Guns (3½ Stars)

This is the fifth film in the Andy Sidaris collection, made in 1990. Despite containing all the elements we know and love in Andy's films, such as fast action and girls with guns, I find it disappointing in comparison with his previous four films. The problem is the plot. I sat through the whole film trying to figure out what was happening and why it was happening, and when the answers finally came it didn't make sense.

Donna is still working for the mysterious Agency on the Hawaiian island Molokai. She now has a different partner, Nicole, played by former Playmate of the Month Roberta Vasquez, who played the villainess Pantera in "Picasso Trigger". The cycle of death and rebirth runs fast in Andy Sidaris' films. At least, it does for the bad guys. The good guys aren't usually killed, so they can return to play the same character.

Someone is killing or attempting to kill Donna's friends. A playing card is found next to every dead body, the Jack of Diamonds, with the words written "For Donna". The pursuit of the clues leads Donna to Arizona and Las Vegas. On the way she also discovers that someone is smuggling guns from China to rebels in South America. Eventually – and I know this is a spoiler – she finds out that the leader of the gun smugglers is the man who killed her father. He's deliberately using Molokai as a halfway base for the smuggling because he wants to take revenge on Donna.

That's what I don't understand. Revenge for what? It was him who harmed Donna's family, not the other way round. Also, he says he knows Donna is a highly proficient agent, so why is he endangering his business by storing weapons on the island where she lives? There are bigger islands in Hawaii which would have been more suitable.

This film marks a change for Rodrigo Obregon. It's the first Andy Sidaris film in which he plays a good guy. I use the word "guy" very loosely. He plays a woman called Marge who helps the Agency track down a pair of transvestite assassins. He's not my type. He should have put a bit more padding under his jumper.

There's one thing that international spies and gun runners should remember: don't attack Donna in the gym. She never does a workout without her guns in her gym bag.

Bang bang! You're dead!

Look at the way she's smiling. That's the best workout she's had all year. Now she needs to hit the shower.

As in all his films, Andy Sidaris gives an introduction while being distracted by the luscious Julie Strain. I don't know how he manages to keep his eyes on the camera. Actually, he doesn't. If you click the picture above you'll see him losing the fight. Julie always wins.

I own the deluxe version of this film which is now out of print. In addition to a full director's commentary there is over an hour of special features, including two interviews with Joe Bob Briggs.

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