Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3 (4 Stars)

I finally got round to buying "Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3" on Blu-ray, after almost two years. I've been waiting for the price to drop, but it didn't, so I weakened and paid 9.99 Euros for it. Usually I don't like to pay more than eight Euros for a film. "Wakanda Forever" is even more expensive, currently 12.50 Euros. It wasn't even reduced in Amazon's Black Friday sale. I'll be patient.

I'll repeat what I wrote in my last review. It's a good science fiction film, but it's a poor Marvel adaptation. Whoever the five characters in the picture may be, they're not the same people that we know in the comics. Maybe Groot comes close, but not the others.

The portrayal of Warlock makes me sad. In the comics he was a noble warrior, the only person that Thanos feared, but he's just a clumsy idiot in the film. Mantis is even worse. In the comics she's deeply spiritual, despite having worked as a prostitute in Vietnam. In the films she's stupid. Not naively stupid, just stupid.

I have a suggestion. Let's reboot the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Let's start again from the beginning. New actors, and let's have stories that closely follow what was written in the comics, especially those written by Stan Lee and Roy Thomas. And let's get the costumes right. How many films did we need before Wolverine finally put on his yellow spandex? I just counted. It took him ten films. In "Deadpool & Wolverine" he finally looks right.

I need to give this film yet another chance. The critics call it one of the better Marvel films. Maybe they're right. I need to make an effort to forget the comics when I watch it next time.

Success Rate:  + 1.4

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Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3 (3 Stars)

This is the 32nd film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). It's a difficult film for me to rate. It depends on my criteria. As a sci-fi comedy it's a great film, worth five stars. As a Marvel adaptation it's awful. My three star rating is an average of the two extremes, but also a sign that I don't know how to rate it.

Adam Warlock is one of my favourite heroes in the comics, but what's happened to him? Roy Thomas portrayed him as the Messiah of Counter-Earth, but in the film he's a buffoon. And wasn't the High Evolutionary a good guy in the comics? He's been totally distorted in the film.

The members of the Guardians themselves are nothing like their incarnations in the comics, but I've already got used to it, so I won't comment on them here. The only character in the film who's true to the comics is Howard the Duck, but his appearance is so brief that it's hardly worth mentioning. Seth Green isn't even included in the credits.

The critics like the film, which I find curious. "The best Marvel movie in years"? That's only because the last few films have been so bad.

Just one small spoiler: At the end of the film Star-Lord (Peter Quill) leaves the Guardians of the Galaxy, but a few minutes later we read the words "The legendary Star-Lord will return". Does this mean he'll have a solo film?

As always, I'll return to the film when it's released on disc. It deserves another chance.

Rambo: First Blood (5 Stars)

"Rambo" (as I like to shorten the title) is my first film of 2023. It's part of the "Best Of Cinema" series of films. On the first Tuesday of every month a film is shown which is considered to be a classic. I don't know what criteria are used to pick the films, but there have been some great films so far, and this is one of them. It was made in 1982, and it placed Sylvester Stallone into a second film franchise alongside "Rocky". It was accidental. Watching "Rambo" today, it was obvious that it was intended as a standalone film, not the first film in a series, but you know how it is. If a film's a financial success the studios get greedy and demand a sequel as soon as possible. Sometimes the sequel lives up to the original film, mostly it doesn't.

Sylvester Stallone plays John Rambo, a Vietnam veteran who's visiting an old comrade in Hope, Washington. They were the only two survivors of his green beret squad, but he finds out that his comrade died a year ago. John was already suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but the news of the death makes it worse. John walks into the town to get something to eat before leaving, but the local sheriff, Will Teasle, thinks he's a drifter and drives him out of town. This leads to an altercation, and John is arrested. During his interrogation he sees visions of his previous incarceration by the Vietcong, and he snaps. He escapes from the police station and goes on the run.

Sheriff Teasle won't let it lie. He hunts John Rambo, but his small town police force is no match for a trained elite soldier. John doesn't want to hurt anyone, he just wants to be left alone, but he has to defend himself, and police officers die.

I'm very glad that I saw the film today. I thought I'd already seen it on television 20 years ago, but as it started it didn't look familiar. I must have confused it with one of the sequels. It's a fantastic film, and I intend to watch the other films in the series, even though I've read that neither fans nor critics rate them as highly as the first film.

Success Rate:  + 6.3

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The Suicide Squad (5 Stars)

This is what I call a BBBM. It's a Big Budget B-Movie. It has a trashy feeling to it which increases as the film progresses. It was a lot less successful than the first film, for reasons I don't understand. It's definitely a better film. I even voted it the best film of 2021.

Once more, the premise is that a team of super-villains is put together to do a job that none of the super-heroes want to do. If they die on the job, who cares? They're villains anyway. If they succeed, their prison sentences are reduced by 10 years each, which admittedly isn't much for someone who's been found guilty of killing 23 people. I'd demand a full pardon as a reward for doing a job that I might not survive.

As in the first film, the team is assembled by the government agent Amanda Waller. In the first film her ruthlessness made us suspect that she's not much of a good guy, but in the second film we see that she's downright evil. The villains are the real heroes. Even Harley Quinn. She might be deranged, but she has lines that she won't cross.

If I had to name one fault in the film, I'd say that Harley Quinn doesn't have enough screen time. It's a team film, so the action is shared by the six team members. I would rather have seen Harley Quinn doing all the fighting, but that's just me. After three films, she still hasn't had the solo film the character deserves. Maybe the next one.

But when she bursts into action she's magnificent.

That's not to say I don't like the other characters. I particularly like King Shark.

Idris Elba is outstanding as Bloodsport. In fact, he's outstanding in every role he plays. He's one of my favourite actors.

They have to fight a giant starfish. As silly as that may sound, it leads to some incredible fighting scenes. Can you see Harley Quinn on the ground in front of the starfish?

Success Rate:  - 1.2

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The Suicide Squad (5 Stars)

I'll keep spoilers to a minimum, because this film is still in the cinemas. It's a film that you really have to see, even if you didn't like the first Suicide Squad film, which was called "Suicide Squad", without a definite article. That's confusing. There may be a subtle joke intended, but I don't get it.

A good friend, whose opinions on films I usually agree with, warned me in advance that this sequel is much better than the first film. That's the only sort of spoiler I appreciate with a new film. After watching the first 10 minutes I disagreed. A group of eight villains, of whom I only knew Harley Quinn and Captain Boomerang, were hurriedly united as a team. No character development. I groaned. Then they went into action, and within another five minutes they were all killed. Except for Harley Quinn. I was relieved. This was just the introduction to set up the film. The six new characters didn't need any character development, because they weren't going to be around long enough. Within the context of the film they were only intended as cannon fodder. None of them were expected to survive. Their only purpose was to distract the enemy from the arrival of a second team, the Suicide Squad. With a definite article. In a flashback sequence we get to know them all.

• Idris Elba is Bloodsport, a weapons expert.
• John Cena is Peacemaker, another weapons expert.
• Sylvester Stallone is King Shark.
• David Dastmalchian is Polka-Dot Man.
• Daniela Melchior is Ratcatcher 2.

I've been assured that they're all well known DC villains. I rarely read DC comics, so they're new to me. I'll leave it up to other reviewers to tell me whether they're accurate portrayals of the comic book characters.

The film has a glorious grindhouse aura about it. The gore is exaggerated, and it can't be taken seriously. I couldn't help laughing out loud at some of the deaths. I feel ashamed of myself, I should be able to control myself better.

The action scenes are ridiculously over-the-top. Robert Rodriguez would be proud to make a film like this.

Harley Quinn is prominent, but not to the extent she stood out in the first film. She's still magnificently crazy. My only regret is that for most of the film she doesn't wear her usual Harley Quinn costume.

The reason for the improvement over the first film can be summed up in two words: James Gunn. He's a far superior director to David Ayer, who made the first film. James Gunn already contributed to the Marvel Cinematic Universe as director of the two Guardians of the Galaxy films. They're both very good films, and he's getting better at making super-hero films as he goes along. I can hardly wait for "Guardians of the Galaxy 3".

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (5 Stars)

I am Groot.

I am Groot.

I am Groot.

I am Groot.

I am Groot.

	I am Groot.
	I am Groot.
	I am Groot.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (5 Stars)

"There are two types of beings in the universe: those who dance, and those who do not".

This is the 15th film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, released in May 2017. It's a family drama of a different kind. Peter Quill, aka Star-Lord, has never met his biological father. This has been troubling him ever since he was abducted by Yondu's spaceship in 1988. Now he meets his father, and he finds out that his father is a planet. Only in Marvel films.....

Things don't run smoothly after he meets his Dad, who has the tell-tale name Ego. After initial mistrust Peter thinks they can live together forever, because Ego tells him he's inherited his immortality. Then Peter finds out that his Dad wants to destroy all life in the universe, apart from the two of them. Even his friends in the Guardians of the Galaxy will be snuffed out. That's not the sort of Dad I'd want to be with either.

You only have to look at his face to know he can't be trusted.

Ego takes on the form of David Hasselhoff to make Peter like him more. Is that really an improvement?

Does Ego look better as Kurt Russell? Yes, that's a friendly face that might win me over. Deceptively friendly.

But what about Stan Lee? In this film he appears in two different scenes, a 10-second scene in the middle of the film and a 17-second scene after the credits. Rather than being just another cameo it's a significant role. It ties together all of his MCU appearances. He's sitting on a rock in space talking to three Watchers. Do I really have to explain to you what Watchers are? They're one of the most highly advanced races in the universe, but they've sworn never to get involved in the affairs of lesser races. They just watch. They're scattered around the universe stationed at significant points of activity, although they leave their posts when something of importance is happening somewhere else. There's a Watcher who lives on the Moon called Uatu. He's a rebellious Watcher, because he loves the human race and repeatedly acts to protect humanity against attacks from alien races.

Stan Lee is sitting with the Watchers discussing things he's seen and done. We overhear him saying, "At that time I was a Federal Express Man", referring to his appearance in "Captain America: Civil War". That's interesting. Can we deduce from this that he's playing the same character in every film, someone who is gathering information for the Watchers? Let's not think about it too much, because there might be contradictions when we try to thread all his appearances together. It's just a humorous theory.

This film gets my vote for the best opening credits scene ever. While the names flash onto the screen, telling us who's in the film and who's worked on the film, Groot is dancing, oblivious to the fact that his team members in the Guardians of the Galaxy are fighting for their lives.

My recent reviews of the MCU films have been more like picture galleries than verbal descriptions, and I don't intend to change now. Here's a photo of Star-Lord, a character created by Steve Englehart in 1976. I was a big fan of Steve Englehart in the 1970's and owned most of the comics written by him, including Marvel Preview #4 featuring Star-Lord. Unfortunately my son Norman destroyed all my comics to make room in the cellar while I was in America. That was one of the most foolish things he's ever done. He could at least have sold them. My collection was worth at least $200,000 but probably closer to $500,000. My most valuable comic was a near mint copy of Giant-Size X-Men #1.

Star-Lord is played by the actor Chris Pratt, a real life gun nut. He says he owns 40 guns for home defence. Anyone who needs that many guns has serious problems.

This is Gamora, a character created by Jim Starlin in 1975. I also owned every comic he ever wrote for Marvel prior to 1997.

On the subject of guns, Gamora is the character in the film who carries the biggest gun. Size matters!

Don't you think that Gamora's gun looks like a severed male phallus?

Drax is a character created by Jim Starlin in 1973, but he's so unlike the comic book character that Jim wouldn't recognise him. The only thing that links him with the comics is his name.

Rocket was created by Bill Mantlo in 1973, but forgotten for more than 30 years before returning to comics in a slightly altered form.

Groot was created by Stan Lee in 1960 as a one-off character, but he was re-introduced in 2008 by Dan Abnett.

Those are all five members of the Guardians of the Galaxy, but I'll add one more photo.

Ayesha is loosely based on a character called Paragon, created by Len Wein in 1977. Very loosely. The Australian actress Elizabeth Debicki was picked for the role because a tall actress was needed, and she's 6'3". Wow! Does that make her the tallest actress in mainstream films?

Both Guardians of the Galaxy films are all about music. In the first film Peter Quill carried a Walkman with a mix tape given him by his mother. At the end of the film he finally opened a present given him by his mother, and it contained a second mix tape, the tape used in the second film. Neither of them are quite the mix tapes I would have made from the 1970's, but overall they're good mixes. I prefer the first mix tape.

Ego calls "Brandy" by Looking Glass the best pop song ever written. Tastes are different, I suppose. It's a song I heard when I was young and forgot until I watched the film. If it weren't for its prominence in the film I would have had no reason to ever think about it again. To me it's a cute song, pleasant background music with no lasting value. Here's the full text, which I'm quoting because of its relevance to the film.

---

Brandy by Looking Glass

There's a port on a western bay,
And it serves a hundred ships a day,
Lonely sailors pass the time away
And talk about their homes.

And there's a girl in this harbour town,
And she works laying whiskey down,
They say, "Brandy, fetch another round",
She serves them whiskey and wine.

The sailors say, "Brandy, you're a fine girl,
What a good wife you would be,
Yeah your eyes could steal a sailor from the sea".

Brandy wears a braided chain,
Made of finest silver from the North of Spain,
A locket that bears the name
Of a man that Brandy loved.

He came on a summer's day,
Bringing gifts from far away,
But he made it clear he couldn't stay,
No harbour was his home.

The sailor said, "Brandy, you're a fine girl,
What a good wife you would be,
But my life, my love and my lady is the sea".

Yeah, Brandy used to watch his eyes
When he told his sailor's story,
She could feel the ocean fall and rise
When she saw his raging glory,
But he had always told the truth,
Lord, he was an honest man,
And Brandy does her best to understand.

At night when the bars close down
Brandy walks through a silent town
And loves a man who's not around.
She still can hear him say,

She hears him say, "Brandy, you're a fine girl,
What a good wife you would be,
But my life, my love and my lady is the sea".

He said, "Brandy, you're a fine girl,
What a good wife you would be,
But my life, my love and my lady is the sea".

Success Rate:  + 2.3

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Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (5 Stars)

Usually I'm critical of Marvel films on first viewing. Not this time. I laughed and laughed and laughed. This is the most humorous Marvel film ever, even funnier than "Howard the Duck". Howard himself makes a brief cameo after somehow escaping from the Collector. Talking of cameos, Stan Lee makes his most cosmic cameo ever. The film is full of small hints of other Marvel characters that only the most obsessive Marvel fans -- like me -- would notice.

The big baddie in this film is Marvel's biggest villain, as far as size goes: Ego, the living planet. He first appeared in Thor #132 in September 1966. He was one of Stan Lee's most outlandish creations. I'm still in awe at how one man could have such a vivid imagination and create so many memorable characters in the space of a few years, characters that are still popular 50 years later.

As enemies go, Ego pushes credibility to the extreme, but Stan Lee managed to make everything seem logical within the confines of the universe he created. How do you fight an evil planet? Do you bend over and hit the ground? Even someone as strong as the Hulk would look rather silly stomping his feet trying to smash his enormous opponent.

My biggest disappointment while watching the film was the appearance of Mantis. She's one of my favourite Marvel characters, but in the film she bears little similarity to her personality in the comics. In the comics she's deeply spiritual and always refers to herself in the third person. In the film she's socially inept because she's never met anyone except Ego. I suppose a person would be rather messed up after spending years talking to a planet. I quickly overcame my disappointment as I realised that her new personality better fits into the film's comedy theme.

Mantis isn't one of Stan Lee's creations. She was invented by Steve Englehart, who wrote an amazing series of stories from Avengers 105 to 152, some of the best comics ever written. Mantis first appeared briefly in Avengers 112 in June 1973, but it wasn't until two issues later that we found out who she is. She's a skilled martial artist who can knock out opponents far stronger than herself by skillful blows to pressure points. Unfortunately we don't see her fighting skills in the film.

Mantis is unique among Marvel heroes. All other heroes were the legal property of Marvel Comics, so they could be used by any other authors in Marvel stories. Steve Englehart retained ownership of Mantis. On the one hand this meant that no other authors could write about her. On the other hand, it meant that Steve Englehart could include her in comics that he wrote for other companies, in particular DC and Image. He gave her different names in the other comics, but it was obviously the same person.

There's humour throughout the film, but most of it comes from the two characters Drax and Baby Groot. I don't know which of them is funnier. This is in contrast to Drax in the comics, where he's a humourless character obsessed with killing Thanos.

In "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2" Mantis seems to be emotionally drawn to Drax. I wonder if she will be more interested in Groot in future films. After all, in the comics she married a plant.

This is a film that everybody should see, if possible on the big screen. Some things might be confusing to anyone who hasn't seen the first film, but don't use that as an excuse for missing it. I have a warning for anyone who's not used to Marvel films: don't leave the cinema too early. Marvel films almost always have a scene after the credits, and this is no exception.

The Expendables [Guest Writer] (5 Stars)

 

Barney Ross (Stallone) leads the "Expendables", a band of highly skilled mercenaries including knife enthusiast Lee Christmas (Jason Staham), martial arts expert Yin Yang (Jet Li), heavy weapons specialist Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), demolitionist Toll Road (Randy Couture) and loose-cannon sniper Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren). When the group is commissioned by the mysterious Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) to assassinate the merciless dictator of a small South American island (David Zayas - most noteable for his role in Dexter), Barney and Lee head to the remote locale to scout out their opposition. Once there, they meet with local rebel Sandra (Giselle Itie) and discover the true nature of the conflict engulfing the city. When they escape the island and Sandra stays behind, Ross must choose to either walk away and save his own life - or attempt a suicidal rescue mission that might just save his soul.

This movie is an action-movie fan's wet dream with all the veteran talented actors that make this movie what it is.The story is a bit cliched and it does remind me of other movies such as "Losers" or "The A-Team" and whatnot - the ragtag team of misfit mercenary cowboys that like to play by their own rules and are good at what they do. I almost think that this wasn't meant to be taken as seriously as other films out there that try to make it seem like it's the new big thing. Why do I think this you ask? Some of the actors made sense and others seemed more like a joke with it's ironic cameos and dialogue.

My favorite actor in this movie is, of course, Sylvester Stallone. People make fun of his voice and the way he talks or lack of eloquence but in this type of movie that is pretty unnecessary because he plays his role to a Tee. He just seemed to fit and did it so effortlessly that I had no trouble in believing his characterization. Bruce Willis and Arnold the Terminator (that's how I refer to him. Hehe) seemed more like it was meant to be a parody and they just wanted to squeeze as many well known action stars in this movie as possible even if it meant handing out short roles. I did love the by-play in the scene with Willis, Stallone and Arnold because I did get a chuckle or two out of it.

The other actors such as Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Eric Roberts, and Mickey Rourke, kind of rounded out the action stars in this movie in my opinion and some of them contributed well and others seemed more like just extras that were added on for some window dressing. The only lives that we got a glimpse of was Jason Statham for the most part with his stuttering relationship with his girlfriend (seriously does he always have to have a girl??). I liked his character probably because I loved the fact that he was the "knife-guy" of the film and honestly it made me just a little bit excited and had the urge to fall in love with him a little bit. I know it sounds weird but coming from a gal that got her first dagger at 11 years old and then her first switch blade at 13 years old that was a high point of the movie for me. I did mention I was a simple gal. Heh.

We got to see a love-hate relationship between Dolph and Li where their relationship goes from friend, to enemy and back to friend again. I have to be honest and say that while some thought Dolph's character seemed like it was nothing new from his previous roles - a crazed man with sadistic tendencies that seem to live his life exclusively by the law of the "jungle" or "war". I kind of saw it coming in terms of what happened to him in the movie although the ending was different than I had originally expected. I can sympathize with his character even if I do think he tends to go a bit over the top with his acting and sometimes makes it a little bit unrealistic for me. But, as I said, I can sympathize with a character like that- one that has lived his life doing all sorts of unmentionable acts for the sake of country or to stay alive and when left unchecked can go on a rampage. Who hasn't felt like they wished they can go on a rampage every now and again?

The movie is like one testosterone driven tank that's about to run everyone over if you don't move out of the way fast enough. Besides the actors you know they have to live up to their reputation with the high impact action scenes with karate, knives, shoot-outs, wrestling and street fighting with large scale explosions and special effects. I think what I liked most about all of that was that it wasn't CGI and seemed a lot more real compared to movies that are happening now. I could practically feel every impact and punch from the characters. It was really exciting. Among my list of action movies this will at least make it to my Top 15 if not my Top 10. I may have to make an actual list to make it official. Hehe.