Monster Club (3 Stars)

This is my Halloween Challenge film #29. I'm a big fan of Vincent Price. He was a magnificent actor who towered above his peers, and if anyone says otherwise I'll bite him with my rubber fangs. He made some brilliant films, such as "The Abominable Dr. Phibes", but he also made a lot of poor quality films in his career. He could have had his pick of the best films offered, but it seems like he didn't care. He had nothing to prove. He was the greatest horror film actor of his day, and he knew it. All he wanted to do was have fun making trashy little films. Like "Monster Club", made in 1981.

The film begins with the author Ronald Chetwynd-Hayes, famous for his horror stories, walking home at night. He meets a man (Vincent Price) begging on the street. He offers the man money for food, but the beggar doesn't want food, he's desperate for blood. The beggar takes a few sips of Ronald's blood, not enough to seriously harm him, then introduces himself as the ancient vampire Erasmus. When Erasmus finds out who his generous benefactor is he says he's a big fan of his books, and he takes him to a club where monsters meet. In the club Erasmus is kind enough to explain the differences between the monsters, based on their genealogy.

We have the primate monsters: vampires, werewolves and ghouls. Now, a vampire and a werewolf would produce a werevamp, but a werewolf and a ghoul would produce a weregoo, and a vampire and a ghoul would produce a vamgoo. A weregoo and a werevamp would produce a shaddy. Now, a weregoo and a vamgoo would produce a maddy, but a werevamp and a vamgoo would produce a raddy. Now, if a shaddy were to mate with a raddy or a maddy the result would be a mock. Frankly, that's just a polite name for a mongrel.

If a mock were to mate with any of the other hybrids, their offsprings would be called shadmocks.

It's quite simple, really. All you have to do is remember the basic rules of monsterdom. Vampires suck, werewolves hunt, ghouls tear. Shaddies lick, maddies yawn, mocks blow, but shadmocks only whistle.

As well as mating with each other, monsters also mate with human beings. The results are nearly always disastrous, but they will do it.

The genealogical chart taken from the film also includes a humegoo, the offspring of ghouls and humans. I suppose there are other variations, like shaddyhums, maddyhums and raddyhums, but Erasmus didn't want to confuse Ronald more than necessary.

From this point on "Monster Club" turns into an anthology. Erasmus tells Ronald three stories about the monsters in the chart. These stories are actually based on short stories written by the real life Ronald Chetwynd-Hayes. In between the stories various musical groups appear on stage, including UB40 and the Pretty Things. The songs are performed in full, showing that they are are as important as the stories themselves. I greatly enjoyed the music, but I found the stories forgettable.

Ronald Chetwynd-Hayes
30 May 1919 – 20 March 2001

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