King of Beggars (3 Stars)

So Chan is the rich, spoilt son of a powerful general in late imperial China; he’s lazy and illiterate, but surprisingly skilled at martial arts. While pursuing a beautiful courtesan named Yu-shang he enters the imperial martial arts contest to win her hand in marriage. With his father’s help he cheats his way through the written part and wins the physical tests, but he’s exposed as illiterate at the last minute and accused of cheating. The emperor punishes him by stripping his family of their wealth and forcing him to live as a beggar.

Thrown into a harsh new life on the streets, So struggles until an old beggar he once helped teaches him humility and a mystical martial art called the Sleeping Arhat Skill. This is a fighting style that can only be used while asleep! When Yu-shang is kidnapped by a corrupt official with sinister plans against the emperor, So rallies the Beggars’ Gang by pretending to channel a legendary leader; he learns their secret techniques from an old manual and leads them on a daring mission. After saving Yu-shang and foiling the plot to assassinate the emperor, So is offered a reward but chooses to remain leader of the beggars; he and Yu-shang wander the land helping the poor.

The film mixes slapstick, action and wuxia elements in a story about growth, honour and unlikely heroism.

A Chinese Odyssey, Part Two (1 Star)

I watched the first part of the Chinese Odyssey on Netflix two months ago. I hesitated to watch the second part, because I wasn't overly impressed. Today I watched the second part, and I was horrified. Whatever appealed to me in the first part is missing in the second. It's even more confusing. Maybe, just maybe, I could enjoy it if I sat watching it with a Chinese friend who could explain what's happening.

All I can say is that at the end of the first part the Monkey King travels 500 years into the past to save the life of his lover, the demon Jing Jing. When he arrives his lover's sister falls in love with him, but it's complicated by the fact that the two demons share the same body. The Monkey King meets his former self, and... I'm not sure. I have no idea what was going on. I read the plot summary on Wikipedia, but not even that could help me.

If you're one of my Chinese readers, please explain the film to me. Both parts. Write as much as you can in the comments box below. I'd appreciate it.

A Chinese Odyssey, Part One (3 Stars)

This is a comic adaptation of the classic Chinese novel "Journey to the West".

The film begins with the Monkey King being chided by the Goddess – which Goddess? – for betraying his master, the Longevity Monk. He's stolen Pandora's Box, a device with which he can visit the past. The Monk pleads for his servant's life, so the Goddess gives the Monkey King a second chance by allowing him to be reincarnated.

500 years later the Monkey King is reincarnated as a mortal called Joker, the leader of a gang of robbers. Two female demons arrive, Spider Woman and Jing Jing, who are looking for the Longevity Monk. They want to eat his flesh to make themselves immortal. The only person who knows the whereabouts of the Longevity Monk is the Monkey King, but Joker has no memory of his previous life. Jing Jing is the Monkey King's former lover, who was abandoned by him.

The plot is complex, as you can tell from this short summary. It's the sort of thing that can be adequately described in a classic novel, but it's difficult to follow in a film. Maybe I'm at a disadvantage as a westerner. Chinese viewers probably know the novel and would smile appreciatively as the familiar plot unfolds. For me everything was lost in the slapstick humour, which wasn't even funny. The timing was off. For instance, in an early scene Joker's clothes catch fire, and his assistant puts the fire out by kicking him in the balls. That would be funny as a short joke, five seconds or even ten, but the kicks go on and on for 35 seconds. I was bored long before it was over. To make things worse, later in the film the joke is repeated and it lasts a whole minute.

Watch the old Laurel and Hardy films. There's slapstick with perfect timing. No joke is too short or too long.

The only time I really enjoyed the film was in the martial arts sequences. The fights are perfectly choreographed. This is what's saved the film from receiving an even lower rating.

I feel compelled to watch the second part, even though the first part was disappointing. I hope it will be better.

The film is out of print on disc, but it's available on Netflix.

King of Comedy (1999) (3½ Stars)

Wan Tin Sau is an aspiring actor, but he can only get parts as an extra in Hong Kong action films. As an extra he's not successful, because he insists on over-playing his roles and getting himself too much attention. He also works in his village community centre, where he gives acting lessons.

Wan Tin Sau falls in love with Lau Piu Piu, an escort girl who comes to him to learn how to pretend to be an innocent young girl for her male customers. Shortly after this he receives his big break and wins the leading role in an action film. The leading lady has romantic interest in him, so when she sees that he prefers Lau Piu Piu she has him fired. Show business is tough.

I don't understand the significance of the film's title. Is it a mistranslation of the Chinese?

This is a pleasant love story that's unfortunately spoilt by disgusting music in the love scenes. It's supposed to be romantic music, but it's so slushy that it just churns my stomach.

Jackie Chan appears as a stunt man, but his fans shouldn't get too excited. He's only on screen for 28 seconds. I timed it.

This is what I call subtle product placement.

I'm a fan of Stephen Chow, but this isn't one of his best films.I bought this film on DVD ten years ago, but it's now out of print.

This DVD release is a good example of why only native English speakers should be allowed to write the subtitles. Even though the subtitles are easy to understand, the grammar is bad throughout the film. Typical examples are:

"How dare you asking me for help?"

"Stop fighting anymore".

That's just embarrassing.

The Mad Monk (3 Stars)

A tale of Gods and demons. This is a film made in Hong Kong in 1993. I suspect that I would have understood it better if I were more knowledgeable about Chinese mythology. I couldn't distinguish which characters in the film are based on Chinese legends and which were added for comic effect.

In Heaven the Gods complain to the Jade Emperor about the poor conduct of Dragon Fighter Lohan, a lower ranking God. They say that he's unworthy of having reached Nirvana and want him to be sent back to Earth to be reincarnated as an animal. The Goddess of Mercy intervenes and sets Lohan a task to prove his worthiness. He is to be sent to Earth as a human, with the full knowledge of his Godhood but none of his divine powers. Within three days he must change the lives of three people, a beggar, a prostitute and a villain. All three are destined to remain in their current positions for their next nine lives, but he must rehabilitate them so that they can be reborn in a higher state.

As if that task isn't difficult in itself, Lohan discovers that the villain has pledged his service to the evil God Heh Lo Sha, who wants to walk the Earth and prevent anyone being reincarnated ever again.

The film confused me from beginning to end. The comedy is on the level of slapstick, but there are serious messages behind it. Parts of the film are visually disgusting, such as the beggar having a body that's covered with contagious boils. Nasty.

I can't imagine that I'll watch this film again. Maybe if a Chinese friend wants to sit with me and give me a running commentary of what's happening I'll reconsider.

From Beijing with Love (3 Stars)

Stephen Chow directed this 1994 film as well as playing the lead role. Ling Ling Chat is an agent for the Chinese secret service who went into early retirement because his bosses didn't think he possessed the necessary skills for his work. He returned to his former job as a butcher, but always hoped that one day he would be called back for duty. This day finally arrives after 10 years. A dinosaur's skeleton has been delivered to the Chinese national museum. The head has been stolen by criminals to be sold to the highest bidder. Ling Ling Chat is considered to be the most suitable person to track down the ones responsible.

If Ling Ling Chat was lacking in skills 10 years ago, he's even more rusty now. He's forgotten how to use a gun. Fortunately he's spent all this time practising with his meat cleaver, so it's now a deadly weapon in his hands. A beautiful secret agent is assigned to assist him, but he doesn't suspect that she's a double agent who is waiting for a chance to kill him.

This is a rather unsubtle James Bond spoof. It's been compared with "Johnny English", but it doesn't reach the same level. In the case of "Johnny English" the humour comes from an incompetent spy succeeding against powerful enemies more by luck than by skill. In the case of "From Beijing with Love" almost everyone is incompetent, both Ling Ling Chat's friends and his enemies. This makes the film less amusing overall. It's not a bad film, but I don't enjoy it as much as Stephen Chow's other comedies like "Shaolin Soccer".

The Mermaid (4 Stars)

I'm happy that Cineworld in Birmingham has decided to show more Chinese films. This is the fourth Chinese film in four weeks, and I hope that there will be more. The film that made the difference was "Ip Man 3". It was shown for two days at Christmas, but it was such a success that it was brought back for another two weeks in January, something I have never before seen at Cineworld. I went to see it again at the end of the second week, and the cinema was still packed, most of the viewers being young Chinese people. There's a large Chinese community in Birmingham, and now Cineworld management has woken up to the fact that they can make money by showing Chinese films. "From Vegas to Macau 3", "Monkey King 2" and "The Mermaid" followed in quick succession.

"The Mermaid" is a film directed by Stephen Chow, well known for his zany comedies like "Shaolin Soccer" and "Kung Fu Hustle". Usually he also appears as an actor in his films, but not this time.

The film's plot is serious, very serious indeed, but it's presented as a comedy with repeated slapstick scenes. Liau Xuan is a Chinese billionaire who wants to make a holiday theme park to rival Disneyworld. He buys an off shore gulf for the project, which he intends to reclaim from the sea. Fearing a reaction from conservationists if he kills fish by lowering the sea level in the gulf, he places underwater sonars to drive away the marine life. Unknown to him, the gulf is home to a tribe of merpeople. The sonars don't drive them away, it makes them sick and kills many of them. They decide to protect themselves by sending a beautiful mermaid called Shan to the surface to seduce and kill Xuan. He can't resist Shan's charms, and the plan looks like it would succeed, except for one little problem. Shan falls in love with Xuan and is unable to kill him.

This is a fantasy epic that ticks all the right boxes. Action, big budget special effects, romance and an enviromental message, all coated with ridiculous comedy.

CJ7 (3½ Stars)

I always associate the name of Stephen Chow with zany comedies. As is usual for all his recent films, apart from playing the main role he directed and produced "CJ7". I've never understood how a person can be an actor and director at the same time. For me it's a contradiction in terms. But it worked for Orson Welles, it worked for Ed Wood, and it works for Stephen Chow.

Ti is a poor construction worker who lives with his son Dicky in a derelict house. Ti is a good father who teaches his son that as long as you're honest it doesn't matter if you're poor. This is a good lesson, but it's not enough to stop Dicky being bullied at school.

While searching in a rubbish tip for new trainers for his son Ti finds a mysterious green object. Thinking it's a toy, he takes it come and gives it to Dicky, but it's actually an alien accidentally left behind by a space craft. Dicky gives the alien the name CJ7, based on the name of the popular toy CJ1. Dicky takes CJ7 to school for company and for help against the bullies.

The film is amusing, but I wouldn't rate it as highly as "Shaolin Soccer". Maybe it's just too childish for me to be able to relate to it.

Kung Fu Hustle (3½ Stars)

Two weeks ago I watched "Shaolin Soccer", a film written, produced and directed by Stephen Chow, who also played the leading role. That's why I bought "Kung Fu Hustle", also written, produced and directed by Stephen Chow and featuring him in the main role.

An unnamed city in 1940's China has been taken over by the Axe Gang, whose members all wear black suits and top hats and carry an axe. They ignore poor areas that would bring no advantage to them, such as Pig Sty Alley. Unknown to the gang a few retired martial arts masters are living here. After a third party provokes a fight between the gang and the alley's residents the Axe Gang decides to take over the alley. This leads to a minor war.

Whereas "Shaolin Soccer" is all about soccer, obviously, this film is a parody of the whole Hong Kong martial arts film genre. It has all the set pieces of the kung fu films of the 1960's to the 1990's, such as the fight scene between one man and dozens of opponents. It also has over the top mystical effects, where we see the magical powers of kung fu.

After watching it once I don't enjoy "Kung Fu Hustle" as much as "Shaolin Soccer". Some of the mystical fight scenes were just too extreme for me to accept, even as a parody. Nevertheless, I'll give it another chance. I'll probably watch it again next year.

Shaolin Soccer (4½ Stars)

This is an incredible film, probably the best film about soccer ever made. After the master of a martial arts school dies the students go their separate ways to live normal lives. Years later Mighty Steel Leg Sing is making money from begging and doing menial labour, but he still practises kung fu whenever he can. He is convinced that kung fu isn't just for fighting, it's the perfect way to solve all of life's problems. When he is invited to form a new soccer team he reunites his brothers from the school to join the team. The world has never seen anything like it. Let the following pictures be a warning to soccer moms. Be careful who your sons are playing against.