I'm Still Here (4 Stars)

In 2008 Joaquin Phoenix announced that he was retiring as an actor and would pursue a new career as a rapper. He hired a documentary crew to film him every day. A big screen version of the Osbournes. As we later found out, it was all a hoax. After 12 months he returned to acting. But what's remarkable is that almost nobody knew. His feeble attempts at rapping were ridiculed by the media, and he didn't care. He was even mocked by Ben Stiller at the 2009 Oscars.

What other actor would have done something like this? Only someone as insane as Joaquin Phoenix.

Here's the film's title song, which Joaquin performed live in Miami.

---

I'm still here,
I don’t scare,
I don't fear,
Don't even fear fucking fear.
I never cracked, never,
I don’t give, never,
I'll live forever, I'm the one that God chose.

I'm still real,
I won't kneel,
Unless it's God, my team know how I feel,
I never sold out, never, my good soul, never,
I'll live forever, I'm that one that God chose.

I heard the call, alarms sounding off,
Feeling guilty cause my night was spent fucking off,
History’s perverted me,
Words can never harm me,
Saying I’m the epitome of a motherfucking self-parody,
A charity being formed for this deformity,
Cause man can't conform for nobody.
I made it here despite the efforts of a few.
What can I say to a punk but "Fuck you"?
You might suggest I’m conscious at best,
A pretentious mess that can't get himself even dressed.
In response I don't get mad,
I shake you off,
Waving goodbye like I was last year's fad.
Trendsetting on you, I won’t be betting,
I let it go so long as you know I'm stormy weather,
And whether or not you're better or not,
Couldn't make a lick of difference from where I'm sitting at the top.

I'm still here
Through these years,
I don't scare
Don't even fear fucking fear.
I never cracked, never,
I don't give, never,
I'll throw it down,
You can bet on that, fella.

I'm still real,
I won't kneel,
Unless it's God, my team know how I feel.
I never sold out, never, my good soul, never,
I'll live forever, I'm that one that God chose,
Bitch!

Long-winded letters that I've written,
Once a snake has bitten I'll forgive but won't forget it,
Not taking revenge, I don't have the time to do to you
All the fucked up things, fantasies of ruining you.
Ain't got a crew, but I'll take on you,
Gotta wrap this shit up with you cause I'm so fucking bored.
Just this one thing I gotta say to let you know,
To get off my chest before this long rest,
I never betrayed you, I never did what you thought I did,
But still you came at me swinging, kid.
Nevertheless, I wish you the best, I pray you get to Heaven,
But more than likely you'll be burning with the Devil.

Here,
Through these years,
I don't scare,
Don't even fear fucking fear.
I never cracked, never,
I don't give, never,
I'll grow in value, you can bet on that.

I'm still real,
I won't kneel,
Unless it's God, my team know how I feel.
I never sold out, never, my good soul, never,
I'll live forever, I'm that one that God chose,
Bitch!

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (4 Stars)

This is a film that tidily completes the Night At The Museum trilogy. There should never have been a fourth film, even though the final scene leaves it open. Barely. And yet a fourth film was made last year as a Disney Plus exclusive. It's not even a live action film, it's an animated film. I swore I wouldn't watch it, but my grandson Oliver has found out about it, and he wants to watch it. So I'll have to grit my teeth and put up with it. It might be good, but somehow I doubt it.

The best scene in "Secret of the Tomb" is a fight between Sir Lancelot, Theodore Roosevelt and Larry Daley inside an M. C. Escher painting. It only lasts a minute, unfortunately. The fight could have lasted an hour, and it would never have got boring.

Success Rate:  + 0.9

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Night at the Museum 2 (3 Stars)

This is a good example of a poorly made sequel. "Night at the Museum" was a big success at the box office, so there was pressure to make another film. Some of the characters return from the first film, but most of them only appear in brief cameos. There's enough of the first film repeated to raise a smile, but not enough to make the viewer think he's in familiar territory.

The film takes place three years after "Night at the Museum". Larry Daley has given up his job at the American Museum of Natural History to pursue a career as an inventor. I like his idea of a fluorescent torch. When there's a power cut it's easy to find. I could have done with one of those when I lived in England. In Germany there aren't as many power cuts.

The museum is due to be modernised. The exhibits are to be replaced by AI-driven holograms. How dull!

The exhibits are shipped to Washington to be stored underground in the vaults of the Smithsonian. The magic tablet of Akmenrah that gives the statues life should have stayed in New York, but it's stolen by Dexter the monkey and taken to Washington. At the Smithsonian the wax figures come to life, including Kahmunrah, the evil older brother of Akmenrah. The tablet has other powers known only to Kahmunrah, including the ability to raise the army of the dead. Larry goes to Washington to retrieve the tablet and save the world.

The film is dull, and is only worth watching for the excellent performance of Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart. On the other hand, my grandson Oliver enjoyed the film. He liked the slapstick action and the airplanes. Maybe one day he'll write his own blog and give the film a better review.

Success Rate:  + 0.8

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Night at the Museum (4 Stars)

Two years ago I sat down with my grandson Oliver to watch "Night at the Museum". At the time he'd never watched any films, only YouTube videos, so he didn't have enough patience to last the whole film. He gave up after 45 minutes. Today I tried again. Success! He loved the film, and he wants to watch the sequels.

I watched it in German, for Oliver's sake. Usually German dubbing is good quality, but this time I wasn't satisfied. The German dialogue is very fast and excited, even when the original English is spoken clearly. The voice actors put their own interpretation into the roles. I don't appreciate that.

No, the Hungarian bodybuilder Krisztina Sereny doesn't appear in the film. I can't think of anything else to write about the film, so the photo is my way of apologising. Is anyone interested in a gallery of her photos?

Success Rate:  + 3.2

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Cable Guy (4 Stars)

I haven't watched "Cable Guy" for about 20 years. I have no idea why not. I could still remember most of the details about it. That's the mark of a good film.

Steven Kovacs has recently split up with his girlfriend and has moved into his own apartment. A man comes to install his cable television. He introduces himself as Chip Douglas, but he changes his name several times in the film, so I'll just call him the Cable Guy. The Cable Guy offers Steven friendship, which Steven needs at this time. They meet a few times in the next few days, but Steven finds the Cable Guy too clingy. When Steven tries to break off the friendship, the Cable Guy turns against him and gets him thrown into jail. Don't mess with the Cable Guy!

The film has comical moments, mostly because of Jim Carrey's madcap humour, but it's difficult to laugh. The Cable Guy is very sinister. The comical way he acts in the film is due to his insecurity. In turn, his insecurity has turned him into a stalker.

The film has a message, but it's just added in between the cracks. People watch too much television. There are other things to do, like reading books or talking to your family. I don't watch television as such, but I watch a lot of films. Do I watch too many films? Probably. None of my friends watch as many films as me, although a few of my friends come close. I do read books, but it's a lesser activity. Maybe one book in two weeks, depending on its length. In the same time I watch 15 to 20 films. I talk to family members, but that's not something I can quantify. Some days it's a little, some days it's a lot. What other hobbies do I have? I listen to music. Lately I've been listening to the Stranglers a lot, as my regular readers must have noticed. I also listen to Klaus Schulze and Black Sabbath. I like listening to whole albums, not random tracks. That's the way music ought to be enjoyed.

But, getting back to "Cable Guy", it's a good film. It has an uneasy feeling to it, but that's deliberate. I've read that it's considered a cult film. I've never understood what makes a film qualify as a cult film. I just know that it's one of Jim Carrey's early films that a lot of people have forgotten. I haven't.

Charles Napier has a small role as a policeman. I always sigh when I see him in a film. I consider him to be the most underrated actor of the last 50 years. He should have been a big Hollywood star, but he was stuck in small roles up until his death in 2011. That's tragic. What a waste of such great talent!

Success Rate:  + 0.2

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Madagascar 2: Escape To Africa (3 Stars)

This afternoon I was looking after my grandson Oliver, as I do every day. He reached an important milestone in his development: he watched his first film! This made me very happy. It was "Madagascar 2" on Netflix. I've attempted to watch films with him before, but he never had enough patience. The problem is that ever since he was three he's been watching videos on YouTube. They're short and action-filled. Things like "Tom and Jerry" and "Masha and the Bear". They last 10 to 15 minutes, and there's chaotic action from beginning to end. The problem with films is that the action is interspersed with conversation. For instance, he was watching "Ferdinand" last week and loved it, but half an hour into the film the action stopped and there was five minutes of the characters talking to one another. That was too much for him and he stopped watching. "Madagascar 2" has a very little conversation, the absolute minimum to let the viewer know what's happening. For me, as an adult, it makes it a bad film, but for Oliver it was perfect.

The story is about Alex, a lion who's lived most of his life in Central Park Zoo in New York. More by luck than by strategy he escapes and returns to Madagascar, where he was born. He's the rightful heir to become king of the jungle (or at least the nature reserve where he lives), but he fails the initiation test. He gets a second chance when the water in the nature reserve dries up, and he leads the efforts to re-direct a river.

Maybe I'll like the next film he watches. I might even try "Ferdinand" with him again. I quite liked it, as far as I saw it.

Success Rate:  + 2.0

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Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (4 Stars)

This is the third and final film in the Night At The Museum trilogy. It was made five years after the second film, and it brings the series to a close. Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) quits his job as night guard at the American Museum of Natural History and is replaced by Tilly (Rebel Wilson).

The film also offers closure in a sadder way. This is the last film made by the great Robin Williams before his suicide. He died after making the film but before it was released, so there's a brief dedication to him at the end.

The three films build a single piece of work, so I strongly advise that you watch them back to back in order. I almost watched them back to back, over a two month period, so I enjoyed them more than I did when I watched them in the past, not even in the correct order.

This is the film where Ben Stiller gets to kiss a monkey. Is that allowed on screen?

He's closing his eyes to lose himself in the passion.

Ben Stiller plays a second role as a Neanderthal called Laaa. This leads to him groping Rebel Wilson's chest. All men are animals, even if they don't show it in public. I'd like to grope Rebel Wilson as well, but I'm too much of a gentleman to give in to my urges.

You can read Rebel Wilson's mind. "That was disgusting! If I'd known what was expected of me I would have asked for more money!"

I've heard rumours that a fourth film is planned. Please don't do it. Leave it as it is.

Success Rate:  + 0.9

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Night at the Museum 2 (3 Stars)

There's some confusion about the title of this film. According to the DVD box, its name is "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian". However, in the opening credits the title screen simply calls it "Night at the Museum". There isn't even a number two to distinguish it from the first film.

The film takes place three years after the original film. Larry Daley has left his job as a night guard and gone back to being an inventor. He's now having moderate success with his Glow-In-The-Dark Flashlight. (I'm British, so I prefer to call it a torch). It's a better idea than it sounds. If there's a power cut and you need a torch, you might not be able to find it in the dark. If the torch's outer casing is fluorescent, it's easy to find. I wonder if these torches are on sale yet.

Larry visits the museum and finds that almost all of the exhibits have been packed in boxes. It's been decided that traditional museums are too old-fashioned. The new museum is to be made up of talking holographic displays. Larry stays the night in the museum to say farewell to his old friends. The Tablet of Ahkmenrah is to remain in the museum, so they won't come to life any more in their new resting place, the underground vaults of the Smithsonian Museum in Washington D.C.

The next evening Larry receives a phone call from Jedediah. Dexter stole the Tablet, so now all the exhibits in the Smithsonian Museum have come to life. Kahmunrah, the older brother of Akhmenrah, has attacked and imprisoned the new arrivals from New York. He wants the Tablet, because it has untapped powers that will help him conquer the world. Larry goes to Washington to save them.

I'm sorry to say that this film doesn't live up to the original. Too much is illogical. In the first film the exhibits were at war with one another, but now they're united, even before they have to face a common enemy. In the first film there were constant communication problems, but now they all seem to understand English, even if they don't speak it. We see all the exhibits from the first film, but several of them, including Sacagawea, shown above, only appear in brief cameos. The new exhibits aren't funny, except for their randomness. The only exception is Amelia Earhart, played by Amy Adams.

Amelia Earhart is comical in the way she's portrayed. She's an independent woman, who doesn't need a man to tell her what to do, but she goes to the opposite extreme, taking any man she wants. In this case, any man means Larry. While he's struggling to save the world, he has to fight off Amelia's attempts to kiss him. It's very hard for him, because she looks insanely sexy in her tight fitting flying outfit.

That's still not enough to make it a good film.

Success Rate:  + 0.8

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Night at the Museum (4 Stars)

Today I sat down to watch a film with my son Benjamin, who's visiting me this week. I shan't tell you what it was, because we were interrupted after less than two minutes, and we'll watch it again later this week, hopefully tomorrow. My grandson Oliver burst in and wanted to watch it with us, but it was inappropriate for someone his age. I wanted to throw him out of the room – gently, of course – but his mother (my daughter Gillian) said that if he really wanted to watch a film I should watch something suitable for him. I still had "Night at the Museum" lying on my desk after watching it two weeks ago, so it was the obvious choice.

I have to add, Oliver has never watched a film yet. He's started a few films, but he was never patient enough to finish. I thought I would give him a chance. I abandoned the as yet unnamed film and started "Night at the Museum". Oliver did well. He managed 45 minutes. He loved the chaotic scenes in the first night, especially when the monkey peed on Ben Stiller, but he got bored when the film slowed down again. Never mind. He left the room, so Benjamin and I watched the film to the end, even though we've both seen it before. A good film is always worth watching again. In fact, my definition of a good film is "a film that I want to watch at least three times".

I'm really glad that I watched it. Today I appreciated it even more than I did two weeks ago. I wonder how old Oliver will be before I can try to watch it with him again. Until then, maybe I can find a different film for him to watch. Maybe one of the old Disney animated films? It has to be something where there's action all the way, without any quiet lulls.

When the film was over, I asked Benjamin whether he wanted to watch "Dexter". Some of you might know what made me think about that series. He had never seen it, so he agreed, out of curiosity. I only wanted to watch one episode, the pilot, but he loved it so much that he insisted on watching a second episode. Benjamin will be with me all week, so I expect we'll watch the whole first season. Maybe more.

Success Rate:  + 3.2

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Night at the Museum (4 Stars)

Today is only the second time I've watched this film. The first time was more than 10 years ago (i.e. before 14th September 2010) and I honestly don't know why I've waited so long. All I could remember about it was the comedy, the ridiculousness that museum exhibits should come to life at night, but there's a lot more to the film. There are serious messages packaged between the slices of humour. The messages aren't even hidden, they're so open that I really should have paid attention to them first time round.

Simply put, the film is about a man who takes a job as a night guard at the Museum of Natural History in New York, where he discovers that the exhibits come to life every night from sunset to sunrise. The film is based on a children's book, and the film is definitely suitable for young viewers. They will probably miss the serious messages, like I did.

Ben Stiller plays Larry Daley, a man who's divorced and struggling to keep contact with his son. That's a common theme in films. It doesn't get worse with repetition. If a mother gains custody of a child, she might refuse to let the child see his father for his own sake, if she thinks the father has an unstable life style. In this case, Larry is a dreamer who doesn't want to do a normal job. He has ideas about new inventions which he wants to market, but they're too impractical, so every company he founds goes bankrupt. The divorce court allows him to see his son Nick every weekend and every second Wednesday, but his lack of money has forced him to move into a tiny apartment which his ex-wife doesn't consider suitable.

So Larry is forced to get a steady job that will pay the bills and allow him to upgrade his accommodation. He applies for a job as a security guard at a museum. When I was unemployed 15 years ago it was recommended that I become a security guard, because that's a job any man can do. Wow. The nice man at the Job Centre thought I was so desperate that I'd take the job at the bottom of the pile? I've never regretted turning down his offer. It was an insult to a man with four years of university and managerial experience behind him. But I'm getting off the subject.....

The museum is downsizing because of poor visitor numbers, so Larry's job is to replace three elderly guards. They give him a book with hand-written instructions, but he doesn't bother reading them. What can be so difficult about a job that any man can do?

He finds out too late that the instructions are essential. Maybe not too late, because if he'd read them before nightfall he wouldn't have understood them. "Lock up the lions or they'll eat you"? That doesn't make sense. The museum's lions are only made of wax.

In the first night Larry has to play with a dinosaur, run from lions and fend off attacks from miniature cowboys and Roman legions. He decides to quit the job, until he realises that Nick finds his father's job interesting. He can give it a go for a few more days, if he finds out how to deal with the living exhibits. He reads books about them to find out how to deal with them. They might only be artificial creations, but when they come to life they have the personalities, strengths and weaknesses of their real life counterparts.

With the encouragement of Teddy Roosevelt, played by Robin Williams, Larry learns that he can be a success if he tries hard enough. Years of failed ideas are enough to make any intelligent man despair, but perseverance can work miracles. Quoting Shakespeare, President Roosevelt tells Larry that "some men are born great, and others have greatness thrust upon them". He's only a lowly security guard, but he can make a difference. He can win the respect of his son and maybe even find a new romance in his life.

There are other messages in the film, such as the value of brotherly love, but the most important message is the importance of perseverance. Sometimes the odds seem stacked against you, and maybe you're in a situation where it doesn't look like it's worth the effort, but if something is worth having it's always worth fighting for.

Success Rate:  + 3.2

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On another topic, Google has recently introduced a new version of its blogger software. This is the first major update since I started blogging 10 years ago. Unfortunately, the new version was pushed out too quickly without being sufficiently tested. I'm coming across new bugs every day. Some are minor, but others cause me more work. There's a procedure to report bugs to the developer team, but there's no reply to bug reports, not even an automated response, so I don't know for certain if my bug report will ever be read. Google should have left the software the way it was before. It worked. That's all that matters. 

Here's a list of the errors I've discovered so far:

1. The attribute "imageanchor=1" is included when a new image is inserted, but if I switch from the HTML view to the normal compose view, it's removed. Without this attribute posts are displayed incorrectly on mobile phones, so I have to edit the HTML code manually to put the attribute back in.

2. After an image is resized, there's a box left in the edit window until it's clicked away. This is only a cosmetic error, but it's annoying.

3. When multiple images are inserted at the same time they are sometimes inserted in the correct order, sometimes in reverse order, depending on whether I click in the edit box first.

4. When an image is inserted, it's usually inserted at the end of the post, not at the place where I'm currently editing. Sometimes it works correctly, but mostly it doesn't. I haven't been able to work out the logic of this bug.

5. When I'm editing HTML on my mobile phone, it's not possible to enlarge the display.

6. If a post has a large number of labels, only the first few labels are displayed in the post list. Very annoying!

7. Now here's a very curious bug. If I have the stats open and open a second stats tab with Ctrl-Click on the word Stats, the current tab is reloaded with the default settings before opening  the new tab. If, however, I open the new tab by right-clicking on Stats and selecting "Open link in new tab", there's no error.

Zoolander 2 (4 Stars)

Normally I would groan when a sequel is made 15 years after the original film. It seems too much like an act of desperation to get people into the cinemas. However, I do have faith in Ben Stiller, especially as a director. He's someone who takes risks and gets things right. I even like "Cable Guy", which is generally considered to be his worst film. Apart from this, I read that Ben Stiller wanted to make "Zoolander 2" for years, but he didn't do it because he was waiting for a suitable script.

It seems that not many people have the same faith in Ben Stiller's judgement as me. Only four members of the Birmingham film group decided to see the film with me. Actually there were five, but one of them didn't turn up because he fell asleep on the sofa. Life is hard.

I don't think that "Zoolander 2" is quite up to the quality of the original, but it's still a very good film. When a sequel is made to a comedy film the temptation is to repeat the same jokes. See the second Austin Powers film for an example of this.This was only partially the case with "Zoolander 2". A few of the original jokes were repeated, enough to make me feel comfortable and accept it as a sequel, but most of the humour was new. Overall, the film went in a new direction. The first film was all about exposing the shallowness of the fashion industry. In the second film this subject is only mentioned in passing. Instead of this we have an epic battle between good and evil.

That's all I'll say about the plot. My recommendation to my readers is that if you enjoyed "Zoolander" you'll probably like "Zoolander 2" as well, even though it's a different film. If you didn't enjoy "Zoolander" this probably isn't a film for you, but give it a try anyway, you might like it. If you've never watched "Zoolander" I suggest that you watch it first. There are enough references to the first film to make "Zoolander 2" slightly confusing if you don't know the original.

Zoolander (4 Stars)

"I'm pretty sure there's more to life than being really, really good looking".

The fashion industry is so shallow that it's difficult not to make fun of it. Sacha Baron Cohen did it in "Bruno" (2009). But before then Ben Stiller did it just as effectively in "Zoolander" (2001).

Ben Stiller stars as Derek Zoolander, a man who has been named the Male Model of the Year four years in a row. When he fails to win the award the next year, the prize going to his rival Hansel (Owen Wilson), his world falls apart. He's vulnerable to attacks from people who want to exploit him. The fashion company executive Jacob Moogberg (Will Ferrell), better known as Mugatu, hires him to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia, who wants to abolish child labour in his country. Without child labour Mugatu's clothes can't be manufactured as cheaply and his profits will fall.

The film features cameos from a multitude of celebrities appearing as themselves. One of them is David Bowie. Rest in peace.

Another is Donald Trump, who is now campaigning to become the American president. He has gained a lot of support by populist rhetoric, aided by the current fear of terrorism by Islamic extremists. He over-generalises when he judges people, as all populists do. He also polarises opinions sharply. People love him or they hate him, there's no middle ground. Recently one of my oldest friends unfriended me on Facebook because I called Donald Trump stupid. Maybe I was wrong to use that word, I'm sure he's a highly educated man, but he has many viewpoints which I consider to be stupid. For instance, he says that in order to protect America from terror attacks no Moslems should be allowed to enter the country. Judging everyone who carries the label "Moslem" is an act of bigotry. Not all Moslems are terrorists, and more importantly, not all Moslems are Moslems. What I mean by that is that Islam is part of the racial identity of many people, for instance Pakistanis. I have many Pakistani friends who don't read the Koran or visit a mosque. They have no interest in religion at all, but they carry on calling themselves Moslems because it's what they think is expected of them. This is in contrast to British people in England who have no problem in saying they aren't Christians. Donald Trump doesn't understand this.

I first watched "Zoolander" with my friend Tamara, and I'll always associate the film with her. We were lying entwined on her sofa watching the film, but like a good film fan I didn't let myself get too distracted. We've known each other for nine years. I've always liked her, but she's temperamental and frequently turns against me, later forgetting what she was angry about. I'd do anything for her if she needed me. We still talk occasionally, but we're not as close as we used to be. I don't know if she reads my blog. In case she does, she should leave a comment on this post to tell me what she thinks of me.

I'm Still Here (4 Stars)

In 2009 Joaquin Phoenix, 34 years old at the time, announced that he was giving up acting to follow a career as a hip hop singer. This was to be the subject of a documentary, so cameras followed him day and night for the next 12 months. During this time his health and his physical appearance deteriorated, and he received setbacks from music insiders telling him he didn't have the talent to make it as a singer.

Some of the events were staged, others happened spontaneously, and they are all mixed up together. This is similar to the way that modern reality shows are made. Be honest: does anyone really believe that the Osbournes, Anna Nicole Smith or even Honey Boo Boo behave naturally when a camera is pointing at them?

Joaquin didn't really intend to quit acting, but this wasn't evident at the time. He remained in character throughout the filming, which meant that many people, even news reporters, believed he was really quitting. Very few people were in on the secret that it was just a film. Even David Letterman was fooled when he invited Joaquin Phoenix onto his show.

What was Joaquin Phoenix trying to say with the film? He was making fun of himself, he was mocking reality shows, and he was showing how shallow the music and film industries are. More than anything else, he was making fun of the audiences who watched him live (during that year). He was ridiculing them because they were gullible enough to believe anything.

Secret Life of Walter Mitty (4½ Stars)

To see the world, things dangerous to come to,

To see behind walls, to draw closer,

To find each other and to feel.

That is the purpose of life.

This is the story of a man who likes to live in his dreams, then one day decides to actually do something. When he does he finds that reality is much better than imagination. He should have realised this from the motto of Life magazine, where he worked for 16 years as a negative asset manager. On the other hand, when I was a teenager I wrote a lot of poetry, and in one of my poems I wrote:

"Life is a bore, it's better to dream".

That's interesting. It's so long ago when I wrote these words that I can't remember what was going through my head at the time. I was never as timid as Walter Mitty is in the film. I did do things. I went places, I met people, I dated girls. And yet I was still dissatisfied with life. I expressed my alienation from the world in my poetry. Maybe my life has turned full circle. After I left university I spent many years concentrating on real life. Now that I'm older I've turned back to dreams.

In 2006 I began to play Second Life. That was a very intense experience for me. It was a role-playing experience into which I totally immersed myself. I probably played Second Life intensely for about four years, until the end of 2010. After that the role-playing aspect died down, and Second Life was nothing more than a platform for me to chat with my friends. At first I had a lot of friends, but one by one they left, and there was less incentive for me to log on. I still have an active Second Life account, but I've hardly used it since 2013. It's not that I've given up completely. I might return one day, but I need a reason to do so.

Most Second Life users make a fantasy avatar to express themselves. Men make themselves excessively tall and muscular, while women make themselves look like busty Barbie dolls. Not me. For me Second Life was an attempt for me to hold onto my youth. My SL avatar was as close as possible to my real life appearance when I was 20. Average height, thin, not very muscular, long blond hair.

That's me as I look in Second Life. It's a pretty accurate copy of my appearance when I was younger, the body and the hair at least. I never wore jeans when I was younger. Practically all of my friends wore jeans, and I didn't want to conform, so I wore colourful trousers, red or green. As I got older jeans were no longer in fashion, so I started wearing them more often, and today I wear jeans all the time. I didn't start wearing sandals until I was in my thirties. Only the t-shirt is typical of what I wore at 20.

As you can see, in Second Life I wear a collar to identify me as a slave. But that's a story for another day.....

While we're young (3 Stars)

This is a film that I knew I had to see. It features three of my favourite actors, Adam Driver, Naomi Watts and Amanda Seyfried. I have respect for Ben Stiller's acting abilities as well.

Josh is a man in his mid 40's who films documentaries. In the past he was successful, but he's been working on his last documentary for 10 years, and there is no sign of it reaching a conclusion. We see him interviewing an old man who rambles on about subjects that are interesting in themselves, but have no connection to one another. His wife Cornelia is the son of a famous documentary filmmaker. All their friends have children, but Josh and Cornelia have been trying unsuccessfully for years to have a baby. All the magic has gone out of their life. They never do anything together because Josh is too busy with his film.

While giving a lecture Josh meets Jamie, a documentary filmmaker in his early 20's, and his wife Darby. Josh is fascinated by their spontaneity and introduces them to his wife. The two families become friends, while Josh and Jamie begin to work together on one another's documentaries.

First, let me say that the film is nothing like what I expected. The trailer makes it look like a comedy. It's true, the film does have a few jokes, most of which are included in the trailer, but it's not a funny film. The film is actually very serious, dealing with some serious issues. The main issue is the ethics of making documentaries. Is it necessary for a documentary to tell the absolute truth, if slight changes through dramatisation can make it more entertaining? It seems like the comedy elements were just woven into the film to lighten it up, so the comedy is only incidental.

I walked out of the cinema feeling confused. I was trying to remember all the arguments for and against the dramatisation of documentaries, but too much had been thrown at me in concentrated bursts. I would have preferred the film without the comedy.

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (3½ Stars)

This is the third film in the "Night at the Museum" series, and probably the concluding part of a trilogy. Only time will tell if there will be a fourth part, but somehow I doubt it. This film revisits and expands on the premise of the series, that museum statues are brought to life every night by a magical Egyptian artefact, the Golden Tablet of Akhmenrah. In this film the tablet begins to decay, causing the museum characters to sporadically return to inanimate forms during the night. The only person who knows how to solve the problem is the Pharaoh Akhmenrah himself, of whom a statue is currently on display in the British Museum of Natural History. Night guard Larry Daley, once more played by Ben Stiller, takes the tablet to London to re-animate Akhmenrah and ask him for help.

I have mixed feelings about the films in this series. The first two films are definitely not masterpieces, whatever that word means, but they're zany comedy romps that are worth watching at least once. The third film is no different. It made me laugh, but it's not a film I'm likely to add to my DVD collection

The film has sentimental value to me as the last film starring Robin Williams before his death by suicide in August this year. It was moving to see him on screen, and I regret that he didn't have a bigger role. Rest in peace.

Secret Life of Walter Mitty (4 Stars)

This film is loosely based on a short story written by James Thurber in 1939. It was filmed in 1947, and this is a "remake", very generally speaking. Actually, the new film just borrows the name and the concepts from the old film and the story, so it can be considered a completely new film. It's a matter of definition.

The expression "Walter Mitty" has entered popular culture. It signifies a person who daydreams about doing great heroic deeds instead of facing the challenges of real life. This may or may not involve telling other people that he has done them (lies) or telling others he would do them (empty boasting). Especially in the army, this expression is used to describe a person who claims to have performed heroic deeds which were actually carried out by others who may now be dead and unable to tell the true story. But let's be honest: there's a bit of Walter Mitty in all of us. When we read in the newspaper that someone robbed a shop and beat up the shopkeeper we say, "If I'd been there I would have stopped it"; but if we're ever present at a robbery we see how big the robbers are we freeze in fear. That's human nature.

In this film Ben Stiller plays Walter Mitty. He's the negative asset manager at Life Magazine in New York. If you're wondering what that is, it's the person who looks after photo negatives. The film is set today, in 2013, and as we all know film cameras are a thing of the past. The digital age has made Walter's job obsolete, and he's hanging onto it by the skin of his teeth. Walter feels attracted to Cheryl Melhoff, a new employee in his company, but he's unable to ask her out on a date; instead of speaking to her he dreams of impressing her by doing things like rescuing her dog from a burning building so that she'll fall into his arms.

Life Magazine is bought by another company and has to close down. From next month it will be an online publication only. Walter is entrusted with processing the photo for the final cover, provided by Life's top photographer, Sean O'Connell, one of the few purists who refuses to use digital cameras. Walter is sent the negatives, but one is missing, and he suspects that Sean never sent it. For the first time in his life Walter feels inspired to do something. On a whim he catches a plane to Sean's last known address in Greenland. Sean, the great adventurer, everything that Walter isn't, is always a few steps ahead of him. Walter pursues him through Greenland to Iceland and Afghanistan.

In the trailers the film is touted as a comedy. That's not quite true. It does have its humorous moments, but it's really a story about overcoming all odds and learning to become a real person. It's a very moving performance by Ben Stiller. The scenery in Greenland especially is breathtaking, in stark contrast to the cities of New York. If anything, it awakes the Walter Mitty in me. It's the place I want to be, not continuing in my dull life.

The film won't be on general release until December 26th in England. I was lucky to be able to watch an advance screening at Cineworld for their Unlimited Card holders only. It's certainly worth the money, only £15.90 a month, if there's a Cineworld cinema near where you live. If you are considering becoming a member, I advise you to apply online and use the promotional code RAF-42SM-64EG-76US-46SD in the last page of the application process. This will give you a free month's membership at the end of your first 12 months.

Megamind [Guest Writer] (4 Stars)

After super-villain Megamind (Ferrell) kills his good-guy nemesis, Metro Man (Pitt), be becomes bored since there is no one left to fight. He creates a new foe, Titan (Hill), who, instead of using his powers for good, sets out to destroy the world, positioning Megamind to save the day for the first time in his life.

I enjoyed this movie even if I don't like Will Farrell as an actor and comedian - he just has never been funny to me. However, he does this role well - whether it's because his voice and humor is more suited to the cartoons or not, I don't know but I liked this movie overall. It was funny, simple and played on the whole cliched "Good guy vs bad guy" and gave it a simple, endearing and playful twist. Was it surprising? Probably not. Did it do something unexpected? I didn't think so. Is it entertaining with a good message that is great for the family and kids? Most definitely. Cute is all I have to say.