Fast & Furious 10 (5 Stars)

It must sound like a cliché, but I have to say it:

"I expected Fast & Furious 10 to be good, but it was even better".

The action sequences at the beginning made my heart pound, and the excitement continued until the final minutes. The film retells the scene where the bank vault was stolen in "Fast & Furious 5". It's been falsely called a retcon in some reviews. Nothing is changed. What happened happened. We're merely given a few extra scenes, things we didn't see in F&F 5. We see that Hernan Reyes' son Dante was involved in the car chase. Dante Reyes is the main antagonist in F&F 10, seeking revenge for the death of his father. He doesn't just want to kill Dom and his friends, because that would be too merciful. He wants Dom to suffer before he finally dies.

I can't say anything about the plot without giving away spoilers. All I can say is that Jason Momoa is the perfect villain. Other reviews have compared him with DC's Joker. I can see what they mean, but I don't agree. He's more similar with the Riddler, as played by Frank Gorshin and Jim Carrey. Simply put, he's insane. Whatever he does is a game, and he enjoys it to the full.

There's just one spoiler worth telling: the film ends on a cliff-hanger. I can hardly wait for F&F 11 to see how it continues. I'll be queuing up to see it as soon as it hits the cinema.

Fast & Furious 9 (4 Stars)

This is the ninth film in the Fast & Furious series. In America it's called "F9", but "Fast & Furious 9" is the title in the UK. That's what I would have called it anyway, so that it's in the right place in my alphabetical list of posts.

I missed the film when it was shown in the cinema. I'm not sure why. I've owned it on Blu-ray since last year, but I've deliberately delayed watching it until the tenth film is in the cinema. The Blu-ray contains two versions, the theatrical cut and a Director's Cut. I watched the theatrical version today, and I'll watch the other version some time in the future.

The Fast & Furious franchise has to keep stepping up the action from one film to the next. It can't go backwards. In an early scene the cars were being attacked by an army with tanks. I sat looking at it shaking my head. "That's impossible", I told myself. I try to suspend belief, but "F&F 9" goes too far. That must have been obvious to the director/screenwriter, because Roman Pierce addresses his comrades afterwards:

"We've now been on insane missions around the world, doing what most would say is damn impossible, and I ain't got one single scar to show for it? I mean, look at my jacket. There are bullet holes from 14 dudes trying to take my head clean off its shoulders. We've taken out cars, trains, tanks. I'm not gonna even mention the submarine. And yet we're still here. We are not normal".

My thoughts entirely. It's like Roman is becoming meta? He's not a character in the film any more, he's speaking as a viewer. None of the team ever dies. Wait! Wasn't Han killed at the end of "Fast & Furious 6"? Yes, but in this film we find out that his death was faked. Gisele was also killed in "Fast & Furious 6", in a way that couldn't possibly have been faked. Or maybe she'll return in "Fast & Furious 12", telling her teammates that it was a body double. Anything is possible.

But the most outrageous stunt is saved until later in the film. A car is propelled into space, driven by Roman, accompanied by Tej. It has to be Roman. We've already established that he can't die. He rams an enemy satellite to destroy it, but he still survives.

What can "F&F 10" do to top this? Ask me again next week.

Michelle Rodriguez remains on the ground, but she's the film's heavenly body. She seems to be getting more attractive in every film. She's not normal.

Success Rate:  + 1.6

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Hobbs & Shaw (4 Stars)

Wow! Dwayne Johnson has muscles! What do they feed them in Samoa?

Or is it the pancakes that he eats in America?

This is the first film in which he performs the People's Eyebrow (TM). I'm sure he could raise his eyebrow higher in his wrestling days. I'll have to check.

Out of all the professional wrestlers who've ever tried their hand at acting, Dwayne is the most talented. Hulk Hogan was embarrassing. John Cena tries his best, but he just doesn't have what it takes. Can you recognise another WWE wrestler who appears in "Hobbs & Shaw" as a non-speaking extra? Will Roman Reigns take the plunge into real acting? He's 37, whereas Dwayne Johnson was 29 when he made his first film, "The Mummy Returns", followed by his first lead role in "The Scorpion King" a year later. I have "The Scorpion King" on DVD, but I haven't watched it since I started my blog in September 2010. I don't think I liked it very much, but after all this time I should give it another chance.

Maybe I should write a few words about the film itself. Dwayne Johnson plays the DSS agent Luke Hobbs, Jason Statham plays the ex-SAS fighter Deckard Shaw. Deckard was the main villain in "Fast & Furious 7" when he sought revenge for the near-death of his criminal brother, but he teamed up with Vin Diesel's gang as a hero in "Fast & Furious 8". I'm surprised that the two initially refuse to work together when they're assigned to the same case. Luke repeatedly says that he doesn't like Deckard, but I thought they'd already got over it in "Fast & Furious 8".

Their main antagonist is Brixton Lore, a genetically enhanced super-soldier played by Idris Elba. He calls himself the Black Superman. Okay, but I think the Samoan Superman is stronger.

There's actually another antagonist behind the scenes. Brixton works for a high-tech terrorist organisation called Eteon. The director of Eteon says that Luke and Deckard know him, but we only hear his voice and his identity is never revealed. A sequel was planned, but the latest news is that it won't be made, so we might never find out who this mysterious character is.

Success Rate:  + 1.8

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Fast & Furious 8 (4½ Stars)

This is the eighth film in the Fast & Furious series. The title is silly, whether it's spelt Fate or F8. I hope you approve of my sensible renaming.

The team has two new members in this film. The first is Ramsey, the hacker we met in the seventh film. She was rescued from a Nigerian terrorist, but I didn't expect to see her return in the next film as a team member. Maybe she had nowhere else to go.

There were enough jokes in the last film about her not looking like a hacker, so I won't repeat them here. I'll just say that I agree. She doesn't look like a hacker.

Roman and Tej are vying for her attention. Tej (on the right) says he's the most suitable partner because he's also a computer expert. Roman (on the left) says he's the most suitable partner because of his sex appeal. If he says so.....

The second new member is Deckard Shaw, and his presence in the team is even less expected. In "Fast & Furious 7" he was the team's enemy. I knew he wasn't really a bad guy. He was only taking revenge for his brother. But now his brother has recovered from his injuries, so there's no need for him to work against the team. Apart from that, the mysterious Mr. Nobody got him out of prison on condition that he did a job for him. That job involves taking down an international terrorist called Cipher.

A shocking development in this film is that Dominic Toretto (Dom) turns his back on his team to work for Cipher. It's obvious that she has something she's using against him, but I'm not going to tell you what it is. If you haven't seen the film yet, now's your time.

In the 11-minute pre-credits scene the film returns to its roots. Dom takes part in an illegal street race in the streets of Havana, Cuba.

There's a scene in which we see Luke Hobbs working as a football coach. He's good. He's really good. I wish VfB Stuttgart had a coach like him.

He turns innocent young girls into lean, mean fighting machines.

I'd be scared to play with a girl like this.

This girl scares me even more.

And a girl like this would make me run and hide behind the goalposts.

You can see where they've got it from.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock is the ex-wrestler who's the most talented actor. I feel tempted to say that he's the only ex-wrestler who's a good actor. Most wrestlers are embarrassing when they try to act, but don't tell them I said so. They're tougher than me.

I'm glad that Paul Walker's character, Brian O'Connor, hasn't been written out of the series after his death. It would have been tasteless to hear the team talking about him being killed by an enemy in between the films. He simply isn't there any more, so we can imagine that he's settled down as a happy family man, living a quiet life in a house by the beach. He's had enough of being fast and furious.

Success Rate:  + 2.9

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Fast & Furious 7 (4 Stars)

This film's correct name is "Furious 7", but I've renamed it "Fast & Furious 7". It's annoying when films in a series are given random names. Besides, by giving consistent names the films are easier to find in my alphabetic list of posts. I hope my regular readers use the list a lot. I know I do. Whenever I watch a film that I've watched before, I read my old reviews first, and I use my list to find them.

"Fast & Furious 7" begins shortly after the end of the previous film. It's more accurate to say that it overlaps. The opening scene takes place before the mid-credits scene of "Fast & Furious 6". Deckard Shaw is the brother of Owen Shaw, who was left badly injured and comatose after the last film. Deckard visits Owen in the police hospital, slaughtering everyone who gets in his way. I counted 19 bodies lying scattered in the lobby and hallways as he walked out. He only spared the medical personnel, not the guards. Judging by the mass destruction left in his wake, they need to build a new hospital.

From what I understand, Deckard isn't necessarily a bad guy. He was an elite soldier in the British SBS and SAS. Wow! It's rare that someone serves in both units. He was trained to be a ghost, entering foreign territory undetected to assassinate Britain's enemies. He's a man who can never be found unless he wants to be found. But family comes first. Anyone who harms his brother has to be dealt with.

Deckard visits the DSS offices to find out who was responsible for his brother's injuries. No, he doesn't make an appointment. He breaks into the building at night and logs into the computer of Luke Hobbs to get the information. He doesn't reckon with Hobbs doing overtime. A fight with Hobbs puts him into hospital for most of the film, but he climbs out of bed to go into action in the last half hour.

The first person he kills is Han, as we saw in the mid-credits scene of "Fast & Furious 6". Then he attempts to kill Brian O'Connor by mailing him a bomb. A big bomb. After this his primary target is Dominic Toretto (Dom).

Help comes from unexpected quarters. The leader of a black ops military team who calls himself Mr. Nobody offers Dom his assistance in finding Deckard if Dom does a job for him first. A hacker called Ramsey has written a program called God's Eye that can process data from every device on Earth with a camera or microphone, everything from mobile phones to traffic cameras. Combined with facial recognition software, anybody can be found. A Nigerian terrorist has kidnapped her in Azerbaijan. If Dom frees her and retrieves the hard drive containing God's Eye, Mr. Nobody will assist Dom in finding Deckard Shaw; using God's Eye, of course.

Dom and his team go to work, but it's even more difficult than expected. Deckard is never far away. Dom rescues Ramsey (after an exciting car chase), but Deckard tries to push Dom's car off the road.  Ramsey tells Dom that the hard drive is in Abu Dhabi, but when Dom and his team go to collect it, Deckard is waiting for them.

There's a bittersweet element to the film. The actor Paul Walker, who plays Brian O'Connor, died in a car crash before the film had been completed. The crash was nothing to do with the film itself. The filming continued with slight rewriting. The final scene is a thinly disguised tribute to Paul Walker. Dom says farewell to Brian, and there are flashbacks to the previous films, but it's obvious that he's really saying farewell to Paul. The film is dedicated to him.

Paul Walker
12 September 1973 – 30 November 2013

Success Rate:  + 6.0

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Fast & Furious 6 (5 Stars)

The Fast & Furious films keep getting better as they go along. The action is getting more exciting and more exaggerated. The last 40 minutes of this film are totally over the top. A car chase including a high speed tank? Another car chase on a motorway with a plane trying to take off while it's being attacked by cars? I can't say that these car/tank/plane chases are realistic, but they're exciting beyond words.

At the end of the last film Dominic Toretto, Brian O'Connor and the rest of their gang walked away with $100 million each. Now they've retired from their lives of crime, living comfortably in countries that have no extradition treaty with the USA. Brian is married to Dom's sister Mia, and they have a baby son together. So what can happen to pull them out of retirement?

There's been a series of thefts by criminals using high speed cars. DSS agent Hobbs approaches Dom and asks for his help in catching the criminals. Normally Dom wouldn't agree to help, but Hobbs tells him that his girlfriend Letty, presumed dead until now, is one of the criminal gang. Dom assembles a team to do the job, almost the same team that he worked with in the last film. The two guys are missing who could only speak Spanish. I don't miss them, I've forgotten their names already. Having less characters makes the film tighter and more exciting.

These six are easy to remember: Han, Tej, Gisele, Dom, Brian and Roman.

Hobbs promises a complete pardon to all the team members if they succeed in capturing lhe leader of the criminal gang, a mercenary called Owen Shaw. He's stealing the parts needed to assemble a device that can shut down the power of a whole country for 24 hours. Okay, let's suspend disbelief here. Assuming that such a device exists, why 24 hours? Why not a week or a month or indefinitely? And why are the components scattered at random places around the world, like Moscow, London and Spain? It's hardly feasible, but let's not argue about it. It makes a good story.

Letty was recruited for Shaw's team after losing her memory in the accident that almost killed her. I've never understood memory loss. Is it really possible to simply forget everything after getting knocked on the head?

There's only one car race in the film, a race through the busy streets of London at night. Its inclusion in the film seems artificial. It's a gratuitous car race to satisfy the regular viewers who've grown used to the races since the first film. However, it seems like the franchise is slowly drifting away from the illegal car race scene into standard action films. I'd say that the first four films were car race films, the fifth film was a transition, and the action films begin with the sixth film.

This film is nine years old, but I'll still avoid spoilers. Two members of Dom's team die, so they won't be appearing in the next film. Which two? You probably already know, but I'll keep my mouth shut.

I've already saw the seventh film in the cinema seven years ago, and I still remember how thrilling it was. I need to watch it again soon.

Success Rate:  + 2.9

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Safe [2012] (3 Stars)

Luke Wright used to be a policeman. He lost his job after testifying against crooked cops. Now he's a cage fighter. After he accidentally wins a rigged fight that he should have lost, the Russian mafia kills his wife as punishment. That sounds like a typical fridging setup, but he gives up. He wants them to kill him, but they don't. He goes to a subway and prepares to throw himself under a train.

At that moment he sees an 11-year-old Chinese girl being chased by thugs. He forgets his suicide plans and rushes to save her. When he leaves the subway station, men are attempting to shoot her. While he's dealing with them the girl runs away. He chases her and sees her being arrested by the police. He finds this suspicious, so he shoots the police and takes her away.

Confusing? The mystery slowly unravels. The girl has the ability to memorise numbers. A Chinese gang has entrusted her with a very long coded number (a whole page of digits). The Russian mafia wants the number. The police don't know what's going on, but if the Chinese and the Russians are fighting over her they know she must be important.

As it turns out, a safe combination is hidden in the middle of the digits. It opens the safe in an illegal gambling den in Chinatown where $30 million is being held.

What's the point? The Chinese boss (played by the magnificent James Hong) says that computers can be hacked, but the numbers are safe in a girl's brain. Not really. She's the weak link. Everyone knows that she has the numbers, so they're all trying to capture her.

For me the film's main problem isn't the dubious premise, it's the cinematography. Jason Statham is a fantastic action hero, one of the best. He punches and shoots his way through gangs and crooked police from beginning to end. The problem is that the camera comes in too close, making it difficult to see what's happening. If the cameraman had stepped back we could have seen who he's punching and what's going on around him.

I'm always fascinated by the development of women from childhood to maturity. This is what the actress Catherine Chan looked like in the film at the age of 11.

This is what she looks like now, aged 21. Wow! What a beauty! I hope we see a lot more of her in years to come.

Success Rate:  - 0.6

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Snatch (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #67

This is Guy Ritchie's second feature film, made in 2000, two years after "Lock, stock and two smoking barrels". It was criticised by film critics for being too similar to the first film. Is that really such a big deal? What's wrong with a director having his own style? I've put the two films next to one another in my top 100 list, because it's difficult for me to decide which one I like more. Maybe "Snatch" is slightly better, but there's hardly anything between them.

"Snatch" actually tells two unrelated stories. One story is about a boxing promoter who's struggling to make money from a rigged bare knuckles fight. The other story is about a giant diamond that's repeatedly lost and found and stolen. The main characters in the two stories don't meet. They're only connected by the minor characters. And the dog.

The film's plot (or plots) isn't difficult to understand, but it's difficult to explain. There's less comedy than in Guy Ritchie's first film, but there are still a few amusing scenes. Brad Pitt's ridiculous accent is comical in itself. He's unable to mimic a gypsy accent, so he's invented his own accent for the film.

Staffordshire Bull Terriers are beautiful dogs, but one thing they're known for is their lack of loyalty. They're undiscriminating in their affections, so if they're stolen they make no attempt to return to their previous owners. That's shown in the film. When the robbers are being arrested by the police they look up in amazement as they see their dog passing them in someone else's car.

This is a marvellous film that has to be seen to be believed. Unfortunately, after his first two films Guy Ritchie was never able to reach the same high level again. He's made nine films since then, some better than others, but he's lost his magic touch.

Success Rate:  + 6.4

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Lock, stock and two smoking barrels (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #68

How can the first film of a director, made on a tiny budget, be as brilliant as this? When it was released in 1998 audiences went crazy on both sides of the Atlantic, though maybe for different reasons. Americans are turned on by the quaintness of British culture and British accents. British fans just enjoyed the hard hitting action, interspersed with occasional comedy.

The two smoking barrels, held by Vinnie Jones above, give the film its name, but they're almost coincidental. The film is about four friends in London who get into big debt with a local gangster, Hatchet Harry. They overhear their neighbours planning to rob a drug den, so they make their own plan to rob their neighbours when they return from the crime. Both robberies succeed. The four friends head home with over a million pounds in cash and bags full of high grade cannabis.

They should have left the cannabis where it was or smoked it themselves. Instead, they get greedy and ask a fence called Nick the Greek to sell it for them. He offers it to Rory Breaker, the man who owned the drug den that was robbed. He recognises it as his own merchandise, so he takes his gang to kill the thieves. He's not fully informed, so he attacks the thieves who stole from him, not the thieves who stole from the thieves who stole from him.

There are multiple plot twists in the film, not just at the end, but interwoven through the story. The guns appear repeatedly. Hatchet Harry is a collector who wants the guns for himself. After a botched robbery they find themselves in the hands of the Nick the Greek, who sells them to the four friends. The guns pass from hand to hand as the film continues.

The film is made in sepia tones and the picture frequently looks grainy. The picture quality has been criticised by some reviewers, but it's deliberate, and it gives the film a unique appearance.

Success Rate:  + 18.8

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Snatch (5 Stars)

"You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity".

As I've often said in the past, I find it easier to write about films I don't like than films I like. In that case, this should be an extremely difficult film to write about, because it's one of my favourite films. I was inspired to rewatch it after seeing "The Gentlemen" last week. Both films have in common that they're complex, interwoven stories in which so much happens that you're confused after the first viewing. Well, maybe confused isn't the right word. Neither film is difficult to understand. It's more accurate to say that both films are so overloaded with details that it's difficult to remember everything that happens. If I wanted to write a complete summary of the plots I'd have to watch the films a few times.

Don't worry. I don't intend to do it. There might just be one person reading this review who's never seen the film, and I don't want to spoil it for you. This is a masterpiece, even better than "Lock, stock and two smoking barrels", which Guy Ritchie made two years previously.

Guy Ritchie's first film was about shotguns, but "Snatch" is about a diamond. It's a big diamond, and it's said to be 86 carats. I'm no jewellery expert, I don't know what that means, but it sounds good.

But "Snatch" is about lots of other things. There are gypsies, boxing matches and a dog. And even guns, although they aren't as important as in the previous film.

There are also twins in the film, played by the real life twins Teena and Nicola Collins. I'm sorry, I don't know which is which. They've only appeared in three films, always together.

How is ex-footballer Vinnie Jones able to sit between them so calmly? I'd get whiplash, constantly looking from one side to the other.

I don't know if he'd agree with me, but I consider this to be Brad Pitt's best film. He talks with a crazy accent. I don't know if it's a genuine Pikey accent, but it's amusing. I've watched the film a few times, but today is the first time I noticed that my Blu-ray has a subtitle track solely for Brad Pitt's dialogue, for nobody else. I wish I'd known about it before. There are a few lines that I never understood.

"Snatch" is a British gangster film and a comedy. On the other hand, aren't all British gangster films comedies? If you're used to watching traditional American gangster films, it's difficult to take the British equivalent seriously. It's a million miles distant from "The Godfather".

As you can see, I've written hardly anything significant about this brilliant film. However, if my enthusiasm encourages you to watch it for yourself, it's worth it.

Success Rate:  + 6.4

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Lock, stock and two smoking barrels (5 Stars)

Four friends. Three of them earn their money from dodgy businesses, like selling stolen goods. One is honest, and proud of it. One of them, Eddy, is a card shark. His strength isn't actually in playing cards, it's in being able to read his opponents. His game of choice is three-card brag, which is supposedly a variant of poker.

The four friends want to make money, so they each give Eddy £25,000 to play with. He goes to an exclusive card game hosted by Harry the Hatchet, and he can't possibly lose. Or at least, he couldn't possibly lose if the game weren't rigged. With the help of a hidden camera and electronic signals, Harry knows exactly what cards Eddy is holding. At the end of the evening Eddy is £500,000 in debt. The money has to be paid within a week, and Harry's henchman Barry the Baptist threatens to remove a finger from each of the four friends for every day the payment is late. After 10 days and no fingers left, well, use your imagination.

What results is a complex circular action romp, in which everyone has multiple connections with everyone else. Eddy overhears his next door neighbours planning to rob a cannabis farm, so he decides to rob the robbers after their robbery. The money they steal is more than enough to pay the debt, but they also have sacks of cannabis on their hands. They offer it for sale to a drug baron, not realising that he's the owner of the cannabis farm that was robbed. Chaos ensues.

There are many other details to the plot. You need a scorecard to keep track of who knows who and, more importantly, who did what to whom. The first time you watch the film you'll be confused, so you'll need to watch it at least three times to pick up all the details. It's worth it.

As for the two smoking barrels, there are two antique shotguns in the mix. You'll have to watch the film for yourself to see where they fit into the plot.

And the machete? Ditto.

And the girl with the machine gun? Ditto again.

This is one of my favourite ever films. It's a better film than "The Gentlemen". The brown tones that are used for most of the film – see the screenshots – make the action all the more vivid. Watching "The Gentlemen" this week inspired me to watch Guy Ritchie's first two films again. It's been too long.

Success Rate:  + 18.8

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