This is the eleventh track of the album "No more heroes", which was released
in 1977.
School Mam
A fine day for the classroom and the pupils are here,
Timmy's got a headache, but the others don't care,
Sarah's got to stay behind and help with the drill,
Teacher's got his eye on her, moves in for the kill,
Nobody can see or hear the things that they do.
All the books are closed, there must be something they do,
Only teacher knows about the subjects they span span,
Education's secondary, being a school mam.
Oooey... teacher's doing fine as far as I can see.
Being a school mam,
Long holidays in the summer.
Being a school mam,
Free milk in your coffee breaks.
Being a school mam,
Government paid monthly salary cheques.
Being a school mam.
Noise is heard, the principal investigates,
She turns on all the cameras and it's too late,
Catches both their pants down in a passion warm,
Hasn't seen it happen since the day she was born,
Reaches down for glasses that just can't be found.
By the time she finds them, why, they're down on the ground,
Tossing and a turning, they've got feverish hands,
Life can be so fluid when you're being a school mam.
Oooey... teacher's doing fine as far as I can see.
Being a school mam,
Controlling promiscuity after hours.
Being a school mam,
Giving out detentions by the dozen.
Being a school mam,
Give her fifty lines of speed.
Being a school mam.
Sucking on her fingernails, can't believe what she's seen,
She seems so engrossed at what appears on the screen,
Locks her door with trembling hands,
Her heart's beating fast, she pretends she's down there
On the floor in the class,
Gives herself to teacher, although he doesn't know,
Works herself into a frenzied state and it shows.
Sarah's almost at the top, but try as she can
She can't reach her helter skelter down with the school mam,
Just watch her go and help her try if you can.
Use your twentieth century imagination if you've got any.
Oooey... now she's at the top and teacher sets her free.
Being a school mam,
Disgusting behaviour.
Being a school mam,
All over the parquet flooring.
Being a school mam,
Let the flood gates open wide.
Being a school mam.
Now the principal collapses dead on the floor
With contentment on her wrinkled old face ever more,
She went out the very best way that an old woman can,
She was where the action was, down there with the school mam.
Oooey... teacher never will discover who could see.
Being a school mam,
One and one make two if you are very lucky.
Being a school mam,
Two twos make four if I remember correctly.
Being a school mam,
Four fours make sixteen, and sixteen's over age.
Sixteen and sixteen make thirty-two, that's approaching middle age.
Thirty-two and thirty-two make sixty-four, that's OAP land.
Sixty-four and sixty-four make one-hundred-and-twenty-eight.
One-hundred-and-twenty-eight divided by three...
Let me pause for reflection for a second.
But teacher,
Three does not go into one-hundred-and-twenty-eight exactly,
But it goes forty-two and a bit.
43,
44,
45,
46,
47,
48,
49,
49.1,
49.2,
49.3,
49.4,
49.5,
49.6,
49.7
49.8,
49.9,
49.9,
49.9,
49.9,
49.9,
49.9,
49.9,
49.9,
49.9,
Fifty!
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