Grimsby (4½ Stars)

I didn't know what film to watch with my son Benjamin today. A friend of his suggested "The Spy and his Brother". I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. Then he told me it starred Sacha Baron Cohen, and it clicked. That's the German title of the film "Grimsby". I don't like film titles being changed in other countries, but in this case I can understand it. To an English person, the word Grimsby immediately conjures up an ugly town in northern England. To a German it's just a weird word that would send him running to Google.

Yes, the film is about a spy and his brother. Sebastian (Mark Strong) is a talented spy who works for MI6. His brother Nobby (Sacha Baron Cohen) is an uncouth layabout with eleven children. They meet after being separated for 28 years. Nobby wants to hold on to his brother, but Sebastian considers him an annoyance. The two brothers couldn't be more different, and the two actors play their roles to emphasise the differences. Sacha Baron Cohen is an eccentric comedian, as in every role he plays, whereas Mark Strong plays his role with deadly earnest, not even smiling.

And the film stars Rebel Wilson as Nobby's wife!

Watching it again today, I really wanted to give the film five stars. I couldn't. I was disgusted by the elephant sex scenes. I had a secluded upbringing. I never saw anything like that, and now I'm too old to get used to it. A typical male elephant has a 36 inch penis when erect. The very thought makes me shudder, without having to witness it close up.

Success Rate:  - 1.4

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Ali G Indahouse (5 Stars)

No, this isn't a true story. I've slotted it in between my regular viewing because it's a film I've wanted to rewatch for a long time. I saw it in the cinema when it was first released in 2002. I bought it a year later on DVD, but the picture quality was abysmal. I forget whether I watched the DVD once or twice, but the DVD was so poor that I haven't watched it since 2003. Imagine my surprise when I found out that it's recently been released on Blu-ray. In Germany only! The Germans have good taste.

The film is about a young man from Staines who sees himself as an American-style gangster rapper. There's a humour in this that might not be obvious to people from other countries. Staines is a small, middle-class town just outside London. It's the last possible town where gangland crime is imaginable. Added to this, Ali sees himself as black, which he obviously isn't.

Charles Dance appears as David Carlton, the Chancellor of the Exchequer. This is the title of the British finance minister, who is traditionally also the deputy prime minister. He lives in 11 Downing Street, next door to the prime minister. Political parties aren't named in the film. Carlton only talks about "us" and "the opposition". When the film was made, the Labour Party was in power, but we can't assume that it's a Labour government in the film. It's not relevant, so believe whatever you want to.

What's important to the story is that a by-election is coming up in Staines. That's yet more British political jargon that I have to explain to my readers from other countries. In Britain there's a general election once every five years for the 650 members of parliament. If a member of parliament leaves during the five years, most commonly as a result of death, a new election has to be held for his replacement, which is called a by-election. In Britain, by-election results are usually seen as an important indicator about the popularity of the ruling party.

David Carlton wants his party to lose the by-election in order to force the prime minister to resign, so he can take over the party and the government. He picks Ali G as the party's candidate for Staines, because Ali is so unsuitable that he's sure to lose. Or so he thinks. Ali's unconventional behaviour makes him popular with the locals, so Ali is soon in da house.

On Ali's first day in parliament the Speaker ejects him, because it's not acceptable behaviour to stand up to argue with the leader of the opposition. Nevertheless, Ali's behaviour makes him even more popular with the public, so he's soon allowed back.

Ali G is frequently distracted by the Chancellor's personal secretary, Kate Hedges.

When she crosses and uncrosses her legs, Ali has to take a peak. What man wouldn't?

Even when there are no distractions, Ali can't keep his mind on the job. He daydreams about a beautiful woman with a whip. Bad boy!

Ali G's right hand man is Ricky C, played by Martin Freeman. Does he think he's black as well?

Black or not, he's a good gangster rapper, as he proves in a duet with Ali. Friends who rap together stay together.

When the countries Chad and Burkina Faso threaten to go to war, special envoy Ali G encourages the presidents of the two countries to kiss and be friends. That's a wonderful idea. I'm sure that if Joe Biden and Vladimir Putin shared a passionate kiss they'd never argue again.

Charles Dance in drag? That's a sight I'd rather not see.

It might interest you to know that "Ali G Indahouse" features the first appearance of Borat in a film, four years before he made the film called "Borat".

This film's humour is rude, crude and sexist. In other words, it's brilliant. I hope that it will soon be released on Blu-ray in England or America, but if not, don't worry. The German Blu-ray contains the original English version.

Success Rate:  + 1.4

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Madagascar 2: Escape To Africa (3 Stars)

This afternoon I was looking after my grandson Oliver, as I do every day. He reached an important milestone in his development: he watched his first film! This made me very happy. It was "Madagascar 2" on Netflix. I've attempted to watch films with him before, but he never had enough patience. The problem is that ever since he was three he's been watching videos on YouTube. They're short and action-filled. Things like "Tom and Jerry" and "Masha and the Bear". They last 10 to 15 minutes, and there's chaotic action from beginning to end. The problem with films is that the action is interspersed with conversation. For instance, he was watching "Ferdinand" last week and loved it, but half an hour into the film the action stopped and there was five minutes of the characters talking to one another. That was too much for him and he stopped watching. "Madagascar 2" has a very little conversation, the absolute minimum to let the viewer know what's happening. For me, as an adult, it makes it a bad film, but for Oliver it was perfect.

The story is about Alex, a lion who's lived most of his life in Central Park Zoo in New York. More by luck than by strategy he escapes and returns to Madagascar, where he was born. He's the rightful heir to become king of the jungle (or at least the nature reserve where he lives), but he fails the initiation test. He gets a second chance when the water in the nature reserve dries up, and he leads the efforts to re-direct a river.

Maybe I'll like the next film he watches. I might even try "Ferdinand" with him again. I quite liked it, as far as I saw it.

Success Rate:  + 2.0

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Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (4½ Stars)

I never expected that "Borat" would have a sequel. It was such a perfect film in itself, and its concept made it a one-off. It was all about an actor (Sacha Baron Cohen) making a fool of people by pretending to be a dim-witted foreign journalist. Due to the film's enormous popularity everyone recognises Borat Sagdiyev and knows he's a fake. This problem is solved in the sequel by Borat being in disguise for most of the film. That's an amusing concept in itself; the person in disguise puts on an extra layer of disguise.

The original film was a brilliant blend of candid photography and staged performances with actors. I suspect that the staged performances make up a larger percentage of the sequel. My assumption is that whenever Borat speaks to people without his second layer of disguise, the people are actors. 

Sacha Baron Cohen might be the brains behind the film, but the actress Maria Bakalova, who plays Borat's teenage daughter Tutar, steals the show. She arrives in America just as naive and seemingly unintelligent as her father. I say seemingly, because she shows herself to be increasingly capable as the film progresses.

But what was Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of New York and currently Donald Trump's attorney, doing with his hand in his trousers? He says he was tucking his shirt in, but that's not what it looks like. Why would he lie on his back to tuck his shirt in? The scene needs to be examined carefully. I just think it's a shame that Borat burst into the hotel bedroom so soon. He should have waited a few minutes to see how it would play out.

"Borat Subsequent Moviefilm" isn't quite as good as the original film. The portion of the film that takes place in America (which is 95% of the film) is brilliant, but the scenes that take place in Kazakhstan at the beginning and end are weak.

The film is being shown exclusively on Amazon Prime. I hope that my readers who subscribe to Amazon will watch it.

Sweeney Todd (4½ Stars)

If you'd asked me 10 years ago, I would have said that Johnny Depp was my favourite actor. He made some fantastic films in the 1990's and 2000's. I was irritated by his performance as Captain Jack Sparrow in the Pirates Of The Caribbean films. The films themselves were quite good, I just don't think that he's funny. He has a lot of talent without acting like a buffoon. He's better as a serious actor, or at least he used to be. In his recent serious roles he tends to shuffle around and mumble. There's no passion in his acting. Sweeney Todd was probably his last great role. He's dramatic and awe-inspiring in his madness.

I haven't read the 19th Century stories on which the film is based, but the musical as presented is full of pathos and tragedy. Benjamin Barker, who changes his name to Sweeney Todd to avoid detection, doesn't start out as a bad man. He's a loving husband and father who's mistreated by an evil judge who abuses his position. He sings a tail of woe:

There's a hole in the world like a great black pit,
And the vermin of the world inhabit it,
And its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit,
And it goes by the name of London.
At the top of the hole sit a privileged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo
Turning beauty into filth and greed. I too
Have sailed the world and seen its wonders
For the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru,
But there's no place like London.

Maybe I wouldn't call London the worst place on Earth, but it's certainly a place of evil. Those who are rich trample on those who're poor, believing there's a natural order that gives them the right to do so.

The film's imagery backs up the evil character of London. People walk the streets in suits and top hats. They're the fine gentlemen. Benjamin's friend Anthony is a young sailor who dresses in scruffy clothing. Nobody thinks of him as a gentleman. That's something I recognised years ago. Being a gentleman isn't about being kind to others, it's about how you dress. If you dress well, you're seen as one of the elite. It's assumed that you know how to behave. A gentleman doesn't start a fight on the streets; he beats up poor people in the back yards and alleyways where nobody can see him.

Benjamin Barker himself isn't a gentleman. He's a tradesman, a barber. He returns to London after 15 years at sea, sentenced to banishment for a crime he didn't commit. He wants revenge on the judge who did him harm. Nobody can blame him for that. This wish for revenge is strengthened when he finds out that his daughter Johanna has been adopted by the judge. I still have sympathy with him.

The problem is that the hatred in his heart grows. It starts off with him believing that the judge deserves to die, but it progresses to the point when he looks out of his window at the gentlemen in the street and says that they all deserve to die. Maybe they do deserve to die, but what right does he have to judge them?

The real monster in the film is Mrs. Lovett, played by Helena Bonham Carter. Sweeney Todd's excuse for killing is revenge. Mrs. Lovett's excuse for killing is love. She loves Sweeney Todd and dreams of marrying him. She keeps him happy by supporting him in his quest for revenge. When his lust for killing grows out of hand she doesn't hold him back, she supports him, thinking that if she shares his passion for killing he'll love her too. She's the one who helps him dispose of the bodies. Mrs. Lovett doesn't kill a single person, but she's more than an accessory to the crime, she's a motivator.

The two are a perfect pair in their path of destruction. Are they insane? I'm always slow to call anyone mad, because insanity can be used as an excuse for evil. A lack of morality doesn't mean you're mad, it just means you're a bad person. I would call Sweeney Todd insane, driven mad by the pain of losing his wife and his daughter. He could have been cured if he'd had an understanding lover at his side. Mrs. Lovett isn't mad, she's just cold-hearted and evil. Whatever a court of law might say, she's the real criminal.

Success Rate:  + 1.1

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This excellent film is only available on DVD in America and England. You can buy it on Blu-ray from Germany. I did.

Grimsby (4½ Stars)

Sadly, the scene shown above with Gabourey Sidibe and a herd of elephants was cut from the film. As far as I know, it was in the version that was shown to pre-release test audiences, but it was removed from the theatrical release, and even on the Blu-ray it's only included as one of the deleted scenes. I'd like to see it in the film, because it's a very emotional scene, but maybe that's the reason it was cut. The scene might not have been considered funny enough. Or maybe it was considered too offensive that Gabourey was yelling "I dream of Grimsby" while an elephant was taking a shit behind her.

Maybe this picture would look better as an animated GIF. That's a treat I can prepare for my readers the next time I watch "Grimsby".

Here's some elephant porn, in case any of my readers get off on things like that.

Today is the first time I've watched the film since seeing it in the cinema four years ago. I'd forgotten just how funny it is. I was sitting in my room laughing out loud. As I remember, in the cinema I felt disgusted by the scene where Mark Strong was being gang banged by elephants, but even that scene made me laugh today. And the answer is No, I'm not going to publish any pictures of it. You need to watch the scene for yourself. It's beyond good and evil.

The film's glamour is provided by Rebel Wilson. She's a woman with class. In an interview she said that Sacha Baron Cohen rang her personally to ask her to play his wife in the film. He said they would have to have sex first to see if they're compatible. That probably never happened, because Sacha's real life wife, Isla Fisher, also appears in the film. She has to watch him carefully when women like Rebel are involved. I'd be tempted as well.

"Back off, Isla, I'm gonna take your man!"

Sacha Baron Cohen and Mark Strong are the perfect comedy double. Sacha is the funny man while Mark is the straight guy. I admit that Mark doesn't look so serious in this screenshot, but come on, it's football! Football fans can paint their faces and still remain serious!

There's a much publicised nude scene with Rebel Wilson – she runs naked across a football pitch – but don't get too excited. It's not her. A body double is used in the scene. So there's another woman with a body like Rebel Wilson? I want to meet her.

"Grimsby" unashamedly plagiarises other films, such as "Hardcore Henry" and "Kingsman", but that doesn't detract from the quality in the least. The action sequences serve as the perfect contrast to the comedy.

Here are a few more photos of Rebel Wilson to make my readers happy.

P. S. The last photo isn't Rebel Wilson.

When I see pictures like this I wish I'd become a film star. But then I remember that Sacha's wife is watching, so he has to remain calm and think about football. And if I were unlucky, I'd be gang banged by elephants as well. No, I'm glad I was never a film star.

Success Rate:  - 1.4

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Bruno (4 Stars)

Sacha Baron Cohen's previous film, "Borat", is the funniest film that I've ever seen. "Bruno" – or should it be called Brüno? – also has a lot of laugh-out-loud moments, but the overall impression is disjointed. It attempts and succeeds in being scandalous, but the emphasis on scandal rather than humour leads to many scenes being dull.

One thing that annoys me as a fluent German speaker is that the film's German dialogue is so bad. Bruno and Lutz are supposed to be Austrians, but their accent is very bad, and at times even the grammar is messed up. That's because the two actors are British and Swedish respectively, but it's still not forgivable. A voice coach should have been employed to assist them.

The film begins in Austria and continues in America, with excursions to Israel and the Middle East. It follows Borat's style of making fun of people by not letting them know they're going to appear in a film, although there are more people in this film who're in on it, especially in the final scenes.

Bruno is the host of an Austrian fashion TV show, "Funkyzeit mit Bruno". After he's fired he goes to America with the intention of becoming a famous international celebrity. He wants to become the most famous Austrian since Adolf Hitler. He tries to trick politicians into having sex with him to become famous, before deciding that he needs to go into anti-gay therapy. He also travels to Israel to solve the Israeli conflict with Palestine.

Bruno met with leading Israelis and Palestinians. He managed to get them to agree that Hummus is healthy and tastes good. That's a start. Peace begins with common interests.

He tried to get them to shake hands. He almost succeeded. That's more than Donald Trump has ever achieved.

If you watch this film it's essential to watch the extra features on the disc. There are almost 90 minutes of deleted scenes. Really! Many of the scenes are so good, i.e. so funny, that it's impossible to understand why they weren't included. LaToya Jackson is so shallow that it's impossible not to laugh at her, and white supremacist Glenn Miller is so bigoted that he's also hilarious. Also, the string of scenes about Bruno's heartache after breaking up with his lover Diesel should have been included. The film only lasts a meagre 78 minutes, but by adding the best of the deleted scenes it could have been extended to 120 minutes, becoming a much better film in the process.

Special mention should be made of the manager Lloyd Robinson that Bruno hired in Los Angeles to make him a star. He's the person who was duped more than anyone else in the film, in many scenes over a period of months. He didn't suspect for a moment that Sacha Baron Cohen was the person masquerading as Bruno. Nevertheless, he's a good sport and has since highly praised the film. He even gave an interview which is included on the Blu-ray as an extra feature. He's a great guy!

Success Rate:  + 1.3

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Borat (5 Stars)

This is the funniest film I've ever seen. The humour is so twisted and so inappropriate, it's indescribable.

The film has a plot that links the sketches together, although I have to say that a film this funny doesn't need a plot. Borat Sagdiyev, a television reporter from Kazakhstan, is sent to America to find out about American culture by interviewing people. He should have stayed in New York, but after seeing Pamela Anderson in a Baywatch re-run on television he's so overwhelmed by her virginal beauty that he travels to California to meet her. The film then takes on the characteristic of a road trip with interviews taking place along the way.

The only scripted actors are Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat, Ken Davitian as his co-worker Azamat, Luenell as a prostitute and Pamela Anderson as herself. Everyone else that we see in America is an unknowing, unprepared extra. They're either people who were hired to give the fake interviews or members of the public who just happened to get in the way while the film was being made. Needless to say, there were many court cases due to people not liking the way they were made to look stupid in the film. I don't know how many, if any, of the cases were successful.

There's a newspaper article about Borat's trip to America. I don't speak Russian. Can anyone translate it for me? Nevertheless, even without understanding Russian I can see that the last two paragraphs in the first column are repeated. If you don't believe me, click on the photo to enlarge it. That's sloppy.

Success Rate:  + 12.6

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The Dictator (4 Stars)

I decided to watch this film again today because my first review, written in 2013, has crept into my top 10 most popular posts list again. As I write this post it's in 10th place. By tomorrow it will either have climbed a few places or fallen out again.

My readers are fickle. Not all of my posts are good. I know that. What surprises me is that the posts I consider below average quality often have more readers than my best posts. It shouldn't really surprise me. Let me explain what's happening on my blog below the surface:

The top 10 list that I publish in my sidebar is the most read posts of the last 30 days. That's the most meaningful list, in my opinion. I also have lists available of the most read posts of the last 24 hours and the most read posts of the last seven days. Those lists are less significant because they're very volatile. When I publish a new post it usually has a lot of hits over the first 48 hours. This is because I have a lot of followers who read my new posts on a regular basis. That's not just the 22 blog followers listed on my page, I also have followers in Google Plus and Facebook. Almost all of my new posts enter my top 10 posts of the week, but they drop out of the list again after a week and are replaced by newer posts. Maybe one post a week generates enough interest to make it into my top 10 posts of the month. If it's popular enough it might stay in the list for a few months before disappearing again.

Then there are the posts that I call Dauerbrenner, the German word for perpetual flames. Some of these posts, like the Femme Fatales TV series, remain in the list for a year or longer. Others, like my first review of "The Dictator", are in my list for a few months, then disappear for a few months, then come back again. My Dauerbrenner (the German word sounds much better than the English translation) are the result of search engines sending readers to me. It's possible to deliberately use keywords to attract readers, but I don't do that. I write normal prose at all times. However, it sometimes happens that the combination of the words in my normal prose attracts a mass of readers who are looking for something else. For that reason many of my Dauerbrenner get a lot of hits out of pure luck.

There's one other problem in the way that Google sets up its searches. There's a process which Google calls canonicalisation (sic). That's a horrible word. What it means is that if two pages on a web site have either identical content or identical names only one of them is considered "canon" and included in search results. There's an HTML flag for search engines that can determine that a page is to be treated as the important page among a collection of duplicates or near-duplicates, but if this flag is included in more than one of the duplicates the search engine crawler can get confused and exclude the wrong one. Just include <link rel="canonical" href=http://www.example.com/original-url/> in the header. If this flag isn't used the newest page is usually treated as canonical. That might be useful for an online catalogue which replaces old products with new products that have the same name, but it makes things awkward for my blog as a film diary. If I review a film three times it's common for the first (i.e. the oldest) review to be the best because I have less to say on repeated watchings. That also means that writing this review today will stop my old review getting as many hits.

Which are my best and which are my worst reviews? That's a subjective opinion, but I'm an honest judge. It's not just about the length. Sometimes I write a post and even as I'm writing it I think to myself, "This isn't very good, but I've got to finish it now I've started". Other times I write something and I think, "Wow! I really expressed that well". As a rule of thumb I tend to write better reviews of films that I don't like than the films I like. Take this review, for instance. I've written six paragraphs and I still haven't said anything about the film.

Sacha Baron Cohen plays Admiral-General Aladeen, the dictator of a middle eastern country called Wadiya. This is a strongly satirical film from beginning to end, mocking both dictators and America's reaction to dictators. Aladeen is based primarily on Colonel Muammar Gaddafi of Libya, but there are touches of other dictators in his mannerisms. Most apparent is that Aladeen surrounds himself with beautiful female bodyguards, just like Gadaffi used to do.

I want to be surrounded by women like that. Where do I sign up to become a dictator?

The bodyguards might all be beautiful, but the most attractive is the head guard Etra, played by Busty Heart. Her fighting style can only be described as Boob Fu. She uses her breasts as weapons. She can knock men unconscious with her breasts, and she can suffocate men between her breasts.

There are worse ways to die. I wouldn't try to defend myself. This isn't just something shown in the film, it's a real life ability. Busty Heart has appeared on talent shows smashing thick planks with her breasts.

In between the humour serious messages are contained, so ironical in their directness that we have to stop laughing for a moment. In a speech before the United Nations General Aladeen says:

"Why are you guys so anti-dictators? Imagine if America was a dictatorship. You could let 1% of the people have all the nation's wealth. You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes, and bailing them out when they gamble and lose. You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education. Your media would appear free, but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family. You could wiretap phones. You could torture foreign prisoners. You could have rigged elections. You could lie about why you go to war. You could fill your prisons with one particular racial group, and no one would complain. You could use the media to scare the people into supporting policies that are against their interests".

The film is also a love story. Aladeen goes into hiding after an unsuccessful assassination attempt, and he meets the owner of a biological food store. I'll let her describe it in her own words:

"This is my store. This is the Free Earth Collective. We are a vegan, feminist, non-profit cooperative operating within an anti-racist, anti-oppressive framework for people of all or no genders".

In other words, she doesn't know what she's fighting for. She's against everything and for nothing. Aladeen falls in love with her when he sees her shouting at a policeman. Opposites attract.

The newspaper shown above looked correct at first, until I saw the error. The words "scouring the rubble, investigators found" are repeated at the bottom of the first column and the top of the second column. That's just sloppy.

One thing that I regret about the Blu-ray release is that it doesn't have enough extra features. When Sacha Baron Cohen was promoting "The Dictator" he made several controversial appearances, for instance at the Academy Awards, the Cannes Film Festival and on television talk shows. I've seen these on YouTube, of course, but it would be better to have all the videos gathered together in high definition on the Blu-ray disc.

This is a hilariously funny film, but obviously not everyone has a sense of humour. The film was banned in several eastern European countries. In Italy a reference to the Italian prime minister had to be removed. Interestingly, even though "The Dictator" was shown in German cinemas it has never been released on DVD or Blu-ray.

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