Off-Topic: Men's Fashion: The Tie

Today I read a fascinating article on the BBC's website. At the G8 summit currently taking place in Ireland none of the world's leaders are wearing ties. This is a matter of great interest to me. When I was at school I had to wear a tie as part of my school uniform. In my late teens and early 20's I commonly wore a tie because I thought it made me look smart. When I moved to Germany I worked in an office where only the bosses wore ties, so I discarded my tie to fit in. I still wore a tie at the weekend, but shortly after my marriage there was a turning point: my wife threw away all my flamboyant English ties and bought me dull German ties to replace them. That took away my pleasure in wearing ties, so I only put on a tie if I really had to.

This started me thinking. What purpose do ties serve? A jacket keeps me warm, shoes protect my feet, but what does a tie do? Nothing. So why do men wear them? After only a little thought the answer was obvious: the tie is a symbol of male supremacy. It's a phallic symbol with which men tell women that they have something women don't. Later, in the 1990's, ties became fashionable for women, but this just proves my point. In our liberated age misguided women think that equality is achieved by becoming like men. A woman can't have a penis, but she can put on a tie.

The importance of the tie is also shown in an old German tradition, the Weiberfastnacht, which takes place on the Thursday before the Christian festival of Lent. Literally translated it means "women's fasting night", but the name is deceptive, because it has nothing to do with Christianity. It's traditionally a day in which women take charge. In central Germany women storm the council houses and take charge of the towns, passing new laws which, unfortunately, expire at midnight. In southern Germany men are expected to obey their wives on this day. But the most significant tradition on this day is that women cut off men's ties. I was fascinated when I saw this the first time; one of the secretaries in my company cut off a boss's tie and pinned it on the wall as a trophy. The other bosses quickly removed their ties to protect themselves. The symbolic male emasculation was unmistakeable.

To me it was so thrilling that over the next few years I repeatedly set myself up as a target. Although I never usually wore a tie to work, on Weiberfastnacht I dressed smart and put on a tie when I took the train to work. Older women ignored me, but every year schoolgirls were pointing at me and whispering. Some years nobody would find the courage, but most years they would approach me, always in a group, and the ringleader, scissors in hand, would snip off my symbol of male supremacy.

Another unnecessary fashion accessory is the hat, though it could be argued that it does have a purpose, hiding a man's baldness or taking the attention away from older women's grey hair. The turning point for the hat as a male accessory was President Kennedy. He was the first American president who didn't wear a hat, which started the hat-less fashion trend. I'm hoping that the casual look of today's politicians will herald the death of the tie.