The Fifth Element (5 Stars)

This is the February choice for the "Best of Cinema" series. It's a film that I'd practically forgotten after not watching it for so long. I know that I had it on VHS tape, but I stopped watching videotapes in April 2008. I know the date so precisely because that's when I moved house, and I connected my VCR player but never used it. At that time I rebought all my favourite films on DVD, but not "The Fifth Element". No idea why.

When seeing the film this evening I recognised a few scenes, but I'd totally forgotten the plot. That meant it was like a new film to me.

There's a great evil that comes to the Earth once every 5000 years. This evil power can only be defeated with a secret weapon that's been entrusted to priests, who've been passing the secret from one generation to the next for thousands of years. The weapon is made up of four stones that represent the four elements, fire, water, earth and air. To function, a fifth element will be added when the time comes.

In the year 2263 a giant fireball is approaching the Earth. A woman appears, Leeloo, who claims to be the fifth element. The trouble is that the stones have disappeared. Clues have to be followed to find them. Leeloo is assisted by a taxi driver called Korben Dallas.

The film is campy and highly infeasible, but that's what makes it so good. I should never have forgotten it.

Success Rate:  + 0.9

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Survivor (4 Stars)

Three films in one day? I think I still have momentum after the film festival.

"Survivor" is another film that I discovered on the ZDF Mediathek today, so I watched it dubbed into German. I knew nothing about it in advance. I was attracted by the actors Pierce Brosnan and Robert Forster. It's an American film that feeds on the 9/11 paranoia. Kate Abbott (Milla Jovovich) is a diplomat at the American Embassy in London who examines visa applications to spot potential terrorists. She blocks the visa of Emil Balan, a Romanian scientist, because she finds it suspicious that he's visiting a medical congress. He protests, and her decision is overruled. But we see that he's involved in a plot to detonate a bomb at the New Year's celebrations in Times Square.

An assassin known only as the Watchmaker (Pierce Brosnan) is hired to kill her. By luck, she leaves the restaurant where a bomb has been planted, but several of her embassy colleagues are killed. Kate is blamed for the bomb. There's an exciting chase through London, fleeing from the police while the Watchmaker is still trying to catch her.

"Survivor" is a film with blockbuster potential, but somehow it didn't attract enough viewers to make it a success. I enjoyed the film, but I don't think I'll watch it again.

Success Rate:  - 5.1

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Paradise Hills (4½ Stars)

If someone has to tell you that you're in Paradise, you can be sure that you aren't.

Beautiful young girls. Flowers. Sunshine. Men who kneel.

The island is a perfect place to relax.

A beautiful building, even if the architecture is eccentric.

But look over your shoulders.

Death is waiting at night.

The film is set in the near future. Rebellious young women are sent to a re-education centre called Paradise Hills to learn good manners. You've guessed it already; they have to undergo brainwashing. But that's not the worst thing about Paradise Hills. There are dark secrets which even the families of the young women don't know. As long as they get their daughters back with an improved attitude, they don't ask questions.

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Future World (4 Stars)

There are actors that I love, whose films I always want to see. The first names that spring to mind are Jim Carrey and Gemma Arterton. There are actors I don't like, whose films I usually avoid. I emphasise the word usually. The best examples are Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx.

Then there's James Franco. I wouldn't call him one of my favourite actors. He's not even in my top ten. And yet, whenever he makes a film I'm curious about it. I can't say why. There's just something about him that makes me interested whenever his name appears in a new film. I've been aware of "Future World" ever since the trailers were released three years ago. It's a post-apocalyptic film, and I don't usually like post-apocalyptic films. And yet it stars James Franco, so I sat waiting in vain for it to be featured on a streaming service. Finally I saw the Blu-ray on sale for 5.99 Euros, so I grabbed it. That's cheaper than the price of a cinema ticket, so if I don't like it I can give it away afterwards.

P. S. I never sell films on Ebay. If I don't like a film I give it to one of my friends who lives locally. If any of my readers live in Germany, anywhere near Stuttgart, I have a large pile of DVDs that I'm willing to give away. Come visit me with a carrier bag and I'll let you take whatever you want.

The film takes place after a nuclear war has destroyed most of mankind. Worse than the war itself was an illness, the Red Virus, which broke out after society had broken down. Under better circumstances a cure could have been developed, but it was impossible for scientists to work effectively in the devastated buildings. Now society is divided into small communities, scraping a living as best as they can. James Franco plays Warlord (without an article), the leader of an all-male motorcycle gang called the Raiders.

In the time before the nuclear war mankind had been highly dependent on sentient robots, but they're the exact opposite of Skynet. Humans wanted war, but the robots wanted peace. When the robots were unable to prevent the war they either self-destructed or went into hiding. The film features a robot called Ash. After the war she powered herself down into hibernation mode, hoping to be woken up at a better time. Warlord finds her and wakes her up. He has a remote control device with which he can control her. He makes Ash his lover and his bodyguard.

Ash is a very beautiful robot, and she's been built to be an anatomically correct imitation of a woman. This is what we can expect in the near future. Whenever there's a new invention, the first use is for practical purposes, and then people wonder if they can use it for sexual purposes. Look at the printing press. Its first use was to print the Bible, but after this it was mostly used to print small erotic stories, mostly about the sexual exploits of wandering knights. When the first films were made in the late 19th Century, they began as short five minute clips of spectacular scenes, but the main use soon became short erotic films. When artificial intelligence develops enough to make human-like robots, their first use will be to perform heavy labour, but they'll soon be adapted for use as sex dolls.

The film's hero is a young man called Prince. He lives in a farming community called Oasis. His mother is sick with the Red Virus and at death's door. There are rumours about a place called Paradise Beach where medicine is available to cure the virus, so he sets out with two friends. The first stop is a place called Love Town, where women (real women) are available as prostitutes and dehumanised sex toys. When the strippers dance the customers can press buttons to give them electric shocks. Disgusting!

This is the place where Prince first encounters Warlord. Ash seduces Prince and kills his two friends. She's ordered to kill Prince as well, but her programming malfunctions and allows her to resist the remote control. She rescues Prince and accompanies him on his journey to Paradise Beach.

Except it isn't Paradise Beach any more. The medical advances in the town are now being used for recreational drugs, and the town has been renamed Drug Town. What chance does Prince have of finding the medicine his mother needs? Added to his problems, Ash has been damaged and needs repair.

I shan't write anything else about the plot, except to mention a moving scene in which Prince and Ash discover an abandoned church in the desert. Prince tries to explain to Ash what religion is. He tells her that people used to go to church when they wanted to stop sinning. That's a very simplified summary of religion, but it's what Ash wants. Prince teaches Ash how to pray, and she asks God for the strength to stop doing bad things. She thanks Ash for "giving her a soul".

I couldn't resist including this screenshot of Milla Jovovich as the evil ruler of Drug Town. Evil? She's deliciously evil! She tempts Prince while Ash is non-functional.

This film has been awarded a whopping 0% by the reviewers on Rotten Tomatoes. What??? It's nowhere near that bad. I enjoyed it, even though it's a post-apocalyptic film. The reviewers criticise it for not being original. That's unfair. Not much originality is possible within the parameters of post-apocalyptic films. The genre was defined by "Mad Max" and "Beneath the Planet of the Apes". Love Town and Drug Town could have appeared in any other post-apocalyptic film, but there are still small traces of originality. I'm not aware of any other films in which a robot finds religion. There are also lesbian scenes which are untypical for the post-apocalyptic genre. There are elements of female empowerment, also untypical for this genre. You'll have to watch the film to see what I mean.

I almost forgot to mention that there's an important mid-credits scene. Don't stop watching it too soon!

This is a film for me to keep. If you visit me, don't expect to take it with you. It's worth watching again.

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Paradise Hills (4½ Stars)

A young woman called Uma wakes up on a beautiful island. She's told that she's been sent to the island by her parents to learn good manners and how to behave like a fine lady. If that were all that's needed she might have accepted her holiday away from home. Unfortunately, part of the "behaving like a fine lady" means marrying the rich man that her parents have picked for her. When she makes it clear that she loves someone else, she has to undergo daily brainwashing sessions to persuade her to change her mind.

The island is full of young women who've been sent for reconditioning. Most of them would do anything to escape. The island's employees are all men. They act like servants and treat the women like royalty, bowing before them, but Uma suspects that the adulation is fake. The women on the island are the real slaves. She's warned by another woman not to drink the milk with the evening meal, because it drugs the women and makes them sleep all night. When she remains awake she sees that the island's men are busy all night, pushing the women on trolleys to rooms where operations are carried out.

That sounds sinister in itself, but there are even bigger secrets. I can't say too much, for fear of giving away spoilers, but I'll just say one thing. Uma begins to suspect that nobody who visits the island ever returns home.

This is a film that will probably miss its target audience. It's a very ambitious science fiction thriller, but on the surface it doesn't look like science fiction. It looks like a period film with pretty girls living a fine life. You need to be an insider to know what to expect. As soon as I saw that the screenplay was written by Nacho Vigalondo I knew it would be a mind-bending science fiction story. As the film develops, with one plot twist following another, the audience's imagination is stretched ever further. Maybe it's stretched too far. At first I wanted to give "Paradise Hills" a five star rating, but I deducted half a star because it goes too far.

I can't think of any other film I can compare it with. It's something that has to be seen to be believed.

Hellboy (2019) (4 Stars)

This film is a reboot of the Hellboy franchise. I'm thankful for that. It would have been bad to make a sequel after an eleven year gap. I can't compare the film with the previous films, because it's been too long since I last watched them. I also can't compare the film with the comics on which it's based, because I've never read them. For me the film has a clean slate.

Hellboy is a demon who works as a demon hunter. He works for the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defence (BPRD) in America, but his job sends him all over the world. In his first job that we see in the film he travels to Mexico to bring back a missing agent, and he finds that he's become a wrestler and a vampire. That's a good combination.

The film's story begins in 513 AD. King Arthur and Merlin defeat Nimue, an eternal Blood Queen. They can't kill her, but they cut her body into six parts, put them into boxes and send them to different parts of the British Isles where it's claimed that not even Satan can find them. Maybe Satan can't, but in the present day the Russian witch Baba Yaga knows where they are, and she sends a pig monster to retrieve them and stitch the parts back together.

Meanwhile, Hellboy goes to England to help the Osiris Club, a British equivalent of the BRPD, fight against three giants. It's true that there are giants, but it's a setup, because the Osiris Club wants to kill him. They've received a prophecy that Hellboy will bring on the end of days. This is in connection with Nimue. When her body is reassembled and she regains her full power she wants to be united with Hellboy as her king.

I greatly enjoyed the film. It makes no attempts to get a lower rating by suppressing the gore, and yet the violence is never gratuitous. It's always relevant to the plot. The action is exaggerated and sometimes humorous, but it's never ridiculous. It's all logical within the parameters of demons battling for supremacy on Earth.

The post credits scene sets the stage for a sequel. I hope the sequel will come soon. Judging by what I saw today, the Hellboy franchise has a lot of promise.

Zoolander 2 (4 Stars)

Normally I would groan when a sequel is made 15 years after the original film. It seems too much like an act of desperation to get people into the cinemas. However, I do have faith in Ben Stiller, especially as a director. He's someone who takes risks and gets things right. I even like "Cable Guy", which is generally considered to be his worst film. Apart from this, I read that Ben Stiller wanted to make "Zoolander 2" for years, but he didn't do it because he was waiting for a suitable script.

It seems that not many people have the same faith in Ben Stiller's judgement as me. Only four members of the Birmingham film group decided to see the film with me. Actually there were five, but one of them didn't turn up because he fell asleep on the sofa. Life is hard.

I don't think that "Zoolander 2" is quite up to the quality of the original, but it's still a very good film. When a sequel is made to a comedy film the temptation is to repeat the same jokes. See the second Austin Powers film for an example of this.This was only partially the case with "Zoolander 2". A few of the original jokes were repeated, enough to make me feel comfortable and accept it as a sequel, but most of the humour was new. Overall, the film went in a new direction. The first film was all about exposing the shallowness of the fashion industry. In the second film this subject is only mentioned in passing. Instead of this we have an epic battle between good and evil.

That's all I'll say about the plot. My recommendation to my readers is that if you enjoyed "Zoolander" you'll probably like "Zoolander 2" as well, even though it's a different film. If you didn't enjoy "Zoolander" this probably isn't a film for you, but give it a try anyway, you might like it. If you've never watched "Zoolander" I suggest that you watch it first. There are enough references to the first film to make "Zoolander 2" slightly confusing if you don't know the original.

Zoolander (4 Stars)

"I'm pretty sure there's more to life than being really, really good looking".

The fashion industry is so shallow that it's difficult not to make fun of it. Sacha Baron Cohen did it in "Bruno" (2009). But before then Ben Stiller did it just as effectively in "Zoolander" (2001).

Ben Stiller stars as Derek Zoolander, a man who has been named the Male Model of the Year four years in a row. When he fails to win the award the next year, the prize going to his rival Hansel (Owen Wilson), his world falls apart. He's vulnerable to attacks from people who want to exploit him. The fashion company executive Jacob Moogberg (Will Ferrell), better known as Mugatu, hires him to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia, who wants to abolish child labour in his country. Without child labour Mugatu's clothes can't be manufactured as cheaply and his profits will fall.

The film features cameos from a multitude of celebrities appearing as themselves. One of them is David Bowie. Rest in peace.

Another is Donald Trump, who is now campaigning to become the American president. He has gained a lot of support by populist rhetoric, aided by the current fear of terrorism by Islamic extremists. He over-generalises when he judges people, as all populists do. He also polarises opinions sharply. People love him or they hate him, there's no middle ground. Recently one of my oldest friends unfriended me on Facebook because I called Donald Trump stupid. Maybe I was wrong to use that word, I'm sure he's a highly educated man, but he has many viewpoints which I consider to be stupid. For instance, he says that in order to protect America from terror attacks no Moslems should be allowed to enter the country. Judging everyone who carries the label "Moslem" is an act of bigotry. Not all Moslems are terrorists, and more importantly, not all Moslems are Moslems. What I mean by that is that Islam is part of the racial identity of many people, for instance Pakistanis. I have many Pakistani friends who don't read the Koran or visit a mosque. They have no interest in religion at all, but they carry on calling themselves Moslems because it's what they think is expected of them. This is in contrast to British people in England who have no problem in saying they aren't Christians. Donald Trump doesn't understand this.

I first watched "Zoolander" with my friend Tamara, and I'll always associate the film with her. We were lying entwined on her sofa watching the film, but like a good film fan I didn't let myself get too distracted. We've known each other for nine years. I've always liked her, but she's temperamental and frequently turns against me, later forgetting what she was angry about. I'd do anything for her if she needed me. We still talk occasionally, but we're not as close as we used to be. I don't know if she reads my blog. In case she does, she should leave a comment on this post to tell me what she thinks of me.

Resident Evil (4 Stars)

Today is the first time I've seen this film since it was shown on television shortly after being released, about ten years ago. I couldn't remember much about it, except that it's a zombie film, and I don't like zombie films. Or at least, usually I don't. Ten years ago I used to hate zombie films, but now I'm more open-minded, and I judge each film on its own merits. This is in contrast to vampire films, which I love. Vampires are much sexier than zombies.

The film is based on a video game made in 1996. I've never played this game, but while watching the film I could get a sense of game-playing logic being applied, suggesting that the film follows the game closely. What I mean is that it was apparent that puzzles were being solved to progress deeper into a virtual labyrinth, a typical feature of strategy games.

A woman called Alice wakes up in a mansion suffering from amnesia. She is attacked and overpowered by an unknown man who enters the mansion, claiming to be a policeman. Before they can talk a group of soldiers come who capture the man and free Alice, saying that she is one of them. Together they venture into an underground lair, The Hive, in which the computer system has "gone homicidal" and killed everyone. With some effort, including loss of life, the soldiers manage to shut down the computer system, only to learn that it was not malfunctioning after all; it had attempted to kill everyone in The Hive in order to prevent the spreading of a deadly virus. The foolish action of the soldiers results in the unleashing of the virus.

Enter the zombies.

Watching it a second time today, the film made a good impression on me. I enjoyed the fast action, which rarely let up. I know the film has been criticised for the lack of character development. In particular, the lead character Alice, played by Milla Jovovich, walks around with the soldiers as a seemingly superfluous hanger on, looking like she is only in the film as eye candy. When her memory begins to return the film has progressed too far to be slowed down so that we can get to know her. This doesn't bother me much. I enjoyed the action, and even though I don't find Milla overly attractive her red dress is a welcome splash of colour in the otherwise dark scenes. For me the outstanding actors are Colin Salmon and Michelle Rodriguez, the soldiers One and Rain. Colin is one of the best actors I know, who never fails to bring quality and distinction into every role he plays. Michelle is a skilled actress, and she also makes it into my revised list of the world's most beautiful actresses.

I've already decided to watch the other Resident Evil films. Watch this space.

Resident Evil: Afterlife [Guest Writer] (3 Stars)

 

 In a world ravaged by a virus infection, turning its victims into the Undead, Alice (Jovovich), continues on her journey to find survivors and lead them to safety. Her deadly battle with the Umbrella Corporation reaches new heights, but Alice gets some unexpected help from an old friend. A new lead that promises a safe haven from the Undead takes them to Los Angeles, but when they arrive the city is overrun by thousands of Undead - and Alice and her comrades are about to step into a deadly trap.

I'm a big fan of the Resident Evil movies mainly because I enjoy a good zombie and high tech slasher flick as much as the next bloodthirsty gal but this movie kind of gave me mixed feelings. I've probably seen this movie over 10 times and the first time that I did see it, I liked it although some of the parts dragged on for me but I guess they needed to have a bit of pacing and a break from all the shooting and killing. Now I'm starting to wonder how long they can drag this story on and I'm praying that this doesn't try to compete with the Friday the 13th franchise. 

So first the story: Alice (Jovovich) has just infiltrated an umbrella corporation stronghold located in Asia and she's brought some friends along - herself (or at least her carbon copies but of course we all know that nothing can be better than the original) and she goes about systematically destroying labs and killing all the nasty evildoers to get to the head-honcho. Suddenly when she's about to take her revenge and end it all she's injected with the anti-virus that puts her back to square one, the big evil boss has gone into hiding and she's now running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to find Clair (watch the previous film) and all her buddies from the last film up in Alaska where there is supposedly no disease. Come to find that Clair's mind has been wiped and so she trusses her up like a Thanksgiving turkey and they continue on their journey to figure out what's happened to Clair and the others. 

Okay so this is just a quick synopsis and I wanted to give you a story that was less vague than the official plot version. Of course she meets some survivors (what would the movie be without some zombie cannon fodder) and some new twists and turns in the plot emerge but nothing too earth-shattering as to be completely unexpected. I'm starting to see a pattern here and if I'm not mistaken it's starting to resemble a video game more than a movie as we continue on with each flick and from what I've seen they have even gotten some of their inspiration from the RE games. Now this would be all fine and dandy except some of the characters that show up in the film (while explained in the game) has absolutely no history in the movie and makes no sense. A good example would be the huge-ass hulking zombie giant with a metal axe the size of an oak tree and a potato sack nailed to his head. We see that he has some slighter than average intelligence because he uses an axe (haven't seen any other zombie using tools) but other than that we know nothing about this guy. Of course Alice has a huge showdown as you have probably seen in the trailer but come on people! Apparently this guy is supposed to the a "boss" in the video game and while I don't know the history I've read that apparently they have a little bit of knowledge on him in the game, information that isn't even disclosed to the viewers of the movie. Seriously? This plot is starting to have more holes in it than swiss cheese and I've pretty much stopped taking it seriously. Good action? You bet. Good acting? Nothing I can complain about too much. Good plot? This is debatable and I've started to just look at these films as throw-away horror slash action pieces. 

In the beginning this movie had some great promise and with the new powers that Alice acquired it added a new dimension to the heroine character that I wanted to see more of, but now they are just getting repetitive and I'm waiting for something new and more realistic (as realistic as flesh eating zombies created by a evil corporation can get). While I know Alice does some great action scenes and many go to see her in her tight outfits cut out into jig-saw puzzles kicking some major ass, a good solid plot isn't a huge request either although I know it may be difficult with something that is being dragged out over 3 or 4 movies. Overall it was an okay movie for what it has become today. Don't watch it for the plot, but the action.