The Spy who dumped me (5 Stars)

You shouldn't keep secrets in a relationship. Audrey has been dating Drew for a year, and he didn't tell her that he works for the CIA. Maybe that's a secret that his bosses told him to keep, but it's still not good for a relationship.

One day he finishes with her. Worst of all, he finishes with her by sending her a text message. That's the coward's way out. Or is it? He's actually in Lithuania fighting for his life. He's finished with her because he's worried that their relationship would put her in danger. That's a good excuse, but it still doesn't explain why he couldn't dump her face to face.

While Audrey and her best friend Morgan are gleefully destroying whatever things Drew left behind, Drew unexpectedly turns up. He tells Audrey that she has to deliver a small trophy, second place in a fantasy football tournament, to a man in a restaurant in Vienna. So now he's changed his mind about putting Audrey in danger? I dislike Drew already.

Audrey's apartment is raided by a SWAT force. Drew flees, and the women think he's dead. They decide to carry out Drew's last wish. Off to Vienna they go.

Over the following 90 minutes the film turns into an international spy thriller. Audrey and Morgan don't just go to Vienna, they visit Berlin, Paris, Prague, Budapest and Amsterdam. Wherever they go people are trying to kill them. They figure out that a flash drive has been hidden in the base of the trophy, but they have no idea what's on it.

Critics have mixed opinions about the film. Some like it as much as me, while others say the pacing is uneven. I can see what they mean. The first hour of the film is fast-paced action, with non-stop car chases and gun fights. After the girls are captured for the first time, the film slows down. The second half of the film is slower paced, though just as funny.

The film is hilarious. It's full of ridiculous encounters, parodies of typical spy films. Kate McKinnon is one of the funniest women I know. Mila Kunis is the straight guy in the comedy relationship, which makes Kate seem even funnier.

Maybe I should go back and watch a few of the old James Bond movies. Watching "The Spy who dumped me" has given me a taste for spy films.

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The Spy who dumped me (5 Stars)

In Germany this film is called "Bad Spies". I fail to understand why one English language title has been picked to substitute another. Apart from that, it's not appropriate to the film, because the two girls are very good spies. They're naturals! The only advantage of the alternate title is that it's shorter, which would make it easier to use in my blog. Hmmm... I have to admit that's tempting.

I saw the film's trailer in the cinema a few weeks ago. It was good enough to persuade me to watch the film. But today, in the cinema, I was blown away. I knew it would be a good film, but it exceeded my expectations. The action was fast and hard from the beginning. The comedy started a few minutes later. Both ran side by side at a breathtaking pace. It wasn't until the middle of the film that the action slowed down. The audience was given a few minutes breather. Then it started again. Wonderful!

"The spy who dumped me" is about Audrey, a 30-year-old woman in Los Angeles, who has just been dumped by her boyfriend. Worse still, she's been dumped in a text message. That's a remarkable feat of cowardice. No girl wants to be dumped like that. What Audrey doesn't know is that her boyfriend Drew is a CIA agent who sent the text from Lithuania, where he's fighting for his life.

A few days later Drew returns and tells Audrey that he only broke up with her to keep her out of danger. Obviously he's no longer serious about keeping her out of danger because he now asks her to deliver a valuable trophy to a cafe in Vienna. Drew dies in a shootout in front of her eyes, but she's determined to fulfil his last wish. She jumps on a plane to Austria with her best friend Morgan.

I don't know who appeals to me most: Morgan (Kate McKinnon), on the left, or Audrey (Mila Kunis), on the right. They're both very good actresses, but Kate McKinnon makes me laugh more. The chemistry between them is nothing less than perfect.

"The spy who dumped me" is one of the best films of the year, so far. It qualifies as a surprise summer hit. Check it out while it's still in the cinemas. It's worth it.

Ted (4½ Stars)

There's only one thing worse than taking a teddy bear to bed with your girlfriend. That's taking a walking, talking teddy bear to bed with your girlfriend. That would kill any hope of a sexual atmosphere, especially if it's a vulgar, foul-mouthed teddy bear like Ted. John Bennett was given the bear as a Christmas present when he was eight, and he's been his best friend ever since. I feel for him, but he should have made plans years ago. He should have found Ted a little girl-bear as a companion to sleep with in the other room. (Supposedly female bears are called sows, but somehow that doesn't sound right).

When I first saw "Ted" (the film) three years ago I was immediately entranced. There's a magic in the contrast of the appearance and the personality of the cute little bear. If you turned off the sound it would look like a children's film. The computer animation is an integral part of the film's quality. If the film had been made 30 years earlier and the bear's movements had been less smooth it wouldn't have been as enjoyable.

The film slots into our reality by featuring real-life characters like Sam Jones and Norah Jones (no relation). Sam plays a significant part in the film. Flash Gordon was John's hero as a child and an inspiration for his life. It's been eight years since I last watched the film. Maybe I should pull the DVD from my shelf and watch it again. I could become a Sam Jones fan as well.

It must be difficult to coordinate your hands when you're playing two such different instruments as piano and saxophone at the same time. But how would I know? I can't even play one instrument!

After watching the film I spent some time using Google Maps to hunt down the houses and streets shown in the film. The streets in Boston were easy to find, the streets in other towns took a while. Afterwards I realised I could have done it much more easily. The film's IMDB page lists the exact addresses of the filming locations. So much for my ingenuity!

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Ted (4 Stars)

Don't all children like to have an imaginary friend? Especially the children who are outcasts. When John is eight he's given a giant teddy bear for Christmas, which he calls Ted. John spends hours talking to Ted, and every time he hugs him he replies "I love you". Eventually John gets bored with this pre-programmed response, and he makes a wish that the bear could be real. There's a clap of thunder, and Ted comes to life. They promise to remain friends forever.

27 years later John is in a serious relationship. He's been dating Lori for four years, but their relationship can't advance because of a severe problem. John is still living with Ted, and they spend all their evenings smoking pot together. Lori puts her foot down. "You have to choose. It's Ted or me".

The film begins as a fairy tale, but it soon becomes apparent that it's a story for adults, at the latest when we see Ted partying with hookers. "Ted" is irreverent, breaking down the rules that separate different film genres. But it's good fun. I look forward to seeing "Ted 2" in the cinema next week.

Jupiter Ascending (1 Star)

Oh how are the mighty fallen! After "The Matrix" everyone thought that the Wachowski Brothers were the next big thing. Many people didn't like the second and third Matrix films, but I enjoyed them as a logical continuation of the original. But now they've made this horrible trash. Couldn't someone have stopped it before it came into the cinemas? The studios must have realised that they were sitting on a big budget turkey. I almost gave it two stars because of the special effects, but after thinking about it I changed my mind. No amount of special effects can make up for a poor story with an over-complicated script. On the contrary, if the special effects had been toned down the film might have been more enjoyable.

The plot: human life was created on Earth 100,000 years ago by a corporation on a planet in a far off galaxy. The intention was to breed humanity until the time of a harvest, when all humans on the planet would be broken down into their proteins to create an eternal youth serum. The time of the harvest is only a few years away, but on Earth a woman has been born who is the reincarnation of the head of the house of Abrasax, making her the owner of the planet Earth. Her brother Titus wants the Earth, so he plans to kill her.

I could go into more details on the film's plot, but it's not worth it. It's one of the worst films I've seen for a long time. Avoid it!

Gia (4 Stars)

Yet another true story. That's three in a row I've watched. I must admit that I enjoy watching a film knowing that it's true. Truth is often stranger than fiction.

This is the story of the rise and fall of the American supermodel Gia Marie Carangi, in a career that only lasted nine years until she died at the age of 26. I admit that I had never heard of her before the film was recommended to me. I'm ignorant of the fashion world. Angelina Jolie's portrayal of Gia is poignant and moving, showing both the strengths and weaknesses of this remarkable woman.