Wenn Mädchen mündig werden (3 Stars)

The title of this German film, made in 1973, means "When girls come of age". That title has nothing to do with the film's content, except maybe a 20-minute segment in the middle of the film. It was released in English with the title "Secrets in the Dark", which is only slightly more relevant.

I'm a big fan of the Bavarian erotic comedies of the 1970's, but this is one of the weaker films. A serious film critic would probably tear it apart as trash, but I'm biased. It stars Ulrike Butz, probably the most beautiful German actress of all time. Any film that shows her delicious naked body deserves 3 stars at least. Nevertheless, the film is very disjointed. The humour is weak, and there seems to be a message, but it's never quite clear what it is.

The film begins with six Bavarians sitting drinking at the Stammtisch in a bar. This is a scene that can be seen in any other area of Germany. There's no talk of moderation. When Josef Leutner (on the left) says that he wants to leave, the waitress says, "You can't go already. You've only had six beers".

One of the men is a private detective. He tells the others about a female customer who seduced him in his office. "Fine", I thought to myself, "now we're going to hear six stories from the men, in typical report film fashion". I was wrong. This was the only story told in the film.

One of the men (the one whose face is blocked by Josef) is the sport teacher in a girls school. The other men express their jealousy, and they ask if they can be introduced to the girls. They're willing to pay anything. Uh oh... The teacher says he'll do whatever he can.

Josef goes to the toilet. On the way he passes the kitchen and sees the cook on her knees scrubbing the floor, without underwear. He can't control himself. He rushes in and rips her clothes off. He can't use his six beers as an excuse. He's the sort of man who would do it anyway. Luckily the landlord arrives and throws him out. I think he deserved a beating.

It's a tempting sight, but there's no excuse for attempted rape. None whatsoever. A true gentleman would quickly walk away. I'm only a half gentleman. I wouldn't attempt to touch the woman, but I wouldn't walk away either. I'd stand staring like a fool.

The next 40 minutes of the film are about Josef, his family and his business associates. He runs a pet boarding facility. It's somewhere people can leave their pets while they go on holiday. He's played by Josef Moosholzer, the best known actor in the 1970's Bavarian erotic comedies. I've seen him in several films lately, and I've grown to appreciate him as an actor. He was a fat little Bavarian, always the butt of jokes. In the 1980's he lost weight and turned to serious acting, mostly in murder mysteries, until his death in 2004.

After being thrown out of the bar, he goes to the local brothel (Puff). First they mock him for his height and weight, then the girls ask for money, but he only has a handful of coins. Josef should know that any man who doesn't have good looks needs a fat wallet to compensate. So off he goes home, and his wife is in bed with Stefan, one of his employees. I have no sympathy with Josef. It's karma for attempting rape.

The next day we see Stefan taking his girlfriend Petra on a date... and Petra is played by Ulrike Butz! Is Stefan insane? Why's he messing around with married women when he has a girlfriend like that? Maybe he's also the victim of karma. Petra takes him to have sex in her attic, and he gets his penis stuck in a mousetrap. It's so tight that he can't open it. Ouch! That's not funny. Petra is laughing her head off, but no man can laugh at something like that. It just gives me a sick feeling in my stomach.

Surprise, surprise... Josef has success with the ladies after all. He has sex with one of his customers in the back of his truck, which has an animal cage at the back. His wife locks them in, and his employee Leopold drives the truck to the car wash, where they're both soaked.

That's the first 45 minutes, and then wham! A completely unrelated scene comes. Three young women want to become actresses, so they go to a film studio and seduce the producer. That's random.

Then we see a couple having sex in the woods. Random again, totally unrelated to the first half of the film. Another couple come to the woods, but the first couple is in their regular spot, and the man is unable to perform anywhere else. Weird.

Finally we return to the sport teacher, almost forgotten since being seen briefly at the beginning of the film. That's one of his lessons, honestly! He's teaching the girls how to do massage. I wish I were a sport teacher. He asks them if they want to earn some money by meeting his friends. Uh oh, again. The three men (shown above at the Stammtisch) meet them in the woods. I'm happy to say that it doesn't turn out the way they expected.

The first man is too fat to get out of the car. The girl runs away, leaving him frustrated.

The second girl rides on the next man's back until he's too exhausted to do anything.

The third girl takes the last man home and pulls 500 Mark (250 Euros) out of his wallet. That was a lot of money in 1973, but he doesn't complain. Before they can do anything, the girl's parents arrive.

Next we return to Stefan and Petra. I told you, the film is all over the place.

Finally we see two of the Stammtisch friends walking home at night. They visit the brothel, but they're thrown out because they're drunk and disorderly. The two men get revenge by setting the brothel on fire. Naked men and women run out in panic. The end.

This is a badly structured film. It's chaos. It would have been much better if it had just been about Josef. But at least it has Ulrike Butz.