Who finds a friend finds a treasure (4½ Stars)

Bud Spencer and Terence Hill. Friends forever, on and off the screen. In many of their films, including this one, they start out as enemies, but they're always close friends by the time the credits roll.

Unlike most of the films made by Bud Spence and Terence Hill, the film's title has been literally translated. "Chi trova un amico trova un tesoro" is an Italian proverb. It's curious that it's been translated so awkwardly. I would have said "whoever" instead of "who". The proverb itself isn't used in the film, just a joking paraphrase from Terence's lips: "Whoever loses a treasure finds a friend".

As in many of their films, Terence and Bud play Americans, even though the dialogue is spoken in Italian throughout. The movie was filmed in Florida, but judging from the context it's supposed to take place in California.

Terence Hill plays Alan Lloyd, a man who's ruined himself by losing all his money at horse races. That's bad enough in itself, but he steals $15,000 from mob bosses which he thinks he can pay back after winning on a sure bet. He has to flee for his life. His only hope of salvation is a treasure map given him by his uncle. A treasure worth millions has been buried on a South Pacific island. But how can he get there with no money to buy a boat?

Bud Spencer plays Charlie O'Brien, an actor who's been hired to promote Puffin's Jam by sailing round the world with a year's supply of jam to live on. Please... however much anyone might like jam, would he want to eat it every day for a year? The first thing Charlie does after leaving the port is dump the crates of jam in the sea. He's made sure that his boat is stocked with steak and baked beans. That's the right food for a real man.

You can guess by now what happens. Alan stows away on Charlie's boat. Charlie throws Alan overboard, miles from shore, but he regrets it and pulls him back in when he sees sharks in the water. That's one thing about Bud in all his movies: he's always a softy. He's a gentle giant who never wants to hurt anyone.

The two men travel to the location of the treasure, the Island of Bongo-Bongo. It's supposed to be uninhabited, but they find it's run by a matriarchy. That's what I call civilisation! The island's queen is called Mama. Here she is with her three daughters Alua, Ulla and Dimhea. Don't ask me which one is which. She also has a son, a proud warrior called Anulu, but Mama is always slapping him because he's stupid. In a matriarchy there's no room for men who think they know best. Slap! Slap! Slap!

The island is raided by pirates who look like they've come directly from an all-night session in a gay bar. They're armed with whips, handcuffs and feather dusters.

The pirate on the right is listening to "YMCA" on his headphones. I shan't even comment on the pirate captain's banana. I watched the film dubbed into English, and it's interesting that the pirates were all dubbed by Australian actors.

The island's women and their puny male warriors are terrified, but Charlie and Alan are more than a match for the gay pirates. They're not scared by bananas and feather dusters. They're proclaimed heroes and shown the way to the treasure. Mama even gives them her daughters, but she's obviously never heard the English proverb, "Three into two won't go".

There's just one last problem. A Japanese soldier called Kamasuka has been stranded on the island since the end of World War Two. He doesn't know that the war is over. He lives at peace with the island's inhabitants, but as soon as Americans arrive he goes back to war. It's interesting that the actor, John Fujioka from Hawaii, appeared in several unrelated films as a stranded Japanese WW2 soldier. That's amazing type-casting, but I admit that he looks the part.

I don't want to give away any spoilers. All I'll say is that I don't understand why Charlie and Alan are in such a hurry to return to America. The island is paradise! I can think of three good reasons to stay, even if I could only keep one and a half of them for myself.

The way the girls are laughing, they must have been discussing how they should be shared. How about one wife for each man, and the third daughter is responsible for the slapping?

Terence Hill and Bud Spencer are best known for their westerns, but this film is also excellent, with a perfect balance of action and comedy. The remastered Blu-ray has only been released in Germany, but it contains English dubbing as well as the original Italian dialogue. There are no English subtitles, sorry.