Bikini Drive-In (4 Stars)

One of my pet hates is Wikipedia's film reviews. They don't shy away from giving spoilers, even for newly released films. I've followed for and against arguments in the talk pages, and the consensus is that Wikipedia is a dictionary, so it should contain all the relevant information about a film. If anyone doesn't want spoilers, he shouldn't read the Wikipedia article.

There's no need to worry about "Bikini Drive-In". The Wikipedia page says:

"A girl inherits a drive-in movie theatre".

That's all. It goes to the other extreme. It says almost nothing about the film. The only additional information is a cast list.

When I reviewed "Bikini Drive-In" three years I only included screenshots of Nikki Fritz, because she had recently passed away. She's only one of many beautiful women in the film, despite appearing as a Plain Jane who slowly steps up and realises she's beautiful.

This is what she looks like on the DVD.

And this is what she looks like on the remastered Blu-ray. I managed to make a screenshot of the exact frame on both discs. The picture isn't perfect, considering it was a low budget movie made in 1995, but I'm sure you'll agree that it's an improvement.

There's something I didn't mention about Nikki when I wrote about her films in 2020. In 1998 she was the first woman to make a website with photos of herself, and only herself, for paying customers to look at. The URL was www.nikkifritz.com, but the site has long since ceased to exist. It might sound like nothing special today, but it was revolutionary at the time. There were already sites such as www.playboy.com (founded 1996) which contained photos of lots of different naked women, but Nikki made the first site dedicated to one woman.

Here are the photos from the free area of her site in 1998.

That's the original size. I expect that the nude pictures in the members area weren't any bigger. Remember, in the 1990's almost everyone had a dial-up connection, so large photos weren't acceptable. I was one of the early birds. In 1995 I had my first Internet account, with a 14,400 bits/sec modem. The telephone costs in Germany were phenomenal. This dictated my work. When I wanted to write an email I logged out, wrote the email, then logged in again to send it.

At some point I bought a 28,800 bits/sec modem. In 1999 I had my first taste of speed. I had a modem with 1.5 Mbit/sec, and it was on a dedicated phone line for which I paid a monthly flat rate. It still wasn't enough to display large photos at an acceptable speed. Today my Internet speed is nominally 1000 Mbit/sec, although I rarely get more than 200 Mbit/sec, because I'm connected by Wifi, not directly to the modem itself.

"Bikini Drive-In" is best known for the appearance of Michelle Bauer. What a woman!

She's the sort of woman who makes men stand and stare. Not necessarily in that order.

And she even signed the back of my Blu-ray. No, I won't sell it on Ebay. I'll hang on to this disc for the rest of my life.

And there are other beautiful women. The woman on the left isn't listed in the credits. but it's Becky LeBeau. She's not only beautiful, she sings most of the songs used in the film.

She's also an expert with a whip.

I still haven't said what the film's about. A girl inherits a drive-in movie theatre. She finds out that it's $25,000 in debt, and if she doesn't repay the money within three days the bank will possess it. So she has a brilliant idea. She'll have a film evening where she and the rest of her female staff will be dressed in bikinis. Even Susan the concessions girl, played by Nikki Fritz, is encouraged to show what she's got.

It helps that the projectionist has a good selection of classic films lying in his booth.

Here's a question for my readers. Three of the films are fictional. One is a real film. Which film really exists?

I can't resist the temptation to show two more before and after photos of Nikki Fritz.

Now you know why I prefer Blu-rays.

The Blu-ray I bought this week is a limited edition. It's not sold by Amazon, but with a little luck you can buy it from Makeflix.

Dungeons of Ecstasy (2 Stars)

This film amazes me. How can a film with so much sex and nudity be so boring? I didn't think I could make it to the end. I kept looking at my watch to see how much longer it would go on. Having said that, I'm glad I held on. There was a sex scene with Nikki Fritz 20 minutes from the end, just two minutes long, but it was enough to save the film from being utterly abysmal.

I bought the film on a whim last month, because it ticked all the right boxes. Beautiful girls. S & M. Nikki Fritz. What more does an English film fan want? I checked the mail every day, and it finally arrived from America this week. But everything about it is wrong. Almost everything.

It starts with the picture quality. It was immediately obvious to me that it's not a new film, despite being released in 2017. There haven't been fuzzy pictures like that since the 1990's. As the film progressed, I realised what had happened. The two-hour film consists of three 40-minute mini-films that were made in the late 1990's. These films might possibly have been good, but they've all been shortened from their original 70 to 80 minute running times.

And Nikki Fritz only appears in the third film.

There's not a plot to speak of. Whenever a plot begins in one of the mini-films, it's abandoned as soon as the next mini-film starts. Don't buy this film. It's a waste of money. All it's good for is a few minutes of Nikki Fritz.

Hybrid (4 Stars)

This 1997 science fiction film stars Nikki Fritz, which is why I watched it today. Maybe "stars" is too strong a word. She appears for about two minutes at the beginning of the film, and then she's killed by the monster shown in the poster.

It's not quite clear from the film itself what the story's background is. There are a few fight scenes which give some clues, but if we want to know what happened we need to watch the trailer. In the year 2069 there was an alien invasion. Eventually the aliens were driven away, but most of the human race was destroyed in the process. The survivors are few and far between.

A small group, three men and two women, is walking across open countryside looking for civilisation. They meet a lone man, a soldier, who is heading to a nearby scientific research facility. They decide to join him.

The group includes J. J. North as Nurse Carla Ferguson and Brinke Stevens as Dr. Leslie Morgan. Why do women in the future wear their bras on the outside? Or is it just doctors?

The scientific facility is deserted. Nikki Fritz, pictured here, was the last person to be killed in the opening scenes. Her external bra looks like it's been deflated.

The scientific facility was being used to create genetically modified super-soldiers for the war against the aliens. The aliens left before the project could be completed. Some genius thought up the idea of injecting the DNA of cockroaches into human beings. The result was an almost unstoppable killing machine without the intelligence to know which side he was on. He killed all the scientists, including poor Nikki, and now he's stalking the intruders who have wandered the facility.

It's a typical last-man-standing scenario. Or is it a last-woman-standing scenario?

Are the women smarter than the men? Or more aggressive? Or do they just get their priorities straight? While the men are searching the scientific facility for the monster, the two women jump into a shower to enjoy each other's company. They feel much better afterwards.

The film is directed by Fred Olen Ray, shown here with his beautiful wife Kimberley. Does he make films to create works of art or to pay his bills? He's said more than once that his top priority is to feed his family, but if he can make art in the process, all the better. Some, though not all of his films, are masterpieces which will be remembered for centuries to come.

Bikini Drive-In (4 Stars)

This is the third film that I'm watching this week to remember the recently departed Nikki Fritz. Yes, that's her in the photo, showing that she can also play a Plain Jane, if the script demands it. She's a woman you wouldn't give a second glance in the street.

"Bikini Drive-In" was made in 1994, and I expect most of you know the basic premise of the bikini films. A young woman inherits something, anything from a car wash to a hotel to an airline to a bowling alley. Anything. Let's call it an X. Her newly inherited X is on the verge of bankruptcy, so she promotes it by filling it with sexy girls in bikinis. This saves the X, and in the process the young woman falls in love with a random man who supports her vision.

In this film, Kim Taylor inherits a drive-in movie theatre from her grandfather. It's $25,000 in debt, and if she doesn't pay the money within three days the bank will reclaim it. So she puts on a film evening with "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" as the climax. Everyone who works in the theatre has to wear a bikini, including Nikki Fritz, the girl selling snacks.

"But I can't possibly wear a bikini! I'm so ugly!"

"Please, God, don't let me look like a fool".

"Oh wow! I don't look so bad after all!"

"Let me do a quick twirl in front of the mirror!"

Business was never so good. The queue to buy snacks went round the block. The drive-in movie theatre was saved. I can guarantee you, I would have been standing in the queue to buy popcorn. And I don't even like popcorn!

Nikki Fritz
7 April 1968 – 26 February 2020

P. S. I wonder who plays the radio DJ Randy Rocket. He looks suspiciously like the wrestler Freddie Valentine.

Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold (5 Stars)

I watched this film today in honour of the sadly departed Nikki Fritz, shown here with a chainsaw. I'm not sure why I've waited seven years since last watching it. It's a brilliant film, one of my all time favourites. Maybe it's the poor quality of the DVD that puts me off. The cover notes claim that the film has been digitally remastered! I dread to think what it look liked before, because the picture is still fuzzy.

Nikki Fritz only plays a supporting role in the film, but it's important enough to list this as one of her films, unlike "Witches of Breastwick 2", in which her appearance was little more than a cameo.

She plays Rosita, the girlfriend of Bob Gordon, the owner of Plaything magazine. Here she is giving Bob a shoulder rub. I'm sure fans of Fred Olen Ray's films recognise the actor. It's Jay Richardson. Did he really get paid for sitting by a pool being massaged by Nikki Fritz? Some actors win Oscars, but Jay Richardson doesn't care, he's had much better rewards in his career.

Rosita is a fiercely jealous girlfriend, always watching out for other women.

She doesn't always use chainsaws. Guns are just as efficient.

"Now don't you come near my man again!"

A meat cleaver also does the job.

It was necessary for the film to include this disclaimer in the end credits.

I didn't intend to post screenshots of anyone except Nikki Fritz in this post, but I couldn't resist this one character. Didn't I see him in another film yesterday?

Nikki Fritz
7 April 1968 – 26 February 2020

The Witches of Breastwick 2 (3½ Stars)

Yesterday evening I heard the news about the death of Nikki Fritz, after a long battle with cancer. In order to remember her I pulled a DVD off my shelf with her name in the credits. In retrospect, this wasn't a good choice. Nikki Fritz appears in the film in a non-speaking role for only a minute, little more than a cameo.

This film has almost nothing to do with "The Witches of Breastwick", so the two films can be watched in either order. As much as I respect Jim Wynorski, I have to say that he was cashing in on the success of the first film, and he made a poor quality rip-off of his own work.

The similarities are that a man dreams about three witches, and then he meets the witches in real life. The house where the witches live is the same in both films, but that's where the similarities end. It's a different trio of witches, played by different actresses. The witches in the first film are malevolent, but in the second film they're attempting to help the man who's dreaming about them. The biggest difference is that the first film has a well written story, while the second film is just an excuse for a string of sex scenes. Yes, I enjoy sex scenes, but I want a bit more.

David, played by Frankie Cullen, has repeated dreams about being tied to a pole while three scantily dressed women dance around him. No sex, just teasing. Then a woman in black appears, and he wakes up. He calls it a nightmare, but I don't understand why. The only thing bad about it is that he wakes up. It's a dream I'd gladly have repeated in my head every night, especially if the three dancing girls are Rebecca Love, Lexi Lamour and ex-WWE wrestler Tylene Buck. And the woman in black is Nikki Fritz, but she's fully clothed. See the screenshot at the beginning of this post.

David visits a therapist, who gives him an address to visit. The three women from his dream are waiting for him. They're good witches, and they tell him that an evil witch from another world wants to enter our reality by having sex with him. Poor David. The only way to save the world is for the good witches to have sex with him so often that he's too exhausted for the bad witch to use him.

Wow! As plots go, that's pure minimalism. This isn't a good film, nowhere near the quality of the first film, but I've given it a better-than-average rating because it features hot girls.

I don't have time to watch any more films today, but tomorrow I'll make sure I watch a film with Nikki Fritz in a significant role.

Curse of the Erotic Tiki (4 Stars)

This is the fourth film in the Medina Collection, made in 2003. The film was originally called "Bikini A-Go-Go". Several of the Medina films are known by different names. Each film was given a name when it shown on television. Frequently a new name was picked when the film was released on DVD a few months later.

The film has two introductions before the opening credits. The first comes from the great man himself, Fred Olen Ray. He explains to the viewer the latest advance in interactive digital technology utilised on the DVD. It's called a hooter horn. Every time a woman is about to bare her breasts a foghorn is sounded. This is useful for men who have wandered off to the fridge to get a beer. When they hear the horn they can rush back to the TV screen so that they don't miss anything. I hate to dampen Fred's enthusiasm over this revolutionary new technology, but there's another solution. It's called the pause button. That way I never miss a thing.

The second introduction comes from Jay Richardson, who acts as the film's narrator. Directly copying the style of "Faster Pussycat Kill Kill" he warns the viewers about the effect of female breasts on the male heart rate. As the film progresses he returns to the film sporadically. The film pauses, and he walks in to give moral lessons, such as "Don't talk to strangers" or "Always let your family know where you are when you go out". Whoever knew that Fred Olen Ray's films could be so educational?

The film deals with a deadly weapon created by an evil mastermind called Darvella. It's in the form of a Tiki statue and attached to a necklace. It's accidentally put in a box of Hawaiian shirts sent to a clothing shop called Bikini A-Go-Go. So that's where the name comes in! Realising her mistake she sends her servant, a robot called Vargas, to retrieve the necklace. It was already found in the shop and given to a girl called Janet. She doesn't comprehend the full power of the Tiki, but one of its side effects is that it makes anyone who wears the necklace want to have sex.

Here's the mansion in which the evil mastermind Darvella lives. I can't help thinking I've seen it somewhere before.

Cheerleader Massacre (3¾ Stars)

This is the last film in my Julie K. Smith marathon. Did I really get through all of her films in a week? I feel sad that it's over. Maybe it wasn't good to leave this film till last. It's one of those if-you-blink-you'll-miss-her roles. Her character isn't even named.

Jeremiah McPherson was locked in a mental hospital after killing 11 people. 20 years later he escapes. Bodies are piling up faster than the police can count them, but one of the officers suspects that the killer is someone else. Nevertheless, the police pursue McPherson into the snow covered mountains. At the same time a group of cheerleaders is stranded in the mountains after their bus breaks down.

The film is good, but no masterpiece. In the middle it seems to be padded as if the writer ran out of ideas. It would have been no shame to let the film be 15 minutes shorter. That would have improved it.