Bikini Sorority House (1 Star)

I was pleasantly surprised when Amazon sent me an email recommending this DVD. A new film by Dean McKendrick? I wasn't aware that he'd made any films since he stopped making erotic thrillers for Retromedia. It wasn't listed on IMDB, but IMDB isn't infallible. So I ordered it... and waited... and waited... which is normal, because deliveries from America to Germany normally take a few weeks.

Yesterday it finally arrived, and I couldn't wait to see it. The opening credits listed a lot of my favourite actresses, including Christine Nguyen, whose name wasn't mentioned on the Amazon product page.

When the film started I was puzzled. Erika Jordan and Krissy Lynn were in college listening to Ted Newsom talking about asexual reproduction. Hadn't I seen that somewhere before? Yes, it's a scene from "Strippers From Another World". Ah ha. So it's a re-release with a different name? That's okay. The DVD cover, shown above, describes the film as a director's cut, so why not?

The film continued with Sophia Bella offering Madge and Anita (Erika and Krissy) the possibility to join the sorority house Gamma Phi. But then the film cut to a fight scene between Erika Jordan and Jazy Berlin, taken from "Sexy Warriors". The on-screen text explained that Madge was engaging in Live Action Role Play (LARP), which is why she was calling herself Athena.

At that point I started to realise something was going wrong. The film is a cut-and-paste medley of scenes from five of Dean McKendrick's films:

"Strippers from another world"
"Sexy Warriors"
"Great Bikini Bowling Bash"
"Intergalactic Swingers"
"College Co-Eds vs Zombie Housewives"

Visually, the film can get away with it. Dean McKendrick's films intensively re-use the same locations, so it's easy to cut from one film to another. The same actors are also re-used, but the problem is that they don't have the same names or roles. People are addressed by different names too often for it to be excused as LARP-ing. Baily Beetleman is the strip club owner in an early scene, but later in the film he's just a customer. Added to the problem is that the cuts are made clumsily, abruptly ending or beginning the background music. This is worst in the final ten minutes, when there are quick cuts from one film to another, every 30 seconds or less, to resolve the various plot lines.

I'd have nothing against a film being advertised as a compilation of Dean McKendrick's best scenes. That would be acceptable. What I dislike is this film pretending to be something it's not. It's not a consistent narrative. It's a mess.

When I began to write this review I thought I would rate it two stars, because it at least has beautiful naked girls in it. No. That would be an insult to the actresses who will feel ashamed if they ever see this film. It's awful, and nobody should consider buying it. Not now, not ever.