Harlots of the Caribbean (4½ Stars)

It's taken a long time to get here. After 20 years, "Harlots of the Caribbean" has finally been released on Blu-ray. I was worried that Fred Olen Ray would only release his bikini films (as he likes to call them) if they starred Christine Nguyen, because she's his most popular actress, but here we have a film with the amazing Beverly Lynne, Rebecca Love, Nicole Sheridan and Beverly Lynne. Did I just say Beverly Lynne twice? It must be the echo out at sea.

That's not a harlot on the Blu-ray cover. It's the pirate queen Morgana, who used to have sex with every man before she made him walk the plank.

And those aren't harlots either. It's Beverly Lynne and Nicole Sheridan, modern day treasure hunters.

In fact, there aren't any harlots at all in the film. It's just a catchy title.

I bought two Blu-rays in the Medina collection that were released at the same time this month. I'll give a complete summary when I watch the other film.

Bewitched Housewives (4 Stars)

I'm always happy when films from the Medina Collection are rereleased on Blu-Ray. As usual, Fred Olen Ray has released two films as a double bill. Unfortunately, Christine Nguyen doesn't appear in the bewitching outfit she wears on the cover.

"Bewitched Housewives" is an older Medina film, made in 2006. At the time his films were made in SD (single density), so I'm surprised that the film looks so good on the Blu-Ray disc.

The improvements are subtle but impressive. This is the DVD.

This is the Blu-Ray. Ted Newsom's face has more detail, and the colour is more natural. I could give a dozen examples of the differences, but you'll just have to take my word for it. Even if you have the two films on the disc, it's worth buying them again.

As usual, Retromedia Blu-rays are available exclusively from Makeflix.

Here's an updated summary of the Retromedia films so far, with the Blu-ray releases marked.

The Medina Collection

1. Thirteen Erotic Ghosts (2002)
2. (BR) Bikini Airways (2003)
3. (BR) Haunting Desires (2003)
4. Curse of the Erotic Tiki (2003)
5. Bikini Carwash Academy (2004)
6. Erotic Dreams of Jeannie (2004)
7. Teenage Cavegirl (2004)
8. The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful (2005)
9. Bikini Chain Gang (2005)
10. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (2006)
11. Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (2006)
12. Harlots of the Caribbean (2006)
13. Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes (2006)
14. (BR) Bewitched Housewives (2006)
15. The Girl from BIKINI (2006)
16. (BR) Super Ninja Doll (2007)
17. (BR) Tarzeena (2007)
18. Voodoo Dollz (2008)
19. Bikini Royale (2008)
20. (BR) Bikini Frankenstein (2009)
21. (BR) Twilight Vamps (2009)
22. Bikini Royale 2 (2009)
23. (BR) Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (2009)
24. Housewives from Another World (2010)
25. Lady Chatterley's Ghost (2010)
26. Bikini Time Machine (2010)
27. (BR) Sexual Witchcraft (2010)
28. Bikini Warriors (2010)
29. The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad (2011)
30. Dirty Blondes from Beyond (2012)
31. Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills (2012)
32. (BR) Baby Dolls Behind Bars (2012)

The McKendrick Collection

1. Strippers from another world (2013)
2. Big Bust Theory (2013)
3. Intergalactic Swingers (2013)
4. (BR) All Babe Network (2013)
5. Great Bikini Bowling Bash (2014)
6. Stacked Racks from Mars (2014)
7. Atomic Hotel Erotica (2014)
8. Lolita from Interstellar Space (2014)
9. Sexy Warriors (2014)
10. Bikini Avengers (2015)
11. (BR) College Coeds vs Zombie Housewives (2015)
12. Lust in Space (2015)
13. Erotic Vampires of Beverly Hills (2015)
14. Invisible Centerfolds (2015)
15. (BR) Cinderella's Hot Night (2017)
16. (BR) Sleeping Beauties (2017)

The Apocrypha

1. (BR) Bad Girls Behind Bars (2016)
2. Vixens From Venus (2016)
3. Cyborg Hookers (2016)
4. Cosmic Calendar Girls (2016)
5. Escape From Pleasure Planet (2016)
6. (BR) Paranormal Sexperiments (2016)

The Medina Collection consists of films directed by Fred Olen Ray using the pseudonym Juan Medina. The McKendrick Collection consists of films directed by Dean McKendrick. The Apocrypha consists of films directed for Retromedia by other directors.

Notes:

(1) "Bikini Carwash Academy" (Medina 5) was re-released with a different opening credits sequence, listing the director as Sherman Scott.

(2) "Tomb of the Werewolf" (not listed above) was directed by Fred Olen Ray using his own name, but it's in the Medina style. It has almost the same cast as "Haunting Desires".

(3) Dean McKendrick made seven erotic thrillers for Retromedia, not listed above.

(4) Apocrypha? If you have a better name for these films, let me know.

That's 16 out of 54 films released on Blu-ray so far. Let's hope the others will follow soon.

Super Ninja Doll (5 Stars)

Forget the MCU. It had its day. Now we need superhero films like "Super Ninja Doll".

It was made way back in 2007 as the 16th film in the Medina Collection. I can verify that the lead actress, Christine Nguyen, hasn't aged a day since then. As she wrote on Facebook in 2020, "I'm Asian. I'll always be a schoolgirl".

And here she is, sitting at school reading a copy of "Super Ninja Doll". What she doesn't realise is that the comic isn't fantasy. They're adventures that really take place in an alternate reality. The comic jargon is "another dimension". The ruler of this dimension is the evil Tantella. She wants to conquer the Earth by kidnapping the Earth's top scientists and draining their intelligence.

This is Tantella's henchman Gorath, played by the magnificent Evan Stone. Did you know he's appeared in over 1300 movies in his 25 year career? He's been busy.

In the film Gorath becomes stronger by having sex. Before going into action he needs sex to charge himself. I find that weird. With me it's the opposite. After having sex I'm worn out, definitely not in a fit state to conquer the Earth.

The first person that Gorath meets on Earth is Mike Gaglio, Christine's school teacher. I love this screenshot. There's no dialogue, the scene speaks for itself. Mike is an incredible actor, perfect in whatever role he plays.

Here he is telling off Christine for reading comics in class.

He sits down behind his desk before continuing the conversation. Wise thinking.

He confiscates her comic, but Christine has another one. And then kapow! Super Ninja Doll sucks Christine into the comic and asks her for help against the forces of evil. Christine receives a mystical artefact. Whenever she holds it in the air she transforms into Super Ninja Doll.

Christine transforms from this...

into this. I preferred her as a schoolgirl, but she needs her super powers.

This is the second film on the Blu-ray with "Tarzeena". The B film? I'm just going by their order. This is definitely the better of the two films. I'd go as far to say as it's one of the best films in the Medina collection. I like it more every time I watch it. I'm also happy to say that the film's remastering is very good. Every scene looks perfect, especially the facial close ups. This is a must buy for anyone who likes super heroes, science fiction or schoolgirls.

Tarzeena (4 Stars)

Fred Olen Ray has done it again. He's re-released two classic Christine Nguyen films on Blu-ray. Today I watched "Tarzeena", comparing the DVD and Blu-ray versions side by side on two screens. My first impression is that the remastering is mixed. In close ups the faces look clearer on the Blu-ray, but in the jungle and desert scenes there's hardly any noticeable difference. I wanted to show screenshot comparisons in this review, but for some reason I can't watch the Blu-ray on my computer. The screenshots in this post are all taken from the DVD. That's a shame. I'll try to solve the problem before I review the other film on the Blu-ray.

If I'd been judging this film on Christine Nguyen's merit, I would have given it five stars. It's let down by the mediocre acting of the husband and wife team Alexandre Boisvert and Nicole Sheridan. Every other actor in the film is excellent.

Christine looks like a Bettie Page impersonator when she's in the hands of the evil Doctor Mortimer.

He throws her onto a bed, still screaming, but all he wants to do is plant a chip in her brain to make her obey him. I have to say, I find a woman who obeys me boring. I prefer a woman with spirit who'll argue with me and reach for her whip if I don't give way.

I wrote more about the film in my last review.

As usual, Retromedia Blu-rays are available exclusively from Makeflix.

Here's an updated summary of the Retromedia films so far, with the Blu-ray releases marked.

The Medina Collection

1. Thirteen Erotic Ghosts (2002)
2. (BR) Bikini Airways (2003)
3. (BR) Haunting Desires (2003)
4. Curse of the Erotic Tiki (2003)
5. Bikini Carwash Academy (2004)
6. Erotic Dreams of Jeannie (2004)
7. Teenage Cavegirl (2004)
8. The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful (2005)
9. Bikini Chain Gang (2005)
10. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (2006)
11. Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (2006)
12. Harlots of the Caribbean (2006)
13. Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes (2006)
14. Bewitched Housewives (2006)
15. The Girl from BIKINI (2006)
16. (BR) Super Ninja Doll (2007)
17. (BR) Tarzeena (2007)
18. Voodoo Dollz (2008)
19. Bikini Royale (2008)
20. (BR) Bikini Frankenstein (2009)
21. (BR) Twilight Vamps (2009)
22. Bikini Royale 2 (2009)
23. (BR) Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (2009)
24. Housewives from Another World (2010)
25. Lady Chatterley's Ghost (2010)
26. Bikini Time Machine (2010)
27. Sexual Witchcraft (2010)
28. Bikini Warriors (2010)
29. The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad (2011)
30. Dirty Blondes from Beyond (2012)
31. Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills (2012)
32. (BR) Baby Dolls Behind Bars (2012)

The McKendrick Collection

1. Strippers from another world (2013)
2. Big Bust Theory (2013)
3. Intergalactic Swingers (2013)
4. (BR) All Babe Network (2013)
5. Great Bikini Bowling Bash (2014)
6. Stacked Racks from Mars (2014)
7. Atomic Hotel Erotica (2014)
8. Lolita from Interstellar Space (2014)
9. Sexy Warriors (2014)
10. Bikini Avengers (2015)
11. (BR) College Coeds vs Zombie Housewives (2015)
12. Lust in Space (2015)
13. Erotic Vampires of Beverly Hills (2015)
14. Invisible Centerfolds (2015)
15. (BR) Cinderella's Hot Night (2017)
16. (BR) Sleeping Beauties (2017)

The Apocrypha

1. (BR) Bad Girls Behind Bars (2016)
2. Vixens From Venus (2016)
3. Cyborg Hookers (2016)
4. Cosmic Calendar Girls (2016)
5. Escape From Pleasure Planet (2016)
6. (BR) Paranormal Sexperiments (2016)

The Medina Collection consists of films directed by Fred Olen Ray using the pseudonym Juan Medina. The McKendrick Collection consists of films directed by Dean McKendrick. The Apocrypha consists of films directed for Retromedia by other directors.

Notes:

(1) "Bikini Carwash Academy" (Medina 5) was re-released with a different opening credits sequence, listing the director as Sherman Scott.

(2) "Tomb of the Werewolf" (not listed above) was directed by Fred Olen Ray using his own name, but it's in the Medina style. It has almost the same cast as "Haunting Desires".

(3) Dean McKendrick made seven erotic thrillers for Retromedia, not listed above.

(4) Apocrypha? If you have a better name for these films, let me know.

That's 14 out of 54 films released on Blu-ray so far. Let's hope the others will follow soon.

Baby Dolls Behind Bars (4½ Stars)

This is a long awaited Blu-ray release of the Medina film "Baby Dolls Behind Bars", combined with "Bad Girls Behind Bars", a film directed by Sal V. Miers. The picture on the cover of the Blu-ray, shown above, only shows the Baby Dolls film. It's by far the better film of the two.

When "Bikini Frankenstein" and "Twilight Vamps" were released on Blu-ray last year I expected Fred to flood the market with Blu-ray releases of his erotic movies. That hasn't happened. Fred has to make sure there's a market for them. He's not a mega-rich director like Steven Spielberg, so he can't afford to make a loss. He's been playing it carefully by only releasing Blu-rays with Christine Nguyen, his most popular actress. Unfortunately, he's also re-released some of his erotic films on DVD, weakening his own market chances. There are still people who are happy with DVDs. My son Norman, for example, can't tell the difference in the picture quality.

I don't know if that's a problem of poor eyesight or missing concentration. I have no problem recognising a big leap in quality. This is seen most clearly in close-ups of Christine Nguyen's face. Here's a screenshot from the Blu-ray. Click on it to see it in its uncompressed form.

And here's a screenshot from the DVD. You can find other examples in my last review.

If anyone can't see the difference I'll hit him on the head with a statue of the Goddess of Phuket.

The actors in the Retromedia erotic films can be divided into three types: the softcore actors, the hardcore actors and the straight guys.

Type 1. The softcore actors are actors who star in softcore films (also called soft porn films), but never appear in hardcore films (hard porn films). Christine Nguyen is an example.

Type 2. The hardcore actors are actors who usually appear in hardcore films, so their nudity in Retromedia's softcore films is less explicit. Jenna Presley is an example.

Type 3. The straight guys – that's the best word I can think of to describe them – are actors who usually appear in non-pornographic films. They don't take off their clothes in Retromedia films. Mike Gaglio is an example. The first two types of actor are either male or female, whereas the straight guys are almost always male.

Most of my readers know the difference between hard porn and soft porn films, but I'll explain it for the few who're too innocent to have informed themselves. The main difference is that in hard porn films the sex is real, whereas in soft porn films the actors are only pretending to have sex. Some soft porn directors make a lot of effort to make the sex look real, whereas others don't care if it looks fake. Don't let yourself be fooled by the former group; if you can't see the penis sliding in and out, it's a soft porn film.

I'll refrain from a full review of the film. I'll just publish a few screenshots, all of which can be seen in uncompressed form by clicking on them. This is Jazy Berlin (a Type 2 actress) as the policewoman Sissi Dunlop. If all police officers dressed like this I would have embarked on a life of crime years ago.

Dale Rutter (another Type 2 actor) plays a federal judge. I'm often surprised how talented the hardcore actors are. 

The good judge has a heart attack after having sex with his secretary, Miss Baker. To be fair, I don't know if I would survive sex with Jenna Presley. She's too much for any man to handle.

Christine Nguyen (Type 1) plays the prison warden, Matron Grell.

Erika Jordan (Type 1) plays the notorious art thief Maggie Grey. She looks sexy even in a prison uniform.

Matron Grell gives her prisoners special treatment. That's yet another reason for me to start a life of crime. Alas, I've been a good boy all my life, and now I'm too old to change my ways.

Here's a list of Retromedia's erotic films, which Fred Olen Ray likes to call Bikini Films. I've marked the films released on Blu-ray.

The Medina Collection

1. Thirteen Erotic Ghosts (2002)
2. Bikini Airways (2003)
3. Haunting Desires (2003)
4. Curse of the Erotic Tiki (2003)
5. Bikini Carwash Academy (2004)
6. Erotic Dreams of Jeannie (2004)
7. Teenage Cavegirl (2004)
8. The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful (2005)
9. Bikini Chain Gang (2005)
10. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (2006)
11. Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (2006)
12. Harlots of the Caribbean (2006)
13. Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes (2006)
14. Bewitched Housewives (2006)
15. The Girl from BIKINI (2006)
16. Super Ninja Doll (2007)
17. Tarzeena (2007)
18. Voodoo Dollz (2008)
19. Bikini Royale (2008)
20. (BR) Bikini Frankenstein (2009)
21. (BR) Twilight Vamps (2009)
22. Bikini Royale 2 (2009)
23. (BR) Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (2009)
24. Housewives from Another World (2010)
25. Lady Chatterley's Ghost (2010)
26. Bikini Time Machine (2010)
27. Sexual Witchcraft (2010)
28. Bikini Warriors (2010)
29. The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad (2011)
30. Dirty Blondes from Beyond (2012)
31. Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills (2012)
32. (BR) Baby Dolls Behind Bars (2012)

The McKendrick Collection

1. Strippers from another world (2013)
2. Big Bust Theory (2013)
3. Intergalactic Swingers (2013)
4. (BR) All Babe Network (2013)
5. Great Bikini Bowling Bash (2014)
6. Stacked Racks from Mars (2014)
7. Atomic Hotel Erotica (2014)
8. Lolita from Interstellar Space (2014)
9. Sexy Warriors (2014)
10. Bikini Avengers (2015)
11. College Coeds vs Zombie Housewives (2015)
12. Lust in Space (2015)
13. Erotic Vampires of Beverly Hills (2015)
14. Invisible Centerfolds (2015)
15. Cinderella's Hot Night (2017)
16. Sleeping Beauties (2017)

The Apocrypha

1. (BR) Bad Girls Behind Bars (2016)
2. Vixens From Venus (2016)
3. Cyborg Hookers (2016)
4. Cosmic Calendar Girls (2016)
5. Escape From Pleasure Planet (2016)
6. Paranormal Sexperiments (2016)

The Medina Collection consists of films directed by Fred Olen Ray using the pseudonym Juan Medina. The McKendrick Collection consists of films directed by Dean McKendrick. The Apocrypha consists of films directed for Retromedia by other directors.

Notes:

(1) "Haunting Desires" (Medina 3) is the only Medina film that hasn't been officially released on DVD.

(2) "Bikini Carwash Academy" (Medina 5) was re-released with a different opening credits sequence, listing the director as Sherman Scott.

(3) "Tomb of the Werewolf" (not listed above) was directed by Fred Olen Ray using his own name, but it's in the Medina style. It has almost the same cast as "Haunting Desires".

(4) Dean McKendrick made seven erotic thrillers for Retromedia, not listed above.

(5) Apocrypha? If you have a better name for these films, let me know.

As you can see, very few of the films have been released on Blu-ray so far. Only 6 out of 54. At the current speed they won't all be available on Blu-ray until 2033. I'm hoping Fred will speed up, but there are problems with the early Medina films. The first films were made in single density, so they need time-intensive remastering to be prepared for Blu-ray. Fred will only do that if he's 100% certain he'll make a profit. The later films shot in high density can be transferred to Blu-ray with a minimum of effort.

I want to collect all 54 films on Blu-ray, but the ones I'm most anxious to get are "Haunting Desires" and "Tomb of the Werewolf". Instead of being an equally billed double feature, a "Tomb of the Werewolf" Blu-ray could be released with "Haunting Desires" as an extra feature.

All Babe Network (4 Stars)

"All Babe Network" is the other film packaged with "Bikini Jones" on the new Blu-ray double feature from Retromedia. While watching it I didn't notice any immediate improvement over the quality of the DVD release, so I didn't take time to compare the two releases. However, on comparing my new screenshots with the ones I used in my old posts, I can see a big increase in quality. The Blu-ray is really worth buying, even if you already have the DVD.

This double feature isn't available from Amazon. It's sold exclusively by Makeflix. I don't know what the reason is for this, but I can guess. I assume that Makeflix pays Fred Olen Ray a larger percentage of the purchase price than Amazon. It's all about money, and Fred deserves to be rewarded for the wonderful films that he's given the world.

Most of the women in Dean McKendrick's films are topless or wear tops with a deep cleavage. Beverly Lynne doesn't need to do this. Even when she's modestly clothed, Eric Masterson can't take his eyes off her curves.

Of course, Beverly also shows off her cleavage when she wants to. People sometimes say that women are being used as sex objects when they show off their body. The opposite is the case. Women should dress however they want to. They should wear as little or as much as they want. That's an expression of their independence. No man and no religion should tell them what to wear.

Super Ninja Doll (4 Stars)

"I'm Asian. I'll always be a schoolgirl" (Christine Nguyen, 11th November 2020).

"Super Ninja Doll" is the third film included in the Christine Nguyen Collection. This was a necessary rerelease, because the original DVD was long out of stock. Unfortunately, the Christine Nguyen Collection is now also sold out, and I have no way of knowing if it will ever be made available again.

As in "Voodoo Dollz", Christine is playing a schoolgirl once more. It's a role she plays well, however old she gets. She's a naughty girl who reads comics in class. What she doesn't know is that her comic is a portal from another universe. A warrior called Gorath enters our world in order to steal the Earth's most intelligent scientists.

There weren't any girls like this in my school. I grew up in the wrong country.

Click here for a more detailed review.

Voodoo Dollz (4 Stars)

"I make wax dolls, I stick pins into the most exciting places".

After the "Voodoo Dollz" DVD was sold out, it was included in the Christine Nguyen Collection, which is now also out of print. If you want to get your hands on it, you'll have to look for a used copy on Ebay, and I'm not selling mine!

Christine Nguyen plays Christina, a girl who's expelled from her boarding school when she's caught indulging in lesbian activities. Girls just wanna have fun. She's sent to another girls school, which is a front for a demon worshipping cult. The fact that the headmistress's name is Miss Damballa should have been a clue. Christina is due to be a human sacrifice.

This is a fun film, not to be taken too seriously, but enjoyable if you're a big fan of Christine Nguyen, and they don't come much bigger than me.

Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (4 Stars)

I'm still experimenting with my new television set and 4K Blu-ray Player. I've already seen how well it upscales films from the standard 1080p resolution to 4K quality. I was highly impressed. Today I wanted to see how it handles upscaling from DVD resolution (probably 540p) to 4K. The picture was good, but not perfect. It was slightly blurred, especially in complex scenes with a lot of people. Nevertheless, it's an improvement over upscaling to 1080p.

Click here to read my review of this film. The original release is long out of print, and even the rerelease in the Christine Nguyen Collection, pictured above, is now unavailable. This is an item that you had to grab while it was hot.

Bikini Sorority House (1 Star)

I was pleasantly surprised when Amazon sent me an email recommending this DVD. A new film by Dean McKendrick? I wasn't aware that he'd made any films since he stopped making erotic thrillers for Retromedia. It wasn't listed on IMDB, but IMDB isn't infallible. So I ordered it... and waited... and waited... which is normal, because deliveries from America to Germany normally take a few weeks.

Yesterday it finally arrived, and I couldn't wait to see it. The opening credits listed a lot of my favourite actresses, including Christine Nguyen, whose name wasn't mentioned on the Amazon product page.

When the film started I was puzzled. Erika Jordan and Krissy Lynn were in college listening to Ted Newsom talking about asexual reproduction. Hadn't I seen that somewhere before? Yes, it's a scene from "Strippers From Another World". Ah ha. So it's a re-release with a different name? That's okay. The DVD cover, shown above, describes the film as a director's cut, so why not?

The film continued with Sophia Bella offering Madge and Anita (Erika and Krissy) the possibility to join the sorority house Gamma Phi. But then the film cut to a fight scene between Erika Jordan and Jazy Berlin, taken from "Sexy Warriors". The on-screen text explained that Madge was engaging in Live Action Role Play (LARP), which is why she was calling herself Athena.

At that point I started to realise something was going wrong. The film is a cut-and-paste medley of scenes from five of Dean McKendrick's films:

"Strippers from another world"
"Sexy Warriors"
"Great Bikini Bowling Bash"
"Intergalactic Swingers"
"College Co-Eds vs Zombie Housewives"

Visually, the film can get away with it. Dean McKendrick's films intensively re-use the same locations, so it's easy to cut from one film to another. The same actors are also re-used, but the problem is that they don't have the same names or roles. People are addressed by different names too often for it to be excused as LARP-ing. Baily Beetleman is the strip club owner in an early scene, but later in the film he's just a customer. Added to the problem is that the cuts are made clumsily, abruptly ending or beginning the background music. This is worst in the final ten minutes, when there are quick cuts from one film to another, every 30 seconds or less, to resolve the various plot lines.

I'd have nothing against a film being advertised as a compilation of Dean McKendrick's best scenes. That would be acceptable. What I dislike is this film pretending to be something it's not. It's not a consistent narrative. It's a mess.

When I began to write this review I thought I would rate it two stars, because it at least has beautiful naked girls in it. No. That would be an insult to the actresses who will feel ashamed if they ever see this film. It's awful, and nobody should consider buying it. Not now, not ever.

Sexy Warriors (4 Stars)

This is the ninth film directed by Dean McKendrick, made in 2013. Yes, that means that he's made nine films in one year. They were made for television, and the dates of their first broadcast were spaced out: four films in 2013, five films in 2014.

"Lolita From Interstellar Space", which I reviewed yesterday, was a science fiction story. Now Dean McKendrick turns to the swords and sorcery genre.

The story begins 5000 years ago on the Isle of Lesbos. Two warriors are fighting to take possession of the Orb of Athos. Athena is Queen of the Mountain People, and Diana is a member of the River Tribe. Neither of them seems to know what the Orb is capable of, except that it can grant wishes.

Athena is played by Erika Jordan...

... and Diana is played by Jazy Berlin, so the film's title is justified. They're both sexy warriors.

Diana knocks Athena unconscious in battle, then turns to face the Orb. She asks it to help her, and she's thrown 5000 years into the future, into Gail's Gym in Los Angeles.

This is Gail. Do you recognise her? It's the stunningly beautiful Christine Nguyen. I want to join her gym and lift a few weights.

Everything has been determined by fate and the power of the Orb. Diana arrives in the gym just after closing time, while Gail is reading a fantasy novel about the Amazons. Gail welcomes Diana by having sex with her, but first she utters the most beautiful words ever spoken in a film:

"Be gentle with me, you're my first Amazon".

Gail takes Diana back to her humble home. Wow! This place is beautiful. She must earn a lot of money from her gym.

In the meantime, Athena wakes up and asks the Orb to send her to Diana. Zzzap! She arrives in the gym.

Gail is taking a day off, but lovely Rita is there to welcome Athena in sexual fashion. It seems like Los Angeles gyms are the best places for lesbian Amazon warriors to visit.

I wonder who this girl is. I've seen her as a non-speaking extra in a few of Dean McKendrick's films. My guess is that she's one of the crew members. That's a good way to save money. Why pay an extra actor to come onto the set?

Here she is again, having a drink in a bar with the other extras. Well, the four on the right are unnamed extras; sitting on the left is Alec Knight. But what are they all staring at?

Gail and Diana have just walked in. I'd be staring as well. Diana arrived from the past dressed as a warrior, so Gail has bought her a 21st Century dress to help her fit in. She's certainly getting a lot of attention. On Lesbos there were no men, so Gail wants to help Diana pick up a man. So how did the women on Lesbos procreate? Diana says that men aren't necessary for procreation, but she doesn't say how they do it. It's left open as a mystery. She still wants to test drive a man though.

Alec can't stop staring. It's understandable.

The talk show host Morty, played by Ted Newsom, presents Athena on television and appeals for help finding Diana. Various other things happen, but I shan't give away the whole story, just in case you manage to see the film yourself. The DVD is out of print, like most of Dean McKendrick's films. Today, at the time of writing, it isn't even available for online streaming. If you're lucky, you might be able to find a used copy on Ebay.

I can't make my mind up about Alexandre Boisvert, who appears as the gym patron Mark. Sometimes I think he's a great comedian, but in this film he just annoys me. Nevertheless, for me, as a Christine Nguyen fan, the film is a real gem. She takes part in three of the six sex scenes, more than in any other film I've seen with her. There's a girl-boy scene, a girl-girl scene and a girl-girl-boy scene. Something for every taste, but always Christine.