Despicable Me (4 Stars)

Amazon Friday #43

Today I collected my granddaughter Evelyn from kindergarten. On the way home I asked her if she wanted to watch a film with me. That was an important question. She recently turned five, and she's never watched a film. She's happy watching videos on YouTube. Now it's time for her to move up to the next level. I picked the film "Despicable Me", better known as "the Minions film". Isn't that what everyone calls it?

I thought she might get bored, but she didn't. I'm sure she didn't understand everything. The film started with the Egyptian pyramids being stolen, but she doesn't know what the pyramids are. Nevertheless, she watched the whole film intently, bursting into laughter at any slapstick intervals. The film was a success, and there will be many more.

By the way, she drew this picture for me today. The two hearts are her heart and mine. Forever together. I love her so much.

Success Rate:  + 5.9

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Minions: The Rise of Gru (4 Stars)

My grandson Oliver is turning into a film fan like me. For the last two weeks he's been begging me to take him to see the new Minions film. Today we finally went. We could have seen it in the original English version, but he said he wanted to watch it in German. I suppose it doesn't make any difference with animated films, because the original version is already dubbed. I'm just curious about one thing: in the German version the Minions all talk with Italian accents. I'm sure the original isn't like that.

After the three Depicable Me films, this is the second standalone Minions film. I haven't seen the first Minions film, but I know that Oliver has watched it in Netflix. I looked over his shoulder a few times, but not long enough to figure out what was happening. I'll have to watch it some time soon. In English, of course.

"The Rise of Gru" takes place in 1976. Gru is still at school, and he tells his class he wants to be a villain when he grows up. They laugh at him and cruelly bully him. Only his loyal Minions can protect him. Gru has already applied to become a member of the world's leading criminal gang, the Vicious Six. They invite him for an interview, but they immediately reject him when they see he's only a child. Before leaving he steals an artefact called the Zodiac Stone from them. He doesn't know what it does, it's just a trophy of his visit, but back home he finds out it's a powerful weapon. It can turn people into any of the animals in the Chinese Zodiac. The Vicious Six pursue him to retrieve the stone. He's also chased by Wild Knuckles, the former leader of the Vicious Six who was betrayed by his colleagues and left for dead.

This is a very amusing film. I enjoyed it, and so did Oliver, who couldn't stop laughing. Maybe he couldn't understand all the humour. There were a lot of jokes about the 1970's. Maybe when he's older he'll understand more. Today he just laughed at the slapstick humour. When he got home he told his mother (my daughter) that he'd had a very good day. That makes the film a success.

Despicable Me 2 (4 Stars)

Amazon Friday #21

"Despicable Me 2" isn't as funny as the first film, but it's still a good film. It makes up for the reduced humour by having the atmosphere of a spy film. It's not overtly a spy film, but it still has a James-Bond-ish feeling to it. You need to watch the film yourself to know what I mean.

Scientists in the Arctic Circle have developed a potion capable of altering DNA. This is stolen by an unknown master criminal. The Anti Villain League approaches Gru as an ex-villain to recruit his assistance in finding the villain. Gru protests that he's not an ex-villain, he's just taking a break from crime, but he agrees to help. He teams up with the AVL agent Lucy Wilde. She secretly confesses that she's fascinated by Gru's past, and if he ever returns to crime she'll quit the AVL to become his accomplice.

There's a shopping mall where several master criminals lead innocent lives. Gru and Lucy are sent to work in the mall, opening a jam shop as their cover. While they're hunting for the criminal responsible for the theft a romance develops.

Lucy is pretty, in a cartoonish way. It's just a shame that her nose is bigger than her breasts.

But Gru doesn't notice her big nose. His eyes are elsewhere.

Gru has an even bigger nose. It makes kissing difficult.

Closer...

Closer.....

And they get there in the end!

The girls that Gru adopted in the first film approve. They want a mother.

I always get their names mixed up, so I'm including three posters here, more as a reference for myself than for my readers.

Now I have no excuse for forgetting their names again. Edith is disguised in her picture, but she's easily recognisable from her trademark hat. She's never shown in the films without it.

But as any young child will tell you, the film is all about the Minions. My grandson Oliver can't even remember the name of the film. "Despicable" is such a long word. He calls it the Minion film.

Success Rate:  + 10.8

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Despicable Me (4 Stars)

Amazon Friday #20

The hero, or rather anti-hero of this film is the master criminal Gru, but most people remember it for the Minions. They're small yellow beings whose only purpose in life is to serve criminals. They support Gru unquestioningly, even though his credentials as a criminal are in doubt. He's suffering from mommy issues. His mother always belittled him and told him he'd never be as successful at doing evil as his father. That's a lot to live up to.

This is Gru. He doesn't look all that evil, does he? He tries his hardest. He drives a large car that pollutes the air. Greta Thunberg would be furious. He bursts children's balloons and drops their ice cream on the floor. That would make Greta Thunberg cry as well. But it's not enough to make him a famous criminal. When he hears that his rival Vector has stolen an Egyptian pyramid, he wants to do something bigger. He decides to steal the Moon!

Gru has to apply for a loan from the Bank Of Evil. He prepares a presentation to explain his plan. He's old-fashioned. Most people today would use Powerpoint, but he prefers to use flipcharts. Maybe he doesn't want to make Bill Gates any richer? Come on, Gru! You're a master criminal. Why don't you just download an illegal copy of Microsoft Office from the Internet?

The first chart shows how he'll fly to the moon.

The second chart shows how he'll shrink the Moon with a Shrinking Ray.

The third chart shows how he'll grab the Moon with mechanical pincers.

The fourth chart shows how he'll relax on the toilet with a good book. Not a Kindle? Gru should get up to date if he wants to be a successful master criminal.

Did you notice that the last picture is signed by Edith? Gru adopts three orphans, Agnes, Margo and Edith, to help him with his plans. Vector has stolen Gru's Shrinking Ray, so he sends the girls to smuggle tiny robots into his lair which are disguised as cookies.

They're unwitting accomplices in Gru's master plan. They're good girls who say their prayers every night.

Ultimately the girls are Gru's downfall. They win his heart and he can't help doing good. Just look at them! Have you ever seen girls who're so sweet? They'd melt my heart as well. I don't know which one I'd hug first.

But as I already told you, the film is all about the Minions (with a capital M). They're tireless evil-doers, but we can't help loving them.

This is a fun film, very enjoyable for adults and children alike. In general I dislike modern animated films, but this is an exception.

Success Rate:  + 5.9

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St. Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold (4 Stars)

"Girls are far more intelligent than boys".

That must be true. It's in the newspapers.

I had to get that out of the way before I start the review.

This is a sequel to "St. Trinian's", made two years earlier in 2007. Since the first film things have moved on. The new girl, Annabelle Fritton, has become the head girl. The previous head girl, Kelly Jones, has joined MI7, a British spy organisation so secret that not even MI6 knows it exists.

Unfortunately Kelly Jones only appears in a short portion of the film, when Annabelle asks for her help. That's a shame, but I admit that I'm biased. I can never get enough of Gemma Arterton.

The film's biggest fault is that it's even less saucy than the first film. It presents the pure chaos of wild schoolgirls, but there are only the slightest hints of sexuality. Where's Frankie Howerd when we need him? The film's greatest strength is David Tennant. I don't think I've ever seen him in any role where his presence doesn't elevate the quality of an otherwise mediocre film.

This is what Liverpool Station in London looked like before the Coronavirus lockdown. Those were the good old days. I'd be dancing in the middle of them. How many of you can spot Jodie Whittaker in the picture? It's easy if you've seen the film, but almost impossible if you haven't.

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St. Trinian's (4 Stars)

The last time I watched this film I only gave it three stars. That was unfair. It's a better film than that. I think I penalised the film because it wasn't what I expected. The original St. Trinian's films, especially the ones made in the 1960's, were saucy, with a lot of sexual innuendo. The 2007 St. Trinian's girls are bad girls, but not in a sexual way, apart from occasional short skirts,. There's only one hint of sexuality in an early scene, when a half naked boy runs out of the school after a party.

In a manner reminiscent of American high school movies, the girls are divided into their tribes: the Chavs, the Emos, the Geeks and the Posh Totties. There aren't any real Mean Girls in the school, even if the Posh Totties look like them. The girls in the school aren't mean to one another, they stand united against the rest of the world. Well, they're mean to the New Girl, Annabelle Fritton, but it's just a test to see if she's worthy of joining the school. After surviving two days of humiliation she's accepted as one of the girls.

Maybe another reason for my low rating last time is the casting of a man, Rupert Everett, as the school's headmistress. I don't like to see men dressing up as women, even less than women dressing up as men, but I can understand the reason. In the original films a man was also cast as the headmistress. I'll try to close my eyes to it.

And one last criticism which I even mentioned in my last review is that Gemma Arteron isn't given a chance to look sexy. She wears a long skirt and looks almost (but not quite) goth. That's a disappointment that I have to get over. This was her first film, and at 21 it was her last chance to appear as a schoolgirl.

The film's glamour is provided by the Posh Totties, Chloe, Chelsea and Peaches. Do they really call girls Peaches? They're not such bad girls. They like to pray.

And they pray more than once in the film.

But I have to admit, if I were their teacher I'd be looking up their skirts in every lesson. I'd try to resist the temptation, but it would be much too hard.

Is it just me, or do the girls look even hotter with glasses?

Take another look. Tell me what you think.

Yes, that's Jodie Whittaker flirting with Stephen Fry. She won't get very far. Doesn't she know he's gay? She needs to try again after she's regenerated as a man.

I'll probably rewatch the sequel to this film in the next few days. Probably. I'm not going to promise, because I break my promises too often. I also want to rewatch the original five St. Trinian's films. It must be at least 40 years since I last saw them. It's time for some 1950's and 1960's nostalgia.

Success Rate:  + 2.2

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St. Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold (4 Stars)

This is the second film in the rebooted St. Trinian's franchise. It takes place one year after the previous film and begins on the first day of the school year as the girl's arrive at the school. Kelly Jones, the head girl in the previous film, played by Gemma Arterton, has now left the school and joined MI7. It's a British Secret Intelligence agency that specialises in carrying out illegal operations that are in the national interest. The end justifies the means. The organisation is so secret that not even MI6 knows it exists. Kelly returns briefly to help her old school friends.

So who's the new head girl? None other than Annabelle Fritton, who joined the school in the last film. It helps being related to the headmistress.

David Tennant is the dastardly evil bad guy in this film. He does it so well. He plays Sir Piers Pomfrey, the leader of AD1, a secret organisation that is dedicated to resist feminism and keep women subjugated. "Women are for making cakes and babies", as Sir Pomfrey eloquently describes his agenda. The organisation was founded in 1559 as a reaction to Elisabeth becoming the Queen of England, and it has existed ever since. Now his path crosses with St. Trinian's, because he wants to find the gold hidden by Miss Fritton's ancestor, a notorious pirate.

David Tennant wears a purple robe for his role. That's very appropriate.

If a pompous, evil, sexist man wants to suppress womankind, there's only one solution. A gang of schoolgirls have to cut him down to size, and which schoolgirls can fight better than the bad girls of St. Trinian's?

Despite being less of a success with the public, I find this film much better than the last film. Battle of the Sexes films are always enjoyable, because we know from the beginning who will win. What I also like about this film is that it concentrates on the older schoolgirls, the sixth form girls. There are only brief scenes with the younger girls.

And guess who plays the school's oddball receptionist!

Because of its failure at the box office it's unlikely that another sequel will be made. That's a shame. It was fun while it lasted. Maybe there will be another reboot one day, with even sexier schoolgirls.

I'n curious why it was never released in America. Were there too many complaints about sexualising underage schoolgirls in the first film? If you check the bios of the cast you'll see that the fifth and sixth form girls, supposedly aged 15 to 18, were played by actresses in their twenties. The members of the pop group Girls Aloud appear in both films. They look a lot better than they sing.

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St. Trinian's (3 Stars)

It's been almost 10 years since I first watched this film. I didn't know what to make of it then, and I don't know what to make of it now.

Four films were made about St. Trinian's Girls School from 1954 to 1966. After a long pause a fifth film was made in 1980. The first five films followed a logical continuity. Now, in 2007, the St. Trinian's franchise has been rebooted. The spirit of the early films has been revived. It's all about naughty girls. The older girls (16 to 18) are sexually provocative, the younger girls (11 to 13) are mischievous, and there's a grey zone in between.

The school is shown through the eyes of Annabelle Fritton, a new girl who arrives in the school at the start of the term. She's the niece of the school's headmistress, but that doesn't give her any advantages. She's shocked by the chaos and lack of discipline in the school, but as she settles in she gives up and becomes like the other girls.

The main plot of the film is that the school is facing bankruptcy. St. Trinian's is £500,000 in debt. Not even the money from the sale of the illegal vodka that the girls make in the cellar is enough to save the school. There's only one solution. They decide to steal a painting from the National Gallery in London and sell it to an art dealer. Bad girls!

I would have expected Kelly Jones, the head girl, to be the sexiest girl in school, since she's played by Gemma Arterton. Somehow she looks too plain, too goth and too pale. She doesn't even wear a short skirt.

This is the most we get to see of her. No, it isn't a short skirt, it's just the way she's sitting.

What sort of girls school lets a man pose naked for the art class? I couldn't do it. I'd be too afraid that I might have an embarrassing "problem".

Here are a few girls, from the youngest to the oldest. Do you see what I mean about Gemma Arterton's skirt being too long?

So why don't I like the film? For me it's too much of a contrast. I like the idea of sexy schoolgirls, but the presence of too many very young girls is a turn off. If it were just about older schoolgirls it would be an erotic fantasy, if it were just about younger schoolgirls I could treat it as a comedy, but mixing the two side by side in the same scenes is disturbing.

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