Inglourious Basterds (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #24

This film should be called "How the War should have been won". It's the first film in which Quentin Tarantino rewrote history. It's a fictional film, but it features authentic historical characters, such as Adolf Hitler. The film shows Hitler dying in France in 1944, a year before his real world death. Tarantino's most recent film, "Once upon a time in Hollywood", also rewrites history by showing Sharon Tate survive the attack by the Manson Family.

So who kills Hitler? It's a joint effort. There are two plots running in parallel. One is the fighting group called the Bastards, eight Jewish soldiers led by Aldo the Apache (Brad Pitt). It's Aldo's right hand man Donny Donowitz (Eli Roth) who fires the bullets that kill Hitler. When you look at his face it seems like he isn't just acting, he's really enjoying killing Hitler. But Hitler wouldn't have survived anyway. He's locked in a cinema that's being burnt down by Emmanuelle Mimieux, the cinema's owner who's secretly Jewish. Aldo's Bastards and Emmanuelle don't meet, and they aren't even aware of one another's existence.

As I've mentioned many times before, I consider the opening scene in a French farmhouse to be the best scene ever filmed. It's perfect. It's slow and intense with seemingly harmless conversation between the French dairy farmer and the SS officer Hans Landa. In fact, the whole film moves slowly, and there are only occasional short bursts of action.

This is a film I can watch again and again and never get bored. The same is true of all of Quentin Tarantino's films. If you haven't watched it yet, what are you waiting for? Please don't shy away from it with excuses like "I don't like war films". This isn't a normal war film, which should be obvious as soon as the background music begins. The music sounds like it comes directly from a spaghetti western.

Success Rate:  + 2.6

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Clan of the Cave Bear (3 Stars)

Amazon Friday #6

I'm starting to wonder whether I should bother to number my Amazon Friday films. The order in which I watch them has no significance. Added to that, I almost made a mistake today by calling this film the fifth. I corrected it before publishing the post, but it would have been humiliating.

I've wanted to watch this film for sometime. It stars Daryl Hannah, one of the world's most beautiful actresses, which is reason enough to watch it. It was made in 1985, and it's based on a children's book by Jean Marie Auel. However, the film has been adapted for adult audiences. It has a few scenes that aren't suitable for children.

The film deals with the meeting of two pre-historic races, the Neanderthals and the Cro-Magnons. The Neanderthals are now extinct, and the Cro-Magnons are the ancestors of modern day man. The Cro-Magnons seem to be a new race in the film. We only see two Cro-Magnons: Ayla and her mother.

In the opening scene a woman dies in an earthquake, leaving her five-year-old daughter Ayla alone. Ayla is injured by a lion and almost dies, when she's discovered by a tribe of Neanderthals. They don't want to help her because she looks strange – Ayla has blond hair – but the tribe's healer, Iza, adopts Ayla as her daughter.

Over the years, as Ayla grows to adulthood, she's accepted as one of the tribe, but Broud, the son of the tribe's leader, hates her because she's different. He repeatedly rapes her, which is interesting in itself. He hates her, but he lusts for her. Rape is performed as an act of aggression in order to humiliate his victim. The others in the tribe know about it, and sometimes he even rapes her while they're watching, but they allow it. In those days men were allowed to do whatever they wanted with women.

Ayla is different to the tribe in more ways than one. The blond hair is what's most apparent, but she's also more intelligent than them, and she's a skilled hunter. The latter causes her to be cast out of the tribe. Women aren't allowed to hunt; their job is to cook, have babies and be raped.

The film has some good ideas, but ultimately I was disappointed. It can easily be applied to today's society. It shows racism and sexism, admittedly in an exaggerated form, but the principles still apply today. I was disappointed to see that Ayla didn't take revenge. She hated what Broud did to her, but she accepted it. I would have liked to see more of a twentieth century attitude. But the biggest problem was the dialogue. The whole film is in grunts, with some words repeated often enough for the viewer to guess what they mean. In cases where it might be too difficult to understand, there's a narrator explaining what's happening in voiceover. That's horrible! They should have recorded the dialogue in English and got rid of the narrator.

The film was a box office flop. In 2015 a television series based on the adventures of Ayla was planned, but it never got past the pilot. That's a shame. The story itself has promise. It just needs to be better made.

Success Rate:  - 9.0

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Ma (4½ Stars)

This is a psychological horror film made in 2019. It's almost exactly two years since I watched it in the cinema. I saw it in UFA-Palast, a cinema which unfortunately went bankrupt during the first Coronavirus lockdown.

The film takes place in Sandusky, Ohio. When Sue Ann Ellington was a teenager she was bullied at school. Maybe it was because of her skin colour. In the flashback to her school years all the other children were white. Maybe it was because she was shy. Children who want to be bullies always find an excuse to pick on someone weaker than themselves. This has been festering in her all these years. She now has a teenage daughter of her own, but she hasn't forgotten the children who were bad to her at school. They all still live in the same town. Sandusky is one of the small American towns where people never leave.

Erica Thomson (Juliette Lewis) is an exception. She married and moved to California. After her divorce she's moved back to Sandusky with her 16-year-old daughter Maggie. She was one of the bullies, so Sue Ann decides it's time for her revenge.

Maggie (in the middle) soon makes friends at school. Sue Ann wins their trust by allowing them to have parties and get drunk in her basement. At first Sue Ann wants to feel accepted by the children, in a way she was never accepted in her own youth. After a while the children start to feel freaked out by her constant attention, so her plans change. She wants to hurt the children in order to make their parents suffer.

 

Never trust a woman who likes to play games with teenage boys. Although I have to admit, I wish I'd known a woman like this when I was younger.

This is a chilling horror film that takes a long time to warm up, but in the last 30 minutes it's terrifying. It's a very untypical role for Octavia Spencer, and she plays it perfectly. She should make more horror films.

Success Rate:  + 10.2

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Child's Play [2019] (4 Stars)

After seven films about the murder doll Chucky from 1988 to 2017 it's been decided to reboot the franchise. Why? The seventh film, "Cult of Chucky", was so good that there was no reason to start again. I'm disappointed that Jennifer Tilly's name isn't listed in the credits. I've forgotten why I didn't go to see this film when it was in the cinemas in 2019. Did I deliberately boycott it? Maybe.

Nevertheless, this film is a good example of how a remake should be made. A good remake should be neither too similar nor too different to the original. It should retain the original's main ideas, but tell a different story. That's what the new "Child's Play" has done. Let me name the main differences:

1. The film has been updated from 1988 to 2019.

2. The doll comes to life through science, not through voodoo.

3. The doll has its own life, i.e. it's not possessed by a dead killer.

It's very cute the way the film is taking a poke at Amazon and its smart devices. The company Kaslan, the manufacturer of the Chucky doll, is an obvious futuristic version of Amazon dominating the marketplace. The possibility of connecting everything makes Chucky all the more dangerous. Chucky isn't only capable of turning the television on and off, he can also override the steering of a driverless car. Is this the horrifying future world we have in store for us?

The new version of "Child's Play" is scarier than the original version. This is because the 1988 film has a subtle touch of humour, which is (almost) missing from the remake. The sequels became steadily more comical, which is something I liked. If the remake has sequels, I doubt they'll be at all humorous.

Despite considering the remake unnecessary, I hesitantly approve of it. It's been done well. Let's see if the sequels are just as good.

Success Rate:  + 2.5

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The Disappearance of Alice Creed (5 Stars)

This is a beautifully crafted film that excels through its minimalism. There are only three actors, and almost all of the film takes place in a small apartment. The film was made on the Isle of Man, which has a film industry that's independent of the rest of Britain, so there was only a small budget available. We can be glad. Pouring more money into the film would have ruined it. My suspicion is that most of the budget was used to pay the salaries of the three actors, and they deserved it.

Of the three actors, the best known at the time was Gemma Arterton. It was made in 2009, only a year after she appeared in "Quantum of Solace", so she was the film's biggest star. I hope this meant that she received the largest salary. Last year I had an argument with a rather ignorant person on Facebook who claimed that women should be paid the same as men when they appear in a film together. That's stupid! Actors should be paid based on their Star Quality, i.e. how much audience appeal they have after their previous films. In the case of "The Disappearance of Alice Creed" it would have been unfair to pay Gemma Arterton the same as the male actors, because she clearly deserved more.

The second actor in the film is Eddie Marsan, who plays the kidnapper Vic. I consider him to be a capable actor, but after 20 years in acting he's still waiting for his breakthrough. His face is well known to cinemagoers, but he always plays minor roles. This film is the largest role I've seen him play. He obviously doesn't have Gemma Arterton's Star Quality, which is regretful.

The third actor is Martin Compston, who was completely unknown to me when I first watched the film. I searched IMDB and found that he'd played small roles in a few other films I'd seen, so small that I'd missed him. Ironically, my ex-wife walked in on the film this evening, and he was the only one she recognised. She says that he plays the lead role in the television series "Line of Duty". There's a big difference between film and television careers, although the gap has been closing in the last two or three years. The "big actors" appear in films, and the "small actors" appear on television. As a rule of thumb, acting in a television series means more work and less pay. Some actors begin their career in television and progress to film, but the opposite direction is frowned on and considered to be the result of career failure. I know I'm generalising, but occasional exceptions don't mean it's not true. This film was made before "Line of Duty" began, so it's fair to say that Martin Compston had almost no Star Quality.

Now to the film itself: Alice Creed is the daughter of a rich man (who we never see in the film). She's kidnapped by two men and held for a ransom of two million pounds ($2.8 million). I admit that it's disgusting to see the way she's treated, tied to a bed and gagged for most of the film, but I can say in the kidnappers' favour that they're professional; they don't hurt her more than they have to. Interestingly, Gemma Arterton insisted that she should remain tied to the bed even when she wasn't being filmed, to help her play her part more realistically.

The film develops slowly through twists and turns as a psychological thriller. Vic and Danny are no match for her. After her initial shock she plays them against one another.

She also tempts Danny to untie her so they can have some fun. I think you can guess where this is going.

Is this photo a spoiler?

Significantly, the film's title isn't shown until the last few seconds of the film. Today is the third time I've watched it, but I didn't notice this detail until today.

There should be more films like this. We don't need helicopters, car chases and big explosions. All we need to make a good film is a well written plot and good actors. Although, judging by the film's lack of success, the majority of cinema audiences disagree with me.

Success Rate:  - 2.7

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Heavy Trip (5 Stars)

I used to chat with a Finnish friend online. I'll never forget what he told me. "Finnish music is great, but Finnish films suck". When he said Finnish music, he was referring to heavy metal. I haven't spoken to him for almost ten years, so I wonder what he would say about "Heavy Trip"; a Finnish film about Finnish music.

The film is about four friends in their twenties who've been practising in the cellar of a reindeer slaughterhouse for 12 years. So far they've been playing the songs recorded by their favourite bands, such as Cannibal Corpse and Children of Bodom. Now they feel they should make the big step of writing their own song. They're inspired by the sound of a reindeer being ground to pieces in a meat grinder. They also need a name for their band, and they choose Impaled Rectum. Did they really need 12 years to pick a band name? It's what I would have done first, before picking up the instruments for the first practise session.

They have a chance meeting with the organiser of the Norwegian heavy metal festival, Northern Damnation. That's a fictional festival, so the name is up for grabs! They give him a demo tape of their first song, which they describe as "symphonic post-apocalyptic reindeer-grinding Christ-abusing extreme Fennoscandinavian pagan battle metal". He's impressed, but he says all the bands are booked, so they'll have to wait a year. This doesn't stop the band. They steal a truck and head to Norway to gatecrash the festival.

The film is mildly comical, but it's primarily a feel-good movie with great music. There's also a serious message. It's repeated several times that you can succeed at whatever you want if you only have courage.

This film has the seal of approval of the Roman Catholic Church. You won't go to Hell if you watch it. If you don't believe me, ask any nun. They sit and watch it when they have a girls only film night.

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Downfall (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #25

There have been many men who have played Adolf Hitler over the years, some better than others. Has anyone ever attempted to make a full list? I found a list of 27 actors in IMDB, but it's incomplete. Rolf Kanies is missing, who played Hitler in "Joe and Max". However, I think all the performances pale into insignificance in comparison to Bruno Ganz. It's difficult to say what makes him so good. His physical appearance matches Hitler, but his mannerisms really make the difference. Before filming he spent four months watching videos of Hitler and listening to recordings of his speeches. That's dedication! But there's still more to it. The excellent script and directing add to the complete picture of the man Adolf Hitler.

When "Downfall" (German "Der Untergang") was released in 2004 it hit the cinemas like a bomb. After the many films about World War Two, here was something different. It's not a war film. It's a ruthlessly accurate portrayal of Hitler's last 10 days in his Berlin bunker, showing the despair and debauchery of those closest to him.

Initial response to the film was positive. In more recent years the film has been criticised because it's too positive in its portrayal of Hitler. I think that the recent critics don't get it. Adolf Hitler is known as the most evil person who's ever lived. This leads to him being portrayed as a caricature. When I lived in England it was common for people to make fun of him as stupid, as a "failed painter". Believe me, no man who's stupid could have become the leader of Europe's largest country. Maybe he didn't go to university, but he had great intelligence when it came to influencing people. Arguably, his greatest fault was that he relied on his own intelligence too much. He was incapable of delegating decisions to those below him. In particular, he was unskilled as a military strategist. He could possibly have won the war if he'd listened to the advice of his generals.

This is shown at the beginning of "Downfall". Hitler is surrounded by his generals. They're giving him advice, good advice, but he refuses to listen. Anyone who contradicts him is accused of treason.

The main reason for people criticising the film in recent years is that they claim it's pro-Hitler. What they really mean is that it's not anti-Hitler. The film carefully avoids the propaganda that has become the norm in films about Hitler. The film is based on the biography of Traudl Junge, who was Hitler's personal secretary from 1942 to 1945. The story is told as she saw it. The film shows Hitler not as a monster, but as a man, with all the strengths and weaknesses of any man.

Historians have frequently mentioned that Hitler had a charm that attracted women to him, but this has rarely been shown in films. We can see that Traudl Junge was drawn in by Hitler's charm. When Hitler offered to let her leave Berlin, she insisted on staying with him until the end. 

The real Traudl Junge in 2002, shortly before her death.

Alexandra Maria Lara as Traudl Junge in the film.

Alexandra Maria Lara was an excellent choice to play Traudl Junge. She expresses a naive innocence in the middle of the chaos of Hitler's last days. She was one of three women who remained close to Hitler's side. The others were Gerda Christian, also a secretary, and Eva Braun. They were friends, but Traudl's facial expressions in the film show her amazement and disapproval as Eva continued to party until the last moments.

The three women take Hitler's dog for a walk in one of the rare quiet moments. Apart from these few moments, the scenes look like they come from an absurd horror film. Senior officers are committing suicide, other officers are sitting getting drunk, and Eva Braun is dancing on the tables.

Most of the film takes place in almost staccato fashion, hurrying from one chaotic scene to the next. An exception is the scene in which Magda Goebbels murders her six beautiful children. Everything else stops, and this scene is shown slowly and deliberately, as each child is forced to swallow a cyanide capsule one by one. Hitler is portrayed neutrally, but Magda Goebbels is shown as a woman of pure evil. How could any mother act like this? It's horrific beyond description.

If you haven't yet seen this film, what are you waiting for? It's not a war film. It's a study of the breakdown of society in a confined space. It's not an easy film to watch. Try to see the film through Traudl Junge's eyes. She was an innocent woman watching her whole world collapse around her.

Success Rate:  + 3.5

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Pleasantville (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #26

Henceforth, all good and decent citizens of Pleasantville are to obey this CODE OF CONDUCT:

1. All public disruption and acts of vandalism are to cease immediately.

2. All citizens of Pleasantville are to treat each other in a courteous and pleasant manner.

3. The area commonly known as Lovers Lane as well as the public library shall be closed until further notice.

4. The only permissible recorded music shall be the following: Johnny Mathis, Perry Como, Jack Jones, the marches of John Philip Sousa and the Star-Spangled Banner. In no event shall any music be tolerated that is not of a temperate or pleasant nature.

5. There shall be no public sale of umbrellas or preparation for inclement weather of any kind.

6. No bed frame or mattress may be sold measuring more than 38 inches wide.

7. The only permissible paint colours shall be black, white and grey, despite the recent availability of certain alternatives.

8. All elementary and high school curriculum shall teach the non-changeist view of history emphasising continuity over alteration.

Success Rate:  - 1.2

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Return of Swamp Thing (3 Stars)

Amazon Friday #5

This film was released in 1989, and it's a direct sequel to "Swamp Thing" (1982). I vaguely remember watching "Swamp Thing" on television about 20 years ago, and I was moderately impressed. I almost certainly recorded it on video tape, but I stopped watching videos after I moved house in May 2008. I didn't even unpack the boxes they were stored in, and I finally dumped them in the trash about five years later.

Wes Craven directed the original film. Jim Wynorski directed the sequel. I'm a big fan of Jim Wynorski, but I still think he's a strange choice to direct a film like this. He's not someone I would expect to make a super-hero movie. Admittedly, Swamp Thing is a monster, and Jim Wynorski makes excellent monster movies, but does Jim have a feeling for super-heroes, even super-hero monsters?

Based on the evidence of this movie, the answer is No. Swamp Thing is just an ugly green creature who walks around like a man, i.e. his motions are like a man and he talks like a normal man. No attempt is made to develop his character. He's just there. He climbs out of the swamp, he beats up the bad guys, and he jumps back into the swamp.

The film's villain is Dr. Anton Arcane, who also appeared in the first film. He's attempting to create a cure for ageing by splicing human DNA with animal DNA. This isn't for the good of mankind, he just wants the cure for himself so that he can live forever. He injects animal DNA into men that he's captured, turning them into misshapen monsters. When he's visited by his step-daughter Abby for the first time in 10 years he shows a few minutes of emotion, but this changes as soon as he realises she has pure DNA (whatever that is) and is the perfect subject for completing his experiments.

Judging by the visuals, Jim Wynorski had a bigger budget available than in his usual movies. He's invested the money in big explosions that take place at various points in the film. He should have put more money into getting a better script.

Liebesmarkt (4 Stars)

This is a German erotic comedy that was made in 1973. It was directed by Hubert Frank, but the credits list Alois Brummer for the "Gesamtleitung", engl. "Overall management". Knowing Alois Brummer as I do, this title means more than just "Executive Producer", which is how IMDB has translated it. It probably means that he was breathing down the neck of everyone involved and telling Hubert Frank what he had to do.

The German title means "Love Market", but it was released in England as "Emanuelle Meets the Wife Swappers" and America as "Swap Meet at the Love Shack". Weird titles, although I admit that the original German title doesn't give any clues what the film is about.

The film takes place in Munich. Iris is doing a PhD in Sociology, and her thesis is about contact advertisements. My younger readers won't know what they are. They were common in the late 20th Century, but they disappeared in the Internet era. Magazines and newspapers had pages with small ads of people wanting to meet other people. Some were innocent, such as "Lonely widower, 72, wants to meet a woman over 65 for Sunday afternoon meals". Others were overtly sexual, such as "Dominant married couple, 45/43, wants to meet a 20-year-old boy for BDSM games". It's accurate to say that every daily newspaper had ads like this, but the more serious newspapers didn't accept sexually explicit ads.

Iris and her boyfriend Bernd live in a commune with six other students. She asks them to help her in her research, either by answering contact ads or by publishing their own ads. This leads to a series of unrelated adventures. The first six adventures are in the form of vignettes, much like the 1970's report films. The last three are overlapping stories, with the scenes jumping from one story to another.

1. One of the girls publishes an advertisement asking to meet a government official. The only person who replies is a chimney sweep called Matthe, played by Josef Moosholzer. She's disappointed, but she still goes to bed with him.

2. Iris and Bernd answer an ad from a rich couple looking for a couple to go riding. The couple are nudists, and as Iris and Bernd soon discover, the riding doesn't involve horses.

3. Helmut answers an ad from a woman looking for a nude model. Wow, it's Ingrid Steeger! He thinks it's just an excuse for sex, but it really is about art. Ingrid's cousin Wolf wants to paint a picture of them side by side in an erotic pose.

4. Inge answers an ad from a man who wants sex in a car. He should have warned her that it was a tiny Volkswagen Beetle with hardly any room to move. He kicks the handbrake loose with his foot, and they barely manage to jump out before the Volkswagen rolls off a cliff and explodes. This leaves them completely naked, but they find clothes abandoned in nearby bushes. These are clothes discarded by two bank robbers, so they have to flee from the police.

5. The commune members decide to play a trick on Iris. They publish a contact ad claiming to be a Satanic cult looking for a sex slave. Iris can't answer fast enough! They order her to strip naked and blindfold herself when she arrives, so that she won't recognise them. They tie her to a stake to have sex with her, lighting a small fire to scare her. The wind blows stronger, and the flames rise. Bernd arrives just in time to rescue her.

6. One of the other commune members, Gaby Degerloch – nice name! – also publishes an ad asking to meet a government official. Matthe answers again, this time dressed as a postman. This time it's technically correct, because in Germany postmen are employed by the government. I don't know what Joesef Moosholzer has that I don't, but the girls all go crazy over him.

7. There's a contact ad from two women who want to meet two sailors with a minimum length of 22 cm (8.6 inches). Two girls from the commune dress up as men and answer the ad. They're not very convincing, are they? The women make them strip naked to prove they're men, and they fail the test. They say they're lesbians and they want to prove that women are better than men. They convince one of the women, but the other still wants an eight and a half-incher.

8. Horst answers an ad looking for a lingerie salesman. What does that have to do with contact ads? Not much. He's told he has to sell at least 10 bras in one day. It's a hard job. Every woman he visits wants sex with him. After four women, he collapses exhausted on the roof. His fifth potential customer chases him, and she won't take No for an answer. What a way to die!

9. Inge reads a contact ad from a man called Walter who describes himself as a helpless romantic. He says he's shy and likes to listen to Beethoven. She meets him at the train station, and guess what? It's Matthe again! This time he's dressed in a fine suit. He says that Walter is his brother, but he was too shy to come, so he took his place. Inge believes him, but I don't. The film ends with them running happily into the woods to live happily ever after.

No, this isn't a good film. The premise is ridiculous, and even the short stories have plots that are difficult to follow. I've given it a high rating because it's highly arousing, and the comedy scenes are very funny. I was lucky enough to buy a copy of the film while it was still available. You'll have to hunt for it on Ebay now.

Metalhead (3 Stars)

This is a coming-of-age drama made in Iceland. It takes place from 1983 to 1992.

Hera Karlsdottir lives with her family in the north of Iceland. It's a small community inhabited by only a few farmers. There are only three children in Hera's school class. When she was 12 her older brother had a fatal accident while he was driving a tractor. This had a drastic effect on her. She burnt all her clothes and from then on only wore her brother's clothes. He was a heavy metal fan, and he had a large collection of the shirts of his favourite bands from the early 1980's. She grows to like her brother's music, if she didn't already, and she becomes a metalhead, much to the disgust of the God fearing farmers in the community. She learns how to play an electric guitar.

In 1992 she's left school and she works on the farm with her parents. They can't pay her anything, so she gets other jobs, such as slicing meat in a slaughterhouse, but she's too rebellious to hold a job down.

There are news reports about heavy metal Satanists burning down churches in Norway. About 50 churches were burnt down from 1992 to 1994. There were movements in Iceland calling for the banning of heavy metal.

Hera hates the church, because she blames Jesus for letting her brother die. The new village priest tries to talk to her. At first she rejects him, but then he shows her that he has an Iron Maiden tattoo on his arm. He was a big metal fan before he became a priest. They spend time together listening to music. She tries to seduce him, but he rejects her. This leads to her burning down the local church.

One thing confuses me. She's visited by a musician from Oslo. He says he has a small record label and he's impressed by a demo tape of her home recorded music. He says his name is Oystein. What? Is that supposed to be Oystein Aarseth, the guitarist who founded the Deathlike Silence label in Oslo in 1991? It would be the right time, because he wasn't murdered until August 1993, as shown in "Lords of Chaos". The film doesn't openly state that it's him, but it's a blatant hint.

The film is enjoyable, especially the music, but it moves too slowly to excite me. There are too many cows and not enough burning churches.

The film can be watched on Amazon Prime, but it's only available on disc in Iceland and Germany.

Witching and Bitching (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #27

The original Spanish title of this film is "Las Brujas de Zugarramurdi", engl. "The Witches of Zugarramurdi ". Normally I prefer film titles to be left unchanged, apart from translation, but in this case it's appropriate. In Spain the town Zugarramurdi is well known as the location of witch trials in the early 17th Century. Despite having shrunk to a population of 225, the town hosts a yearly gathering of witches on 21st June, the summer solstice. No dates are mentioned in the film, but we can assume that it takes place on the solstice.

It's very difficult to find this film on disc, except in Spanish and German. The version I watched today is the Spanish Blu-ray with German subtitles. It's available to rent or buy with Amazon Prime, which is better than nothing. Anyone who sees the film for the first time is breathless. What a brilliant film! It's the perfect mix of horror and comedy. Some reviewers have criticised it for being a rip off of "From Dusk Till Dawn", but I prefer to call it an homage.

To explain what I mean: the film begins with an armed robbery. The robbers flee to a remote town (Zugarramurdi) taking innocent people with them. They stumble on a coven of cannibalistic witches.

Yes, that's a clear parallel to "From Dusk Till Dawn", but "Witching and Bitching" is a lot more complex. It also has other messages. The witches are the agents of female supremacy. They worship the one true God, who's a woman. They're preparing a new world order in which men have only two purposes: procreation and food. That sounds like paradise to me. I wonder how many years I'd be allowed to serve as a stud before I'm only good enough to be eaten.

"And now, ladies, the meal begins!"

"Mommy, can't I play with one of them first?"

"You're still young, Eva. You need to eat more till you grow up to be like me. You can play with men all you like when you're older".

"Now let the celebration begin! The Goddess is coming!"

"Make way! Here she comes!"

"Men will see her and tremble with fear!"

This is an outstanding film, fast-paced, packed with action and humour from beginning to end. I can't recommend it enough, even if you're not a fan of horror comedies.