting Bruce Campbell as Mysterio. But it never happened. I read reports of disagreements between Sam and Marvel Studios. I shan't repeat them here, because I'm not even sure they're true. Just speculation. Whatever happened, the three films he made will always stand up as masterpieces.

Success Rate:  + 1.5

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Spider-Man 2 (5 Stars)

Why doesn't Marvel make films like this any more? I hate it when my friends say that Marvel films are bad, because I can't argue with them. Most of the new Marvel films are average quality at best. Look at my ratings. I'm honest. There were a few good films at the beginning of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), but ever since "Avengers Endgame" the quality has been sliding. What's wrong? Too many films? Not enough care to find good writers? Or is it just incapable managers looking after Disney and Marvel Studios?

Sam Raimi was the perfect choice to direct the Spider-Man trilogy. If it had remained a trilogy. He already had plans for two more films, but the studio didn't agree. Then the Spider-Man franchise was rebooted with Andrew Garfield. I like to pretend that the "Amazing Spider-Man" films were never made. Shall I ever watch them again? Probably not. But I can watch the original trilogy (2002 to 2007) again and again.

As my regular readers must have realised, I was disappointed with this year's Fantasy Film Festival. Most of the films were average to poor. For this reason I've made a decision. Every time I watch a film that I rate less than four stars, I'll watch at least two five star films, preferably from my top 100. I need to stick with quality. In theory, I could watch my top 100 films one after another for years, never bothering to watch any new films. They're all films that are good enough to watch over and over again.

Success Rate:  + 1.9

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Rise of the Planet of the Apes (5 Stars)

I wanted to take my grandson Oliver to the cinema today. Shortly before we were due to leave he changed his mind. The only children's film in the cinema today is "Paw Patrol", and he's getting too old for it. He used to watch "Paw Patrol" videos on YouTube, but now he's eight.

Looking at the films lying around my room, he told me that he wanted to watch "Planet of the Apes", by which he meant "Rise of the Planet of the Apes". Fortunately, my English edition of the Blu-ray contains a dubbed German track. Oliver understands English, but he prefers to watch films in German.

So I watched the film in German today. The dubbing is top quality, as is usual in Germany. It can't be compared with the poor quality dubbing of foreign films in England. In Germany leading theatre actors are hired for dubbing.

Oliver loved the film. He was excited by everything he saw. But do you know what happened next? He went back to his mother (who lives in the same house as me), and he watched it again on Disney Plus. I don't know the full story. Maybe she was curious and wanted to know if the film was suitable for him. But the bottom line is that he watched it twice in a row. Anyone who does that is a real film fan.

And my daughter liked it as well.

Success Rate:  + 3.2

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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (5 Stars)

This film takes place eight years after the events of the previous film. A lot has happened in this time. The apes, led by Caesar, have settled in Muir Woods, the area north of San Francisco. The disease that we saw at the end of the previous film has spread throughout the world. Only one person in 500 has survived the disease, but that's not the only thing that's killed people. The survivors have rioted, and civilisation has collapsed.

The people of San Francisco know nothing of the ape civilisation on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge. They finally cross the bridge to repair the dam that supplies the power to their city. An uneasy alliance develops between the apes and the humans. Once more the apes are the good guys, but even among the apes there are those who want war. The humans aren't really evil, they're just scared. They realise that the apes are intelligent and powerful, and they're worried they won't survive.

Caesar has become a father. He shows affection towards his children, but at the same time he's developed into a noble ruler. He's no longer the playful little chimp that we saw in the last film.

War breaks out, and the apes win. Is that a spoiler? Not really. By now everyone knows that the apes are destined to replace humans as the dominant species on the planet.

Success Rate:  + 1.0

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Rise of the Planet of the Apes (5 Stars)

I'm rewatching the Planet of the Apes films in preparation for seeing "Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes" when it's released in May. The films in the reboot franchise are sheer brilliance. Much more effort is made to show how the apes took over the Earth than in the original film series (1968-1973).

The film introduces us to Caesar, who will be the main character in the first three films of the rebooted franchise. In the near future a company called Gen-Sys is working on a cure for Alzheimer's. There's a personal reason for the research: the father of the head scientist, Will Rodman, suffers from advanced Alzheimer's. The medication is tested in the laboratories on chimpanzees. One particular chimpanzee, Bright Eyes, develops remarkable intelligence after being treated with the drug. Unknown to Will, she's pregnant. She's shot when she goes wild, trying to protect her baby. Will takes him home, keeping him as a pet. The baby chimpanzee, now called Caesar, is even more intelligent than his mother.

We see Caesar's development over the next eight years. He develops from being a playful little ape into a quiet, brooding adult. He's no longer a pet, he's like a child to Will. When Caesar attacks a neighbour who's threatening Will's father, he's put in an animal pen. Caesar is a natural leader. Soon the other apes are following him. Caesar breaks out and collects vials of the Alzheimer's drug. He treats the other apes to increase their intelligence.

The drug, ALZ-113, is a big success on the apes, but it has a different effect on humans. It creates a contagious disease. Those who are infected cough blood and soon die.

What makes this film so appealing is that the apes are the good guys. In the first two films they were portrayed as evil, with very few exceptions. In this film the humans are mostly bad, while the apes are all good. Am I cheering on the demise of the human race? Maybe. But it's only a film. Isn't it?

Success Rate:  + 3.2

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Spider-Man (5 Stars)

This is the second film I presented tonight for the theme "Do you remember the days when Marvel films were good?" In my opinion, it's the best Marvel film ever. Many people claim that the second film, "Spider-Man 2", is better. I can see what they mean. The action scenes in the second film are better. I prefer the first film for its greater emotional depth. But I'll think it over again next time I watch "Spider-Man 2". Maybe I've placed it too low in my top 100 films list. 

After watching the film today I praised Sam Raimi for making the main villain corny. An example is the way Willem Dafoe holds a speech while looking at the vial in his hand which will transform him into the Green Goblin. Then he drinks it fast, dramatically, before smashing the empty vial on the floor. My German friends didn't understand the word corny, and I couldn't translate it. Google translates it as kitschig, but that's obviously wrong. Is it an English word that has no equivalent in German, the same as English has no word for gemütlich? Back home, it took me a long time to think it over, but eventually I came to klischeehaft as a translation for corny. It's not as common in German as corny in English, but it expresses the same meaning.

When writing about "Howard the Duck" I pointed out the beautiful actress Jorli McLain in a minor role. I'll do the same for "Spider-Man". There's an unnamed lab assistant in one of the first scenes. Her role is so minor that she isn't even listed in the credits. But I recognised her immediately. She's the beautiful South Korean actress Una Damon. She's never had a breakthrough. Throughout her career she's only had small roles in films and television series. That's a tragedy.

Here's one more photo of her. She's beautiful.

Success Rate:  + 3.9

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Kin (3 Stars)

For the last two weeks I've been watching films from my top 100 films list. This evening I already had a film lying on my desk, but my son asked me if we could watch a horror film instead. Theoretically, I could have looked through my list and picked a horror film – there are a few – but I pulled "Kin" from the shelf instead. It's a film I picked up from a bargain bin last month. I actually made a mistake. It's not a horror film, it's a science fiction film. Nobody's perfect.

Elijah is a 14-year-old boy who lives with his father in Detroit. He's recently been suspended from school for fighting, so he spends the days looking for copper to sell as scrap metal. In an abandoned factory he finds dead bodies in strange costumes. Lying next to one of them is a strange weapon. He takes it home with him.

Elijah's older brother Jimmy returns home after six years in prison for armed robbery. The members of his former gang remind him that he owes them $60,000. He asks his father for a loan, but he doesn't have that much money. Together with his gang, Jimmy breaks into the safe of the office where his father works. It's late at night, but his father unexpectedly turns up. In a gunfight the father and one of the gang members are shot dead. Jimmy takes the money and flees with Elijah to a cabin in Nevada.

On the way, Elijah discovers that the weapon has phenomenal force. It doesn't just kill people, it can blow holes through walls. Jimmy is being pursued by the gangsters, and Elijah is being pursued by alien warriors who want their weapon back.

The film is okay. There's action and suspense, but it's lacking the magic needed for a higher rating. My son enjoyed it a lot, but not me. I expect more from a film. I should have watched a horror film from my list. And I should stop buying films from bargain bins. They're rarely any good

Success Rate:  - 2.9

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Never Been Kissed (4 Stars)

This is the third film in my high school movie marathon. It's also one of the films that features a high school prom. Josie Geller, who's never been kissed, is the prom queen dancing with the prom king, Guy Perkins. Their lips are close, so can we expect a kiss? Not this time. She's 25, but he's only 17. That wouldn't be a problem in England, Germany or anywhere in the world apart from America. In America 17 is considered underage, which is so strange in my eyes. You can see that they both want to kiss as their bodies sway in time with the music. To be precise, they're swaying to "Erase/Rewind" by the Cardigans.

So what's a 25-year-old woman doing at a high school prom? Josie works for the Chicago Sun-Times as a copy editor. I've watched the film a few times, but today is the first time I've looked up what a copy editor is. According to Wikipedia, "Copy editing is the process of revising written material to improve readability and fitness, as well as ensuring that a text is free of grammatical and factual errors". To me that sounds like proofreading, but there's a subtle difference which was important in the pre-digital age of newspapers. Copy editing corrects what a person has written. Proof reading looks for errors after the text has been typeset. To explain it more clearly, a copy editor would correct spelling mistakes, whereas a proof-reader would notice mistyped words.

Josie is the perfect person for the job. She's precise and pedantic. When talking to her colleagues she corrects what they say. She can't turn herself off. It goes further than just words. She has to keep adjusting the sign on her door when it's not perfectly straight.

But Josie has never been kissed. It's understandable with her attitude. Kisses are wet and messy. She's waiting for the perfect moment with the perfect man. I hate to break the news to her, but there's no such thing as a perfect man.

Despite having the perfect job for her personality, Josie wants to climb up the corporate ladder by becoming a journalist. She's finally given an assignment. Her boss wants an investigative report on high schools, so Josie has to pretend she's 17 and enrol at South Glen South High School. That's a mouthful. It's a fictional school, so they could have come up with something snappier.

The investigation is about school in general, but it's only a few weeks before the prom, so that's what all the kids are talking about. Just one question though: do they really rate proms? Out of the 20,000 high schools in America, how does anyone know which has the best prom? Photos? Videos?

The year is 1999, so the prom's theme is the Millennium. Surprise, surprise, another local high school has already picked the theme, so they change it to "Famous couples through history".

Josie can get away with being a high school kid. She looks young. I could have got away with it as well. On my 23rd birthday I was waiting at Stuttgart train station for a friend. I got into a conversation with some men at a kiosk, and I told them it was my birthday. They didn't believe I was 23. They said I looked like I was 16. But that was a long time ago. Nobody thinks I'm 16 any more.

But what's Josie doing? In her real high school years she was an outsider, and she wants to fit in this time. But how can she fit in wearing clothes like that? She looks like a throwback to the 1950's.

This is more typical high school fashion. Jessica Alba looks disgusted. In England it wouldn't have been a problem. Everyone wears the same uniform. It's better that way. School shouldn't be used for a fashion show.

This is a slight improvement. Now she looks like a 1960's housewife.

But the teacher notices her. It's not just about Josie's looks. He's impressed by her knowledge of Shakespeare. The class is studying "As You Like It", a play that I've never read. I have the complete works of Shakespeare on my Kindle, so I have no excuse. Sam Coulson, the English teacher, is genuinely attracted to Josie, but she's off-limits because she's only 17.

Josie would take issue with the last paragraph. I learnt in school that no sentence should begin with the word "But". I agree, and when I right serious documents I keep to the rule, but not in my blog. I try to keep a colloquial style, and it's common to begin sentences with "But" when we talk. But Josie would criticise that as well. Oops, I did it again!

They meet by accident at a fairground, and they ride the Ferris Wheel together. Now she's finally clothed more naturally.

There's only one way Josie can become popular in school. Her older brother Rob also pretends to be 17 and enrols in her school. He's naturally popular, and by talking positively about Josie he swings the others in her favour. But does he look 17? Not really. I don't know how old Rob was supposed to be, but David Arquette was 28 when he appeared in the film, and he looks nothing like a teenager.

Riding the wave of popularity, she's invited to the prom by Guy Perkins, the boy that all the girls want. They're dressed as Orlando and Rosalind from "As You Like It".

Not everyone takes the prom theme so seriously. The school's Mean Girls look like Three Shades of Barbie. Where's Ken when you need him?

Fast forward to the spoilers. Josie's article is a success, and she finally gets kissed by Sam Coulson. That's not much of a spoiler, is it? Everyone knew they would get together in the end.

This was the first film made by James Franco. He only appears briefly, speaking a few lines, so it's easy to miss him. He isn't named in the film, but the credits list him as Jason. He's an actor I like a lot. His breakthrough was as Harry Osborn in "Spider-Man", three years later, but in my eyes he'll always be a B-Movie actor. That's what he does, and he's good at it.

Would I have kissed Josie? In school or at work? She's pretty, but she's not the first girl who would have attracted my attention.

Octavia Spencer is more my type. She was 29 when she made "Never Been Kissed", and she looks even more beautiful now. She's beautiful and she's talented. She's been nominated for three Academy Awards, of which she won one.

I've read that "Never Been Kissed" is considered a cult film. I'm in urgent need of finding the definition of cult film.

Success Rate:  + 1.4

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Lovelace (4 Stars)

True Stories #36

Name: Linda Lovelace

Lived: 10 January 1949 – 22 April 2002

Film dates: 1970 to 1980

Film made in 2013

Ten years ago the actress Julie K. Smith was active on Facebook. I often spoke with her. She read my blog, and she commented on my reviews of her films. She recommended the film "Lovelace" to me. She said that it had Oscar written all over it. I'd missed the film in the cinema, but I bought it on DVD as soon as possible, based on Julie's recommendation. No, it didn't win any Academy Awards, and it wasn't even nominated. To be honest, I didn't expect it to win any awards. It's not the sort of film that finds recognition.

The film is based on Linda's autobiography, written in 1980, but many of the people mentioned in the book claims that she's lying. Her publisher asked her to take a lie detector test. She passed, but there are ways of beating the machine. When I was at university one of my professors, an ardent opponent of lie detectors, gave his class instructions on how to beat the machine. I still remember everything, just in case I ever have to take a test.

The film is shown in two halves. In the first half we see Linda as the world saw her. It was a glamorous  life, and she was envied by all. In the second half her story begins again, and we're shown what really happened behind closed doors.

Linda Boreman was born in New York in 1949. After an unwanted pregnancy her family moved to Florida to get her away from temptation. She married a man called Chuck Traynor. In his own words, he owned a restaurant which sold good food and had beautiful waitresses. That was a euphemism for a titty bar. Linda didn't approve, so she stayed away from the restaurant and never asked Chuck about it.

Chuck was always in debt. He had connections in the pornography industry, so he got her a role in a film. He didn't even tell her what she was auditioning for. She thought it was a serious film, but it was actually the infamous movie "Deep Throat". This made her famous, bringing her together with film stars and other celebrities. She even became friends with Hugh Hefner, who's played by James Franco in this film.

That's a handsome young Hef. Did he really look so good?

In the second half of the film we see what the first half omitted. Linda was never happy with her husband. Chuck raped her on her wedding night. Is that at all possible? Evidently, yes. He had sex with her in a way that hurt her, and he didn't listen when she repeatedly told him to stop. Adding insult to injury, the next morning he was enthusiastic about how good it was. In the following months and years he often beat her.

The casting for "Deep Throat" was more than just reading lines. Chuck told her she had to sleep with four men from the film studio. When she refused, he held a gun to her head and threatened to kill her if she didn't go through with it.

Linda made the film, doing everything that was expected of her. When it was finished, she was credited as Linda Lovelace. She never picked the name for herself. It was given to her by the film producers, and they didn't even consult her.

Linda was ripped off. The film made over $30 million at the box office, and another $500 million in video sales. She was paid $1250, and she didn't even receive that, because Chuck took it to pay off his debts. She was asked to film a sequel, but she refused. "Deep Throat" was the beginning and end of her film career.

If you check IMDB, you'll see that she made another two films, "Deep Throat 2" and "Linda Lovelace for President". That's where different stories are told. Linda claims that these two films were patched together from unused footage for "Deep Throat". The film producers contradict this. 40 years later it's impossible to be certain, but my gut feeling tells me to believe Linda's words.

While watching the first half of the film I thought to myself that I ought to watch "Deep Throat". It's a gap in the education of a serious film fan. After watching the second half I said No on principle. I don't want to watch any film that a woman is forced into against her will.

Today Linda Lovelace is still considered to be the most famous porn star of all time. That's remarkable, considering she was only a porn star for 17 days.

Success Rate:  - 4.4

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Spider-Man 3 (5 Stars)

The third film in the Spider-Man trilogy is strongly criticised by film critics and fans alike. Many call it awful. I don't understand it. I find it very good, even if it's not up to the quality of the first two films. I included it in my list of my top 100 films in 93rd place. In retrospect I think it should have been higher in the list.

"Spider-Man 3" has so much in its favour. It neatly brings the Harry Osborn storyline to a close. The Sandman is brought to the big screen as a villain we can sympathise with. The pathos of Peter Parker's on-off relationship with Mary Jane Watson tugs at our heartstrings. My only criticism of the film is that it's too short to do Venom justice. It should have lasted three hours to give bigger battles with Venom.

I'm glad I had enough time to watch the whole trilogy without interruption over the last three days. I haven't written much about the films. Do I need to? I'm not a professional writer. I'm not paid to write 2000 words a day. If I have something on my mind I'll write it, and if I don't I shan't force myself.

The singer Prince was notorious for his sexual activities. At every party he visited he picked up another woman. His songs were also very sexual. In an interview he was asked what he liked doing most: having sex or writing songs about sex. His initial reaction was to laugh and call it a silly question. Then he became pensive and said that he didn't know the answer. Both were important to him. In the same way, I can be asked whether I prefer watching films or writing about films. I prefer watching films, but after eleven years of writing my blog I find that writing about films is also very important to me. Sometimes I write a big post, and the writing takes up more time than I spent watching the film. I enjoy watching films. I enjoy writing about films. I can't separate the two.

Success Rate:  + 1.5

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Spider-Man 2 (5 Stars)

This is the second film in Sam Raimi's brilliant Spider-Man trilogy. As I've said in past reviews, one of the greatest strengths of these three films is the casting. Actors were chosen who looked like the characters in the comics. Alfred Molina looks so much like Doctor Octopus that it's difficult to imagine anyone else ever playing the role.

I recently read that when the first Spider-Man film was planned in the early 2000's Stan Lee requested permission to play J. Jonah Jameson. I have mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, I admire Stan Lee so much that I'd love to see him in a large role rather than a brief cameo. On the other hand, J. K. Simmons played the part so perfectly that I wouldn't want to see anyone else. Supposedly Steve Ditko based his drawings of J. Jonah Jameson on Stan Lee. I shan't say anything else about it. Whichever decision I make, I'll regret it tomorrow.

Success Rate:  + 1.9

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Spider-Man (5 Stars)

In preparation for the new Spider-Man film, "No Way Home", I've decided to re-watch the Sam Raimi trilogy. They're the best Spider-Man films so far, and difficult to live up to. I consider "Spider-Man" (2002) to be the best super-hero film ever made. It's the perfect mix of action, romance and tragedy.

Success Rate:  + 3.9

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Spider-Man 3 (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #93

This is the third film in the original Spider-Man trilogy. It neatly ties up all the storylines from the first two films, as well as introducing new villains: Sandman and Venom. I use the names that they were given in the comics. In the film they're referred to as Flint Marko and Eddie Brock.

As in "Spider-Man 2", the opening credits contain a recap of the previous events. A subtle recap, just enough to nudge the viewer's memory, not enough to tell him everything. This time the recap is in the form of photos, not drawings.

The recap includes the Kiss (with a capital K) from the first film. Cold. Rainy. Passionate. And an awkward angle. I've never tried kissing like that. Are there any women who'd volunteer? I shan't hang upside down. I'm not Spider-Man. I'll just lie on a sofa and let you approach me from above for the kiss (with a small K).

The Spider-Man trilogy is the love story of Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson. That's strongly emphasised in the first film, but it's true of all three films. That's what makes Sam Raimi's films better than the subsequent Spider-Man films. People can relate to love stories, even if they aren't interested in super-heroes.

There are problems for the relationship in the form of a beautiful blonde called Gwen Stacy.

(This is actually in the wrong order. In the comics Gwen Stacy was Peter Parker's girlfriend before he dated Mary Jane).

Peter even kisses Gwen. Just a publicity stunt.

But Mary Jane is shocked. That was her special kiss.

It's even worse when Mary Jane has to see the kiss (with a small K again) on the front page of the newspapers.

It's all made worse by the arrival of an alien symbiote. It bonds to Spider-Man by taking the appearance of a black costume. I have to admit that it looks cool. It gives Spider-Man additional strength when he's wearing it. Unfortunately, it has an adverse effect on his personality. Peter Parker becomes more arrogant and self-centred. This drives away Mary Jane.

Peter's closest friends give him advice. Aunt May speaks words that are wiser than anything she ever said in the comics:

"I don't think it's for us to say whether a person deserves to live or die".

There's also a stranger that Peter meets in the street.

"You know, I guess one person can make a difference. Nuff said!"

One of the side effects of bonding with the symbiote is that Peter Parker becomes irresistible to women. They turn and look at him in the street. He also attracts his landlord's daughter, Ursula Ditkovitch.

Ursula is played by Mageina Tovah. She has a pretty face...

... but she really needs to put on weight. I wouldn't hug her because I'd be afraid I might crush her.

Is there a future for Mary Jane in Peter Parker's life? Can she survive in the shadow of Spidey the Mighty? I shan't give you an answer, but I think you can guess.

Success Rate:  + 1.5

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