Teenage Exorcist (4 Stars)

After hearing about this film for years, I've finally managed to get my hands on a copy. I ordered it from the excellent mail order company Makeflix, which specialises in low budget horror films. It's unlikely the remastered Blu-ray will ever be sold by Amazon. When you order from Makeflix you're donating to a good cause. Since Russia began its war against Ukraine, the company's owner has been donating 20% of his sales to support the Ukrainian army. You can read about it here.

The film was made in 1991 from a screenplay co-written by Fred Olen Ray and Brinke Stevens. Brinke plays Diane, a postgraduate student who's short of money while waiting to get a job lecturing. She comes across a house that's being offered for rent at a bargain price. It's a large house with 12 bedrooms. The realtor tells her that the rent for most houses in the street is $750, but this house only costs $50. When she looks at him in surprise, he drops the price to $25.

The realtor is played by Michael Berryman. Sadly, he only has a very small role. His face is too good to waste. He's trying to get rid of the house fast because there were suspicious deaths in the house. So Diane moves into the house with 12 bedrooms. She could have turned it into a frat house.

There's a demon living in the cellar who needs a virgin sacrifice so that he can live forever. He doesn't choose Diane. Maybe she's not a virgin, or maybe he needs someone who's able to work for him. When she goes into the cellar she's possessed, and she acts completely differently. The mousey little good girl becomes a ravishing sex bomb. When her sister visits the house with her husband, they hardly recognise her.

I admit that I prefer Diane like this.

But her looks deteriorate as the evening continues. She needs a better moisturiser.

I don't want to give away too many spoilers, but I'm sure you're wondering who the teenage exorcist in the title is. When Diane's sister sees that she's possessed, she rings the local priest. The priest realises he's in over his head, so he calls an exorcist, but he dials the wrong number. He calls a local pizza parlour, and the delivery boy is the nerdy teenager Eddie. I like him. He has encyclopaedic knowledge of comic books. He manages to defeat the demon, more by luck than skill.

"Teenage Exorcist" is one of those cult films that I keep hearing about. I still haven't figured out a good definition. It's a film whose fans know that it's far from perfect, but they love it anyway. It was a gap in my education. I should have seen it years ago.