Fantastic Four [2015] (1½ Stars)

I shouldn't torture myself like this. I've watched the 2015 Fantastic Four film twice, and I gave it a bad rating both times. It deserved another chance. Didn't it?

No! It's awful! I can hardly think of any words to describe how bad it is. The only reason I haven't given it a rock bottom one star rating is because the early scenes of Reed Richards as a kid are entertaining. The following scenes where he's a college student are average. But as soon as the four heroes get their powers, the film falls apart. It's so dreadful that I feel like smashing the Blu-ray with a hammer. This is the worst Marvel film ever made. It's even worse than Ang Lee's "Hulk". If there's any justice in the world it'll soon be out of print and be forgotten forever. If I watch it again I deserve a kicking.

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Rocketman (5 Stars)

True Stories #26

Name: Elton John

Lived: 25 March 1947 – still alive

Film dates: 1955 to 1992

Film made in 2019

Today I'm suffering from writer's block. Maybe you can forgive me, because this is the fifth time I've watched "Rocketman" in three years. Just enjoy a few screenshots from this fantastic film.

Elton John leads his rehab group into the past.

Bernie Taupin is shown here in the late 1960's.

Here he is again in a scene from 1992. I praise the makeup team for making Jamie Bell look 20 years older. Bernie Taupin would have been a teenager in the first photo and in his forties in the second. In real life Jamie Bell was in the middle, aged 32 when he made the film.

I like this surreal scene where Elton John meets his younger self while attempting to kill himself. Most of the film is abstract, which is normal for musicals. Fans of Elton John have criticised the film for showing his songs out of order. For instance, we see him performing "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting" as a teenager, although it wasn't written until ten years later. I don't see any problem with this. The songs have been put in the film to support the mood, not as chronological landmarks.

Okay, so I've written more in this review than I expected. Sometimes I'm like a man on the ledge of a building afraid to jump. All I need is a little push.

Success Rate:  + 2.9

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King Kong (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #28

King Kong has appeared in at least 12 films over the last 90 years, either as the lead character or one of a group of monsters. In my opinion, there have only been three real King Kong films. These three all tell the same story, in different forms, of King Kong's discovery and his journey to America. All three films have the same name: "King Kong".

The first film was made in 1933, and is rightly considered to be a masterpiece.

The second film was made in 1976, following the original story, with a few significant changes. The story is told in the present day (i.e. 1976) instead of the 1930's, and the final battle takes place on top of the newly built World Trade Centre instead of the Empire State Building.

This is the third film, made in 2005, and it closely follows the 1933 version. It even takes place in 1933, with a great amount of care taken in portraying the Great Depression of the 1930's.

The film's strength is less in the action than in the emotional depth. Look at Kong's eyes as he stares lovingly at the actress Ann Darrow. Has computer animation ever been so emotional?

This is one of the most beautiful scenes ever filmed, full of artistic merit. Sunrise over Manhattan at the top of the Empire State Building.

But the peaceful serenity doesn't last. The enemies are coming.

Kong has to make his last stand, on top of the world's highest building.

The film's casting is superb. Nobody else but Naomi Watts could have played the beautiful actress Ann Darrow. Her large eyes and toothy smile perfectly portray her naive innocence.

Naomi's large eyes make her look like a 1930's film star. All that's missing is the black eye liner. Or would that have been pushing it too far?

Her face is repeatedly framed against beautiful scenery. The screenshots from this film could be used for a Naomi Watts pin up calendar.

Or maybe there should just be six photos of Naomi Watts in the calendar, and six photos of Kong in alternation. Beauty and the Beast.

Ann Darrow does her Titanic scene.

It's a much smaller boat, but the sorrow is just as intense.

Don't jump!

The film crew captures this moment.

The director Carl Denham is almost moved to tears.

Jack Black was picked to play Carl Denham because of his physical resemblance to Orson Welles. Never mind his looks, his acting is superb! Another perfect choice.

So is Adrien Brody as the brooding playwright Jack Driscoll. I'd go as far as to call this his signature role.

I wanted to watch the film in a single sitting, but I was interrupted by my ex-wife. There were loud shouts in my village, so she wanted to know if there had been a goal in the Euro 2020 Germany-France match. Yes, there had just been an own goal. We didn't know what television channel was broadcasting the match, but after a few trial-and-error attempts I found it for her. She asked me to watch the second half with her, which I did. It was an interesting game. Two very good teams, equally matched, but with no outstanding players. By that, I mean there were no players like Pele or Maradonna with magical flair that set them apart from the others. The final result, 1:0 for France, was fair. Either team could have won.

Then I rushed back to "King Kong" to watch the last half hour. I enjoyed it with a glass of LSD in my hand. If my readers don't know what that is, they should follow the link.

Success Rate:  + 0.7

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Rocketman (5 Stars)

The text on this poster says it all. Taron Egerton isn't just playing Elton John, he's become Elton John. That was obvious as soon as he took over the singing of "Saturday Night is Alright for Fighting". I wasn't even sure whether it was Elton's voice being dubbed. When Rami Malek played Freddie Mercury in "Bohemian Rhapsody" his voice had to be over-dubbed in some scenes, but Taron Egerton did it all himself.

I've never considered myself an Elton John fan, but I remember listening to his songs on the radio of my school's sixth form common room. His songs had something special about them which was missing in other pop stars at the time. Yes, he was a pop star. The film's claims that he played rock'n'roll aren't true.

Why is it that pop stars so often become addicted to drugs? Is it because they have too much money and too much time on their hands? Whatever the reason, drugs are destructive. The only drug recognisable in the film is cocaine, but Elton claims to have taken every drug known to man. Some drugs are allegedly helpful if taken under medical supervision, but self-medicating is always harmful.

The film is stunning, and it shows why Taron Egerton is one of my favourite actors.

Success Rate:  + 2.9

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Rocketman (5 Stars)

A few days ago I received an email telling me that "Rocketman" has been added to Amazon Prime Video in Germany. I knew I had to watch it fast. For those who aren't aware, Amazon and Netflix are different in the way they offer streaming content. If Netflix adds a film to its library, we can assume that it will be available for a few years at least. If Amazon adds a film to its free-to-view library, we can't assume that at all. Many films are only free for three months or less. After that the customer has to pay to watch. I've experienced that many times in the roughly five years that I've been an Amazon Prime customer. I add a film to my watch list; I forget about it for a few weeks; then I go back and oops! it's not free any more. My advice to my readers, wherever you live, is that you don't put off watching films with Amazon Prime Video. If something interests you, watch it today, not tomorrow.

"Rocketman" was one of my favourite films of 2019, so I was anxious to see it again. However, I have to complain about the way it's been presented by Amazon. I'm talking about the subtitle options. The three options offered are English, German and No Subtitles. The first two options give subtitles in the desired language, but I chose the third option, and it doesn't work properly. There are no subtitles when people are talking, but as soon as Taron Egerton or anyone else starts singing there are German subtitles which can't be turned off.

With the exception of a few singles that were hits in my final year of school, I've never been a fan of Elton John's music. If you want to know which songs I like, look at the track listing of his first greatest hits album, released in 1974. This album is no longer available, but newer albums have been released which contain all ten of these songs, plus others. It's the others that I don't like.

The film itself is brilliant. Taron Egerton excels in the way he brings Elton John to life. I can't think of anyone else who could have played the role. The only criticism I can make of the film is that it doesn't tell me enough about Bernie Taupin. Jamie Bell portrays him as a likeable character and a good friend who always stood by Elton John, but at the end of the film I still don't know who he is. I'm sure that's deliberate. In real life Bernie Taupin always stands in the background, hidden behind Elton John's fame, so why should he be any different in the film?

I'm glad I saw the film on Amazon today, but once is enough. Next time I watch it, it has to be without subtitles.

One last question to my readers: after watching the film, don't you feel like slapping Elton's father? I don't understand how any father can subject his son to such emotional cruelty.

Success Rate:  + 2.9

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Rocketman (5 Stars)

I watched "Rocketman" two months ago, but I returned to the cinema today because a sing-along version was being shown. The cinema was virtually empty, only about a dozen people. I guess the film is yesterday's news, and today everyone was watching Tarantino or "Blinded by the Light". That's a shame. As I've often said, a good film is a good film, even if you watch it months, years or even decades after it was first released. And good films are always watched best on a big screen.

Instead of text on the screen with a bouncing ball, the usual standard for sing-along films, the text was in blue sequins, like in the poster above, and each word turned golden as it was sung. Approximately. It's good that I already knew the songs, or I would have been off-beat if I'd followed the changing colour slavishly.

Surprisingly, I was the only person in the audience singing. Didn't the others want the sing-along experience? A woman sitting in the row in front of me repeatedly turned round and looked at me critically. Did she she think I was singing too loud? I half expected her to come up to me after the film.

The sing-along text was missing from one song, "Pinball Wizard". I have a theory. All the other songs in the film were written by Elton John and Bernie Taupin, but this one song was written by Pete Townsend. Maybe he refused to give the studio the rights to print his text on screen. That's strange, because the song was allowed to be sung in the film, but in the world of copyrights strange things happen.

For some reason the title song uses a wrong word in the film. In the original song a line is

"I miss the Earth so much, I miss my wife".

In the film Taron Egerton sings "I miss my life". Naturally I sang the correct lyrics, whatever was on the screen. It's possible that the text was changed to emphasise that Elton John was gay. That's silly. It's just a song, it wasn't meant as a statement of sexual preference.

It's a sad film. Elton John was never loved by his father. His mother claimed that his father just wasn't capable of showing his feelings, but later in the film we see that he could show his feelings to his other children, just not to Elton. Even Elton's mother didn't love Elton as much as she loved the money she could get from him. That's tragic, but maybe the pain is what formed him. Would Elton John have been as productive if he'd had a happy childhood? We'll never know.

Bernie Taupin was his one true friend. Elton had lovers, and he's happily married today, but Bernie is the one who's stuck with him every since his early years as a performer. This friendship is touching, and it's definitely something that has formed him and his character.

Rocketman (5 Stars)

When I first heard about this film I groaned. It seemed like a cheap attempt to cash in on the success of "Bohemian Rhapsody". Maybe that was the intention, but I needn't have worried. I might prefer Freddie Mercury's music, but "Rocketman" is the better film.

The film begins with Elton John visiting an AA meeting while wearing a costume that he had just worn on stage. He confesses to being an alcoholic, apart from being addicted to cocaine and various other substances. I wasn't making notes, sorry. He sits and tells his life story to the assembled group, who seem surprisingly unfazed about having a millionaire rock star among them. This is when the film began to amaze me.

As a child he was a musical prodigy, but his father had no time for him. His mother was partially supportive, but the biggest support came from his grandmother. He began playing songs in a pub, before making a record deal with the unsympathetic music publisher Dick James, in whose office he was introduced to his long time friend and collaborator Bernie Taupin.

I was already acquainted with Elton John's career in the 1970's, but Bernie Taupin was a puzzle to me. I knew his name, and I knew he wrote songs for Elton, but he was a secretive person who remained in the background. The film doesn't clear up everything. We don't find out anything about Bernie's background. He's always in Elton's shadow, but he's a good friend who never stays away long.

Elton's career skyrockets, but his fame overwhelms him. He turns to drugs and alcohol, the curses of the celebrity lifestyle. His strength is that however depressed he might be in the dressing room, he can rush onto the stage and play the clown for the appreciative audience. Nobody saw his heartbreaks. He hid them too well.

A problem in his life was his emerging sexuality, or rather the emerging awareness of his sexuality. He was a homosexual in an age when homosexuality was unacceptable. He couldn't be open about it, he had to keep it secret to remain popular with his fans. Maybe he should have trusted them. Maybe they would have accepted him as a homosexual, even in the 1970's. I don't know. I remember there were rumours about him being bisexual. I didn't care one way or the other.

I've always liked Taron Egerton as an actor, but in "Rocketman" he's dazzling. He's a much better singer than I would have expected. I'm also impressed by the singing of the young actors who play Elton John as a child.

The film's musical numbers are breathtaking. One criticism I've read of the film is that the songs are out of order. To take one example, he's shown singing "Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting" in the early 1960's, even though it wasn't written until ten years later. That's not something that bothers me. The songs are inserted into the film wherever they're relevant to the plot.

I'm sad to hear that "Rocketman" has been censored in Russian cinemas. About 15 minutes of the film have been removed, including all references to homosexuality. This is supposedly to make the film compliant with Russian law. In Russia homosexuality isn't illegal, but homosexual propaganda is illegal. What that means is that it's okay to be gay as long as you don't tell anyone about it.

This is a tragedy for true film fans, because the references to homosexuality are essential to the plot. I fear that my Russian friends who read my blog might have difficulty understanding the film. However, they're facing even bigger problems in the near future. Vladimir Putin is considering detaching Russia from the world's Internet. This would effectively make Russia one big intranet, and it wouldn't be possible for Russians to access any websites outside of Russia.The reason for this is allegedly to protect Russians from fake news, but the truth is that Putin doesn't want Russians to find out what's really happening. For instance, in Russian media it's claimed that the majority of Crimeans voted to become part of Russia, but if they read foreign news sites they'll find out that the results were faked and less than 5% of the population supported the annexation.

Russia is an absolute dictatorship. The freedom of the Internet is a challenge to any dictatorship. Foreign news sites, and all other sites, have to be blocked to prevent the Russian people being informed. Unfortunately, that means Russians will be unable to read my blog. I'm sorry. All I can do is recommend that you read it every day while you still can.

Fantastic Four [2015] (1½ Stars)

It's difficult for me to write about this film without feeling angry. It's so bad, I don't understand how it could ever have been made. It's not the worst film I've ever seen, but it's not far off. It's definitely the worst Marvel film ever made. How did it ever come to this? Stan Lee was executive producer, which gave him a veto right. Why didn't he use it? Recently, when talking about Captain Marvel being changed to a woman in the new film, a friend of mine said, "If Stan Lee could accept a female Captain Marvel, then traditionalist fanboys ought to be able to as well". That's no argument. My reply is that if Stan Lee could accept his greatest super-heroes being downgraded in this piece of trash, then it's proof that in his final years he'd lost control of the company he loved so much.

Maybe Stan Lee didn't realise this 2015 film was so bad. Maybe he did, but he wasn't in a position to stop it. Either way, it's a disgrace. Reed Richards is too young. Susan Storm is too intelligent. Ben Grimm is too scrawny before his change. Johnny Storm is the wrong skin colour. Doctor Doom bares almost no resemblance to the original character. And while we're on the subject, what's the modern obsession with sending Victor Von Doom along for the ride when the Fantastic Four get their powers?

Maybe the film is interesting as a sci-fi romp. Apart from the poor special effects during the first visit to Planet Zero, it looks like fun. But it's not a film about the Fantastic Four. Not even close.

George R. R. Martin has said, "You can't go wrong if you stick with Stan Lee. That's always been my opinion on these Marvel movies. The best ones are the ones that are closest to what Stan Lee did. It's when they start to be creative, when they think they can be better than Stan Lee, mostly they can't". He knew what he was talking about. That's why the 1994 Fantastic Four film is still the best. Roger Corman had a deep respect for Stan Lee's comics, which can't be said of the later directors and producers.

I didn't intend to buy this film after seeing it in the cinema. Last week I changed my mind when I saw it on sale for five Euros. Now that I've watched it I think the price was five Euros too high. It doesn't even have a Stan Lee cameo to give it some sentimental value. Maybe he refused to do a cameo in order to show that he didn't want to be identified with this film.

The Fantastic Four were the first super-heroes that Stan Lee created in the 1960's. From the third issue on he called it "The World's Greatest Comics Magazine", which was printed on the cover for over 400 issues. The film shows nothing of this greatness. It's a stain on Stan Lee's magnificent legacy, and it deserves to be forgotten.

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Jane Eyre [2011] (4 Stars)

The film poster that I've used at the head of this post shows one of the things I hate most about film posters and DVD covers. If a poster shows a film's actors, and the actors are named on the poster, the written names should match the actors. Look at the poster. "Mia Wasikowska" is written over Michael Fassbender's head, and "Michael Fassbender" is written over Mia Wasikokowska's head. I'm not saying that I have trouble telling the two actors apart. I'm just saying that the poster is poorly designed.

I read the novel "Jane Eyre" when I was still at school. It wasn't part of my English Literature classes, it was something I wanted to read. In my mid teens, 14 to 16, I devoured the English classic novels, although this is the only novel by Charlotte Brontë that I read. Maybe I didn't read any more because I couldn't relate to "Jane Eyre" as a teenage boy. It's a book written by a woman for female readers.

The book is a first person narrative, relating everything from a woman's perspective. I should say from a girl's perspective. The novel begins with her aged 10 and ends when she's 19. We see her in three stages of her life.

After the death of her parents she's briefly adopted by her aunt, but is sent to a boarding school because she's considered a burden on her new family. It's a strict Christian school, so she is treated badly and frequently beaten.

When she leaves school she becomes the governess and private teacher of a young girl on a large estate, Thornfield Hall. She falls in love with the estate's owner, Edward Rochester, but he deceives her by not telling her he's already married.

Jane flees from Thornfield Hall and is taken in by a humble clergyman, John Rivers, who finds her a job as the headmistress of a new village school.

The story takes place in the early 19th Century, which is when it was written. It was a difficult time for women. Jane was oppressed by men and men's religion wherever she went. She was a free thinker and wanted to live her own life as she pleased, but it was practically impossible. As a woman she had very few options, and as a poor woman she had none.

Nevertheless, she survived. "Jane Eyre" is usually considered to be a gothic novel, because it's laced with supernatural occurrences, even if we later find out that there are natural explanations for everything that happens. The story's atmosphere is gothic, at least. However, it's more accurate to call it a feminist novel. Jane doesn't just survive, she takes control of her own destiny. When she arrives at the clergyman's house she's weak and dependent on charity, but when she leaves the house at the end of the novel she's strong and in a position to assist others, including others who are men.

The story has been simplified for the film, but even though some of the novel's details have been omitted it still manages to portray the major themes. The actors in the main roles put on magnificent performances. Michael Fassbender portrays a man who is brash and aggressive, but an emotional cripple. Mia Wasikowska is perfect in the title role, because she looks timid, but Jane Eyre is an intelligent and passionate woman. That's what Charlotte Brontë wanted to express. She wanted her female readers, housewives living in a men's world, to emulate Jane's strength in themselves.

A brief word about Mrs. Fairfax, played by Judi Dench. She is the old type of woman, happy with living a life of subservience to men, a complete contrast to Jane. She's related to Edward Rochester, but she makes no attempt to be any more than a housekeeper. She's a woman. She's a servant. That's all.

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Filth (3 Stars)

This is a Scottish film made in 2013 starring James McAvoy as Detective Sergeant Bruce Robertson, a policeman currently seeking promotion to detective inspector. There are no doubts that he will be promoted. Both he and and his superior officer are members of the same Freemason lodge in Edinburgh.

By all accounts Bruce is an unpleasant character. He relentlessly plays games with his fellow officers. He plays pranks on them, then persuades them that the pranks were played by other officers, turning them against one another, while he remains the friend of all. He also plays games with a fellow lodge member, Clifford Blades, who considers him to be his best friend. He makes anonymous sexual phone calls to Clifford's wife. When asked by his superior officer to investigate the matter, he fakes evidence that Clifford was making the calls himself.

Bruce has other problems in his life, maybe brought on by the stress of his deceptive life, maybe a result of the recreational drugs he uses. He sees and talks to people who aren't there. His friends and colleagues see him breaking down and want to help him, but he considers everyone his enemies.

As the film continues Bruce rapidly spirals downwards. My biggest problem with the film is that I couldn't sympathise with him as a character. I disliked him from the beginning, so I gloated as he deteriorated. It's an interesting experimental film, but even bad guys have to be likeable for a film to win over the audience.

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King Kong (5 Stars)

After watching "Kong: Skull Island" in March I decided to re-watch Peter Jackson's epic version of the film, but I've only just got around to it. So many films, so little time. While the new version does have a lot in its favour – after all, I gave it four stars – it just doesn't have the greatness and grandeur of the 2005 version.

Peter Jackson has made different types of films, from "Lord of the Rings" to "Braindead" and "Heavenly Creatures", but they all have one thing in common: his fastidious attention to detail. Let's forget the big monkey for a moment. The first 20 minutes of the film that take part in New York are a glorious depiction of the Great Depression. It's a nice touch showing a run-down zoo with the even more run-down huts of poor people in the background. The subject of the two jungles is a recurring theme in the film. Both jungles are difficult places to live, each with their own dangers.

The animals are living in squalid conditions, but their circumstances are better than those of the people in the huts.

The homeless and unemployed have to queue up for food. Today the food queues in Birmingham (England) are even longer.

The casting choices made for the film are nothing short of inspired. If I had been casting the film the last actor I would have chosen to play the film director Carl Denham. After all, he's a comedian, isn't he? That's why I'm not in the film business. Peter Jackson himself picked Jack Black for the role, supposedly because of his physical similarity to Orson Welles.

Naomi Watts is also perfect as the former vaudeville performer attempting to be an actress. Her open-mouthed toothy gaze of wonderment wins over the audience. It's strange that when Kristen Stewart imitates the same gaze she just looks silly. I can't explain why the same look works for one actress but not for another. Maybe it's because of Naomi Watts' natural beauty, which very few other actresses have.

"King Kong" received high critical acclaim when it was released. I have the impression, based on conversations with friends and passing remarks in magazines, that it's no longer rated as highly. I know films come in and out of fashion – just look at "Titanic" – but I don't understand how anyone could dislike "King Kong". I've included it in my list of  30 films to watch before you die, and I challenge anyone to prove me wrong.

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Snowpiercer (1 Star)

It's not very often that I have trouble watching a film to the end. However disappointed I might feel when watching a film, I make an effort to stick it out in the hope that it will improve. "Snowpiercer" is a film that attracted me with its high profile cast: Chris Evans, John Hurt, Jamie Bell, Tilda Swinton, Octavia Spencer and especially Ed Harris. They're all actors who I've seen turn in excellent performances in film after film, so gathering them together in one film is a recipe for success.

Or so it seems. Twice I paused the film and went to make a coffee, and felt tempted not to carry on watching.

First the plot. In the near future an attempt has been made to combat global warming. It backfired, plunging the Earth into a new ice age. The only survivors are the people travelling on a train that circles the world once a year. There are first class passengers, economy passengers and freeloaders. The latter group, presumably stowaways who jumped aboard to save their lives when the catastrophe began, live in the back of the train. At first they were given no food and had to resort to cannibalism. After a few months they were supplied with protein bars, tasteless but life-preserving, in exchange for doing menial labour on the train. After 18 years the train is still moving. One man among the freeloaders, Curtis, decides to stage a rebellion. He leads an army of rebels to challenge the train's creator, Mr. Wilford, who is rumoured to live in the very first carriage.

The train is full of superstition, orchestrated by the leaders. Mr. Wilford is revered as a God, the saviour of mankind. The train's engine is a sacred artefact.

I took some time to read customer reviews on Amazon. It seems that this is a film that divides opinions: some people love it, some people hate it, and there's no middle ground. I personally don't see how anyone can love it. It just doesn't make sense. Why should a train, of all things, be able to keep mankind's last survivors alive? Why is the exact one-year cycle necessary to travel round the world, even if the train really did travel so slowly? There are other ridiculous things that happen later in the film, which I'll keep to myself to avoid spoilers. The claustrophobia of everything happening in narrow railway carriages doesn't make the film terrifying, it just makes the action all the more ridiculous.

Despite the use of English speaking actors, this is a Korean film. Maybe that's part of the reason I don't like it. I've never enjoyed Korean films. It's difficult to say why. There's something about the style and the feeling of Korean films that disturbs me. I also have an aversion to post-apocalyptic films. "Planet of the Apes" is the only post-apocalyptic film which succeeds in showing futuristic terror. All the other films, including this one, are full of speculation about what might happen. This speculation often veers into barely credible ideas, such as people praying to television sets or dogs being trained to find women for breeding purposes.