13 Erotic Ghosts (4 Stars)

Fred Olen Ray never ceases to surprise me. Of all the films in the Medina Collection, this is one of the last I would have expected to be released on Blu-ray. It's an old film, made in SD in 2002. It must have taken a lot of work to remaster it for Blu-ray. And now I hold it in my hand. It has a unique place in the Medina films. The sex scenes are all girl-girl, and it's the only film that Fred ever directed that starred the stunningly beautiful Julie Strain. His only other work with her was "Sorceress", directed by Jim Wynorski, for which he acted as producer.

A team of TV paranormal reporters is investigating a haunted castle. On the whole they're sceptics, but they're hoping that they're wrong. If they can film real ghosts they'll make a lot of money. The castle used to house a school for wayward girls. It's the 100th anniversary of a fatal accident. Lightning struck a metal dildo, killing the school's teacher, Baroness Lucrezia, and all 12 of the girls. Since then the girls have been cursed to relive their sexual encounters with one another every day. It could be worse.

The girls are invisible, unless watched with psychic ghost-goggles. There was a lot of high tech in 2002! Unfortunately, the camera can't film the ghosts.

Here's an updated summary of the Retromedia films so far, with the Blu-ray releases marked.

The Medina Collection

1. (BR) Thirteen Erotic Ghosts (2002)
2. (BR) Bikini Airways (2003)
3. (BR) Haunting Desires (2003)
4. Curse of the Erotic Tiki (2003)
5. Bikini Carwash Academy (2004)
6. Erotic Dreams of Jeannie (2004)
7. Teenage Cavegirl (2004)
8. The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful (2005)
9. Bikini Chain Gang (2005)
10. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (2006)
11. Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (2006)
12. Harlots of the Caribbean (2006)
13. Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes (2006)
14. (BR) Bewitched Housewives (2006)
15. The Girl from BIKINI (2006)
16. (BR) Super Ninja Doll (2007)
17. (BR) Tarzeena (2007)
18. Voodoo Dollz (2008)
19. Bikini Royale (2008)
20. (BR) Bikini Frankenstein (2009)
21. (BR) Twilight Vamps (2009)
22. Bikini Royale 2 (2009)
23. (BR) Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (2009)
24. (BR) Housewives from Another World (2010)
25. Lady Chatterley's Ghost (2010)
26. Bikini Time Machine (2010)
27. (BR) Sexual Witchcraft (2010)
28. Bikini Warriors (2010)
29. The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad (2011)
30. Dirty Blondes from Beyond (2012)
31. Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills (2012)
32. (BR) Baby Dolls Behind Bars (2012)

The McKendrick Collection

1. Strippers from another world (2013)
2. Big Bust Theory (2013)
3. Intergalactic Swingers (2013)
4. (BR) All Babe Network (2013)
5. Great Bikini Bowling Bash (2014)
6. Stacked Racks from Mars (2014)
7. Atomic Hotel Erotica (2014)
8. Lolita from Interstellar Space (2014)
9. Sexy Warriors (2014)
10. Bikini Avengers (2015)
11. (BR) College Coeds vs Zombie Housewives (2015)
12. Lust in Space (2015)
13. Erotic Vampires of Beverly Hills (2015)
14. (BR) Invisible Centerfolds (2015)
15. (BR) Cinderella's Hot Night (2017)
16. (BR) Sleeping Beauties (2017)

The Apocrypha

1. (BR) Bad Girls Behind Bars (2016)
2. Vixens From Venus (2016)
3. Cyborg Hookers (2016)
4. Cosmic Calendar Girls (2016)
5. Escape From Pleasure Planet (2016)
6. (BR) Paranormal Sexperiments (2016)

The Medina Collection consists of films directed by Fred Olen Ray using the pseudonym Juan Medina. The McKendrick Collection consists of films directed by Dean McKendrick. The Apocrypha consists of films directed for Retromedia by other directors.

Notes:

(1) "Bikini Carwash Academy" (Medina 5) was re-released with a different opening credits sequence, listing the director as Sherman Scott.

(2) "Tomb of the Werewolf" (not listed above) was directed by Fred Olen Ray using his own name, but it's in the Medina style. It has almost the same cast as "Haunting Desires".

(3) Dean McKendrick made seven erotic thrillers for Retromedia, not listed above.

(4) Apocrypha? If you have a better name for these films, let me know.

That's 19 out of 54 films released on Blu-ray so far. Let's hope the others will follow soon.

Haunting Desires (4½ Stars)

I can already hear my readers screaming that I've made a mistake. The film is called "Grave Desires". That's what it says on the Blu-ray box. Yes, I know, but the film's original title was "Haunting Desires" when it was released in 2003. The title was changed for the new release for copyright reasons. But I'm glad that I finally have it in my hands. I say finally, because it's the only Medina film which hasn't been released until now, apart from a censored version that Fred Olen Ray put together for Blockbuster.

The film is about a strip club in which the dancers are vampires. They make no attempt to hide their activities. They leave the corpses of their male customers naked and drained of blood where they're easy to find. The police are quick to investigate. Detective Trout (Jay Richardson) is aided by the newspaper reporter Jill Connor (Beverly Lynne). Or is he hindered by her? It's a bit of both.

For me, the person who carries the film is Evan Stone as the vampire Adrian. Evan is a prolific actor who's made over 1200 films, but I consider this his best role. This was his second film with Fred Olen Ray after "Tomb of the Werewolf", and they went on to make another 12 films together.

For some reason, Eric Masterson isn't credited, despite having a lot of screen time. He plays Jill Connor's unfaithful husband.

I find it difficult to believe any man would be unfaithful to a woman who looks like this. Beverly Lynne must be one of the most beautiful women on the planet.

The film isn't available from Amazon. It's sold exclusively by Makeflix, like most of the other recent Retromedia films.

Here's a summary of the Retromedia films so far, with the Blu-ray releases marked.

The Medina Collection

1. Thirteen Erotic Ghosts (2002)
2. (BR) Bikini Airways (2003)
3. (BR) Haunting Desires (2003)
4. Curse of the Erotic Tiki (2003)
5. Bikini Carwash Academy (2004)
6. Erotic Dreams of Jeannie (2004)
7. Teenage Cavegirl (2004)
8. The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful (2005)
9. Bikini Chain Gang (2005)
10. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (2006)
11. Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (2006)
12. Harlots of the Caribbean (2006)
13. Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes (2006)
14. Bewitched Housewives (2006)
15. The Girl from BIKINI (2006)
16. Super Ninja Doll (2007)
17. Tarzeena (2007)
18. Voodoo Dollz (2008)
19. Bikini Royale (2008)
20. (BR) Bikini Frankenstein (2009)
21. (BR) Twilight Vamps (2009)
22. Bikini Royale 2 (2009)
23. (BR) Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (2009)
24. Housewives from Another World (2010)
25. Lady Chatterley's Ghost (2010)
26. Bikini Time Machine (2010)
27. Sexual Witchcraft (2010)
28. Bikini Warriors (2010)
29. The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad (2011)
30. Dirty Blondes from Beyond (2012)
31. Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills (2012)
32. (BR) Baby Dolls Behind Bars (2012)

The McKendrick Collection

1. Strippers from another world (2013)
2. Big Bust Theory (2013)
3. Intergalactic Swingers (2013)
4. (BR) All Babe Network (2013)
5. Great Bikini Bowling Bash (2014)
6. Stacked Racks from Mars (2014)
7. Atomic Hotel Erotica (2014)
8. Lolita from Interstellar Space (2014)
9. Sexy Warriors (2014)
10. Bikini Avengers (2015)
11. (BR) College Coeds vs Zombie Housewives (2015)
12. Lust in Space (2015)
13. Erotic Vampires of Beverly Hills (2015)
14. Invisible Centerfolds (2015)
15. (BR) Cinderella's Hot Night (2017)
16. (BR) Sleeping Beauties (2017)

The Apocrypha

1. (BR) Bad Girls Behind Bars (2016)
2. Vixens From Venus (2016)
3. Cyborg Hookers (2016)
4. Cosmic Calendar Girls (2016)
5. Escape From Pleasure Planet (2016)
6. (BR) Paranormal Sexperiments (2016)

The Medina Collection consists of films directed by Fred Olen Ray using the pseudonym Juan Medina. The McKendrick Collection consists of films directed by Dean McKendrick. The Apocrypha consists of films directed for Retromedia by other directors.

Notes:

(1) "Bikini Carwash Academy" (Medina 5) was re-released with a different opening credits sequence, listing the director as Sherman Scott.

(2) "Tomb of the Werewolf" (not listed above) was directed by Fred Olen Ray using his own name, but it's in the Medina style. It has almost the same cast as "Haunting Desires".

(3) Dean McKendrick made seven erotic thrillers for Retromedia, not listed above.

(4) Apocrypha? If you have a better name for these films, let me know.

That's 12 out of 54 films released on Blu-ray so far. At the current speed they won't all be available on Blu-ray until 2040. I'm hoping Fred will speed up, but there are problems with the early Medina films. The first films were made in single density, so they'll need time-intensive remastering to be prepared for Blu-ray. Fred will only do that if he's 100% certain he'll make a profit. The later films shot in high density can be transferred to Blu-ray with a minimum of effort.

Bikini Airways (4 Stars)

I'm happy to say that Fred Olen Ray has released another one of the Medina films on Blu-ray. He's getting there, slowly but surely. Five down, 27 to go.

I call this series of films the Medina Collection, since they were directed by Fred using the pseudonym Juan Medina or Nicholas Juan Medina. He prefers to refer to them as his bikini films, even though there are no bikinis in most of the films.

This is the third version of the film I've bought so far. The first DVD was poor quality, and worst of all, it was a double-sided DVD. The second DVD was remastered from the original tapes. It was a significant improvement. The Blu-ray disc that I now hold in my hands is a further improvement, as I can see from comparing it with the second DVD. I have to qualify it though. The wide angle scenes are still slightly fuzzy, but the close up scenes look almost perfect on my 4K OLED television.

Pilots have been flying the skies for years, but they've never seen a UFO.

"Bikini Airways" is notable for having the first appearance of Eric Masterson in a Retromedia film. He went on to make a total of eleven films.

Admittedly, "Bikini Airways" is trashy, but I like trash. It was a good film that kicked off 53 further films in its softporn genra. Or was it 52? Fred says that "Bikini Airways" was the first of the bikini films, but it was the second film in the Medina Collection.

Here's a summary of the Retromedia films so far, with the Blu-ray releases marked.

The Medina Collection

1. Thirteen Erotic Ghosts (2002)
2. (BR) Bikini Airways (2003)
3. Haunting Desires (2003)
4. Curse of the Erotic Tiki (2003)
5. Bikini Carwash Academy (2004)
6. Erotic Dreams of Jeannie (2004)
7. Teenage Cavegirl (2004)
8. The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful (2005)
9. Bikini Chain Gang (2005)
10. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (2006)
11. Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (2006)
12. Harlots of the Caribbean (2006)
13. Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes (2006)
14. Bewitched Housewives (2006)
15. The Girl from BIKINI (2006)
16. Super Ninja Doll (2007)
17. Tarzeena (2007)
18. Voodoo Dollz (2008)
19. Bikini Royale (2008)
20. (BR) Bikini Frankenstein (2009)
21. (BR) Twilight Vamps (2009)
22. Bikini Royale 2 (2009)
23. (BR) Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (2009)
24. Housewives from Another World (2010)
25. Lady Chatterley's Ghost (2010)
26. Bikini Time Machine (2010)
27. Sexual Witchcraft (2010)
28. Bikini Warriors (2010)
29. The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad (2011)
30. Dirty Blondes from Beyond (2012)
31. Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills (2012)
32. (BR) Baby Dolls Behind Bars (2012)

The McKendrick Collection

1. Strippers from another world (2013)
2. Big Bust Theory (2013)
3. Intergalactic Swingers (2013)
4. (BR) All Babe Network (2013)
5. Great Bikini Bowling Bash (2014)
6. Stacked Racks from Mars (2014)
7. Atomic Hotel Erotica (2014)
8. Lolita from Interstellar Space (2014)
9. Sexy Warriors (2014)
10. Bikini Avengers (2015)
11. (BR) College Coeds vs Zombie Housewives (2015)
12. Lust in Space (2015)
13. Erotic Vampires of Beverly Hills (2015)
14. Invisible Centerfolds (2015)
15. (BR) Cinderella's Hot Night (2017)
16. (BR) Sleeping Beauties (2017)

The Apocrypha

1. (BR) Bad Girls Behind Bars (2016)
2. Vixens From Venus (2016)
3. Cyborg Hookers (2016)
4. Cosmic Calendar Girls (2016)
5. Escape From Pleasure Planet (2016)
6. (BR) Paranormal Sexperiments (2016)

The Medina Collection consists of films directed by Fred Olen Ray using the pseudonym Juan Medina. The McKendrick Collection consists of films directed by Dean McKendrick. The Apocrypha consists of films directed for Retromedia by other directors.

Notes:

(1) "Haunting Desires" (Medina 3) is the only Medina film that hasn't been officially released on DVD.

(2) "Bikini Carwash Academy" (Medina 5) was re-released with a different opening credits sequence, listing the director as Sherman Scott.

(3) "Tomb of the Werewolf" (not listed above) was directed by Fred Olen Ray using his own name, but it's in the Medina style. It has almost the same cast as "Haunting Desires".

(4) Dean McKendrick made seven erotic thrillers for Retromedia, not listed above.

(5) Apocrypha? If you have a better name for these films, let me know.

That's 11 out of 54 films released on Blu-ray so far. At the current speed they won't all be available on Blu-ray until 2040. I'm hoping Fred will speed up, but there are problems with the early Medina films. The first films were made in single density, so they'll need time-intensive remastering to be prepared for Blu-ray. Fred will only do that if he's 100% certain he'll make a profit. The later films shot in high density can be transferred to Blu-ray with a minimum of effort.

Tomb of the Werewolf (4 Stars)

Yes, I know the title on the Blu-ray cover says "The Unliving", but I prefer to call the film by its original title, "Tomb of the Werewolf". After years of begging, Fred Olen Ray has finally released it on Blu-ray. It's a treat for any of the fans of Paul Naschy and gothic horror.

I'm in a bad way today. I'm suffering from flu and have a throbbing headache, so I can't write much about the film. Here's the summary from the back cover.

And here's a photo of the beautiful Beverly Lynne. It was her first film with Fred Olen Ray, after which she became a regular.

After "Tomb of the Werewolf" she appeared in another 15 films directed by Fred Olen Ray, followed by six films directed by Dean McKendrick.

It's also worth mentioning that this is the first film that the majestic Evan Stone made with Fred Olen Ray. He made another 14 films after this.

A wonderful film. But now I'm going to bed. Goodnight, all.

The Channeler (2 Stars)

"The Channeler" is included as a bonus feature with "Teenage Exorcist" as a rare film. Okay, if we're getting something for nothing, we shouldn't expect too much. The picture quality varies between mediocre and poor. It looks like it's been upscaled to 1080p without any remastering. It was difficult for me to make good screenshots of the film, because most of the frames have dirt on them.

I always have problems with films whose titles are spelt incorrectly. The correct spelling is "Channeller". Some of my readers might exclaim "That's the American way to spell it", but I don't accept arguments like that. In my opinion, there's no "British English vs American English". It's a matter of "Right and wrong spelling". Some people think that the variant English spellings slowly developed in America, but that's not true. American English was invented by Noah Webster, the author of the first English dictionary written in America in 1806. He deliberately included new spellings that had hitherto been called slang. There always have been and always will be slang, for instance "u" and "ur" instead of "you" and "your", but we know that they're mistakes. In the early 19th Century uneducated people were writing "color" instead of "colour", so Webster arbitrarily said that "color" is correct. Why? He was strongly anti-British. He thought that American independence could be expressed by using different spellings. That's inexcusable. He used his political biases as an excuse for ruining the English language.

I'm not saying Noah Webster was uneducated. On the contrary, he was a great scholar. That made him worse. If he'd been uneducated, his lack of intelligence would have excused his awful dictionary. As it is, he deliberately vandalised the English language. Now, 200 years later, it's difficult to go back. Difficult, but not impossible. Americans have grown used to "color" and "channeler", but in our high tech age there are aids to put things right. If you're not sure how to spell correctly, set your computer's language to English (UK). Then words will be highlighted that you write with a variant American spelling.

But proper names shouldn't be changed. That's why I grudgingly call the film Channeler instead of Channeller. Maybe I should give the film a completely different name, like "The Case of the Disappearing Beard". The director didn't film the scenes in chronological order, and he made no attempt to synchronise Jay Richardson's facial hair.

This is what he looks like on the first day. Clean shaven.

This is the morning of the second day. That's a lot of hair to grow overnight.

But later in the day he's clean shaven again, apart from a slight shadow.

He's still relatively clean shaven on the third day.

But ten minutes later he's already looking hairier. If you watch the film carefully, you'll see that his facial hair frequently changes from one shot to the next.

I'm probably boring you with my endless talk about Filmfehler, so let's move to the film itself. The initial premise isn't easy to accept. Pam is a teacher who's taking a group of students on a hiking trip to an old abandoned mine. One of them is Jay Richardson, an older PhD student, doing a doctorate in Environmental Research. The other five, three boys and two girls, are younger undergraduate students. I don't understand why students would go on a nature trip with a lecturer. I certainly wouldn't have done it when I was a student, unless I'd had a crush on her.

Pam's real goal is to investigate reports of supernatural occurrences at the mine, but she keeps it a secret. She doesn't even tell her boyfriend.

The supernatural occurrences have been caused by creatures with claws on their hands and feet. It's possible that they're possessed miners. They kill anyone who comes close to the mine. One of the boys in the group, Scott, is a channeller. There, I spelt it correctly! An even older creature speaks through him, warning everyone about the dangers at the mine. None of the students take him seriously. Pam suspects that his warnings might be genuine, but she doesn't tell anyone. As they get closer to the mine, the creature takes full possession of Scott and uses him to seal the clawed creatures in the mine.

I have to apologise for making the film sound so interesting. It's not. Very little happens for the first hour. The film is spoilt by having too many characters. The team of seven hikers is too large for good character development. It would have been better with five, maybe even four hikers. I was glad when the first two students were killed. They were superfluous.

As I said, the film was free, so I shouldn't complain about it. I doubt I'll watch it again.

Teenage Exorcist (4 Stars)

After hearing about this film for years, I've finally managed to get my hands on a copy. I ordered it from the excellent mail order company Makeflix, which specialises in low budget horror films. It's unlikely the remastered Blu-ray will ever be sold by Amazon. When you order from Makeflix you're donating to a good cause. Since Russia began its war against Ukraine, the company's owner has been donating 20% of his sales to support the Ukrainian army. You can read about it here.

The film was made in 1991 from a screenplay co-written by Fred Olen Ray and Brinke Stevens. Brinke plays Diane, a postgraduate student who's short of money while waiting to get a job lecturing. She comes across a house that's being offered for rent at a bargain price. It's a large house with 12 bedrooms. The realtor tells her that the rent for most houses in the street is $750, but this house only costs $50. When she looks at him in surprise, he drops the price to $25.

The realtor is played by Michael Berryman. Sadly, he only has a very small role. His face is too good to waste. He's trying to get rid of the house fast because there were suspicious deaths in the house. So Diane moves into the house with 12 bedrooms. She could have turned it into a frat house.

There's a demon living in the cellar who needs a virgin sacrifice so that he can live forever. He doesn't choose Diane. Maybe she's not a virgin, or maybe he needs someone who's able to work for him. When she goes into the cellar she's possessed, and she acts completely differently. The mousey little good girl becomes a ravishing sex bomb. When her sister visits the house with her husband, they hardly recognise her.

I admit that I prefer Diane like this.

But her looks deteriorate as the evening continues. She needs a better moisturiser.

I don't want to give away too many spoilers, but I'm sure you're wondering who the teenage exorcist in the title is. When Diane's sister sees that she's possessed, she rings the local priest. The priest realises he's in over his head, so he calls an exorcist, but he dials the wrong number. He calls a local pizza parlour, and the delivery boy is the nerdy teenager Eddie. I like him. He has encyclopaedic knowledge of comic books. He manages to defeat the demon, more by luck than skill.

"Teenage Exorcist" is one of those cult films that I keep hearing about. I still haven't figured out a good definition. It's a film whose fans know that it's far from perfect, but they love it anyway. It was a gap in my education. I should have seen it years ago.

Haunting Fear (4½ Stars)

I consider myself a fan of Fred Olen Ray and his films, but this is a film I'd never heard of until recently. It was only brought to my attention when Fred said he was going to bring it out on Blu-ray. That's not so surprising. It doesn't seem to have been available on DVD until now, or I would already have bought it. According to IMDB, Fred has directed 156 films, of which I only own about 50 on disc. I've also seen a few films that are (currently) only available on streaming. It's difficult to keep up with someone as prolific as him, even if everything were still available.

The film isn't yet available from Amazon. I bought it from Makeflix, a small online store in the USA. I've ordered a few items from them, and so far I'm satisfied. My only complaint is that the shipping is more expensive than Amazon, but I assume that's because they have to pay more because they ship in smaller quantities. In their favour, they ship articles with a pro forma customs declaration. Whatever I pay, they write a customs value of $10 on the customs declaration. That's good, because I would have to pay (excessive) customs duty on any package worth more than 15 Euros ($18). Many (though not all) American companies use pro forma customs declarations when exporting to Europe. That's something British companies haven't yet learnt how to do.

Brinke Stevens plays the lead role as Victoria Munroe, a woman whose father has recently died. She blames the family doctor for her father's death, even suspecting him of murdering him, but this subplot isn't developed any further. There's just a general mistrust of the doctor in her dealings with him. Since her father's death she has repeated nightmares about being buried alive. Her husband Terry, played by the magnificent Jay Richardson, insists that she should go to the doctor. He prescribes strong sleeping pills, but they're not enough to stop the dreams.

Terry is having an affair with his secretary. Silly man. If my wife looked anything like Brinke Stevens I wouldn't dream of having an affair. It's not that she's lacking in sexual drive. She invites her husband to bed, but he says that he has too much work to do. That's a lame excuse. The real reason is that he's still tired after having sex in his office.

Maybe it's guilt that's keeping him away from his wife's loving arms. He has gambling debts of $80,000. He hasn't told his wife about them. Their house belongs to his wife, so theoretically she could take out a mortgage on the house to pay the debts, but he doesn't expect her to agree. Gambling is an addiction. Any man with $80,000 debts will get himself even deeper in debt in the future. So what's the solution? Terry is weak, easily influenced. His secretary encourages him to kill his wife.

That's all I'll say about the plot. I hope that many of my friends will buy this film. It's a masterpiece. The pacing is perfect, beginning slowly but escalating into the totally unexpected conclusion. In the past I've only seen Brinke Stevens in small roles, but she proves herself to be a very good actress. I don't need to say anything about Jay Richardson, because everyone knows he's brilliant.

I almost forgot to mention that Michael Berryman appears in a small role. People who have worked with him are unanimous that he's a beautiful person, but his unique appearance makes him ideal for appearances in horror films. He has a face that would make little children scream.

Last Saturday there was a live film launch party online. It can still be found online here. The vlogger Heath Holland interviewed Fred Olen Ray and Brinke Stevens about the film and their work in general. The audience could address questions to the guests. Most of the questions were directed at Brinke, but Fred still managed to get a word in edgeways.

The launch party was very informative and entertaining, even though Brinke's camera was fuzzy and Fred's microphone occasionally cut out. If you're a fan of Fred or Brinke, I can recommend watching this video.

So when is Fred going to release his next Blu-ray? I'm still waiting for the next 30 Medina films.

Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #92

This is an example of how my tastes in films have changed over the years. This used to be my favourite film. I first saw it on videotape in the late 1990's, probably 1997. It was the very first film I bought on DVD from Amazon on 3rd August 2003. That's still the DVD that I'm holding in my hand today. I'd already bought a few DVD's from shops in Birmingham, but I'm sure it was among my first 10 films.

Maybe my tastes haven't changed that much. I didn't become a big film fan until I bought my first DVD player in 2003. I don't remember the exact date, but it can't have been long before 3rd August 2003. Sure, I'd watched films on television and videotape for years, but DVD's were a new experience for me. It's possible that I just didn't know that many films back then. On television I mostly watched the recent blockbusters. I only discovered older films later. "Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold" remained my favourite film until 2005, when other films started to push it down the list.

I wish I'd started writing my blog in 2003 instead of waiting until 2010. The Blogger service exists since 1999, but it only became free to use after Google bought it in 2003. A year later it was made possible to insert photos into posts. After that upgrades were incremental. There weren't any big changes from 2010 to 2020, just small cosmetic changes. Now the design interface has changed. It's unfamiliar to me after ten years with the old interface, but I can put up with it. What I can't put up with is the long list of bugs that Google is unable to fix. Google's customer support for Blogger is non-existent, but in a way I can understand it. Why should they offer one-on-one support for a free product? I'd be willing to pay a reasonable amount for the privilege of direct communication with a developer. As it is, I just send the same bug list once a month to Google. There's no reply, and the bugs aren't fixed.

The centerfold in the film's title is Angel, played by J. J. North. (I hate the American spelling of centerfold, but I'll use it in this blog post). She was the Centerfold of the Month for the March edition of Plaything magazine. Now she's one of the top three models, of whom only one can become Plaything's Centerfold of the Year. She thinks she won't be picked because her breasts are shrinking. She shows them to her doctor, but he can't see any problem with them. Can you? Nevertheless, he gives her a revolutionary new serum that should increase her breast size within a week. Angel is only supposed to drink one vial each day, but she's impatient and drinks half a dozen vials on the morning of the photoshoot.

The result is that she shoots up to 60 foot in height. Poor Angel wants to get back to normal, but Bob Gordon, the owner of Plaything, has other ideas. He wants to keep her at giant size in order to exploit her as the biggest centerfold ever.

One of the other models is jealous of Angel being picked as Centerfold of the Year, so she breaks into Angel's rooms and steals the remainder of the serum. Now there are two 60 foot centerfolds!

The two girls get into a catfight that leads them all the way from the beach to downtown Los Angeles. This is one of the most ridiculous scenes I've ever seen, but it's delicious as a parody. The two bikini clad giantesses battle in the street, while people are running away from them in fear. You would think it's Godzilla battling King Kong.

There's just one problem with the film. It's not just the oldest DVD in my collection, it's the worst quality. The picture is fuzzy throughout. There are different reasons. Partially it's a poorly mastered DVD. Partially the special effects are below the standards that we expect today. The film was made in 1995, before the days of green screens. It would have cost a lot more to make the giantess scenes look more realistic.

I wrote to Fred Olen Ray begging for a remastered Blu-ray of this classic film. He replied that it's not possible because the producer Roger Corman has "mislaid the negative". That's awful. How about remaking the film, keeping as close to the original script as possible? I hope Fred is reading this.

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you might have noticed that I've skipped a number in my top 100 countdown. It's not a mistake, I skipped #93 on purpose. I shan't tell you why, but I'll get to it eventually. Be patient. All will be revealed. If you can guess the reason, leave a comment, and I'll give you a simple Yes/No answer. No more clues.

Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold (5 Stars)

I watched this film today in honour of the sadly departed Nikki Fritz, shown here with a chainsaw. I'm not sure why I've waited seven years since last watching it. It's a brilliant film, one of my all time favourites. Maybe it's the poor quality of the DVD that puts me off. The cover notes claim that the film has been digitally remastered! I dread to think what it look liked before, because the picture is still fuzzy.

Nikki Fritz only plays a supporting role in the film, but it's important enough to list this as one of her films, unlike "Witches of Breastwick 2", in which her appearance was little more than a cameo.

She plays Rosita, the girlfriend of Bob Gordon, the owner of Plaything magazine. Here she is giving Bob a shoulder rub. I'm sure fans of Fred Olen Ray's films recognise the actor. It's Jay Richardson. Did he really get paid for sitting by a pool being massaged by Nikki Fritz? Some actors win Oscars, but Jay Richardson doesn't care, he's had much better rewards in his career.

Rosita is a fiercely jealous girlfriend, always watching out for other women.

She doesn't always use chainsaws. Guns are just as efficient.

"Now don't you come near my man again!"

A meat cleaver also does the job.

It was necessary for the film to include this disclaimer in the end credits.

I didn't intend to post screenshots of anyone except Nikki Fritz in this post, but I couldn't resist this one character. Didn't I see him in another film yesterday?

Nikki Fritz
7 April 1968 – 26 February 2020

Tomb of the Werewolf (4 Stars)

"There's nothing I like more than two girls together in a gothic horror film stretched out on a bed with some candles going". (Fred Olen Ray)

I was inspired to watch this film after reading a few days ago that it was the 10th anniversary of Paul Naschy's death. For those who don't know him, he was Spain's best known actor in horror movies. He's most commonly compared to Lon Chaney, because he portrayed all of the classic horror characters: Frankenstein's monster, Count Dracula, the Wolfman and the Mummy. He's best known for playing the Wolfman, 12 films from 1968 to 2004, in which he's always an incarnation of Count Waldemar Daninsky. "Tomb of the Werewolf" is the 12th and final film.

Before watching the film today I read my last review and saw that I promised to listen to the director's commentary next week. That was three years ago. Oops! So I made up for it by listening to the commentary today.

I don't often listen to commentary tracks. Usually they're boring, especially for new films. It seems to be a chore for the directors. The studios tell them, "You have to do a commentary track to make people buy the DVD/Blu-ray instead of just watching it on Netflix". Just because a man is a good director, it doesn't mean he's interesting to listen to, especially if he never wanted to talk about something. Even adding a film's principal actors to the mix doesn't improve the quality of the track.

Commentaries worth listening to are:

1. "Batman" (1966). Adam West and Burt Ward.

2. "Basic Instinct", Camille Paglia (available on DVD only).

3. Any commentary by Joe Bob Briggs.

and.....

4. Any commentary by Fred Olen Ray.

In the commentary for "Tomb of the Werewolf" Fred Olen Ray is supposedly being interviewed by David DeCoteau, but it turns into a chat between two old friends. During their conversation they often get diverted and talk about their other projects that have nothing to do with the film, but whatever they have to say is interesting. I wasn't bored for a moment, I was hanging on Fred's every word.

The commentary was recorded in 2013, nine years after the film was released in 2004. What's interesting for me as someone outside of the movie business is that he has trouble remembering details. He's not sure whether he made the film in 2001 or 2002. He can't remember whether he made it before or after other films that he made in the early 2000's. I can relate to that in comparison with my own career in software engineering. I did some big projects, but I can't always remember what year it was. I have difficulty remembering the exact years I did them. My projects were bigger than Fred's films, as far as the time was concerned. If I'm unable to remember when I worked on an 18-month project, Fred can be forgiven for forgetting the exact dates of a six-day film.

Yes, six days. Fred's trademark is his ability to make a good film in a short period of time.

Paul Naschy was visiting Los Angeles on other business, and Fred was keen to make a film with him. Fred didn't find out until he met him that he didn't speak a single word of English, but that didn't put him off. It was important to Fred that Paul's voice shouldn't be dubbed, so the script was written to keep his dialogue to a minimum, and Paul learnt his few lines phonetically. Paul was only available for three days, so his scenes were filmed first. A stand-in actor was needed for additional scenes after he left.

Something else of note is that this is the first film that Beverly Lynne made with Fred Olen Ray. Another actress, whose name Fred has forgotten, dropped out at the last moment, and Beverly was recommended by a friend. Fred was so impressed with her that he's used her in dozens of films since then. He can't say how many, but I could name 17 films that I have in my DVD collection.

Even though Fred has been using Michelle Bauer in his movies since 1988, this is the first film in which he's filmed her performing a sex scene. He says he can't remember if it was the only time, but it was definitely the first. Please, Fred... how could anyone forget something like that? Supposedly Michelle was nervous about the scene because she considered herself too old. She was 42 or 43, depending on when the film was made, and she said that nobody would want to look at her. I don't understand why she was so insecure. She was the sexiest woman in the film, as her lesbian sex scene with Jacy Andrews proves.

Sex scenes in a horror movie? Yes, there are five of them: three boy-girl scenes, and two girl-girl scenes. When Fred made the film he was concerned that it might not make any money, so he added the sex scenes to make it appealing for late night cable viewing. In retrospect, that might not have been a good idea. The film had too much sex for fans of horror movies, and too much horror for fans of sex movies. The film was a financial failure, and it failed to break even. That doesn't mean that Fred regrets making the film. It was a matter of prestige. For him it was an honour to make a film with Paul Naschy, so any money that he lost was considered paying for the privilege.

In the commentary Fred compares "Tomb of the Werewolf" with "Haunting Desires", which he made at roughly the same time. He can't remember which he made first, but Beverly Lynne was in both films, so "Haunting Desires" must have come later. Fred says that the mixture of gothic horror and sex works better in "Haunting Desires". I agree. There are probably two reasons for this. "Haunting Desires" has a better plot. "Tomb of the Werewolf" was probably written in a hurry when Fred found out that Paul was in Los Angeles. The other reason is that vampires are sexier than werewolves, so vampires and sex are always a good mix.

Beverly Lynne becomes a werewolf. Or should she be called a she-wolf? I don't know. Either way, I think it's a shame she never reprised this role in her later movies.

Michelle Bauer plays Elizabeth Bathory, and she needs the blood of virgins to stay eternally young. I thought that the real Elizabeth Bathory didn't drink blood, she bathed in it. Call it artistic license. And is Jacy Andrews really a virgin? Earlier in the film she had lesbian scenes with Beverly Lynne and Michelle Bauer. But technically, lesbian sex doesn't take away a woman's virginity, I suppose. It's all a matter of definition.

The best way to listen to a commentary track is to play it while watching the film with the main subtitles. That way you don't miss anything. Unfortunately, the DVD doesn't have any subtitles. I know the film well enough to do without, but it's still a loss.

One unrelated but nevertheless interesting thing in the interview is that people in Los Angeles like to rip off film makers. David DeCoteau, also a film director, wanted to use a church in one of his films. He spoke to a nun and offered her $1,000. She laughed and replied, "When the Julia Roberts film was made they paid us $15,000 a day". (What film was that? "Runaway Bride"?)

That's a total rip-off. The nun should be ashamed of her greed. I would have dropped $10 in the collection box.