Malibu Express (4 Stars)

In my review of "Return To Savage Beach" I complained that Andy Sidaris' films were only available on DVD. Did someone read my review? Beginning in 2018, all 12 of his films were remastered for Blu-ray, and I now have his complete collection on Blu-ray in my hands. This was a must-buy for me as a fan. I'm happy to say that the picture quality is noticeably superior to the original release, though not perfect. To quote the review from Blu-ray.com:

The 1080p Blu-ray presentation is sourced from a new 4K restoration. The image is generally very nice, with minimal print damage or encoding artefacts getting in the way beyond some distracting wobble that makes its appearance with some regularity in a number of shots and scenes. The image is densely grainy, a snowy, swarming field that is nicely complimentary of the image's textural qualities. Those details are not stellar, but they are firm and steady, revealing skin, clothes, and environments with sufficient clarity and stability. Colours are firm and nicely saturated, reds maybe a little overblown, but the palette is steady without much evidence of fading. Black levels, however, do appear raised and flat with mild purple push at times. Skin tones appear accurate. For what was a low budget exploitation film, the end result is certainly not at all bad.

This is the first film in the Andy Sidaris collection, made in 1985. According to Wikipedia, it's a partial remake of the film "Stacey" (1973), which I haven't yet seen. I'm not sure to what extent this is the case, because the main subject of "Malibu Express" is the illegal export of computers to Russia, something which wasn't happening 12 years earlier.

In the early 1980's the PC revolution was beginning. IBM PCs were cutting edge technology. There were other PCs at the time, but the equipment we see is the IBM XT. It was illegal to export them to Russia, but some companies sold them to companies in Europe that sold them for a profit to Russia, avoiding the trade ban. The private detective Cody Abilene is given the mission to investigate a company that's suspected of carrying out this illegal trade. While investigating the Chamberlain family the chauffeur is murdered. The murder is unrelated to his case, because the chauffeur has been blackmailing several members of the household, but Cody gets sidetracked into trying to solve the murder, despite being attacked by henchmen in the smuggling ring.

The opening and closing credits are shown as a woman with ridiculously long nails sitting in a dark room typing the text on a computer screen. According to the director's commentary, she was an employee of a computer store that Andy paid to type the credits. The view alternates between the typing and the screen itself.

Watching the film today, 35 years later, it has a glorious retro appeal. It's difficult to imagine that this was considered high tech at the time.

Note the slightly distorted text, due to the rounding of the computer screen. This was a low tech screenshot, by today's standards. Andy had to set up a camera to record the text as it was displayed on the screen.

The awkward lettering of the opening credits is in contrast the beautiful curves of the actresses. Alongside normal actors, Andy Sidaris liked to add Playboy models to the cast for eye candy. Sometimes the nudity was relevant to the plot, sometimes it wasn't, but let's be honest, who cares?

Lorraine Michaels was the Playboy playmate of the month in April 1981. As Liza Chamberlain she displays her talent in pouring coffee for Cody on his yacht. He needs to keep his mind on the job. She's one of the murder suspects.

Linda Wiesmaier was the Playboy playmate of the month in July 1982. She plays June Khnockers (don't forget the H), a racing driver who assists Cody in his investigations. As you can see, she's a fast girl.

The first two playmates play significant roles in the film, but the others are totally irrelevant to the plot. Kimberley McArthur (left) was the Playboy playmate of the month in January 1982. Barbara Edwards (right) was the Playboy playmate of the month in September 1983. They play two girls who sneak onto Cody's yacht to take a shower. They don't even make him coffee!

Normally I approve of showering together, but look how cramped the space is on the yacht. How can they possibly clean themselves?

The woman I find most beautiful in the film is the Austrian actress Sybil Danning. Though not actually a playmate, she was featured in the August 1983 issue of Playboy.

During her career she was typecast as a deadly woman (I shan't use the common French translation). Sometimes she was a good girl, sometimes she was bad, but she always left a string of dead bodies behind her.

Before you accuse Andy Sidaris of being sexist, he also cast men on the basis of their looks. He picked them from the pages of bodybuilding magazines. John Brown (left) was Mr. Universe in 1981 and 1982. Richard Prose (right) is credited as having been Mr. Arizona, but I don't know what year.

Andy Sidaris likes to fill his films with beautiful people, male and female, but he's not shy of appearing himself in cameo roles in most of his films.

I'm happy to say that the Blu-ray contains the extra features from the original DVD release. Julie Strain joins Andy in talking about each of his films. She used to think of herself as the unofficial spokesperson for Andy and his films. I wish she'd been in the film itself, but it was made five years before she began her acting career.

Andy claims that people have difficulty telling him and John Brown apart. I'm not sure. If I look carefully, I think I can tell the difference.