Sexual Witchcraft (5 Stars)

This is the second film on the Blu-Ray disc with "Bewitched Housewives". It's nine years since I last watched it, and I'd forgotten how good it is. It was filmed in HD (high density), so I assume that it was easy to remaster for Blu-Ray, but wow! It looks spectacular! The colours are so vibrant that they jump out of the screen. Christine Nguyen needed a Blu-Ray to do justice to her beauty.

I'll use two screenshots of Ted Newsom to show the improvements. This is the DVD.

This is the Blu-Ray. In the case of "Bewitched Housewives" it was a slight improvement, but in "Sexual Witchcraft" the difference is overwhelming. The improvements can be seen most clearly in the nude scenes. Take my word for it. I've just spent half an hour examining every detail of Christine Nguyen's naked body, and she took my breath away.

She's not naked in this film, unfortunately, but I've also been closely examining Michelle Bauer.

And what about Cleopatra, the most beautiful woman who's ever lived? Supposedly. She's played by Vanessa Brink, who's certainly a beautiful woman. She appeared in two other Medina films, "Lady Chatterley's Ghost" and "Bikini Warriors".

As my readers know, I'm currently short of time to write reviews. Check my last review for a more detailed description of the plot.

Tomb of the Werewolf (4 Stars)

Yes, I know the title on the Blu-ray cover says "The Unliving", but I prefer to call the film by its original title, "Tomb of the Werewolf". After years of begging, Fred Olen Ray has finally released it on Blu-ray. It's a treat for any of the fans of Paul Naschy and gothic horror.

I'm in a bad way today. I'm suffering from flu and have a throbbing headache, so I can't write much about the film. Here's the summary from the back cover.

And here's a photo of the beautiful Beverly Lynne. It was her first film with Fred Olen Ray, after which she became a regular.

After "Tomb of the Werewolf" she appeared in another 15 films directed by Fred Olen Ray, followed by six films directed by Dean McKendrick.

It's also worth mentioning that this is the first film that the majestic Evan Stone made with Fred Olen Ray. He made another 14 films after this.

A wonderful film. But now I'm going to bed. Goodnight, all.

Bikini Drive-In (4 Stars)

One of my pet hates is Wikipedia's film reviews. They don't shy away from giving spoilers, even for newly released films. I've followed for and against arguments in the talk pages, and the consensus is that Wikipedia is a dictionary, so it should contain all the relevant information about a film. If anyone doesn't want spoilers, he shouldn't read the Wikipedia article.

There's no need to worry about "Bikini Drive-In". The Wikipedia page says:

"A girl inherits a drive-in movie theatre".

That's all. It goes to the other extreme. It says almost nothing about the film. The only additional information is a cast list.

When I reviewed "Bikini Drive-In" three years I only included screenshots of Nikki Fritz, because she had recently passed away. She's only one of many beautiful women in the film, despite appearing as a Plain Jane who slowly steps up and realises she's beautiful.

This is what she looks like on the DVD.

And this is what she looks like on the remastered Blu-ray. I managed to make a screenshot of the exact frame on both discs. The picture isn't perfect, considering it was a low budget movie made in 1995, but I'm sure you'll agree that it's an improvement.

There's something I didn't mention about Nikki when I wrote about her films in 2020. In 1998 she was the first woman to make a website with photos of herself, and only herself, for paying customers to look at. The URL was www.nikkifritz.com, but the site has long since ceased to exist. It might sound like nothing special today, but it was revolutionary at the time. There were already sites such as www.playboy.com (founded 1996) which contained photos of lots of different naked women, but Nikki made the first site dedicated to one woman.

Here are the photos from the free area of her site in 1998.

That's the original size. I expect that the nude pictures in the members area weren't any bigger. Remember, in the 1990's almost everyone had a dial-up connection, so large photos weren't acceptable. I was one of the early birds. In 1995 I had my first Internet account, with a 14,400 bits/sec modem. The telephone costs in Germany were phenomenal. This dictated my work. When I wanted to write an email I logged out, wrote the email, then logged in again to send it.

At some point I bought a 28,800 bits/sec modem. In 1999 I had my first taste of speed. I had a modem with 1.5 Mbit/sec, and it was on a dedicated phone line for which I paid a monthly flat rate. It still wasn't enough to display large photos at an acceptable speed. Today my Internet speed is nominally 1000 Mbit/sec, although I rarely get more than 200 Mbit/sec, because I'm connected by Wifi, not directly to the modem itself.

"Bikini Drive-In" is best known for the appearance of Michelle Bauer. What a woman!

She's the sort of woman who makes men stand and stare. Not necessarily in that order.

And she even signed the back of my Blu-ray. No, I won't sell it on Ebay. I'll hang on to this disc for the rest of my life.

And there are other beautiful women. The woman on the left isn't listed in the credits. but it's Becky LeBeau. She's not only beautiful, she sings most of the songs used in the film.

She's also an expert with a whip.

I still haven't said what the film's about. A girl inherits a drive-in movie theatre. She finds out that it's $25,000 in debt, and if she doesn't repay the money within three days the bank will possess it. So she has a brilliant idea. She'll have a film evening where she and the rest of her female staff will be dressed in bikinis. Even Susan the concessions girl, played by Nikki Fritz, is encouraged to show what she's got.

It helps that the projectionist has a good selection of classic films lying in his booth.

Here's a question for my readers. Three of the films are fictional. One is a real film. Which film really exists?

I can't resist the temptation to show two more before and after photos of Nikki Fritz.

Now you know why I prefer Blu-rays.

The Blu-ray I bought this week is a limited edition. It's not sold by Amazon, but with a little luck you can buy it from Makeflix.

Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #92

This is an example of how my tastes in films have changed over the years. This used to be my favourite film. I first saw it on videotape in the late 1990's, probably 1997. It was the very first film I bought on DVD from Amazon on 3rd August 2003. That's still the DVD that I'm holding in my hand today. I'd already bought a few DVD's from shops in Birmingham, but I'm sure it was among my first 10 films.

Maybe my tastes haven't changed that much. I didn't become a big film fan until I bought my first DVD player in 2003. I don't remember the exact date, but it can't have been long before 3rd August 2003. Sure, I'd watched films on television and videotape for years, but DVD's were a new experience for me. It's possible that I just didn't know that many films back then. On television I mostly watched the recent blockbusters. I only discovered older films later. "Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold" remained my favourite film until 2005, when other films started to push it down the list.

I wish I'd started writing my blog in 2003 instead of waiting until 2010. The Blogger service exists since 1999, but it only became free to use after Google bought it in 2003. A year later it was made possible to insert photos into posts. After that upgrades were incremental. There weren't any big changes from 2010 to 2020, just small cosmetic changes. Now the design interface has changed. It's unfamiliar to me after ten years with the old interface, but I can put up with it. What I can't put up with is the long list of bugs that Google is unable to fix. Google's customer support for Blogger is non-existent, but in a way I can understand it. Why should they offer one-on-one support for a free product? I'd be willing to pay a reasonable amount for the privilege of direct communication with a developer. As it is, I just send the same bug list once a month to Google. There's no reply, and the bugs aren't fixed.

The centerfold in the film's title is Angel, played by J. J. North. (I hate the American spelling of centerfold, but I'll use it in this blog post). She was the Centerfold of the Month for the March edition of Plaything magazine. Now she's one of the top three models, of whom only one can become Plaything's Centerfold of the Year. She thinks she won't be picked because her breasts are shrinking. She shows them to her doctor, but he can't see any problem with them. Can you? Nevertheless, he gives her a revolutionary new serum that should increase her breast size within a week. Angel is only supposed to drink one vial each day, but she's impatient and drinks half a dozen vials on the morning of the photoshoot.

The result is that she shoots up to 60 foot in height. Poor Angel wants to get back to normal, but Bob Gordon, the owner of Plaything, has other ideas. He wants to keep her at giant size in order to exploit her as the biggest centerfold ever.

One of the other models is jealous of Angel being picked as Centerfold of the Year, so she breaks into Angel's rooms and steals the remainder of the serum. Now there are two 60 foot centerfolds!

The two girls get into a catfight that leads them all the way from the beach to downtown Los Angeles. This is one of the most ridiculous scenes I've ever seen, but it's delicious as a parody. The two bikini clad giantesses battle in the street, while people are running away from them in fear. You would think it's Godzilla battling King Kong.

There's just one problem with the film. It's not just the oldest DVD in my collection, it's the worst quality. The picture is fuzzy throughout. There are different reasons. Partially it's a poorly mastered DVD. Partially the special effects are below the standards that we expect today. The film was made in 1995, before the days of green screens. It would have cost a lot more to make the giantess scenes look more realistic.

I wrote to Fred Olen Ray begging for a remastered Blu-ray of this classic film. He replied that it's not possible because the producer Roger Corman has "mislaid the negative". That's awful. How about remaking the film, keeping as close to the original script as possible? I hope Fred is reading this.

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you might have noticed that I've skipped a number in my top 100 countdown. It's not a mistake, I skipped #93 on purpose. I shan't tell you why, but I'll get to it eventually. Be patient. All will be revealed. If you can guess the reason, leave a comment, and I'll give you a simple Yes/No answer. No more clues.

Phantom Empire (4 Stars)

This is a cult classic film made by Fred Olen Ray in 1986. In fact, it's the epitome of cult classic movies. It crashes from one extreme scene to another, and the majority of film fans just won't get it. Those on the right wavelength will gasp in awe.

The film begins with a married couple being attacked by a deformed man who stumbles out of a cave. Only the woman survives. As a result of the news reports, an expedition is made into the cave, because there are rumours of untold riches at the other end. 

There are cannibals who like to roast pretty girls on a spit...

There's a robot...

There are dinosaurs...

There are bikini-clad cave girls...

And there's an alien queen who's crashlanded on Earth.

The only cave girl who loses her top is Michelle Bauer. The people in the expedition save her from a cannibal, so she betrays her people to help them escape.

There's something wrong with these men. Michelle Bauer is topless, and they're staring in the opposite direction.

All this was filmed in 10 days from November 21st to December 1st 1986. Can anyone apart from Fred Olen Ray do something like this? It was his first film that he financed himself, and it established him as the king of low budget movies.

It's been six years since I last watched this film. I don't know why I waited so long. So many films, so little time.

Voodoo Dollz (4 Stars)

"I make wax dolls, I stick pins into the most exciting places".

After the "Voodoo Dollz" DVD was sold out, it was included in the Christine Nguyen Collection, which is now also out of print. If you want to get your hands on it, you'll have to look for a used copy on Ebay, and I'm not selling mine!

Christine Nguyen plays Christina, a girl who's expelled from her boarding school when she's caught indulging in lesbian activities. Girls just wanna have fun. She's sent to another girls school, which is a front for a demon worshipping cult. The fact that the headmistress's name is Miss Damballa should have been a clue. Christina is due to be a human sacrifice.

This is a fun film, not to be taken too seriously, but enjoyable if you're a big fan of Christine Nguyen, and they don't come much bigger than me.

Little Miss Magic (4 Stars)

This is a delightful family film made by Fred Olen Ray in 1997. "Little Miss Magic" is the original title, but it's also been released as "Kidwitch" and "The Little Witch".

Deirde is an apprentice witch who is attempting to become a fully qualified witch. She's 214 years old, but she doesn't look her age. She's played by the actress Vanessa Greyshock, who was 13 at the time. For her final examination she has to make an unhappy man happy. That's a nice thing to have to do, better than turning someone into a toad.

The man in question is Richard Thomas, an employee in a large company. It's not made clear what the company does, but Richard is successful, about to be promoted to the Director of European Operations. Richard's problem is his wife Kristin, played by the stunning Michelle Bauer. She doesn't love him, she's always bossing him around, and worst of all she's plotting with Richard's colleague Greg to get him fired. Greg wants Richard's position, because it will give him the opportunity to make a fortune from money laundering. So Deirdre has a lot to do.

Deirdre is dropped on Richard's doorstep by a social worker. He's told that Deirdre is the daughter of his cousin Adam, who recently died, and he should decide whether he wants to adopt her. Richard is suspicious, because he didn't know he had a cousin Adam, but Deirdre is such a sweet little girl that he can't possibly say No. He offers to keep her for a few days, despite the protests of his wife.

Deirdre is aware of the intrigues going on behind Richard's back, but it's not easy to deal with Kristin's schemes. It would be easy to make her disappear by turning her into a frog, but that wouldn't make Richard happy. Richard loves his wife and would be even unhappier without her. Sigh... I can understand him. Michelle Bauer is so beautiful that I'd love her however evil she is.

Fred Olen Ray is best known for his skill at making top quality films on a small budget, so he cuts corners by any means possible. Why pay for actors if you can do it yourself? Here he is as a police detective.

Fred's son Christopher plays a security guard. He's now become a talented director in his own right.

Fred's beautiful wife Kimberly plays the babysitter Jenny. The film is a family affair.

Vanessa Greyshock might be the film's lead actress, and she's doubtlessly talented, but it's Michelle Bauer who steals the show. It's impossible not to like her, even though she's playing an evil woman.

It's not just her good looks. She's a perfect comedienne. Much of her humour is put across by slapstick, and she has such talent that she ought to have appeared in bigger comedy films.

The film is aimed at younger viewers, but judging by reviews I've read it's not popular among children. It's more suitable for adult audiences who can understand the subtleties of the plot.

Bikini Drive-In (4 Stars)

This is the third film that I'm watching this week to remember the recently departed Nikki Fritz. Yes, that's her in the photo, showing that she can also play a Plain Jane, if the script demands it. She's a woman you wouldn't give a second glance in the street.

"Bikini Drive-In" was made in 1994, and I expect most of you know the basic premise of the bikini films. A young woman inherits something, anything from a car wash to a hotel to an airline to a bowling alley. Anything. Let's call it an X. Her newly inherited X is on the verge of bankruptcy, so she promotes it by filling it with sexy girls in bikinis. This saves the X, and in the process the young woman falls in love with a random man who supports her vision.

In this film, Kim Taylor inherits a drive-in movie theatre from her grandfather. It's $25,000 in debt, and if she doesn't pay the money within three days the bank will reclaim it. So she puts on a film evening with "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" as the climax. Everyone who works in the theatre has to wear a bikini, including Nikki Fritz, the girl selling snacks.

"But I can't possibly wear a bikini! I'm so ugly!"

"Please, God, don't let me look like a fool".

"Oh wow! I don't look so bad after all!"

"Let me do a quick twirl in front of the mirror!"

Business was never so good. The queue to buy snacks went round the block. The drive-in movie theatre was saved. I can guarantee you, I would have been standing in the queue to buy popcorn. And I don't even like popcorn!

Nikki Fritz
7 April 1968 – 26 February 2020

P. S. I wonder who plays the radio DJ Randy Rocket. He looks suspiciously like the wrestler Freddie Valentine.