They call me Trinity (4 Stars)

This is the film that established Terence Hill's signature role as Trinity. It was made in 1970, and he only reprised the role once in a sequel the following year, but it's what he'll always be remembered for.

Trinity and Bambino are brothers. Trinity admires his big brother, but it isn't mutual. They're both cattle rustlers, hardly the most noble of careers, but Bambino works hard at his job while Trinity just wants to sleep in the sun and have fun. For Trinity having fun involves having gun fights.

Bambino has become the sheriff of a small town near the Mexican border. After shooting the new sheriff he's decided to impersonate him and have a quiet time in the town. He's not interested in keeping the law, unless it involves keeping his own identity secret. Just outside the village a Mormon community has settled in a valley. A former major who lives in the town wants to drive the Mormons away so he can use the valley to graze his horses. Bambino knows about this and doesn't want to get involved, but Trinity decides to help the Mormons when he meets their leader's two beautiful daughters, Judith and Sarah. He even considers converting to Mormonism when he finds out that he'll be allowed to marry both of them. In his eyes it's the perfect religion.

The problem with helping the Mormons is that they aren't prepared to help themselves. They totally reject violence, and Trinity has to take off his gun whenever he enters their settlement. How did they lose this simplicity? When Anita Sarkeesian was invited to make a speech at Utah State University in 2014 there was an anonymous threat on her life from someone who said he would shoot her. She asked the university to keep guns out of the lecture hall, but they refused. The university said that it was against state law to prevent guns being carried into the university.

When I lived in Berlin I made friends with two Mormon girls, Brunhilde and Elisabeth. They weren't sisters, but they shared an apartment. Brunhilde was a nurse, Elisabeth was unemployed when I first met her but later managed to find a job cleaning. They were really nice girls, funny and flirtatious. I felt strongly attracted to Elisabeth, but the religion was in the way. She gave me a Book of Mormon. I read about half of it, but I couldn't carry on. It was such a load of junk, obviously invented by an opportunist who wanted to set himself up as a spiritual leader to make money. It wasn't even a good fake. I couldn't understand anyone being stupid enough to take it seriously. Elisabeth made it clear that she would only date a Mormon, so we never got any closer.

We remained in touch by mail after I returned to England. Ironically, she ended up marrying a man who lived in her house, Freddy Appel, who wasn't a Mormon. Elisabeth Zimmermann became Elisabeth Appel. This made me sad, and I broke off the contact. I lost my chance with her. Maybe if I had been more pushy she would have abandoned her religion for me. I still think about her a lot, after all these years. I tried to find her again after my divorce, but she's probably moved away from Berlin now. Elisabeth, if by any chance you're reading this, please leave a comment so we can get in touch.