Name of the Rose (4 Stars)

This is the last film in the "Best of Cinema" series for this year. The 12 films for next year still haven't been announced.

This afternoon I mentioned to a relative that I was going to the cinema, and she asked me what I was going to see.

"Name of the Rose", I replied.

    "That's a good film. Haven't you already seen it?"

"Yes. I have it on Blu-ray".

    "Then why are you going to see it in the cinema?"

At this point I threw up my hands in the air in frustration. What a silly question! There's a world of difference between watching a film at home and in the cinema. Maybe, just maybe, I'd accept the question if I had a home cinema with an enormous screen, 90 inches or more. My television is a mere 48 inches. But even then, it's a different experience sitting with other cinema fans in a dark theatre watching a film. I picked up some things that I'd never noticed at home. Some of the people in the audience laughed at times. I'd never noticed the humour, but they were right.

Added to this, "Name of the Rose" has recently been remastered in 4K, so the picture isn't identical with what I have at home on Blu-ray. That's one of the conditions of the "Best of Cinema" series: all the films have been remastered in 4K. The picture was splendid, from the opening minutes when Sean Connery and Christian Slater approach the abbey in the hills.

I go to see all of the "Best of Cinema" films, as long as I'm not kept away by sickness or family commitments.

And I'll continue going to the cinema on a regular basis as long as I'm able to walk.

Success Rate:  + 2.4

We can be heroes (4 Stars)

This is a Netflix original film which hasn't been released on disc, to the best of my knowledge. It's possible that it's been released in a country which doesn't have Netflix.

The film is clearly targeted at children. There are many details that are illogical or highly infeasible, but I should judge it through a child's eyes. My grandson Oliver sat watching it, and he was captivated. Normally he doesn't have the patience to sit through a full length film, but he couldn't look away for a moment. That means that it's only the third film he's ever watched after "Madagascar 2" and "Finding Nemo". I'll try to keep track of the films he watches as long as there are few enough for me to keep track of. There are other films that he began to watch but gave up before the end. I shan't include those in the list.

The American government has a group of super-heroes that are used to fight major crime and global disasters. Their children all have super powers, apart from Missy Moreno, whose father has control over magnetism. In an alien invasion all of the heroes are captured, so the children are hidden in an underground bunker for their safety. One of the children can foretell the future, and she warns them that the aliens will break into the bunker. The children break out of the bunker, led by Missy. She might not have any powers, but she's a natural leader. Or is leadership a super power?

The eleven children strike back at the alien invaders to free their parents and save the world.

Missy is the boss, with or without super powers.

As for the others, in alphabetical order:

A-Capella can move objects by singing.

Face Maker can change his face into any form.

Guppy can shape water into anything.

Noodles can stretch his arms, legs and neck. Not quite Mr. Fantastic.

Ojo can predict the future by drawing it. It's later revealed that she can also make things happen by drawing them.

Rewind and Fast Forward are twins who can roll back time a few minutes.

Slo-Mo moves in slow motion. That's a power?

Wheels sits in a wheelchair and has super intelligence. Plagiarism, anyone?

Wild Card has every possible super power, but only one at a time.

It's a fascinating film, which shows a different side of the talents of the director Robert Rodriguez. I strongly recommend it to anyone under the age of ten.

Name of the Rose (4 Stars)

There was a lot of excitement about this film when it was released in 1986. As far as I know, it's been mostly forgotten. Am I right? Obviously, serious film fans like me still remember it, but how many people under the age of 40 have seen it or even know it exists? It's not on frequent television repeat, which is the way older films are usually remembered. Even if it's offered on a streaming service, it's unlikely to be noticed.

In 1327 delegates from the Franciscan and the Dominican monks arrive at an abbey in northern Italy to discuss the poverty of Christ. The debate runs to extremes, even asking whether Jesus owned the robe that he wore. Obviously, the main question is whether modern Christian factions are allowed to be wealthy. The Franciscans were – and still are? – ascetic monks, wearing simple clothes and eating simple meals, whereas the Dominican monks lived in luxury.

William of Baskerville is a highly revered Franciscan monk, despite being accused of pride in his own intellectual facilities. There are a series of suspicious deaths in the abbey. William is more interested in finding the murderer than in the theological debate itself.

A murder mystery set in the 14th Century? That's an original idea. The film is based on a novel with the same name by the Italian philosopher Umberto Eco. He said he was glad that the film encouraged people to buy his book, but he doubts many people managed to read it all. The book, which I haven't read, supposedly contains long theological debates which are absent in the film. He claims that they're too boring for typical cinema fans. That's possible. I felt tempted to buy the book myself to see if it's really so boring, but after 30 years I still haven't got round to it. Only €6.69 for the Kindle edition in Germany. I'm still tempted, but I might wait another 30 years. At the moment I'm reading "Bulldog Drummond" on my Kindle.

The themes in the film would make me laugh, if they weren't so tragic. A blind man is responsible for looking after one of the largest book collections on Earth. Torture is used to obtain confessions of heresy. A mute woman is asked to repent of her sins, and when she doesn't answer she's sentenced to be burnt at the stake.

I have the film on Blu-ray, supposedly remastered, but the picture quality is below average. Some older films have been better preserved than others. The film is still enjoyable and worth purchasing. It's currently out of print in most countries. I have the Swedish edition, which is available from Amazon.

Success Rate:  + 2.4

Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country (4 Stars)

This was an emotional film for the cast of the Star Trek TV series. It was the last film in which they appeared together. From left to right we can see Spock (Leonard Nimoy), McCoy (DeForest Kelley), Chekov (Walter Koenig), James T. Kirk (William Sharner), Scotty (James Doohan) and Uhura (Nichelle Nicholls). Who's missing? The tattered chair at the front is empty, because Sulu (George Takei) has been promoted to captain of a shiny new starship, the Excelsior.

Sulu appears in a few scenes, but never together with the others because he's on board a different ship. I've never seen him smiling as smugly as in the opening scenes when he's just recorded his captain's log with the information that he's completed his first three-year mission. It's as if he's out of character and he's smiling in front of his fans, telling them "Look how far I've come".

Janice Rand (Grace Lee Whitney) also appears as the communications officer on the Excelsior. There's no reason that she should be there, as far as the story is concerned. She was just included to make the Star Trek fans happy. She was a minor character who only appeared in eight episodes of the original series, but she won over the hearts of the fans and they wanted to see her again.

This film answers questions that fans had been asking for the last four years. When "Star Trek: The Next Generation" started in 1987 the Klingons were members of the United Federation of Planets after being bitter enemies in the original series. How did it happen? "The Undiscovered Country" tells the story in a very elegant way. The Klingons are a race of warriors, so it would have been infeasible for them to suddenly become peaceful. They began negotiations out of a position of weakness. A natural disaster polluted the atmosphere of the Klingon Empire, so they were facing extinction within 50 years. In theory they could have started a war to conquer planets where they could relocate, but they chose to seek peace with the Federation instead.

Peace isn't easy after so many years of war. An alliance of humans, Vulcans, Romulans and Klingons tries to execute the leader of the Klingons in order to torpedo the peace deal.

Unlike the previous five films there are subtle humorous touches in "The Undiscovered Country". The Klingons are of the opinion that William Shakespeare was a Klingon playwright whose works were later translated into English. That's an interesting theory. Kirk's main enemy in the film is Chang, a Klingon general who is constantly quoting Shakespeare. It's difficult not to like him, because his literary quotes give him an aura of dignity. Am I too old to start quoting Shakespeare?

After having re-watched the first six Star Trek films over the last six months I have to praise their quality. They're nowhere near as bad as many people claim. I can see how they sometimes depart from the atmosphere of the original TV series, but they're a worthy epilogue to the adventures of Captain Kirk and his comrades.

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Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (5 Stars)

This is a brilliant spy spoof, maybe one of the best parody films ever made. It was written by the comedian Mike Myers, featuring himself in the two main roles. The film makes fun of 1960's spy films, primarily the James Bond films. For fans of the old films it's an opportunity to sit and spot references, but even for the younger generation who have only limited knowledge of the old films it's hilarious. It's also a comedy about the English hippy culture of the 1960's.

Now to the plot. Austin Powers was England's best secret agent in the 1960's. His nemesis was Dr. Evil, a megalomaniac who wanted to rule the world. Isn't that what they all want to do? After failing in an attempt to kill Austin Powers Dr. Evil flees into space. He puts his body in deep freeze, so he can return when Austin Powers is dead or too old to stop him. Austin foils his plan by also letting himself be frozen, ready to be thawed when Dr. Evil returns.

The return is in 1997, the year when the film was made. While the two opponents prepare to clash we see Austin trying to adjust to the modern world. His biggest problem is that free love is no longer practised. He expects women to have sex with him – he uses the word "shag" – immediately after meeting him. It's not so easy these days. He has to be charming and polite and work hard to get women into bed.

Dr. Evil, also played by Mike Myers, has less problems adjusting. He was never interested in free love. All he wanted to do was rule the world. His biggest problem is building a relationship with his son Scott, who was born during his absence using his frozen semen.

A lot of the humour revolves around Austin Powers' social ineptness, but it's wrong to compare him with Johnny English, who is also inept as a spy. When it comes to his job Austin Powers is highly skilled. He knows exactly what he's doing. He rushes into action to take on his enemies with his trusty Walther PPK/S in his hand. This is one of the film's few errors. He's shown using the gun in 1967, but it wasn't designed until 1968.

Austin Powers is a skilled spy, but he has one fatal weakness. When he meets beautiful women he's too confused to think straight. That's understandable. I would have the same problem.

This film was followed by two sequels, both of which were almost as good as the first film. In 2008 he tried to continue with his success by starring in another self-written comedy film called "The Love Guru", but it didn't have the same magic as the Austin Powers films. Let's see if he's able to get his mojo back one day.

If you want to buy this film you'll have a difficult choice. The full version is only available in England. The American version has cut several scenes, some of which are included as "deleted scenes" in the extra features, but not all. In particular, Christian Slater's scene has been removed entirely from the American version. The American Blu-ray release has the film in its original 2.35:1 ratio, but the DVD releases on both sides of the Atlantic present the film in a cropped 2:1 ratio. In England the film has never been released on Blu-ray.

If you've never seen the film before your best choice is to buy the American Blu-ray. It's the best quality you can get for your money. If you're a fan of the film like me – I saw it in the cinema when it was first released – you'll be annoyed by the missing scenes, so you'll be better buying the English DVD.

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Zoolander (4 Stars)

"I'm pretty sure there's more to life than being really, really good looking".

The fashion industry is so shallow that it's difficult not to make fun of it. Sacha Baron Cohen did it in "Bruno" (2009). But before then Ben Stiller did it just as effectively in "Zoolander" (2001).

Ben Stiller stars as Derek Zoolander, a man who has been named the Male Model of the Year four years in a row. When he fails to win the award the next year, the prize going to his rival Hansel (Owen Wilson), his world falls apart. He's vulnerable to attacks from people who want to exploit him. The fashion company executive Jacob Moogberg (Will Ferrell), better known as Mugatu, hires him to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia, who wants to abolish child labour in his country. Without child labour Mugatu's clothes can't be manufactured as cheaply and his profits will fall.

The film features cameos from a multitude of celebrities appearing as themselves. One of them is David Bowie. Rest in peace.

Another is Donald Trump, who is now campaigning to become the American president. He has gained a lot of support by populist rhetoric, aided by the current fear of terrorism by Islamic extremists. He over-generalises when he judges people, as all populists do. He also polarises opinions sharply. People love him or they hate him, there's no middle ground. Recently one of my oldest friends unfriended me on Facebook because I called Donald Trump stupid. Maybe I was wrong to use that word, I'm sure he's a highly educated man, but he has many viewpoints which I consider to be stupid. For instance, he says that in order to protect America from terror attacks no Moslems should be allowed to enter the country. Judging everyone who carries the label "Moslem" is an act of bigotry. Not all Moslems are terrorists, and more importantly, not all Moslems are Moslems. What I mean by that is that Islam is part of the racial identity of many people, for instance Pakistanis. I have many Pakistani friends who don't read the Koran or visit a mosque. They have no interest in religion at all, but they carry on calling themselves Moslems because it's what they think is expected of them. This is in contrast to British people in England who have no problem in saying they aren't Christians. Donald Trump doesn't understand this.

I first watched "Zoolander" with my friend Tamara, and I'll always associate the film with her. We were lying entwined on her sofa watching the film, but like a good film fan I didn't let myself get too distracted. We've known each other for nine years. I've always liked her, but she's temperamental and frequently turns against me, later forgetting what she was angry about. I'd do anything for her if she needed me. We still talk occasionally, but we're not as close as we used to be. I don't know if she reads my blog. In case she does, she should leave a comment on this post to tell me what she thinks of me.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (5 Stars)

No other film shows the difference in the sense of humour between countries. In America this film was enormously successful and was one of the biggest box office hits of 1997. In England the film was also a success, but there were mixed opinions, many people saying they found the humour silly. The reception in Germany was the most extreme. Whereas the Americans were laughing throughout the film, the Germans sat in icy silence. Whenever there was something they perceived to be a joke they cautiously looked left and right to see if anyone else was laughing. In Germany the public and the critics held a consensus was that that the film was dreadful.

The differences can be explained by the type of humour. "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery" is primarily a spoof of the early James Bond films, in particular the first five films in which Sean Connery played the leading role. Dr. Evil is an almost exact copy of Blofield, Random Task represents Odd Job, Alotta Fagina represents Pussy Galore, etc. These parodies automatically include making fun of England in the 1960's, which went through a cultural revolution very different to the hippy movement of America in the 1960's. That is probably what piqued the English audiences. The English are usually able to laugh at themselves, but they're sensitive when they think Americans are making fun of them. That wasn't the intention of the film, far from it, but that's what it looked like.

In the case of Germany it's slightly different. First of all, the Germans have a great love for the English, a love they don't feel for America. I don't know where this comes from, but I experienced it personally as an Englishman in Germany, and it's existed for more than a hundred years. In "Mein Kampf" Adolf Hitler described England as Germany's natural ally, and he was shocked when England declared war on Germany in 1939. For the Germans the Second World War was an unnatural affair of brothers fighting, they thought England and Germany should have been allies waging war against Russia and France. Secondly, the Germans hold the James Bond films in high reverence. The Germans considered it disrespectful to make fun of James Bond.

Shortly before the film appeared in the cinemas there was a 60-minute special shown on MTV called "The Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swingers Club", the name of Austin Powers' favourite London nightclub in the 1960's. This programme presented Austin Powers in the style of a "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In" episode. Clips from the programme are even shown during the film, including the dancing girls and Ming Tea's performance of "BBC" during the final credits. I taped the programme at the time, but I no longer have it. It was brilliant, at least as good as the first Austin Powers film, maybe even better. I've tried in vain to get a copy of it ever since. It ought to be a DVD extra, but it isn't. I'd certainly buy it if it were ever released as a standalone disc. Does anyone know if I can find it online? I've looked, believe me, I've hunted for it.

I've been told that the scenes in which Christian Slater appears as a rather stupid looking security guard have been omitted from the American version of the film. Can anyone in America please confirm this for me?

Nymphomaniac (4 Stars)

Killing is the most natural thing in the world. We're created for it.

I bought "Nymphomaniac" on Blu-ray at the beginning of December. Now, after three months, I've finally got round to watching it. Why did I wait so long? The reason is that it's a long film, five and a half hours, and I wanted to wait until I had time to watch it in one sitting. As it was, I was interrupted today after three and a half hours by the verdict in the Jodi Arias murder trial. Maybe I should say non-verdict, since the jury failed to reach a unanimous decision, rendering the result a mistrial. The problem was that one of the jurors, Claudia Suchta, came into court in October 2014 with a pre-conceived notion about what she would decide, and was at no time willing to listen to the evidence or the opinions of the other jurors. Last week the other 11 jurors asked for her to be excluded from the deliberations, but the judge refused. The final result was the 11-1 hung jury that resulted today. After listening to the interviews and briefly taking part in the forums where trial watchers were venting their anger at Mrs. Suchta I returned to watch the last two hours of the film.

"Nymphomaniac" is divided into two parts, but the division is artificial, just as Quentin Tarantino's "Kill Bill" is only one film, artificially divided because it was thought too long for a single cinema visit. When I saw "Nymphomaniac" in the cinema last year both parts were shown back to back as part of a special event, but it was shortened to four hours. The official reason was that the film's sex scenes were too explicit to be shown legally, but I believe that the running time was also a factor. Of course, I refused to buy the theatrical version when it was released on Blu-ray, I waited for the full version, incorrectly called the "director's cut". However, watching it again today I couldn't spot the extra 90 minutes that were missing in the version I saw last year. It's possible that the do-it-yourself kitchen abortion scene was missing from the short version, but I'm not sure, and even if it were it would only make a time difference of about 10-15 minutes.

The film begins and ends with darkness, two minutes at the beginning and one minute at the end. Within the film Seligman finds a woman injured in the alleyway outside his house and takes her home to clean her up. His name is symbolic. It means "holy man", and he does indeed live in a very bare room like a monk, even though he emphasises that he isn't religious. He doesn't have a television or a telephone in his house. The only evidence of modern technology is a cassette recorder, which he uses to listen to classical music, in particular Bach. The woman, who introduces herself as Joe, confesses to being a nymphomaniac, and she attempts to persuade Seligman that she is an evil person by telling him her life story in eight chapters.

1. The Complete Angler
2. Jerome
3. Mrs. H
4. Delirium
5. The Little Organ School
6. The Eastern and the Western Church
7. The Mirror
8. The Gun

Joe's whole life, ever since she was 12, has revolved around sex, and the film is appropriately explicit in the depiction of her life. It's difficult to think of her as evil, and Seligman too does all he can to defend her against her own accusations. The only thing I would really criticise her for is leaving her young child alone for hours when she went out to be beaten and whipped (chapter six). This was reprehensible, and she showed no remorse when her son almost died while left alone.

The film is set in England, as is obvious from the cars and the money used, but there are certain scenes that look foreign. The scenes have been called mistakes by some reviewers, but they are such obvious mistakes that I can't believe that the director Lars von Trier didn't know what he was doing. For instance, when Joe walks out of the hospital where her father is dying (chapter four) the sign over the door says "Opgang", the Dutch word for "Recovery". The word is written so large, stretching almost all the way across the screen, so it couldn't possibly be a blunder. Could it? The train in chapter one is a German train. Throughout the film the outdoor scenes seem very un-English. For instance, the house windows have external shutters (typical for Holland) and the streets seem very continental.

"Nymphomaniac" created a lot of controversy for its depictions of sex. We repeatedly see close-ups of erect penises, something usually reserved for hardcore pornography. And yet it isn't a pornographic film, far from it. It's a philosophical film, as are all films directed by Lars von Trier. If you watch it, when the film is over you won't be thinking about the sex scenes, you'll be thinking about God, the universe and the meaning of life.

I bought the Blu-ray from Germany, because it hasn't been released in England. Yet. The short version has been on sale since April last year, but the full version has been announced three times and cancelled each time. I suspect that there are classification arguments going on behind the scenes.

Guns, Girls and Gambling (3½ Stars)

John Smith (Christian Slater) has been kicked out by his girlfriend, so he drives into the desert, hoping to find luck in a casino on an Indian reservation. After losing most of his money on the slot machines, he takes part in an Elvis impersonation contest. He doesn't win, but he makes friends with the other four impersonators and sits playing poker with them all night. He falls asleep at the table, and when he wakes up the others have gone. He's beat up by casino security guards who accuse him of stealing a sacred Indian mask. They assume it was him, because it was taken by someone dressed as Elvis. John tries to find the other Elvises to clear his name, but they are being killed one by one. John is caught in the middle of a battle between Indians, cowboys, corrupt policemen and a mysterious blonde assassin who quotes Edgar Allen Poe before shooting her victims.

This is an amusing story with a multitude of plot twists. Every time you think you understand what's happening something else happens to contradict it. I didn't count the plot twists, but there were too many, right up to the final minutes. At some point the film should have settled down and told the rest of the story in a linear fashion. Some people might like this film, but it's too eccentric for me.

Nymphomaniac (4 Stars)

If there's one thing Lars Von Trier likes to do, he likes to shock his audiences and critics. He has created a heavily stylised film about the life of a nymphomaniac, complete with explicit sex scenes. The film was shown today as a one-day-only event across the United Kingdom. The film was given a live introduction from the Curzon Theatre in London, and after the film several members of the cast answered questions posed by the live audience and sent via Twitter. Amusingly, everyone in the Curzon Theatre was given a brown paper bag to wear over their head for a photoshoot, in order to mock the bad conduct of the film's star Shia LaBeouf at the film's premiere in Berlin.

Seligman (Stellan Skarsgard) finds a woman called Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg) lying injured near his home. She refuses to let him call an ambulance, so he takes her home to let her clean herself up. She then proceeds to tell him about her life, divided into eight chapters based on objects she sees in his room. When she was 12 she had her first orgasm while seeing a vision of Messalina (the wife of the Emperor Claudius) and the Whore of Babylon. At 15 she lost her virginity to a boy called Jerome (Shia LaBeouf). At 17 she competed with her best friend B (Sophie Kennedy Clark) to see who could have sex with the most men during a train journey. That was the beginning of her life as a nymphomaniac.

Seligman listens to her stories with great interest. He points out that her life has been governed by Fibonacci numbers. For instance, when she lost her virginity Jerome thrust into her three times, then turned over and thrust into her a further five times before orgasming. Together they listen to Bach, a man who used Fibonacci numbers to compose music.

Note: The first 10 Fibonacci numbers are 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34

I'm slightly disappointed, because I expected to see the uncut five and a half hour version of the film today. Instead of that a shortened four hour version was shown. Having said that, I can't imagine what's been cut out, because the film that I saw today was so complete. The main impression that the film has left with me is the brilliance of Stellan Skarsgard as an actor. I've been impressed by him ever since I first saw him in "Insomnia" (the original version), but in this film he's better than ever before.

True Romance (4½ Stars)

I admit that my main reason for watching "True Romance" today was in remembrance of James Gandolfini, who died last month. I wanted to watch one of his films, and in my opinion this was the best film he made. His part is small, but his role as a mobster is probably one of the reasons he was picked to play Tony Soprano a few years later.

In many ways it's a curious film. It stars many top actors in small roles, actors who would normally be the stars. Brad Bitt, Val Kilmer, Christopher Walken  and Gary Oldman are just a few of them. Despite all the stars it was a box office flop. I don't understand why. The film is a masterpiece in its own right, even without the added appeal of the top actors.

As the film's title suggests, it's a love story. Clarence (Christian Slater) works in a comic book shop, Alabama (Patricia Arquette) is a call girl. They meet at a kung fu movie in Detroit and get married a few days later. Clarence sees a vision of Elvis, who tells him to kill Alabama's pimp. By accident he picks up a suitcase full of cocaine when he flees from the murder scene. He thinks he can make money easily by selling it to a film producer in Hollywood, but the mob already knows his name and is pursuing him across the country.

The film starts slowly and escalates into total chaos. The screenplay was written by Quentin Tarantino, who originally wanted to direct the film himself. I find it a shame that he didn't, but it still turned out well.

Heathers (4 Stars)

"Heathers" is an unusual film that takes place in a school where the coolest girls are all called Heather. After a murder is disguised to look like a suicide it suddenly becomes socially acceptable to commit suicide; in fact, killing yourself is the best way to be accepted by the other teenagers. Not quite a comedy, this film is laced with thick satire.