Busty Cops (3 Stars)

I bought my first DVD player in 2003, but I didn't start writing my blog until September 2010. I bought quite a lot of films in that seven year gap. I've re-watched the best films since 2010, but recently I looked through my DVD collection and I noticed quite a lot of DVD cases that have been gathering dust for more than eight years. "Busty Cops" is one of them, so I took it off the shelf to watch again. I bought it on 25th May 2008 from Amazon for the whopping price of £2.97 along with a few other films directed by Jim Wynorski. I must have watched it immediately after buying it, but I couldn't remember it at all. Why should I have forgotten about a film featuring the beautiful girls on the DVD cover, apart from which I'm a big fan of Jim Wynorski?

Within ten minutes of watching the film it all came back to me. This is an erotic film which was made so poorly that I don't understand how it could ever have found its way to disc.

The film opens with a man and two women being killed in a hot tub by someone throwing in an electric toothbrush. Holy short circuits, Batman! If electric toothbrushes are that dangerous when they get wet I'll never put one in my mouth again. The three people were porn stars who worked for a director called Roman Fields. Three policewomen from the Busty Cop Division are sent as undercover agents posing as porn stars to replace the three women who had been killed. Wait! Didn't I say it was two women and a man? Yes, I did, but the policewomen haven't been briefed properly. They spend the rest of the film talking about the three dead women.

Their investigation skills are awe-inspiring. One by one they approach members of the film crew, flash their badges and say, "I'm an undercover busty cop. I want to ask you about the three dead women". Is that the right way to do undercover police work?

The breakthrough comes when they interview a talking llama who saw the murder being committed. It's not clear why a llama is needed in the house of a pornography director, and it's even less obvious why the llama was in the hot tub room with the three porn stars. Maybe I'm too innocent to understand things like that.

In the final shootout with the killer it looks like one of the busty cops has forgotten her gun. Never mind, she can still hold her hands out and pretend.

"Busty Cops" is supposed to be a comedy, but apart from the plot inconsistencies it's let down by the poor acting. The women in the film – not just the cops – frequently look at the camera. That might work as an alienation technique in a good film, but in this film it just looks like they don't know how to act.

If I were judging this film on the plot and acting alone I'd have to give it a rock bottom one star rating. However, I have to praise the girls for their good looks. They might not be able to act, but they look sexy when they take their clothes off. That earns the film a three star rating, but I can't go any higher. I don't know what went wrong with Jim Wynorski. He's made a lot of erotic films with sexy actresses, but in the other films the sexy actresses could at least act.

Jim doesn't make many erotic films nowadays. He's moved on to making low budget monster movies, mostly giant sharks. In a recent interview he said that people today would rather watch giant sharks than giant breasts.

What??? Who told him that? He never asked me for my opinion.

If you're interested in this film it's out of print now, and rightfully so. You might be able to find a pirate copy on the web, but don't tell anyone I suggested it. I don't approve.