Jadgrevier der scharfen Gemsen (4 Stars)

This is a German erotic comedy made in 1975. The literal translation of the title is "Hunting ground of the horny rams". Actually, the title is ambiguous. It's not clear whether the rams are the ones being hunted or the ones doing the hunting. In America the film was released as "Has anybody seen my pants?" It was common for the American releases of European films to have completely different titles, supposedly tailored to American taste.

My spellchecker has informed me that the title is now wrong. Since the German spelling reform of 1996 the word "Gemsen" is spelt "Gämsen". That's strange, because the two words are pronounced differently. Very slightly differently. The difference is only noticeable when speaking slowly. As my German friends know, I'm an opponent of the German spelling reform. I use the new spelling, but grudgingly. It's supposed to be more logical than the old spelling, but all it's done is add more illogical things. One of the other problems of the spelling reform is that it's an ongoing process. Every few years new changes are published. The most recent change concerned the German letter ß (often confused with the Greek letter Beta, which has a tail). Until recently there was no upper case equivalent of ß, so it had to be written as SS. Since June 2017 it's required to write the upper case ß as ß, i.e. identical to the lower case version. Most Germans don't even know about this recent change.

But wasn't I supposed to be writing about a film? Oh yes... the hunting ground, etc. It stars Josef Moosholzer as Jonathan Schmidinger, a German born in America, which of course makes him an American as well. His parents are from Tegernsee in Bavaria. He's a patriotic American, as you can see from his underwear, but he returns to Germany to claim an inheritance. His cousin has left him a hotel in Heidelberg. He flies from Houston, where he lives, to Munich. That's a detour. It would have been better for him to fly to Frankfurt (150 miles from Heidelberg) than Munich (750 miles from Heidelberg). I'm sure the film's director knew this, but it's supposed to be a Bavarian comedy, so Munich is essential to the plot.

Jonathan makes his first acquaintance with Bavarian hospitality at the airport. His suitcase is stolen while he's waiting for a taxi. Jonathan jumps into the next taxi and tells the taxi driver to chase the thieves. It's a long chase on the autobahn, and the taxi driver wants to give up when the fare exceeds 100 Marks, but Jonathan tells him that if he doesn't catch the other car he can't pay him, because his wallet was in the suitcase.

They lose the chase. Any other taxi driver would have called the police, but Karli (played by Franz Muxeneder) takes Jonathan back to his village and buys him a drink. He believes Jonathan's story about being a hotel owner, so he gives him 1000 Marks to make his way to Heidelberg. In return Jonathan says Karli and his family can stay in the hotel free of charge as often as they want.

There are a lot of misadventures on the way to Heidelberg. Jonathan repeatedly loses his trousers, which is the explanation for the American film title. When he arrives he finds out that the family hotel has been turned into a brothel. Jonathan takes over and tries to close the brothel, but he's stopped by gangsters. They say they gave his cousin a loan to open the brothel, so they're now partners and receive 50% of the income. They don't have any documents to prove it, but they have guns.

Poor Jonathan doesn't just lose his trousers, he spends a lot of time running around the hotel dressed only in his stars and stripes underpants.

An American soldier visiting the brothel sees Jonathan's underpants and immediately salutes the flag. The girl with him is a German, but she wants to follow American customs.

If you're not acquainted with Germany, you'd think that Heidelberg and Bavaria are next door to one another, not 750 miles apart. Jonathan is kidnapped by the gangsters in a helicopter, then thrown out (with a parachute), and he's lucky enough to land in Karli's village, just outside Munich.

This is Karli's girlfriend Molly. How does he do it?

And this is Molly's mother Lisa, played by the wonderful Rosl Mayr.

This is a very good film, the best of what German erotic comedies have to offer. Beautiful naked girls, slapstick humour, car chases, helicopters, explosions and ridiculously over-the-top fight scenes. And did I mention the beautiful naked girls?

Here are a few of the film's lobby cards that show Jonathan's misadventures. I love the old lobby cards. They ceased to be made when multiplex cinemas became popular. If I had a lot of money I'd try to collect as many as possible.

Beim Jodeln juckt die Lederhose (3½ Stars)

This is a Bavarian sex comedy, made in 1974. I call it Bavarian, even though it's set in the mountains of Tirol, Austria. Culturally, there's no difference between Bavaria and northern Tirol, but more to the point, the film is made in the style of the Bavarian sex comedies. Most of the actors are Bavarians. The film even stars Josef Moosholzer, although he plays a Berliner with a more or less acceptable accent.

The film's title means "Your Lederhose itches when you yodel", but it was released in English as "There's no sex like snow sex". In this case the English title is probably better. There are lots of Lederhosen, but there's no yodelling and no itching.

 

A bus is heading to a ski resort in Tirol. There are eight women and one man, played by Josef Moosholzer. We aren't told his first name, he's just a bank manager called Müller from Berlin. He's excited by all the sexy young girls around him. I would be too. How was he lucky enough to get on a trip like that?

Josef checks into the hotel, and he receives critical looks from Rosl Mayr. Both actors were born in Munich, but one is playing an Austrian while the other is playing a Berliner. That's strange.

From here on we have a non-stop sex farce. The girls are more interested in having sex with the ski instructors than learning how to ski. Everyone is hopping from one bed to another.

Even Josef gets his hands on a couple of girls, but they're only interested in him as long as he's buying them drinks. When the evening's over and they go to bed, he has to go to bed alone.

As in all the Bavarian sex comedies, the sex is very tame. The sex scenes are more comical than arousing. What's sexier is the panty peeks when the girls bend over.

Josef agrees. But he still ends up going to bed frustrated every night.

These actresses deserve my respect. They're sunbathing naked in the snow. I hope they didn't get frostbite in awkward places.

The film is a fun romp, but at the end of the day it's forgettable. It's long out of print, but if you can speak German you might find a copy on Ebay.

Housewife Report 6 (2 Stars)

After watching "Housewife Report 5" two days ago I was eager to watch the sixth and final film in the series. I was disappointed. Rather than being an original film, it's a compilation of scenes from "Housewife Report 2" and "Housewife Report 3". As if this weren't bad enough in itself, the scenes have been shortened by editing out a lot of the conversations. This leaves more nudity, but the stories suffer. Apart from that, some of the names have been changed, probably to avoid duplicates in the compilation. We see the following couples:

1. Gudula and Paul from Housewife Report #2.
2. Sabine and Bruno from Housewife Report #3.
3. Agnes and Albert from Housewife Report #3.
4. Steffi and Oskar from Housewife Report #2.
5. Uschi and Eugen from Housewife Report #3. Their family name has been changed from Fendt to Tremp.
6. Irene and Milan from Housewife Report #3.
7. Beate and Herbert from Housewife Report #3.
8. Kati and Josef from from Housewife Report #2. Kati has been renamed Anna, and Josef has been edited out completely.
9. Loni and Anton from Housewife Report #2. Their family name has been changed from Leming to Lanski.
10. Gretel and Gottlieb from Housewife Report #2. This has been shortened so much that it hardly makes sense.
11. Anna from Housewife Report #2. This was only a brief scene within a segment in the original film that I didn't bother mentioning in my review. Anna's name has been changed to Nelly.
12. Margit and Otto from Housewife Report #3.
13. Elisabeth and Kuno from Housewife Report #3.
14. Erika and Klement from Housewife Report #2.

I've saved the worst till last. The scenes of Bernd and Brigitte Mittler from the two films have been included between the segments, but Brigitte has been renamed Birgit. Ugh! What's wrong with this film?

Housewife Report 4 (4 Stars)

My readers who have been following my Housewife Report posts will immediately recognise two of the actors in the picture above. On the left is Rosl Mayr, and on the right is Gernot Möhner, who appears in all the Housewife Report films as the investigative reporter Bernd Mittler. I can't name the man in the middle, because there are no credits, and I don't recognise him from other films.

Whereas the previous film offered socially dubious messages about divorces in Germany, this film plays it safe and has no messages at all. Instead of beginning in an office, like most report films, it takes place in a railway carriage. Bernd Mittler catches a train in Hamburg and is heading southwards, probably back home to Munich. The businessman sitting next to him says he knows him; he's seen him in stupid sex films. Bernd objects, replying that they're serious scientific studies. The other two men in the carriage join in the conversation. There's a lawyer sitting opposite who says, "The scientific value of your films is very questionable". In the corner there's a Catholic priest, who adds "I've seen the films, and they should be taken seriously. They show what comes from living in a prudish society". I like the priest. He's a very open person who talks good sense.

Bernd attempts to defend his reputation as a serious reporter by telling them the results of his recent interviews in cities all around Germany. We don't see Bernd himself in the vignettes, we just see what he's been told.

1. The first story takes place in Berlin. Gerda and Fritz have been married for five years. Gerda loves her husband and wants to have more sex with him, but he's bored and would rather watch television than have sex. What an idiot!

She orders a company to take away her old, heavy furniture, and a muscular man called Paul comes to carry everything away. Gerda is excited and seduces him. That's not enough. The next day she arranges to meet him at home.

While they're making love, Paul's girlfriend comes home. She isn't jealous. She thanks Gerda for warming up her boyfriend and says that she'll take over. Gerda is miserable and rushes home in tears. When her husband sees her he doesn't know what's wrong, but he feels sorry for her, so they go to bed and make love.

So what's the message of this story? You tell me.

After this story, Rosl Mayr joins the men in the carriage. She says she's a virgin, but there's no hint of innocence in her. She talks openly about sex and women's right to do it as often as they like. She's seen the previous Housewife Report films and joins in the conversation. The lawyer says that in marriages there are two sides to every story, to which she replies, "There aren't two sides. Women are always right".

Now you know why I love Rosl Mayr so much. She was phenomenal in every role she played.

2. The second story takes places in Hamburg. Herbert is a wealthy businessman who lives with his wife Elke, played by the famous German actress Elisabeth Volkmann. She began her career in erotic films, but when she became a serious actress she distanced herself from them. Elke is sexually adventurous, but Herbert just wants to do the missionary position. We see her pulling him from one impractical position to another.

The next day, Herbert interviews an applicant for a position as housekeeper. The woman, played by the deliciously curvy Dorothea Rau, rips her clothes off and tries to seduce him. Elke walks in and tells Herbert she'll handle the other interviews.

The next applicant gets drunk during the interview, so Elke turns her down. The third applicant is a beautiful lesbian who seduces Elke. Hired! Elke says that she's too good to do housework, so she gives Herbert an apron and makes him do the housework while the women enjoy their sex life.

The message? Men should be the slaves in lesbian households.

Another woman comes into the carriage. Now all six seats are occupied. She's a medical student called Marianne. She defends women's right to have as much sex as they want with whoever they want.

3. The third story takes place in Mainz. Doctor Fridobert Walzel is a Professor at the University of Mainz, teaching Entomology. I had to look that up as well; it's the study of insects. His young wife Dorothee is unhappy, because he's more interested in the mating habits of insects than mating with her. One Saturday morning he leaves home early, because he wants to watch the mating act of two insects that only takes place once a year. The insect's name is corpus facilitis, if I understood it correctly. During mating the female shouts "Bee" while the male shouts "Tak Tak". Fascinating.

Two research students should be accompanying Doctor Walzel to the woods, but only one arrives. After they leave the second student arrives, a handsome young man, and he asks Dorothee to drive him to the woods. They go to the woods, but they get distracted. They have wild sex, in which she yells "Bee" and he yells "Tak Tak". It's so funny that I had to laugh out loud. Meanwhile, the female research student accompanying Doctor Walzel takes off her clothes and seduces the professor. While they're making love, he hears the Bee-Tak-Tak-ing and thinks the insects are close. They're on the floor doing it doggy style, so he pushes her towards the noises... and the two couples discover one another in the act.

The message? When you're making love in the woods, don't do Bee-Tak-Tak.

4. The fourth story takes place in the small town of Neustadt in Hessen. Karin and Heinz are a happily married couple, apart from the fact that Heinz is a truck driver who is often on the road for days. While Heinz is gone one day, Karin meets a hot young Spaniard called Juan, played by Rinaldo Talamonti. He does his best to put on a Spanish accent, but he can't disguise the fact that he's really Italian. Karin takes him back home for sex, and they have a long session of foreplay in which Juan pretends to be a bull while Karin is the matador. I should try it some time, it looks like fun.

Meanwhile, Heinz has stopped to help a woman with car troubles. It was a trap. The woman, Hildegard, was only pretending to have car troubles so that she could lure a man for sex. The story ends with a strange scene. Heinz is in bed being ridden by Hildegard, and he feels the need to check up on his wife. He calls her, and she answers despite being in the middle of sex with Juan. They talk on the phone, both acting normally, but both are worried because their partner sounds out of breath.

The message? I have absolutely no idea!

5. The fifth and final story takes place in Stuttgart. I know Stuttgart well, so I tried to figure out where it was. Eventually I saw a street sign and realised that it wasn't filmed in Stuttgart, it was Grünwald, a small town just south of Munich. Sieglinde is married to an older man called Lambert. He works two jobs so they'll be able to buy their own house, which is the dream of every Stuttgarter. In the evening Sieglinde wants to go to the fitness studio, but Ottokar, a young man from Dresden (DDR) arrives selling magazines. She doesn't want to buy anything, but she's willing to have sex. After this he leaves.

Meanwhile, Lambert is at his second job. He's seduced by his secretary, Gudrun, who's played by Ulrike Butz. She was the most beautiful German actress in the 1970's. Nobody else came close. After sex they both go home. When Lambert arrives home he's surprised to find Sieglinde at home, and she's surprised that he's come home so early. But the fickle fingers of fate are at work. Ottokar sees Gudrun in the street and chats her up. They tell each other they were just with someone, and when they say where they live they realise it was the same couple. Ottokar and Gudrun walk together to Lambert and Sieglinde's apartment. They wish the surprised couple all the best for their married life and leave together. Lambert tells his wife he'll quit his second job, because a happy marriage is more important than buying a house.

And that's the message of the fifth vignette, I guess.

It was my intention to only use the lobby cards for illustration, since I've found a full set online, but I think the following screenshots will be a welcome addition.

For all her fans, this is the amazing Rosl Mayr.

Herbert can't handle Dorothea Rau. Could you?

This is Herbert's fate as the emasculated cuckold of lebian lovers.

And here's another photo of Rosl Mayr. I know you want it!

Rinaldo Talamonti is a small man, but all the girls love him.

"Karin! You want me to do what?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to stand on a chair?"

"I need to hide! That was the doorbell!"

Can Karin tame the Spanish bull?

He's more of a bullock than a bull.

She got him!

But he likes it!

Ulrike Butz only appears for five minutes at the end of the film, but she's worth waiting for.

She's beautiful all over, face and body.

Lambert worships her as a Goddess.

Rosl Mayr approves. All women should be treated as Goddesses.

It's difficult for me to rate this film. It's not quite as good as the previous film in the series, but any film with Ulrike Butz and Rosl Mayr deserves four stars.

Housewife Report 3 (4 Stars)

This film, made in 1972, was recently included in a list of the worst films ever made. It's the only one of the six Housewife Report films in the list. I felt tempted to give the film five stars, just to rebel against the bad judgement of the people compiling the list, but I can't call it a perfect film. A four star rating should be enough to tell the world I disagree with the poor rating by people who think they're smarter than me.

The film was released in English (dubbed) with the title "Give 'em an inch". That title is in contrast to the film's message, so I'll stick to the literal translation of the German title. Maybe the film should have been called "Divorce Report", because divorce is the only topic from beginning to end. The film's message is that when a couple get divorced it's always the man's fault. There's also a second message, that women who marry young are more likely to get divorced, so they should wait until they're older and know what they want.

After an amusing opening scene during the credits, the film settles into the typical style of the 1970's report films. A group of experts are gathered in a room talking about the problem of divorce in today's modern society. They're a group of doctors, psychiatrists and social workers, i.e. people who should know what they're talking about. In their midst are the married couple Bernd and Brigitte Mittler, who we know from the first two films. They've been sent out to interview housewives who have recently left their husbands. Supposedly they were both sent out, but in the following vignettes it's only Brigitte who we see as an interviewer.

Each of the reports has the same format. Brigitte Mittler interviews a woman about her marriage problems, and in a flashback we see what led up to the divorce. We hear the woman in voiceover explaining what was happening. At the end of each vignette the experts give their opinion on what just happened. They use a lot of fancy words, but what it comes down to is that they're saying, "The man did everything wrong. The woman was right to find someone else.

What makes this film different to its predecessors is that Bernd and Brigitte play an active part. Before the beginning of each vignette there's a short scene showing their married life. This was probably intended to show that not all marriages end in divorce. This is also the first film in which we see Bernd and Brigitte naked. Maybe after two films fully clothed the actors complained that they were the only ones keeping their clothes on.

1. Sabine married Bruno when she was 19 and he was 31. Their sex life has settled into a dull routine. Then she wins a holiday in Venice in a television quiz show. Bruno is too busy to go, so she takes the holiday by herself. It's an ugly little hotel, but Sabine has an affair with the hotel's owner, Mario. She wants to stay in Venice with him, but she decides against it because she doesn't want to lose her children. She returns home after two weeks, and her sex life improves dramatically.

This vignette shows an affair that doesn't lead to divorce. It's also the only vignette in which the couple have children. Is that a third subtle message? Children hold a marriage together?

2. Irene is a teacher, her husband Milan is a trainee doctor. I don't know about other countries, but in Germany after graduation medical students have to work as underpaid trainees in a hospital for two years before being allowed to call themselves doctors. Milan has no time for his wife. He leaves home early, he comes home late, and when he goes to bed he falls asleep fast, leaving Irene unsatisfied.

One of Irene's older students, Gerd, helps her carry her shopping home. Gerd seduces her, and they have sex. She swears this will never happen again, but he seduces her again in school a few weeks later. Then she sees that Gerd's friends have been spying on her. Because of this she changes schools and leaves her husband. She says that if she'd been sexually satisfied at home she would never have been seduced.

So it's the husband's fault if a teacher has sex with one of her students? That's what the experts tell us.

3. Margit and Otto have both fled from the DDR (East Germany) to Munich. They both feel like outsiders with their strange accents, so they marry one another when she's still 17. All that Otto is interested in is getting a good car, something better than a Trabi. He reads car magazines in the bath, he reads car magazines in bed, and he even reads car magazines during sex. Eww! Margit assumes things will get better when he finally buys his car, but it's worse. He goes out on long drives, and she suspects that he's seeing other women. Margit goes to one of Otto's friends, a car mechanic called Wastl, for sympathy. They become lovers, and she leaves Otto.

That was a question for all new arrivals in West Germany from the DDR: are the riches of the West more important than love? Otto made the wrong choice.

4. When she's only 18, Beate marries Herbert Gessler, the owner of a large family business. His age isn't stated, but he must be at least 20 years older. He's unfaithful to her, so she hatches a plan to get the other company executives, all men, onto her side. She hosts a party where she's wearing revealing clothing, and she puts on a weepy performance. With their votes, she becomes the company's leader. She demotes her husband to a minor role, and she thanks all the stupid men who supported her by firing them and replacing them with women. And in the process, she begins a new relationship with Dirk, her lawyer's son.

Girl power! Yay!

5. Uschi is the 20-year-old wife of Eugen Fendt, the publisher of a pornographic magazine. Because of his fascination with pornography, he's unable to have normal sex. Uschi has to stand in the street pretending to be a prostitute. Eugen picks her up and takes her home for sex. That's the only way it works. Poor Uschi feels demeaned, but she loves her husband and does what he wants. One day Eugen is delayed, and she's picked up by another man. He pays her 100 Marks (50 Euros) for sex, a good price in 1972. She leaves her husband, because she would rather be a real prostitute than a fake.

Once more, it's all the man's fault. His sexual hang ups have driven his wife into prostitution.

6. Agnes is the young wife of a hairdresser called Albert. I don't know how tall the actress Maria Faber is, but she towers over her husband and all the other men around her. Albert is unable to perform in bed, probably because he's intimidated by her. Their next door neighbour is an Italian called Tonio, a pizzeria owner, played by the remarkable actor Rinaldo Talamonti. He's very small, about 5'3", but he's confident about his height. When he makes love to Agnes he stands on a chair. This continues until Albert buys potency pills from a dubious doctor. In voiceover it's suggested that the pills are fake – this was long before the invention of Viagra – but Albert's problems are psychological, so the pills work because he believes that they work. This makes Agnes abandon her affair with little Tonio.

So we see that good sex can save a marriage. I already knew that without the help of experts.

If you check the film's IMDB page, you won't find Rinaldo Talamonti listed. There's a good reason for his omission. The German erotic films of the 1970's, whether they were report films or Bavarian sex comedies, didn't name the actors. There were no credits, neither at the beginning nor the end of the film. IMDB, which wasn't started until 30 years later, has to rely on its contributors recognising the faces of the actors. This might succeed for the major actors, but minor actors who only appeared in one or two films are rarely named. Evidently, the person who added "Housewife Report 3" to the database didn't know Rinaldo. That's remarkable. He was one of the greatest comedy actors of the 1970's, and he's still making films today. Long live Rinaldo!

Here's Rinaldo standing on a chair to make love to Maria Faber as Agnes.

Size doesn't matter if you're a good lover. That's what men like to believe.

Rinaldo isn't just a good lover, he's a good singer. He serenades Agnes with "O Sole Mio" while they make love.

But in the end he's rejected. Agnes returns to her (slightly) larger husband Herbert.

7. The problems in marriages aren't only the result of sex. Elisabeth has married Duke Kuno of Ladenburg. They have a lot of beautiful land, but they don't allow people to walk through it and enjoy the scenery. The local vet, Dr. Moll, is leading the protests to open up the land for public use. Elisabeth finds her husband's refusal to compromise unpleasant, so she leaves him and marries the vet.

The experts talk a lot about this case. They point out that divorces aren't common in the landed gentry, because the wives want to hold on to their money and position of authority. Elisabeth is a rare example of a woman who puts her ideals above money.

The duke's mother is played by Rosl Mayr, the grand old lady of German sex comedies. She appeared in supporting roles in at least 50 sex comedies in the 1970's. No film was complete without her. She's also unlisted in IMDB. Maybe someone will read this review and add her name.

Concerning Bernd and Brigitte Mittler, there's an interesting intrigue. Brigitte wants a baby, Bernd doesn't. He says they're too young. She says she's on the pill, but she throws away her birth control pills and replaces them with glucose tablets. In the final scene she says she's pregnant. Will Bernd be furious? Not at all, he's a good husband. He's so happy about becoming a father that he forgives his wife's deception.

Children hold marriages together. That's the message. Would you rather believe that, or just call it nonsense from one of the worst films ever made? I'll leave it up to you to decide.